Tired and Exhausted
" That's it I'm tired of playing this game." Jane looked down over Maura's shoulder. Maura was at her desk finishing filling out a report on her laptop.
Surprised at the angry tone in Jane's voice she turned back and looked up at Jane . " What in the world are you going on about this time? Jane it's late it's.." Maura looks at her watch. " ..it's already 11:00 o'clock , I'm tired and in no mood. I just want to finish this report and go home and go to bed."
Jane ignored Maura's attempt to change the subject. Jane grabbed Maura by her shoulders and whipped her chair around so Maura was now facing her way.
Jane bent down and moved inches from Maura's face confronting it with her own and said sternly. " Listen Maura I know you're tired. I am tired too tired of hiding my feelings. Aren't you?"
Maura studied Jane's face. She thought for sure this was some sort of bizarre attempt at humor from Jane that she was too tired to bother with and just didn't understand.
Maura placed her hand on Jane's shoulder and pushed her back and says " Jane stop I don't want to listen to your jokes now. I don't understand . And like I said before I'm exhausted I'm going home. "
She logged off of her laptop then searched and found her coat. Maura got up and put her coat on to leave. Maura took her hands and brushed her hair out from underneath her coat with her hands and then she buttoned her coat up . Maura looked around for her scarf and asks Jane " Jane do you see my scarf anywhere?"
Jane was getting angry. She looked around and found the scarf . She picked up the scarf and asks " Sit down and I'll give this to you?"
Maura was in no mood she just wanted to go home to bed. " Jane please just hand me my scarf please?"
" No Maura you are going to listen to me."
Jane was serious she placed her hands on Maura's waist and led her back to her chair. She sat her down on the chair and pulled up a chair for herself to sit in opposite her.
She placed her hands on Maura's knees and squeezed to get her attention. " Listen to me please. I can't keep doing this. I can't sleep or eat or hell even think anymore. I'm exhausted I can't keep doing this with you. You can't tell me you don't feel the same way...can you?"
Maura felt completely blindsided she says " Jane I .. what is happening? I don't know what you want me to say."
Jane lowered her head looking down into Maura's lap. She pleaded to her " Maura come on please. You known what I'm saying." Jane looked up and waved her hand back and forth between her and Maura and says " This. Us . Tell me I am and always will only be your best friend .I'll then leave right now and I'll never talk about it again. I mean it Maura. Now or never I can't take it anymore. I want you with every fiber in my body. But if you want to deny your feelings for me...Well fine we can just stay friends. I'll some how try and figure out how to just kill off all my feelings for you and all the hope for an honest and truly happy life with you."
Maura was angry she was certain Jane was joking around with her. Jane had a habit of doing silly things when they closed a difficult case. Maura knew it was just a way of releasing all the stress and anxiety she felt with each case. And this particular case was a severe one it concerned a dead child. So the actions of Jane Maura now thought for sure was just a way of joking and getting past all the awful emotions from the case they had just closed.
Maura placed her hands on top of Jane's on her knees and says " Listen I know this case was just awful Jane. But if you think joking around about our relationship is going to help you...well I guess I'll play along. But I don't like it Jane. Our relationship is the most important thing in my life. I don't like making light of it. But again like I said if it will help you. I'll play along."
Jane was about to explode. She was so angry at her for not understanding just how serious she was about this. Jane took a deep breath trying to calm herself before confronting Maura again.
She let out the breath and says calmly as she could manage. " Okay listen please listen to me very carefully okay Maura?"
Maura nodded and brushed back a loose strand of Jane's hair away from her face and placed it behind her ear. Jane's anger started falling away fast at the small gesture. Any and all the gestures toward her from Maura always seemed to tame the fury that raged deep inside of herself.
Jane took hold of the hand that had offered her such an unassumingly simple kindness towards her. Jane smiled up at Maura feeling all the love she had ever felt for her rush to her at once . Jane overwhelmed slowly brought the back of Maura's hand up to her lips and softly kissed her hand.
Jane then says softly " Maura sweetie I'm so serious you need to believe me. I know I joke around...well a lot." Maura stunned still by the kiss on her hand smiles and nods. " But I'm trying to be as honest as I can possibly be with you. I would never joke about our relationship. It means everything to me also. That's just it Sweetie I need...I want ..I have to have more. I can't live without you anymore. Every morning that I come in here and see you..I want to pull you in my arms and hold you and kiss you . I want to tell you how much I love you and pray to God you will feel the same way towards me."
Jane saw tears starting to form in Maura's eyes . She wants nothing more than to comfort Maura and take her in her arms but she has to get out everything she has been feeling and finish telling Maura .
So she says " I'll understand if you don't feel the same way." Maura started to say something but Jane stops her . " Maura wait just let me finish then I'll listen to everything you have to say to me,okay?" Maura nods Jane starts again " Maura you know I've never been with a woman before and I don't know if you have or not." Maura smiles and shakes her head no. Jane smirks " Okay well then I guess if we decide to .. Well if we start a more serious relationship we will be starting from the same ..disadvantage I guess you could call it." Maura smiles and lets a cute little laugh escape from her lips then she quickly covers her mouth with her hand.
Jane smiles and rubs her fingers along Maura's hand and says " Okay then good to know. We both are clueless of what to do ." Jane chuckles nervously and then tears started forming in Jane's eyes. Jane clears her throat and hoarsely chokes out sadly. " But the real question still is do you want …..well me do you want me as much as I want you Maura?"
Maura scooted up to the edge of her chair. She brought her hands up to Jane's face . She held Jane's face in her hands and made Jane look her in the eye.
Maura smiles and simply says " Yes. Yes to all you want I want. How could you not know that. I love you with all my heart Jane." Maura slowly leans into Jane's lips and softly places a kiss on them.
Tears started flowing down Jane's face as she says " Sorry Maura."
Maura looked at Jane confused and asks " What? Jane sorry for what?"
Maura and Jane both wipe away Jane's tears . Jane sheepishly looks up at Maura smiles and says " I'm so sorry. I usually at times like this say something sarcastic or at least something funny to keep things from getting too serious. But I'm so sorry Maura I can't think of a single funny or sarcastic thing to say. I think this is the first time in my whole life . So yeah sorry." Jane smiles.
Maura smiles and takes Jane in her arms . She whispers in Jane's ear and teases her " I'll forgive you this time but don't ever let it happen again."
Jane smiles and kisses her " Okay I'll try. Oh and Maura I love you too."
Jane and Maura are in a heated passionate kiss as Frost and Korsak come walking in Maura's office. Korsak laughs and clears his throat and says " Are we interrupting?"
Startled Jane jumps and it knocks both her and Maura to the floor. Jane looks up at the snickering Detectives and says " Interrupting ? No not at all." Jane smiles and grabs Maura and begins kissing her again.
A/N – Thanks for taking the time to read this story. If you liked this let me know. Thanks.