If you look at my profile, you may see a silly little Bleach quiz that gave me the idea for this story. I thought a Renji/Ukitake/Hitsugaya pairing was so funny that I stayed up until 2 am just to complete it. Hopefully you find it as amusing as I did. xD Rate, review, etc, if you feel like it!

"Shiro-chan! Perfect timing! I just bought a big basket of candy, and I can never seem to eat it all! Why don't you come over to my place when you finish your paperwork and help me with it?"

"Ahh-ahh-ahh-mmm…oh!"

Renji hesitated. What the fuck could Captain Ukitake be doing in there? Is… that even his voice? What if he's in danger? I better knock first. He rapped loudly on the wooden frame. The noise continued uninterrupted. Well, fuck. I guess I have to go check, in case he's having a fit or something. The tattooed man cautiously opened the door.

"Captain?" No response. He followed the moaning to the source, sweating nervously. He faced a closed door, listening for a moment. It sounds… awfully rhythmic. And I don't think that's Juushiro's voice. Should I leave? If I don't check and something happens to him, I don't think I can live with myself. Just open it a little. Just quickly to see if he's okay, and then go home. Renji slid the paper door open just enough to see in with one eye.

What. The. Fuck.

Burning into his retina was the image of Ukitake thrusting away into splayed Hitsugaya. The younger man had a gigantic lollipop in his mouth, and candy wrappers were strewn across the bed. Ukitake's long, white hair was swinging limply in time with the motion, synchronized with Hitsugaya's moans and the creaking and shaking of the bed. Clothes were clearly ripped off in a hurry, with one haori hanging precariously on a lamp. Renji could not tear his eyes away. The glassy eyes and parted lips of the boy on the bed, a fist clenched in the sheets with the other on the lollipop, his legs bent almost unnaturally back by the man fucking him hard and fast, whose furrowed brow and tense body were an indication of what was about to come next. Renji's brain had stopped working, it was all he could do not to faint from the sight of this… display.

Ukitake's breathing became laboured, and suddenly Renji worried that he would have a coughing fit from all this activity. Not quite. Instead, his concern was washed away by the sight of Ukitake pulling out of Hitsugaya and straddling his chest, simultaneously pulling the lollipop out of Hitsugaya's mouth and vigorously stroking himself. Hitsugaya only managed a short objection to the removal before Ukitake exploded into his mouth, and upon finishing, he replaced the lollipop in Hitsugaya's mouth, giving him no choice but to swallow. Juushirou moved down Toushirou's body, quickly finishing him with a few hard strokes of his erection. Toushirou cried out in ecstacy, letting the lollipop fall out of his mouth, which proceeded to hit the bed where it stayed stuck to the sheets. After the waves of his orgasm had subsided, Toushirou pulled Juushirou's hair back and pulled him up for a deep, sensual kiss. The two men broke apart, panting on the bed next to each other. It was at this point that Hitsugaya turned his head toward the door, where a shock of red hair was visible through the door.

Oh shit.

"Oh shit! Abarai, is that you?" Hitsugaya shot up and grabbed one of the kimono that had been tossed aside unceremoniously. Clearly it was not his, because half of a foot of fabric dragged across the floor behind him. Renji was frozen in place as Hitsugaya ripped open the door. He looked down and blinked, slack-jawed at the young captain, who stared wide-eyed back at him.

"Tell me, Lieutenant, how much of that did you see?" Ukitake asked, still lying on the bed with a sheet covering his midsection. As Renji attempted to stutter out an answer, Hitsugaya replied, pointing at Renji's raging erection, "Well, I think he saw enough." Renji looked down in horror, at the betrayal his own body had served him.

"Ahh. Well, perhaps we should have a conversation about this. I'll make some tea so you can have some time to gather your composure, Abarai-kun," Ukitake retrieved a robe from his closet and patted the man on the shoulder as he brushed past him.

"I didn't know you were that well-endowed, Abarai," Hitsugaya said with a smirk, "The bathroom is two doors down on the left, if you need it." He found the right robe (the one hanging on the lamp) and exited after Ukitake. Renji felt as though his face had turned a darker shade of red than his hair. Finding the use of his legs again, he wandered his way back to the sitting room situated near the front entrance.

Am I dreaming? Is this reality? How has no one ever noticed? Or said anything? How have I never noticed? I've been checking on him for Rukia for months! This has to be a dream. I'm going to wake up in the morning and go, Gee, what an awful nightmare, take a scalding shower to burn away the thoughts, and never speak of it to anyone. Renji was sweating profusely as he waited for the other two men to show up again. Finally, Ukitake handed him a cup, telling him some interesting things about the tea of which he didn't process a single word. Once Hitsugaya showed up, looking quite normal, Ukitake put down his cup.

"So, Abarai-kun, how much did you see, if you don't mind me asking? No need to be gentle with your terms, we're all adults." He asked, with a faint grin slapped across his face. It was as if he was enjoying Renji's discomfort.

"Well, Captain Hitsugaya was on the bed and you were… well, you were fucking him pretty hard."

"I see. So there's no way to avoid being blunt, then. Well, I'm sorry you had to see that, it must have been quite a shock for you. Is there anything we can do to ease your pain? I trust you won't be spreading any rumours, out of kindness to everyone involved here. No need to complicate things further, yes?" Renji simply nodded his agreement as he stared into his cup of tea, desperately wishing it would all end. He chanced a glace up at the men, who both had annoying smirks on their face. Hitsugaya particularly seemed to be enjoying his suffering.

"If you have no questions or concerns then, Renji, feel free to leave whenever you like. There's more tea in the kitchen, and the spare bedroom is open, although I can't guarantee it's comfort tonight, due to potential obvious circumstances." Ukitake smiled at him warmly, as if they were having a friendly chat, and absolutely nothing was wrong.

"Th- Thank you for your hospitality, Captain, but I think I'll head home now." Renji jumped up from his chair and made his way toward the door. Ukitake followed, and wished him a safe walk home.

Just as Renji made it past the front steps, Ukitake poked his head back out the door.

"Oh, and by the way, you're welcome to join us next time, Lieutenant. I'm sure I can find a type of candy that you like," Ukitake grinned widely, waving as Hitsugaya's laughter drifted out into the night air. Renji's face flushed a deep red as he stared at the 13th Division Captain, who called out a cheery "Good night!" and snapped the door shut. Renji sprinted full-speed back to his house in an attempt to expend the pent-up energy from his encounter. He flopped face-down onto his mattress when he arrived back at his room, his face and body still burning from shame and… arousal?

No, no way. I'm tired, that's all. Everything will go back to normal in the morning.

"Good morning, Abarai-kun! Shiro-chan will be visiting for some more candy tonight, would you like to join us? There's plenty to go around! You know, I was thinking I might invite Shunsui, too, what do you think? Hmm, perhaps I will talk to Nanao-chan about it…"

Oh no. Things will never be same again.