Once upon a time, there was a hole. Not a stinky, disgusting, slimy, wet vagina. Also, not a dry, dirty, infected anus. I'd get purged if I said that it was either of them. Nope, it was just a hole, and in this hole, lived a Hobbit. "What is a Hobbit?" you ask? Hell if I know, they don't exist, you fucking nerd. I think it's what happens when a lonely hobo goes out and finds a rabbit. Nine months later: boom, Hobbit. I'm sorry, that was uncalled for, I just quit smoking. Kidding, I'm not white trash. I'm just going to start the story now. Enjoy. Even though you won't, in fact, don't read this shit, go see Tron and get the fuck out. Nah, this has gone on too long, here's your god-damned story.
Dildo Daiquiri awakened from his slumber to find yet another beautiful, green day (not like the shitty band) in the shire of Hobbitoningsonfordville. He took a long, watery shit in his chamber pot and sat on the porch, smoking his marijuana. He was getting pretty good at it too; he could make smoke rings and all that rubbish. He could even hide his red eyes. He's a fucking Hobbit; he can do anything that involves marijuana. Dildo was a total fat pig; he looked like any average fan of Lord of the Rings, eating 9,000 - 9,001meals per day. He listened to Madonna on his AM radio too, because he was bored a lot, as Hobbitoningsonfordville didn't have electricity. They were kind of behind the rest of Middle Earth. It was pretty much a shanty town for fat cocks. I digress, however. Smoking his precious Mary-Jane, he noticed an old man in a red hat and cloak holding a whipping rod with an elephant at the end of it approaching his porch. "Good Morning," Dildo said. "Is it a good morning in the rite that the morning is pleasurable, or in the terms and conditions of me being good on this morning, in that you woke up without morning wood, and that was good, or you being good on the morning of yesterday, or this morning being indeed a good addition to your collection of good mornings, so this morning was good, and I say to you sir, Good Morning," said the stranger.
Dildo cocked his gun, "Get off my porch, fag."