Shinobi Fairy Tales: Scroll One
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the fairy tales.
Warning: Shounen-ai, OOC-ness
Re-upped on 08/16/2008: I moved the A/N to the end and out of the story. Even if it is a crack-y story, I don't have to write crack-ily.
Shinobi Fairy Tales: Scroll One: Snow Haku
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful boy with both a complexion and a heart as pure and white as the snow. His name was Haku. He lived with his two loving parents. When a blizzard took the lives of his parents, a local prince took Haku in as his younger brother. Prince Zabuza and Haku were happy, and despite Zabuza's words that Haku was just another helpful being to have in the castle, they were extremely close.
When Zabuza died in battle within a few years, the castle was given to his cousin Orochimaru. Orochimaru was very jealous of Haku's beauty, and forced the boy to work harder than ever, dressed in rags more worn than those of the peasants.
Every single day, Orochimaru would talk to the magical ice mirror he had taken from Haku. "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?"
And every single day, the mirror would respond by showing an image of Haku.
And every single day, Orochimaru would smash the mirror to pieces.
And every single day, Orochimaru's loyal servant Yakushi Kabuto had to work overnight to fix the mirror which would only break again the next day.
That all stopped one day when Orochimaru could no longer take being second (or perhaps third or fourth or… last) to a child like Haku. Orochimaru ordered his other beautiful retainer Kaguya Kimimaro (whom he was not jealous of, the reason being the mirror never said his name and that he was deathly ill) to take Haku into the forest and kill him.
Kimimaro did as he was told, and led Haku deep into the forest, telling him that he needed help gathering herbs for his medicine. Orochimaru had, for this occasion, given Haku a new outfit to wear, saying, "I'm trusting you to be very helpful to my vassal. Meanwhile, he thought, That is the beautiful outfit you will die in!
"Which herbs were you looking for, Kimimaro-san?" Haku asked innocently.
"Um… they are supposed to have white leaves and always be surrounded by a mystical light…" Kimimaro lied. He thought to himself, Wait, if it is white and shining, then in this darkness, we should be able to see it for miles!
"Okay, please leave everything to me," Haku said, smiling. "You should have just told me this earlier. You didn't have to come along and risk your health searching for herbs."
He's so innocent and pure… and stupid… Kimimaro reflected. Even though we're in a dark forest, he doesn't suspect anything…
Haku was getting further away from Kimimaro now. He was barely visible. Kimimaro took that chance to run away, leaving Haku alone in the forest. I can't kill him, but it's not as though Haku will ever find his way back. Orochimaru need not know.
And so Kimimaro killed a deer and presented Orochimaru with its heart, "This is Haku's heart. Please be at ease knowing that Haku is dead."
Orochimaru went on a sugar-high. He jumped around and danced, shrieking, "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?!"
The mirror, of course, still showed Haku, but Orochimaru's eyes were so hazed from tears of happiness that all he could see was a pale figure with long black hair. "It's me! It's me! It's really, really me!"
Haku had gathered herbs for such a long time, that when he found a cool smooth rock, he laid his head down and went to sleep. When he woke up, it was afternoon, and the sun was setting. There was even less light now. A frightened Haku glanced around himself but could not find Kimimaro anywhere.
"Lord Kimimaro, where are you?!" Haku foolishly called into the darkness. When there was no response, Haku cried for awhile.
Haku wandered around sniffling until at last he came to a clearing and saw a two story cottage. "That's unusual," he said to himself. Haku decided that the owners of the cottage would not be offended at all about finding a strange twelve year old boy in their house, and entered.
Haku took in the delightful aroma of very creamy soup coming from the kitchen. He found that someone had left a pot of clam chowder on the stove and set the temperature to warm. Haku helped himself to a bowl of the soup (and left the bowl on the table, unwashed) and proceeded to explore.
He poked at things. He prodded at things. Haku was being a seriously irresponsible brat, but there was no one there to stop him. Finally, Haku decided he was tired (even though he had taken a long nap in the afternoon) and headed for the bedrooms.
Upstairs, Haku found a single large bedroom. It consisted of seven child size beds, and Haku groaned about having to move them together so he could sleep properly. Haku pushed three of the beds together and laid down across them diagonally, and instantly fell asleep and into a sweet dream.
No sooner than he had gone to sleep, the occupants of the two story cottage returned. Itachi, Sasuke, Ino, and Sakura entered, followed by Neji and Gaara who were dragging an unconscious Naruto by his ankles.
The silver-blonde Ino gasped, "Look, everyone! There's a dirty bowl out on the table!"
"Leik OMFG!" Sakura screeched, demonstrating a personality that contrasted with her gentle, frail namesake flower. "That won't do in a house of perfect cleanliness such as ours!" Sakura grabbed the dish off the table and scrubbed it with a moist sponge obsessively until the sponge wore out into scraps.
The rest of the (conscious) residents sweatdropped. At Sasuke's urging, they decided that it would be best that they first take Naruto up to the bedroom before all settling in for supper.
Off Neji and Gaara went, dragging Naruto by his ankles up every single step of the long winding staircase. They lugged him into the bedroom and stopped dead upon seeing Haku. Both boys dropped Naruto on the floor and ran downstairs.
"Come quick, you guys!"
"You have to see this!"
Everyone went upstairs to see what Neji and Gaara were so excited about – well as excited as those two ever would be. Their own reactions weren't so different when they found the unfamiliar boy sleeping on the beds of Sasuke, Itachi, and Neji.
As they argued back and forth about what to do with the newcomer, Haku stirred. "Hm? Hello, everyone. I'm sorry I had to use your beds for a little bit. I also took a little bit of your dinner."
"What are you doing here?!" Ino yelled. She never did like people who were both beautiful and taller than she was.
Haku cringed slightly. "Please, I was left alone in the forest. Please let me stay with your family. I'm quite useful to have around the house. Where are your parents?"
No one would have been surprised at Haku's question. He had woken up and seen seven children (for the seven beds), but had not recalled finding any other bedroom.
"We don't live with our parents," Itachi explained. "See, we're different from humans. I, Itachi," he gestured to himself, "am of the Grey Elves, as is my brother Sasuke, Neji, and Gaara. The fainted idiot over there is Naruto, a High Elf. Ino and Sakura there are both nymphs. We are all of the age that we leave our parents to fend for ourselves. We met and decided to band together, since technically, we weren't breaking any rules."
"Um… I see," Haku commented, though he didn't really understand anything.
Sakura furiously confronted him, "How can you possibly say you are helpful to have around the house? You didn't even put your bowl in the sink when you were done eating, much less clean it."
Haku flinched. "I'm sorry, but I was exhausted from walking around all day. Please forgive my moment of sloth. Before, I always cleaned the castle, cared for the garden, washed the clothes, and did every chore imaginable. With my aid, none of you will ever have to do housework ever again!"
"No!" Sakura adamantly protested, much to Haku's confusion. She refused to see her job taken away. "Housework is the one thing that makes me more useful than others, and I will not have my usefulness taken away. Go with those idiots every single day and work in the jewel mines in my place!"
In a moment of inspirational intellect, to pacify the fiery pink-haired nymph, Haku agreed.
The next day, Sakura was up early cooking a breakfast of eggs and pork chops. When everyone had assembled (except Naruto who was left sleeping on the floor so Haku could sleep uncomfortably in a small bed), they reviewed the rules and guidelines for working in the jewel mines.
"Be careful down there, since you might slip and fall into eternal abyss," Itachi warned.
"Don't be stupid," Gaara added.
"Don't let the any creepy workers approach you," Sasuke shuddered. "They'll hit on you nonstop.
"You should wear an extra layer of clothes because it's cold in the mines," Ino said, shivering. "I made that mistake and was miserable for an entire three hours!"
"Oh, there is someone besides the peculiar workers that you have to watch out for," Neji remembered. "The usurper Orochimaru has taken the throne, and comes in regularly to check on the jewel mines. When he comes, it's not just to take half the jewels we find. He also takes the workers if they are good-looking. Many workers have mysteriously vanished thus. We have eluded his capture only because we are too short to be aesthetically pleasing, according to him. For you through, if even one word is spread about his arrival, smear your face with the soot and dust that's laying everywhere."
Haku still didn't understand that Orochimaru planned for him to be dead. However, he followed the rules laid before him, and went to work every day at the jewel mines.
Several years passed. Orochimaru had visited occasionally, but never found Haku out. One day, Haku was separated from the four Grey Elves, the High Elf, and the Nymph. Haku did not know that Orochimaru had come this day because no one had told him. He didn't even see Orochimaru at first. But Orochimaru had seen him.
Orochimaru thought quickly, Isn't that Haku? I thought I killed him! Well, no matter, I shall kill him now.
He transformed himself into a frail old woman holding a basket of fruit. "Good day, darling child," he said to Haku. "Would you care for some fruit? Would you perhaps like a juicy, sweet, ripe red apple?" He held one out for Haku.
Haku's mouth watered at the thought of a snack, but he declined the offer. "That's all right, lady. I'm fine."
"I insist, child."
"Well, if you put it that way…" Haku glanced at the fruit basket. "Could I have a green one instead?"
Orochimaru rolled his eyes, but gave Haku the green apple. It's unorthodox to poison beauties with anything besides red apples, but I've conjured a whole basket of poisoned fruit and it serves the purpose.
Haku sat down and bit into the apple. "Thank you very much –" Haku choked. At that moment Orochimaru fled.
He's going to die! He's going to die!
"Hm? Where did the old lady go?" Haku asked, looking around. "I shouldn't have been chewing while talking. I hate it when I choke." After a brief pause, he bit into the apple again and swallowed successfully. Then, he fell dead upon the stone floor.
"Haku? Haku, where are you?" Sasuke called. "Haku!" Seeing the limp form sprawled out on the floor, Sasuke rushed over. "Haku, are you okay? Oh my God, he has no pulse! Orochimaru must have gotten to him!"
Sasuke brought Haku back to the others, weeping. "Haku is dead…"
Itachi, Neji, Gaara, Ino, and Naruto (conscious again after several years) were stunned. When they brought Haku back to the cottage, Sakura was stunned as well. The seven mystic beings had all grown to like Haku very much, and became very depressed and emo after Haku's death. They set Haku on a raised bed of gold and surrounded him with a diamond barrier so they could seek consolation in seeing Haku's beautiful face.
The day after Haku's death, a beauteous young man came riding on a white stallion. "Who is this beautiful child that lies upon this bed?"
"His name is Haku," Ino told him tearfully. And to think she really had grown fond of the bumbling airhead of a boy.
Haku! Kimimaro gasped. This is something I should have done years ago. He stood by the golden bed and raised the diamond shield and set it aside. Kimimaro bent down over Haku's face and lightly brushed his lips over Haku's.
At that moment Haku woke up and saw the face of a boy he had never expected to see ever again. "Kimimaro, it's you!" Then, Haku recoiled. "I lost the herbs I was supposed to get you…"
"That's okay," Kimimaro whispered, tears of joy reaching his eyes. "I thought it was my fault that Orochimaru killed you. At least, I have been able to bring you back."
"Orochimaru?" Haku blinked. "Was Orochimaru trying to kill me?"
Haku's naïveté never once failed to astound everyone around him.
"He was…" Kimimaro said distantly. "I killed him when I heard he left you dead in a mine. Then, I sought to live far away where no one would know of my sins. When I saw you here just now, I couldn't recognize you, but…"
"Were you really so concerned about me?" Haku wondered. "I know! Why don't we all move back to the castle?"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Since Orochimaru is dead, and he usurped the throne from my brother Zabuza, that must make me the next prince!" Haku declared, with more firmness in his voice than he ever had. "Kimimaro!"
"Yes, Prince Haku?" Kimimaro answered, head bowed low.
"Let us ride now to our beloved castle," Haku commanded. "You and I shall rule for the rest of eternity!"
Haku and Kimimaro rode off into the sunset on that white stallion, but only because they were so anorexic, they felt like one average rider to the horse. When they returned to the castle, Haku was re-crowned a prince, and Kimimaro was named the king due to his greater intellect. Prince Haku sent yearly gifts to the seven mystical little beings who had taken him in. Speaking of, they never worked as miners ever again. The sensible Neji had been given authority over the plot of land with the mines, so he ever so often returned to check up on the work. He also received the deed to the nearby mountains. As per her standing as a lady, the fertile earth near the mountains that was graced with millions of flowers every spring was bestowed upon Ino. Gaara moved to become the lord of the sand dunes, though he made return visits to the cottage every year. Proving the old "opposites attract" adage true, Naruto and Sakura were eventually wed. Itachi and Sasuke lived in a reclusive estate by a great river and deep in the forest where they existed harmoniously with the Wood Elves.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Author's Notes: Haha… this really did turn out to be a pointless… but it still amuses me. I know cottages aren't really two-story, but the original fairy tale didn't care about that norm, so I'm ignoring it as well.
Next: Three Little Rays of Sunshine