Author's Note: Welp, I came back sooner than expected, lol… After thinking it over, and with some pushing from others, I decided to expand on Erika's back story. No worries, the rest of the cast makes their appearances as well. And, since there's so much to go through, this'll take a while and the chapters will be a whole lot longer! I did my best to research the time period and be as accurate as possible so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on anything. If you haven't read Love and War, I suggest you do since conversations between characters sometimes reflect back on events that took place in that story.

Chapter 1 – Old Scars

'I don't want to talk about it.'

"So… I got stuck on the turntable again at Vicarstown." Erika admitted.

"That turntable is horrible!" Gordon exclaimed.

"I know. I don't understand why they won't make it larger for me. I have this huge scrape on my cowcatcher now…"

The two big engines were at Knapford station waiting for Percy to fetch their coaches. The weather was warm, and the snow was finally melting; spring had finally reached the island of Sodor. Although most of the engines were happy to be done with winter, Erika kind of missed it. She enjoyed plowing through the snow and sending it flying into other engines. She only wished it didn't have to be so cold. "What makes it worse," the Daylight engine continued, "I have another scratch on my tender from when I got stuck on it before. I'd go get repainted, but I don't have time."

With the warming weather, Erika was back to pulling coaches to the beach along the Norramby line. She also pulled a second express along the main line. The extra train did mean she got to see Gordon more often so that was something. It had been almost a year since the two had been together although it didn't feel like it. Whenever they ran into each other it felt like their relationship was still fresh and new, and they still fought like they were just starting out. It was usually over trivial things. With Gordon being older, he would try to advise Erika but she'd let her ego get to her or she'd tell him his methods were outdated. Erika would tell Gordon her methods and he'd say he didn't need her "advice;" he had experience. They wouldn't talk to each other for a few days, but they'd always make up, usually. Everyone wondered how it was possible for two big-headed engines to stay together but they somehow managed.

"Well Erika, you don't need to look perfect in order to be useful."

"But I need to look pretty! I'm a passenger engine! The most beautiful engine in the world can't be covered in scrapes and scratches! Look, my paint is even starting to peel!"

Gordon only rolled his eyes in response. Sometimes even he wondered how they lasted this long, but Erika was just so cute when she whined. While Erika ranted, James had stopped next to them. "Well, if it isn't the two love birds. I'm amazed you two don't have your faces glued to each other, or arguing." He said sarcastically, "The world must be ending."

"Hi, James," Erika said flatly.

"Have either of you seen Percy? I need to head to Suddery."

Erika raised an eyebrow, "Suddery, where's that?"

"It's on Edward's branch line."

"I've never been there before."

The red engine sighed, "Because you're too fat. You big engines would ruin the rails. Now, unlike you, I can go anywhere I want without having to worry about breaking rails, collapsing bridges, or getting stuck on turntables. I'm the perfect size for a tender engine."

"No, but at least we big engines don't need boot laces in order to pull coaches!" Gordon chimed in. James glared at him, how dare he bring that up?

Erika laughed, "Or slip on leaves on a hill."

"Or spin around on a turntable when the wind blows."

"You may be more mobile than Gordon and I, but we are faster and far stronger than you. I could pull trains longer than the eye can see. Hell, I could probably pull two express trains!"

"And break bridges as you do so," James added. Before Gordon or Erika could respond, the trio saw Percy.

He rushed past them, "I'm sorry I'm so late! I was on my way back when Sir Topham Hatt wanted to talk to me." As quickly as he could, the green tank engine began to gather the three engine's trains. "A railway historian is on their way. Sir Topham Hatt wants Erika to pick them up at the airport. Gordon, I'll have your express ready soon and James, your freight cars are ready."

Erika grinned, 'A special for me, huh?' she thought. Then her eyes widened, she couldn't let the historian see her with scratches and peeling paint! Now she had to go to the Steamworks, but she might be late if she did that, decisions, decisions.

"Now Erika, you need to hurry. The visitor's plane should be here soon." Percy instructed as he positioned the coaches so Erika could be coupled to them.

"Right, got it," Erika was excited; she didn't get special jobs too often but when she did, she always strived for perfection.

She was about to leave when she heard Gordon's voice. She already knew what was coming, "Do you remember the route, Erika?" he asked.

She tried to control her temper, "Yes, Gordon." She said through her teeth.

"Do you have enough water in your boiler?"

"Yes, Gordon."

"You should take that shortcut I showed you, you'll get there faster."

"Ok, Gordon."

"Remember what I told you, you're not pulling freight, Erika. You must be careful with coaches."

'Don't get mad, don't get mad,' Erika did her best not to go off. He was only trying to help, by telling her stuff she already knew. "Yes, Gordon, dear… I know how to pull coaches. I'm a passenger engine after all." She didn't know how much more of this she could take. Sometimes it felt like Gordon was her father, always telling her how she should do things. It was starting to take a toll on her patience, and her sanity. Erika waited to see if he would say anything else.

"Very well then," Gordon said calmly.

Before he could even think to say anything else, Erika chuffed out of the station and headed towards the airport.

"Don't break any bridges!" James called after her. Erika ignored James' comment; she had better things to think about.

As she headed towards the airport, Erika thought about the visitor. Although it was probably none of her business, she wondered why a historian was here and what they were like. Maybe they came to see her! Since she arrived, she had gotten many visitors, well more than she would have expected which was none. Her thoughts then drifted towards Gordon. Erika frowned, "Bossy Buffers, always telling me what to do." She said to herself, "Erika, you're doing this wrong. Erika, you need to be careful. Do you have enough water, Erika? Do you know the way, Erika? Should I go with you, Erika? Don't biff the coaches so hard, Erika! You should take my advice, Erika! I have experience!" She paused for a moment, "Hey, I can do a pretty good Gordon impression!" Truth be told, she still loved him but his "advice" was getting annoying, really annoying. Sometimes it had gotten to the point where she went off on him and ended up regretting it later. What happened to the days when they were just happy being together? Erika noticed she was approaching the airport, "Cheer up, Erika. We have to be at our best today!" She somehow managed to get herself to smile as she pulled into the station.

She looked for the guest she was supposed to be picking up but she realized she didn't even know what the person looked like. Were they male or female, short or tall, fat or thin? She had no idea. All she could do was wait and hope the person would recognize her.

"Ah, a Southern Pacific Daylight, you must be the one that will be taking me to Knapford." A voice said. Erika looked around and saw an older woman in a blue pants suit approached her. She was about average in height, had tan skin and her graying hair was in a bun.

Erika smiled, "Yes, that's me! My name is Erika."

The woman smiled back, "Well, Erika, it's good to meet you. I never thought I'd see an engine like you up and running. Most steam engines are either on display or, very rarely, do excursions. You're very lucky to be on Sodor."

"Yes, ma'am, they take very good care of us here."

"I can see that." The woman's eyes widened, "Oh where are my manners? My name is Mary-Ann."

That name jogged Erika's memory a bit, she had once met someone by that name, but she couldn't quite pin-point who it belonged to. Mary-Ann continued, "My, I must say I've never seen engine with eye color before. You have the most beautiful blue eyes."

Erika's smile grew wider, "Thank you, ma'am! My sisters and I all had eye color. I was the only one with blue eyes, however."

"Well, if it wasn't for your metal body, I would have thought you were human! But, we can discuss this further later, dear." Erika waited for the historian to board before heading back towards Knapford. She was still thinking about where she had heard that name before.

When she returned, Sir Topham Hatt was on one of the middle platforms, he was talking to Gordon. Erika sighed; her break from him had to end at some point. Erika refrained from making eye contact with the blue engine as she approached the platform on the opposite side. Both Gordon and the Fat Controller found it a bit odd. Normally, Erika would have stopped in front of Gordon, whether or not her passengers were able to get off. The Fat Controller shrugged it off; he'd rather not see another make-out session between the two and it was good that she was doing things correctly.

"Mary-Ann, it is good to see you again!" The Fat Controller exclaimed as the historian exited the train and approached him.

"It is good to be back," she looked at the big blue engine. "And it's good to see you again, Gordon. Last time I saw you had smashed through a station!"

"Yes well, that hasn't happened again… thankfully." Gordon replied, trying not to blush.

Erika rolled her eyes, awesome, she knew Gordon. "No, but he has derailed and fallen through bridges…" Erika said to herself and let a few giggles escape. Luckily, the others didn''t seemed to notice.

"I see you've added more engines since then," Mary-Ann continued, "I was telling Erika how lucky she was to be here. Everywhere else has diesels or electric engines; they don't make them like her anymore and especially not with her streamline design."

"Yes, she is a very useful engine and works very hard." The Fat Controller added, "She runs along the Norramby branch and, when their faces aren't glued together, pulls express trains with Gordon."

"Glued together?"

The two engines looked away and the Fat Controller laughed, "I'll explain later. Anyway, let's head into my office so we can talk."

As the two left, Erika and Gordon remained silent. Erika diverted her attention to random spots in the station, then at the location where the Fat Controller and Mary-Ann once were, then at Gordon. Their eyes met, "Um… hi?" Erika said and smiled nervously.

"Are you ok?" Gordon asked. He had a concerned look on his face.

"Why do you ask?"

He avoided her question, "Can I talk to you?"

Erika was becoming concerned herself, this wasn't normal Gordon behavior. Well, not recent Gordon behavior. What happened to Gordon the Lecturer? Maybe he had fallen off the viaduct and had perished, Erika could only hope. "Sure, Gordon," she answered calmly.

She followed him to the shunting yard at Tidmouth. The yard was quiet and dark. Most of the engines had already left which allowed them to have some privacy. Erika still didn't know why they were there and she was becoming annoyed, "So, are you gonna talk to me or are we just gonna - -" Before she could continue, Gordon kissed her. Erika was surprised, but she had no reason to complain. It was a nice change from being nagged and lectured to death. She loved kissing him, how his lips felt against her own; there was no greater feeling. She closed her eyes and returned his affection, maybe Gordon the Lecturer did die and the Gordon she loved was back.

"I love you, Erika." He whispered to her. Erika was unsure how to respond, this was all so sudden. She didn't mind though, she enjoyed his low voice, especially when he brought it down to a whisper. Gordon continued, "I'm sorry if I've been a bit… overbearing. I just want you to do well and be safe."

Erika smiled arrogantly, "I've been pulling trains for almost as long as you have. I've been here for almost a year. No need to worry about me. You may be older than me, and have experience, but that doesn't mean I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't need an advisor; I need you to be my… my boyfriend." She hated that word, it didn't seem to fit. Gordon wasn't a boy and Erika wasn't a girl. She didn't get why adult humans used it. Gordon found it somewhat amusing but felt the same way, the word didn't fit either of them but there was no other term for it. It seemed like words Thomas and Rosie would use, but not them. "I love you too, Gordon." Erika added, "My Grand Gordon." She kissed him softly and Gordon gladly returned it. The yard was silent again.

Erika ended up staying at the sheds in Tidmouth that night, no point in going all the way to Vicarstown. She woke up the next morning feeling great. She had a great evening with Gordon, he even apologized, and she got to spend time with her friends. The Fat Controller arrived at the sheds with the historian, they walked towards her. "Erika, Mary-Ann would like to talk to you." He said.

"I'm working on a book about American steam engines. Sir Topham Hatt told me a bit about your history and I was very intrigued." Mary-Ann stated, "You were built around the time the age of steam was beginning to end and, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you about your experience in the US."

Erika's eyes widened and her joyful composure faded, the past was something she'd rather not talk about. She had spent so much time trying to move on from it and now it was trying to catch up to her. She had to think of a way to get out of it, "Um, I would but… Oh, look at the time; I'm going to be late! I have to go deliver fuel to Mavis at the quarry!" she lied.

The Fat Controller was confused, "But Erika, I haven't even - -" Erika chuffed off towards wherever she was going before he could finish. She decided to head to Vicarstown and back to her shed. As she zoomed down the main line, she passed by other engines but paid them no mind. She ignored their friendly whistles. She had to get back to her shed and hide.

The Daylight eventually made it back to Vicarstown and quickly back into her shed and decided to spend the rest of the day there. She could only hope no one would bother her. The past was a subject she never wanted to bring up. Although, she sometimes talked about her time in California, she kept it as vague as possible. No one had questioned her or pushed the issue further and she wanted to keep it that way. There only two people who knew, her driver and the Fat Controller. Gordon and Emily didn't even know; two engines she had become close with since she had arrived to Sodor last summer. Erika had considered telling Gordon but she had always stopped herself, it was too painful to bring up. He'd find out someday, she just wasn't sure when. Erika heard the sounds of an engine approaching the shed, it sounded like Emily.

She whistled cheerfully, "Erika, are you in there? Sir Topham Hatt sent me to come get you." Erika didn't respond nor come out of her shed. Emily's cheerful expression turned to worry, "Erika, what's wrong? It's not like you to just run off like that." She waited for response but got only silence. "Please tell me what's wrong. You can tell me anything, you know? Erika, c'mon, it can't be that bad, can it? Did Gordon upset you?" Erika said nothing, Emily continued, "I guess not…" The green engine sighed; she was basically talking to herself. She didn't know what to say or do. She couldn't just pull Erika out of the shed. "Well, if you want to talk, you know where to find me. If you do, I won't tell the controller. We can just keep it between us girls." Emily left the sheds in defeat, she couldn't get Erika to come out, but she knew an engine that maybe could.

At some point, Erika had fallen asleep. When she woke up, she noticed the shed doors were now closed. She figured her driver must have closed them and she was perfectly OK with that. She could see the sun setting from the windows, was she asleep for that long?

"Erika, are you in there?" a low voice asked, it sounded like Gordon. When did he get here and how long was he there? "Emily told me what happened at Tidmouth, what's going on with you?" Erika decided to give him the same silent treatment she had given Emily. As much as she hated to, she didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Gordon. "Erika, what's wrong? Tell me!" She could hear the desperation in his voice, but she couldn't tell him so she kept quiet. But she knew he wasn't going to leave her anytime soon. It was hard for Gordon to admit defeat and she usually caved before he came even close.

"Erika!"

"I'm here, Gordon, I'm here…" Erika responded finally.

"Erika, what's going on, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it, Gordon." Being silent wouldn't make Gordon leave, but maybe anger would. It was a horrible plan but it was the only choice she had.

"Erika, don't do this. You shouldn't keep things to yourself."

"Leave me alone, Gordon."

"You should be able to tell me anything, I won't judge you. Don't you trust me?"

"I… I trust you… I - - Please, just leave me alone."

Gordon looked at the shed doors sadly, she wasn't going to come out and she wasn't going to talk. He couldn't understand what would bring her to do this, weren't they supposed to talk about their problems and work them out together? He decided to try one more time, he couldn't let her win. "Erika, whatever is bothering you, is it so bad that you can't tell me? I'm not going to judge you, I wouldn't do that. We should be able to work out or problems together. Erika, please tell me what's bothering you."

Erika thought about it for a moment, she was about to speak but stayed silent. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. "Gordon, I… I'm sorry, I can't. Please, just go away, leave me alone."

"Fine then, I'll leave you alone." Gordon said. Not even he could bring her to talk. He hated to do it but he decided it was better to abide by Erika's wishes. As Gordon departed from the sheds, he could faintly hear Erika crying from inside.

Erika was greeted the next morning by the sounds of shed doors opening and the sun in her face. She squinted until her eyes adjusted to the change in lighting. After her eyes adjusted, she could see a tall, young dark-skinned woman in a blue uniform approach her, it was her driver Samantha. Her driver cringed when she Erika's face, "Good Lord girl, what happened to you? You look awful, did you not sleep?"

Erika managed to chuckle. "No, not really, Sam." She replied.

"I closed the shed doors for you yesterday. I had to lie to the controller and tell him you weren't feeling well. You can thank me by getting to work. We're already late."

"I'm not going out."

It was going to be one of those days; the days in which Erika's driver played therapist. Samantha took a seat on Erika's buffer. "Ok girl, tell me what happened after I left." Erika didn't answer; it was time to play the guessing part of the game, something the two did often. Her driver sighed, "Did James call you fat again?"

"No," Erika answered.

"Get in a fight with Emily?"

"No."

"Were Thomas and Percy pulling pranks on you?"

"No."

"… Did you break Henry again?"

"No."

Samantha paused and thought about it for a moment, and then she realized what was wrong. It was so obvious, "You and Gordon arguing again?"

"No, well… not really."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything wrong."

"What did you say?"

"…"

Bingo, as frustrating as it was, Samantha always figured out what was wrong with Erika. They hadn't known each other long, but had quickly come to trust each other. Although she found it a bit odd to be giving an engine love advice. "OK Erika, what happened?"

"Well, the historian wants to talk to me… about my past…"

"Oh yeah… right." Her driver bit her lower lip; she knew about Erika's past and what happened. "Have you told Gordon or Emily about it yet?"

"No, I can't - - I just can't. It's too painful."

"Erika, now you know you should at least tell Gordon. You two have been together for what, almost a year now? Don't you think he has a right to know?"

"He came to see me yesterday, after you left… Emily told him what happened. I was going to but… but I just can't." Erika felt tears forming and she did her best to hold them off, "He was so concerned… And I made him leave. I told him to leave me alone…"

"Erika," Samantha paused, Erika was going to hate her for saying what she was about to say, "You have to tell Gordon. You can't just keep it to yourself anymore. You should probably tell Emily too but you should at least tell him. He loves you Erika, and I don't think he wants to see you so upset, especially when he doesn't even know why." Erika sighed, her driver was right. She knew this day would come, even though she wished it would have stayed at bay a little longer.

Unfortunately, Erika didn't come out of her shed until long after dark. She knew she'd be in trouble for it later but she had to mentally prepare herself. She had told her driver that she wanted to talk to Gordon at night, long after everything had closed. This meant she'd be without a fireman but Erika knew Samantha would do fine… hopefully.

Erika quickly made her way to Tidmouth, the railways were quiet and the moon had risen, it was like the night when Erika told Gordon she was in love with him. The thought brought a smile to her face; his blue livery looked beautiful that night. She saw the sheds in the distance; they were still lit, meaning the others were still awake as well. "Dammit," she swore. She could only hope they were on by accident and everyone was asleep.

Erika looked around as she approached the sheds as quietly as she could. The lights were still on, but it looked like everyone was sleeping. "Erika, you know he can't go anywhere without a driver." Samantha said, "And if everyone's sleeping…"

Erika hadn't thought about that, "Dammit!"

Her driver giggled, "Don't worry, girl. If he's willing to talk to you, I'll get him out of the shed and you can pull him to… wherever we're going. I'm no fireman but I think I can shovel coal." Technically, Erika shouldn't be running without her fireman either, but then again, neither of them should be up this late sneaking around. Samantha got out of Erika's cab and approached the sheds; she hoped Gordon's controls weren't too different from Erika's.

She approached the big, blue engine, he was fast asleep. Samantha knocked on his buffer, "Hey, big boy, wake up." No response, she frowned at him. She was not going down without a fight. "If I can get Erika up, I can get you up." She climbed onto him and made her way towards the front of his boiler and banged on it as hard as she could. "Wake up, Gordon!" Her loud voice startled the big engine awake. He blinked and then squinted his eyes, trying to get use to the light change. "Well, good morning, sunshine!" Samantha said cheerfully, Gordon recognized that voice.

"Sam?" he asked sleepily.

"Glad to know you remember me, now let's get you going. I hope you have coal left in you tender."

Gordon yawned. He was tired, confused, and not quite sure what was going on or where he was, "Going, going where?" Erika's driver responded by pointing ahead of them. Gordon looked in the distance and saw Erika; she was smiling stupidly at him. Gordon was unamused and wanted to go back to sleep, "And?"

"Man, you're really grumpy. You're lady friend has something to tell you! Now, let's get your firebox going." Gordon watched as Samantha climbed off him and headed towards his cab. When she was out of his range of vision, he looked at Erika. She was still smiling. Whatever she had to say had better be worth him losing valuable sleep over.

Samantha stared in confusion once she saw Gordon's backhead. It wasn't similar to Erika's at all; it was so… simple and organized. She had spent so much time with the American steam engine that she had forgotten how the European ones worked. "Okay… let's see if I can remember how to do this…"

Gordon listened as she messed with his controls. He became alarmed when he heard a loud clank and Samantha drop a few F-bombs, "What are you doing?!"

"Got it! I knew I'd remember," after tinkering with valves a bit more, Samantha managed to get Gordon started. She got him out of the shed, on the turntable, and on Erika's track. "Ok big boy, you stay there while I couple you two. You can stare into each other's eyes or something…" her driver said and she got out of Gordon's cab. Erika somehow managed to retain her smile despite only getting a tired, expressionless stare from Gordon. Every now and then he would yawn but that was pretty much it. When she was coupled to Gordon, Erika exited the sheds. She didn't want to go too far and she didn't know how much fuel Gordon had so, she decided to play it safe and head for Knapford station.

When they arrived, the station was dead silent and empty, and Erika was glad. As the two came to a stop, Samantha went to go put Gordon's brakes on, just in case. "Ok, you two have fun. I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait, where are you going?" Erika asked. She hadn't expected to be just left in an empty station.

"I did my job, now you do yours. I'll get up early to take you two back to the sheds, ok? Good night, love birds!" Erika's driver headed for the station's exit, leaving her coupled to sleep deprived Gordon. She looked at him; he was barely awake at this point.

"Um, Gordon?" Erika asked. He answered her with a slow blink and a distant stare. Maybe this was a bad idea. He was barely responding to her, maybe he was upset? She had to be sure. She kissed him; he kissed her back. Nope, he was definitely awake; and he didn't seem mad. "Gordon, I - - I'm sorry about yesterday… for making you and Emily worry. I know I shouldn't keep things from you, but I've kept it from everyone. I planned on telling you one day… I guess today's the day."

She paused; she wished he'd say something, even if it was just a grunt. It would be better than nothing. This was like when she told him she was in love with him. "Gordon, do you remember when I told you how I felt? It was a night like this. It was warm, the moon was out, and your blue livery looked so beautiful. I was so nervous. Emily told me everything would be ok, but I was still worried. When you told me you felt the same way, I was so happy but, I was still thrown off by your response. It had been so long since I was in love and had someone love me in return. I had spent so much time alone, all those years stuck in an old shed. I had forgotten what love felt like. But then you kissed me and all those lost feelings and emotions came back… I felt alive again. We were out there all night, but it was ok because I spent that entire night with you. I love you, Gordon, so much. I never thought I could feel this way again... Especially not after - -" She stopped. She couldn't bring that part up yet. It was better to save that for when she told her story. "I told myself I'd never let anyone get so close ever again, but you somehow did it. I had heard stories about you and the others back home. I considered you my rival, someone I needed to surpass. I still don't know how we ended up here, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's been almost a year since then, and you barely know anything about me, yet you love me regardless. So, I feel I should tell you everything, everything there is to know about me and what I've been through, because I trust you." Erika took a deep breath, this was gonna be hard.

Gordon finally spoke, "Erika, whatever you have to say, it can't be as bad as you think."

His words struck a nerve. Erika's expression hardened, "Have you ever witness death? Have you ever had everything and everyone you know and love taken away from you? Have you ever had the world just come crashing down on you? Have you ever been locked up in a shed for 40 years, just rusting away as the world left you behind?" He didn't answer and Erika regretted what she had just said, "Sorry."

"Erika, I love you and I'm not going to judge you. Whatever happened to you in the past, it's not going to affect how I feel." He kissed her briefly. That was all Erika needed from him, his reassurance, his support, his love.

"Well, it all started when I woke up on a flat bed…"