Reptilia28 CHALLENGE

STORYLINE:

Harry is killed at 17 during a fight with Voldemort. He's sent to his Death's office (explained later) and finds out that this isn't the first time that this has happened.

Harry's Death (who can have a human name) is mad at his arrival. Apparently, people dying before their time is a black mark on the various Deaths' records, and Harry is getting perilously close to getting this particular one fired.

When Harry asks what was supposed to have happened, Death goes off on a rant saying how he was supposed to have killed Voldemort, found his soulmate ("Some Granger girl...") and lived to be a centennial age. But since Harry keeps getting into life-threatening situations for one reason or another, he keeps dying before that happens. Harry is surprised about the soulmate part.

Death gives Harry a paper to sign that allows him to retain his memories (the previous times, he wasn't given this option for some reason). Harry is deposited to a previous time of the writer's choosing.

Eventually, Harry gets it right. He kills Voldemort, gets the girl, and lives to a ripe old age of whatever. And Death doesn't get fired.

REQUIREMENTS:

Harry had to have died at least three times before this one.

The memory keeping contract must be included.

Death must refer to Hermione as "some Granger girl" when Harry's soulmate turns up in his rant.

Obviously, must be H/Hr.

Have fun.

OPTIONAL:

Dumbledore's manipulations can be a factor in Harry's premature demises.

Another Lifetime

A Harry Potter Story

By LoveLifeForever

Chapter One: Dead Again... Wait, What?

Harry Potter woke up with a groan. Sitting up, he checked his body for injuries, running a hand through hair. It was just starting to show the salt-and-pepper look that all adding men with black hair began to get as they grew older. Over the years, his build had widened, natural growth and intense physical training reshaping his body to better survive the encounters with Voldemort and his army. He now stood at a solid six feet, two hundred pounds of power. His jaw line had hardened, the little remaining baby fat on his body giving way to corded, rolling muscle that got him more than a few female looks when he walked into a room. The movements learned from several forms of martial arts and weapons training had translated itself into a predatory grace when he moved. Strangely, despite the stress of war and living to sixty-seven, he really didn't look a day over twenty beyond his hair.

'Fuuuuck. Getting hit with that bludgeoning spell hurt! There has got to be a better way to keep someone from getting hurt than just bodily throwing myself in harm's way. Where am I? Did the base get compromised... again? This looks a bit more mundane - maybe Hermione's old neighborhood?'

"Damn you, Harry Potter! Damn you to the furthest reaches of hell that your too noble ass will never see because you're so! Damn! NOBLE!"

Harry turned to take in one of the hottest women he had ever seen. While her hair was a gorgeous shade of red and her eyes a smoky deep green, Harry was easily able to overcome the disturbing resemblance to his mum when faced with the absolutely gorgeous body she had. His mum was beautiful, but this bombshell was like her very hot, wank-inspiring twin sister. Frankly, despite what he said about about purebloods, Harry did think the forbidden aspect of incest made it hot, especially when pregnancy was avoided. This, of course, had absolutely nothing to do with his fantasies about his all but adopted older sister Hermione.

The next moment his brain caught up with itself, and Harry realized he didn't have the first clue who she was. In a very fast reaction, Harry rolled sprang to one side of the room, placing his back against a corner and drawing his wand in one smooth motion, raising a shield with his off hand.

Now, most people would say that backing yourself into a corner was suicide, but that was only when you couldn't block everything coming. Because Harry could, it functionally eliminated his blind spot and ensured there wasn't collateral damage from blocked spells hitting one of his friends. This made duels with incredibly devious Death Eaters much easier.

"Who are you, where-"

That was as far as Harry got before he was blasted off his feet and into the wall right behind him. Everything went white as pain exploited from the back of his head. When he had finished coming back to his senses, Harry was bound in a thick wad of thin chains layered at least ten times over every inch of his body save his head. Pulling his eyes from his current predicament, Harry came face to face with a terrifying vision of wrath. Scary faces alone no longer intimidated him. Scary faces backed up by the terrifying power needed to lay him out effortlessly left him absolutely intimidated. The last Harry remembered, not even Voldemort was strong enough to just waste him like that anymore.

"You're not going to say another word until my rant is over, you understand! There are powers at work that surpass you mortals, and we have responsibilities that go well beyond evenan entire country and its inhabitants! Don't presume to think that your place in Destiny's plans makes you indispensable, because the Powers that Be always have more than one route to take. We have a reason behind every action, and it is not our duty to explain that to you. Do not again presume to question those with Power in the Infinite Realms. Are. We. Clear." Harry nodded timidly. "Good, now where was I? Oh, yes, I remember..."

She rounded on Harry and performed a technique he had only seen done on television. It was not at all funny in real life. Her head became three times the size of her body, her eyes gained a fiery glint, and storm clouds gathered behind her head as thunder rolled. It was like Gandalf's trick in the first movie, only a hundred times worse. It was in person, for one, and a head that big was more intimidating than Harry cared to admit after his run-in with Fluffy.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER, I'M GOING TO RIP YOU A NEW ONE SOMEDAY!" Her head resumed normal size, but everything else stayed. Thunder rolled as her anger continued to spike. "You seem determined to cause me trouble! This is the twentieth time that you have died, and it was your most pathetic death yet. The last few times you died were impressive enough that my boss didn't penalize me, but a banishing spell into a spike - not even a field of spikes or a spike pit, just one spike sticking out of the wall!"

"That's just pathetic. With the amount of training you had with magic, it should have been child's play to avoid, but NOOOOOO! You're Harry-Fucking-Potter, too full of yourself to take it seriously. You actually managed to validate Snape's constant complaints about you and your father - unacceptable. That bastard shouldn't be allowed to be right. Oh, I hate that I can't even be properly mad at you! It's all the fault of that greased-up, butt toy and old Twinkie Whiskers. The bastards managed to single-handedly ruin several hundred lives, even if the old fart did his best to save thousands, and your fucked-up mind was their finest achievement."

"Still, getting stupid and not paying attention - that's how your Godfather went out and he's STILL getting shit for it from the Reaper Corps! I won't be the next laughingstock, so we're going to be doing it a little differently." She laughed a little maniacally, the world going darker around her, before regaining a smidgen of composure. "The bad news is that this is the last shot we have. The good news is that the situation allows us a few... concessions from the higher ups due to your place in Destiny's plans. We could replace you, make no mistake, but it would be a pain in the arse unless we got some serious Higher Powers involved."

Harry finally decided that it was his turn to talk. "Woah, woah, woah, now hold up a minute here! Can I get a few questions answered before we move on? You're right, I got stupid - although the dying part will need to be explained - and I'm sorry for causing you grief, but I'm not sure I have all the info I need to help fix this problem."

Harry really did feel bad, and for more than one reason. First, even though Harry had grown more able at dealing with emotional females, it still bothered him to see them upset. Second, the girl had a point - he had gotten very full of himself, believing his own hype that Death Eaters couldn't touch him... just like Dumbledore. Third, he felt guilty for dying at all. He had left his friends to face Voldemort, and he was creating problems for a woman who apparently cared whether he lived for reasons beyond the prophesy... or maybe not. Who knows how the afterlife works.

The woman paused, looked at him with narrowed eyes, before her whole body seemed to go slack as her anger petered out, waving her hand dismissively. "Yeah, go ahead and ask your questions. I'll answer your questions, but nothing directly related to the afterlife. That's strictly off-limits for outbound souls, no exceptions. That includes where we are right now - beyond the vaguest description of 'the afterlife' - and anything relating to the hierarchy that doesn't directly pertain to your return. Is that clear?"

Harry nodded, and the two turned in silence to just look out the window. For whatever reason, Harry suddenly realized that they were in an office on the seventh floor of the West Wing of Hogwarts that looked out to the Forbidden Forest, the Black Lake and the mountains surrounding Hogwarts Valley. He wasn't sure if the room had always looked like that or not, but it certainly made him feel at home. There hadn't been a nice peaceful view in that direction since the end of Harry's fourth year. The darkness at the edges hadn't become so... pervasive until then. After that, everything seemed to get... darker.

"You know," Harry pondered aloud, "if this had happened when I was fresh out of Hogwarts, I probably would have freaked out. I mean really, dying at seventeen as a virgin? That would have seriously sucked. I wasn't old enough to even legally drink back then."

"Yeah, you really did," the woman laughed to herself. "Totally couldn't handle the fact that you had all of one serious girlfriend up 'til that point and still hadn't snogged her at all – a pretty pathetic showing, to be sure. Bleeding hell, Neville got that far by that point, and he was worse than you in the confidence department. I laughed my ass off that time. Over fifty years later, I still laugh my ass off about it. You haven't really done much better in that department since then. You drink enough to get a giant regularly under the table - if the table were big enough - but you've had sex, what, once a year?"

Harry shrugged then did a double take. "Wait, I died a virgin that year?"

She laughed. "Harry, almost all of your deaths came while you were a virgin... pun intended. Still, what's with the serious lack in the sack?"

Harry stopped, thought for a second, then followed her into laughter, totally ignoring her question. "Th-that was h-h-horrible! Holy shit, where did you come up with such bad puns. Wait, don't tell me, it was Sirius wasn't it? It was him. I can smell his style a mile off, the crazy old dog."

The mystery woman shrugged, which did interesting things to her... middle. "Yeah, he pops in from time to time. He's a bit irritating about it, but the idiot doesn't seem to mind the put downs that come with the territory of being eternal class clown."

Harry finally calmed down. "Okay, I've got a few questions that aren't directly related to the afterlife. First off, how did I die each time. You said it happened twenty times, and that several of them were impressive, but I guess I'm a bit morbidly fascinated with how I died. Secondly, what's up with the serious hard-on you've got with my crazy old Headmaster? The guy was an absolute bastard about some things, but it wasn't entirely his fault. Mostly his fault? Probably. But I can't lay it all on him - credit where credit is due and all that. I'm more likely to lay blame at Snape's feet, even if he was okay for a bastard."

"Okay, first off, you're right about the blame. The old fart is really irritating with his know-it-all attitude, but he's not evil. Second of all, don't ever call Snape okay. Don't even remotely put him in the same continent as okay. He was an evil lying bastard, through and through. EVERYTHING he did after graduating was for a nasty purpose, and don't let a few memories from a master of the mind arts prove otherwise."

Harry went for his knee-jerk response to this accusation, remembering the first time he had been wrong. "What about in first year? He saved me from falling off of my broom!"

"Yes, but WHY did he prevent you from falling? Was it to keep you alive? Yes, thus he could finally fulfill the life debt. But he wanted you to live for the same reason that Voldemort kept his victims alive - to prolong your suffering! It's why saving your life that time didn't pay off the debt, especially since it was no risk to him. Second year, he set you up to expose your parseltongue ability, which he found out about by searching your mind for all things magical during that first lesson. He saw the memory of the zoo and had been waiting for an opportunity ever since. Third year, he made sure to prevent you from freeing your Godfather. Fourth year, he delighted in tormenting you and your friends. Fifth year, he purposely delayed the Order finding out about you leaving the school. After that point, I really hope I don't have to explain what all I find wrong with him."

"Okay, okay, I get it, Snape's an utter bastard. Actually makes me feel good about all the shit I gave him over the years and kind of justifies the Marauder's actions."

She got in his face at that comment. "Don't... don't try to justify what your father and his friends did to Slytherins. Snape wasn't the only one they tormented, and a fair few were driven into the Death Eaters when the Marauders joined Dumbledore. They were plain bullies until sixth year."

"It was actually Sirius's last 'prank' that ended most of the torment they heaped on others. Sirius was worse than James on that front. He earned every year in Azkaban, make no mistake. The Marauders were nearly ended by the Werewolf Incident. Remus wouldn't speak to Sirius at all, and almost declared a Feud against him for it. He held it pretty harshly against Peter for never saying anything; the rat admitted to hearing the whole set up go down. James got away from that one with less flack than the other two, but Remus resented him for pulling them all into tormenting others in the first place. It was the one thing the wolf did right with those three."

She leaned back, taking a sip from a glass of water Harry hadn't noticed before. "I still don't think much of Remus. He tried to run out on Tonks when she was pregnant - big no no. He left you alone for most of your life until he died. He let his friends judge and treat others in ways he knew weren't right, much like Neville did with 'the Golden Trio'. I excuse Neville's behavior because, unlike Remus, he never had support at home or at school. The kid got the shaft worse than you."

Harry ran a hand through his hair as he took all this in. "Looking back on it, we were pretty big asses in school. I let Hermione – Hermione of all people - judge Luna on something as simple as believing in what others haven't seen when she and I could both see something our relatives couldn't see. It's basically where Hermione and I were coming from with the Magical World?"

He sighed as he continued reminiscing. "My friendship with Ron was pretty bad, too. I let him and Dumbledore define my views. Granted, I didn't have much to go on at first, but I still should have looked into the political scene, in a broad sense, before committing myself to their paths. I just went with the flow without bothering to look at the facts for myself because it was easier, and that's what irritated me about the people of Magical Britain."

Harry breathed loudly in frustration as he went on. "I never bothered getting an actual apology out of him for most of the crap he pulled, either. Then again, a couple of the nasty situations we got into must have pissed him off something fierce. I don't think I ever apologized to him about dragging him to Aragog's nest. I don't think I ever thanked him for doing that either... or going after the Stone with me... actually I really don't thank him for any of the support he gave, even if he could be a git at times. I guess after all that lack of support, I kind of had Fourth Year coming."

"You sure dropped the ball a lot when you got to Hogwarts, but a lot of the smaller problems you students had go back to the older generations. I still hold Malfoy and Cho responsible for their bullying of others, the same as I do the Marauders."

"When you led off with Malfoy, I was sure the other would be Crabbe or Goyle. Why Chang?"

"She was the leader of Luna's primary tormentors. They disapproved of Luna being different in a hypocritical manner similar to Hermione, but as purebloods they felt entitled to doing something about it." Harry felt any attraction to the older Asian die right there.

"Your dad and Sirius were kind of the same way. Like I said, it took Remus giving all three the silent treatment for them to realize just what they had done. Sirius felt especially bad for the trouble he nearly caused Remus. If Snape had been bit, Remus and Snape would have been put down. In those days, werewolves were being used by Voldemort as enforcers, so the already harsh law took a very dim view on them. After that near miss, the Marauders never pranked their old targets without those people doing something to an innocent first. Unfortunately, they had already gotten the ball rolling. Half of the Slytherins gave up after a few hints, but the ones that didn't eventually became Death Eaters or supporters."

Harry felt sick. He knew his dad had been a bully, but he never really knew just how bad it had been. He was thankful to hear that they had changed, but it would forever color his view of them. It also explained a bit of Moony and Padfoot's guilt complexes later on. Both of them had probably felt responsible for their parts in what could be construed as recruiting. Maybe they really did deserve some of what they went through after the war.

"I don't think I ever realized just how bad they were at one point. I mean my dad did say 'it is more that he exists' about Snape, but it never really sunk in how much like Dudley they were. Granted Snape's an absolute bastard, so maybe the attitude was justified by then, but that's still a pretty messed up opinion to have about someone your own age. I felt like that about Malfoy when he really got me irritated enough to be hexing the shit out of him, but it wasn't a constant feeling until he joined the Death Eaters. It's not really nice to think about this, you know?"

"There's more," she solemnly said. "I know you didn't mean to, but do remember all the times in primary school where you wished just one of the kids would stop Dudley? You took the same stance in Hogwarts – Hermione, Neville, Luna. It hurts, but these are things I think you can fix with some effort. It's part of why I'm sending you back to relive it all from the beginning this time. Consider it a sort of purgatory to review the man you became and finally clean up your act."

Harry was silent for a little while, but inside his thoughts were spiraling around these bitter truths about himself and his father. It brought him to a question that had plagued his mind ever since seeing that memory. "What about my mum? Did she... Was she... Am I idealizing her, too?"

She smiled. "Harry, I can honestly say that you and everyone else don't say enough about your mother. She was a Saint - that's with a capital 'S', too. That woman singlehandedly did more good for the people she knew than you, Hermione, Neville and Luna combined, although a few Healers were pretty close. If your mum had a chance, she probably would have joined their ranks for at least a few years and been the best of them. She wasn't perfect - no one but the Boss is - but for a mortal she did very well with the time she had. Consider this – your mum was friends with Snape until fifth year, and Snape was responsible for splitting your mum and her sister up."

"She was a once-in-a-generation witch when it came to talent. There were a few that speculated Hermione's soul was a twin to Lily's but Lily was better at using her intuition - that's something her and James share with you."

"That being said, I'm not sure who would be called more brilliant. Her and Selene - Luna's mum - used to have debates about all sorts of things. Those two were the only ones that could keep up with each other. Luna didn't seem to inherit her mother's brilliance, but it was just her bizarre interests always hiding that intelligence. Luna's mum was more like Hermione, while Lily was more like Luna. It's pretty ironic, when you think about it."

"So in summary Harry, Lily Anne Evans was probably a better person than anyone will give her credit for. She got fierce when she was angry, and held onto that anger a few times to her regret, but she was also very good about forgiving people. She didn't forgive naively, but she didn't hold onto anger easily, either. James, Sirius and Snape were the only three to ever anger her to such a degree. Even Petunia was forgiven for the feud the two of them had in their teens."

Harry smiled as he reveled in the knowledge that no matter what, his mother was beyond reproach. "I'm glad I know a bit more about her. No one really talks about her when I ask them. I always wondered why..."

"You didn't act very much like her, so the few that did know her well - the Marauders can't really count themselves in that number - didn't want to speak up because they might have to tell you that she would be less than proud of you. It is still better than ashamed of you, but it would have hurt. Divination is one thing Harry, but Muggle Studies? Really? That was just dropping the ball."

Harry sighed. "I truly regret every moment I wasted in those classes. The only thing I liked about it was the fact that easy homework gave me and Ron a way to enjoy Hermione's studying and homework mania."

"It's like I said earlier Harry, you let Ron define far too much about you. You didn't leave room for anyone but Dumbledore, and even he had problems. Ron was a perfect example of a lot that is wrong with the standard wizard or witch in modern Britain. The only reason I don't blame you more for that is because it was Dumbledore's fault."

Harry started and stared at her. "What do you mean it was Dumbledore's fault. I did all of that mostly because I didn't want to lose my first ever friend."

"But why were the Weasleys the only family you interacted with for your first hour alone in the Wizarding World? You don't honestly think that Molly was lost that day you met her in the train station, do you? They had been driving that car in for years, and not even her sense of direction is that poor."

"Molly was another problem element, along with Snape and Dumbledore, but she wasn't anywhere close to in their league of trouble. She had driven away EVERY child she had by the time they were legal adults. She belittled and bossed Sirius in his own house, for goodness sake! The woman has issues with authority, with the obvious exceptionof Dumbledore, and it really showed in her children. But I'm getting off track here…"

"Dumbledore found out that Hagrid forgot to explain the confusion around nine and three quarters. The omission was a complete accident, but it gave the Head Bastard an opportunity to set you up with the right influence - the Weasleys. They had a large family, were poor and loved each other despite it all. It was exactly how you had always imagined your own family due to how you were treated growing up. He wasn't being evil, just trying to make sure you weren't influenced the wrong way after your encounter with Malfoy - that scared him more than you know. If Malfoy hadn't been so poor at people skills, he might have managed to befriend you."

"Anyway, that set up with Ron inadvertently ensured that would abandon your muggle half. His family was bigoted in their own sort of way, after all. Or did you forget the squib cousin that the Weasleys don't talk about? His response to anything not magical was that it was weird, stupid, or unnecessary - like Hermione's parents. It made sure you stopped considering the nonmagical - mundane - side of things at all."

"For instance, why exactly didn't you try to bring mundanes into it when Dumbledore died and the Ministry fell? At that point, it should have been your duty as a human being to bring in those elements that could have taken the Death Eaters on. The military is trained to handle this sort of thing. With the right information, they could have infiltrated the Death Eater homes and put them down like the dogs they were. It would have been simple to abuse the shit out of that Taboo and have a squad of snipers take out the Snatchers."

"What would they have done when wizards started throwing around spells and apparating all over the place?"

"In case you have forgotten, mundanes are better by far at dealing with threats than wizards are. Humans are the most efficient, effective and diversified agents of Death in any universe my department has come across. It's why we set up most heroes from the species rather than others that might be more capable. Humans are agents of cleansing, removing cancers that aren't even of their own making. Most other species seem to think that power is not meant to be used unless there is no other choice. Your species are a more just species than most others in that regard."

"As for the problem of apparating, consider the following. A thrown knife managed to catch Dobby in the middle of Apparating. A bullet could have hit the Death Eaters well before they knew what was happening. There's a reason the Statute of Secrecy went up, and its protections for magicals collapsed when the Ministry did."

Harry just sat there, taking in the dump of information and accusations she had laid out. "I think it was mostly Ron. I was scared of what might happen if we tried to bring them in. Ron's family can barely survive as it is. Mugg- mundane economics would tear them to shreds. I kind of liked the simpler rules of the Wizarding world. If you were rich, famous or powerful, you could bend the rules. If you weren't, keep your head down and life would be happy."

"It... it was selfish and a little bit evil to think that mundanes and their children, magical or not, mattered so little that I could sacrifice them to maintain part of the status quo. It was about the only problem I ever had with the DC comics I tried reading. They never bothered putting down the crazy ones - the ones like Bellatrix - for good. Pissed me off how little they cared for the ones that just 'got in the way'. Collateral damage, my ass!"

She smiled. "I'm glad you are starting to remember the lessons you learned as a child. Hopefully by the time you get to Hogwarts, you'll have remembered all the other ones you forgot over the years. Now, on to more pleasant topics. We need to discuss what all is going to happen from here on out. You weren't supposed to die until at least two hundred years old, and that's really a minimum."

"But Dumbledore was really powerful and he looked almost ninety after only a hundred and fifty years!"

The redhead chuckled. "I keep forgetting what Dumbledore did to you as far as basic knowledge goes. Dumbledore wasn't nearly as old in body as he looked. That was just a nifty bit of transfiguration on his skin and hair to help him fit the stereotype of powerful old wizards. It also made opponents underestimate him. Underneath that disguise, he didn't look a day over fifty. He would have looked better if not for his considerable encounters with the Dark Arts courtesy of his friendship with Grindelwald. Consider the fact that he also had a strong liking for candy and alcohol. Dumbledore never learned restraint, and he still looked that good under the disguise."

"Being magically powerful really does have some perks. Don't you recall Madame Marchbanks? I can tell you as fact that she wasn't stronger than Dumbledore, but she's been an examiner since the man was IN HIS TEENS! If she can survive at least two hundred years like that - you don't get made an examiner under fifty - there's no doubt in my mind Dumbledore could have pushed four hundred."

"While we're on the topic, I don't want you to blame Dumbledore too harshly for what happened. It's true that he wasn't as great a man as everyone paints him to be, but a lot of the nasty stuff can be blamed on Snape. The old fart did think you had to die because of the Horcrux in your scar and the Prophecy, but that's mostly because he hasn't found any other way to do it. The other things, however, like favoring the Slytherin bullies who flat out didn't deserve it and not doing anything about the public relations problems you had each year, were all Snape."

"You see, while Snape was travelling after graduation, he came across a person who knew the Dumbledore family and managed to wheedle some very sensitive information out of her about Dumbledore's past. He then confirmed this and learned some more information of a slightly less sensitive nature and others of a greatly more sensitive nature. Most of that information he later gave to Rita Skeeter for her little exposé on Dumbledore. Of course she had to go interview the sources herself to make sure she had an alibi. She couldn't have people thinking that she got her info from a traitorous rat like Snape after he killed Dumbledore."

"She was wrong about one thing, though. Dumbledore wasn't gay; he was bisexual. After his disastrous relationship with Grindelwald and the fallout with Arianna, he swore off love for himself as a kind of penance. For the longest time he was terrified of loving anyone again and thus made some of the same mistakes when he began to love you as an adoptive grandson. I think he could have done a lot of good for you and Hermione if he had taken you two under his wing."

"Snape was no patriot, and certainly not a hero. He was a villain, through and through. The so-called plan to have him kill Dumbledore was a lie. The old man was fighting it a lot more successfully than Snape would lead you to believe. Half the reason it took so long is because Dumbledore simply never bothered learning the Dark Arts because he feared the seductive power they had wielded over his friend Gellert. In the end, Snape killed Dumbledore to ensure the old man couldn't get back at him for leaking the secrets to Rita. That final encounter – "Severus, please" – was after he had just shown Dumbledore his sins and his true loyalty to himself."

"All of that stuff Snape found out could have had a powerful effect on his standing in the Magical World of Britain, and it was imperative that he not be compromised at that time. A lot of bad things still happened - Death Eaters that paid off Snape weren't bothered by Dumbledore when they claimed the Imperius curse - but it could have been a thousand times worse. It was true that Dumbledore was powerful, but the Death Eaters had no morals. If they had smelled the smallest bit of blood in the water, they would have fed like sharks. Dumbledore compromised and was thus able to keep a great deal of influence. He worked Snape to his advantage, but was never able to be sure that he could get rid of all of the backup plans Snape had."

"His use of willful ignorance was a defense against the guilt he would have felt at knowing that he was powerless to stop Snape without hurting countless others. He never knew how badly you were treated, but Snape did. He had watched gleefully over the years and had even put a malice curse on the Dursleys. While I doubt they would have ever been loving without you saving their lives from a mundane death, Snape made it worse. He ensured you lived in the cupboard, ate less than your fill, and got beat whenever magic happened. You often thought to yourself that wasn't normal, and the Dursleys always wanted normal. Dudley only needed his upbringing to become what he was. It's why he was so changed after the Dementors visited. Well, Dumbledore's Howler also somehow hit the perfect pitch to shatter the vase the curse was on."

"How did he curse them? I thought the blood wards protected me and them from any who wished me harm?"

"First of all, the blood wards were weakening until your magic grew enough to sustain them. Second of all, Dumbledore counted on Death Eaters being unable to target specific mundane folk without a magical child to guide then to it. It worked for the most part, but there were still several that managed through the magical side of things. Snape didn't need to. He simply questioned McGonnogall and then staked out the neighborhood for a week to catch Vernon outside the wards. Snape then gave him a vase enchanted with the malice curse and placed several more spells to make sure it didn't move once placed. The wards simply kept people out. Like many wizards, Dumbledore overlooked the obvious. Owls with cursed mail were turned away, but because Vernon brought it in, the wards ignored it."

"Snape took a sick pleasure in knowing he had gotten one over on Dumbledore. The only ward was the blood ward, but it was a semi-intelligent ward like those at Hogwarts, so Dumbledore thought it would stop all harm. It stopped just about everything, but Snape's vase outwitted it. Just like Tom's diary outwitted Hogwarts."

"The relationships between you and Ginny and Ron and Hermione were actually some of the most painful things Snape witnessed - kudos to you for that, by the way. He saw two halves of a reenactment of James relationship with Lily, both parts starting to come together in Sixth Year. On one side was the James and Lily look alikes - you and Ginny. On the other side was the pureblood and first-gen getting together after five years of sniping at each other and leaving the dark, broody half-blood out."

Harry blanked out then shuddered as he considered this. "That's... kind of creepy to be honest. It puts my relationship with Ginny in a whole new light. I'm going to put off thinking about that for a bit; back to Snape."

She nodded. "Snape's blackmail doesn't completely excuse Dumbledore, but it does excuse a lot. Snape hated you and most of the rest of the world. He became a sociopath. The difference between him and Voldemort is that Voldemort was much more powerful and created Horcruxes. Snape retained his intelligence to hide the more twisted actions from those that would be willing and able to take action against him."

Leaning back, she continued. "Dumbledore did a lot of things wrong, but most of them were out of ignorance, not cruel intent. You're not innocent in that regard either. The good news in all of this is that, if we catch Snape early enough, we can stop him before most if the victims have a chance to feel his evil... in more ways than one. It also means we have a chance to free Dumbledore of that harness. Now where were we before this tangent happened? Ah yes, the Stone."

"The Philosopher's stone was valuable for creating the Elixir of Life for a reason. The Elixir of Life was nice because it let people retain their youth, not just their life. Magic will let anyone stay alive as long as they want, but most don't want to once they start getting old. It would have also have been amazing for medicinal purposes. I don't know if they ever tested this, but due to how it works, the Elixir could have cured werewolves. A thought for the next time you get a chance at the Stone. Between it and your own magical power, just imagine what you could pull off."

With a smile she went back to reviewing an obviously much used report. "Okay, you should have offed Voldemort, lived to at least two-hundred and fifty, and had a boatload of kids and grandkids after you married one of your soul mates - their recommendation is that Granger girl, but I don't see why the other three couldn't fit in too."

"Wait Hermione, three others, CHILDREN... Actually the last one makes sense. Please explain the first two."

She leaned back in her chair before standing up to pace a bit. "Okay, have you ever heard of the 'match made in heaven', a couple that seem so perfect for each other that they seem to just mesh without any thought or effort?"

Harry nodded, and she continued. "It's a load of shit, made for cheap romance novels. Every relationship needs work if it's going to stand the test of time. Admittedly, some do take less work than others."

She pointed to herself. "That's where the 'match made in heaven' comes in. It is only true in that we do look for who could match up best based on certain factors I can't talk about. Everyone has more than one person that could match up so perfectly with them. For most it's just two. In your case it is four. There was this one crazy idiot a couple centuries back that had over twenty and somehow kept creating more. Man was that knuckleheaded blonde a headache, or at least that's what the people for that universe say. The kid was like an O-Negative for soul bonds."

She shook her head to clear it off the crazy thoughts and continued. "On rare occasion, one of the matches is born in another country. On even more rare occasions, one is born and raised in another country. For the most part, however, people mesh with those from the same culture they were raised in."

She took a breath and looked Harry in the eye, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Now, for those that find these people who just match them so perfectly, certain things have been known to happen. They might have a sixth sense about when their mate is in danger. Other times, they can sense each other's emotions or even seem to hold silent conversations. The ones good at mind magic have been known to have quite literal silent conversations. Bonded witches and wizards have been known to share and boost magic when in desperate need, as well as gifts or talents unique to one of them."

"Now, I could tell you who the other soul mates are, but I honestly think you could do without the pressure of a 'destined' relationship or four. I promise you knew all of them by the time you died this last time through."

"That should cover what should have happened. Now let's get on to what's going to happen."

"I'm sending you back to relive your time at the Dursleys. You'll keep all your knowledge from this round as well as your skill with magic. Don't worry, as I said before there's more of a reason to reliving it than just the purgatory part. I'll explain that when you get there. We've got other things to discuss. I'm going to be sending you back with a few items to keep you occupied and healthy during your time there. Until you're old enough to take care of yourself - and even afterwards - these will come in handy. Each covers a need that you couldn't otherwise handle."

"The first is The Book. It will have knowledge on anything you want to learn about. You won't be strong enough physically or magically to do much in your early years, so I'm giving you something to do with all that time. Just pick a few things to learn. There are certain branches that are pure theory, and knowing the theory might help with the practical in other branches. It's not just about magical things. You can request mundane things too if you just need an explanation about something. I figure it will come in handy during your years in primary school."

"The second will be The Supply Box. It will always have food in it when you need it. I think this was probably your biggest problem in your younger years. Don't worry - anyone who wants to take it won't be able to find it, and it will always come to you. It only has food, though; you're on your own for potions."

"The third thing I'm going to give you is an Apparating charm. It will be in the form of a silver bracelet that clips to your wrist. This will allow you to get where you need to go without a problem. It has a few nifty features to it. First of all, you will be invisible when you first arrive. This will let you visit mundane places if you need to. The second feature is that it will be capable of taking you somewhere as long as you have a vague idea of where it is, like 'the largest Harrods store in London' or 'a train station near Glasgow'. The vaguer you are the more room it has to work with and the less likely you are to find exactly what you are looking for. That way you don't need a clear picture or coordinates for wherever you are going. It should be very useful for trips to London. Read Hint: Get some decent clothing, damnit." Harry laughed at her 'subtle hint'.

"The fourth thing I'm going to give you will be absolutely priceless in the years to come. I'm going to send you back with your mokeskin pouch. I've added a few nice touches to it as well. It will have a Notice-Me-Not charm to keep your relatives from being pests about it and allow you to put stuff away in front of mundanes. On top of the Undetectable Extension charm, it will have an Ever-Expanding Lip, widening the mouth of the pouch to be as wide as you need it to be. A fair warning: it won't automatically bring whatever you want to your hand. You're going to have to figure out how to get it organized on your own. Consider it motivation to start studying."

"On the positive side, this will make your shopping trips virtually risk free. You can toss your money pouch or wallet in after throwing in all of your shopping bags without having to lug everything to an out of the way spot. It'll have a glamour spell on it to keep the cameras from seeing anything too fishy. If it looks like you should be walking awkwardly under the weight, it will seem like you are until you are out of sight of any cameras."

"The last thing I'm going to do is unlock that incredible brain and magic your parents gave you. Both of them were horribly affected by Voldemort's soul piece sitting in your head. You were using them daily to fight off that thing, and it took a good chunk of your brainpower and magic to keep it occupied. It helped in its own way, but I think you'll be fine at this point. It's why things got worse after Snape started mucking up your mind; you were splitting your mind three ways at that point just to try and keep him out. With the constant struggle it put out before gone, you should be able to take out Snape before he hurts any of the Slytherin girls."

"The little bugger is going to stay there, but I'll split its activity. The magic leech will work during the day and brain leech will work during the night. It'll stop on your thirteenth birthday. That should be far enough for it to have done its work of exercising your mind and magic daily. After that, I'll block its effects fully and leave the link to Voldemort for you. It'll still be a get out of death free card and leech your magic before bed every night, but your mind will be utterly unaffected."

"Beyond all this, I think I'll save the rest of the info for after you go back. It will give us something to talk about during your early years. Here goes." Squaring her body and clapping her hands, the redhead held steady as light began shooting out of the floor in a complex design to surround Harry.

Just as it looked like he was going to leave, Harry interrupted her. "Wait, two more questions. What's with the light show?"

"Oh that's just something cool I copied from this show I snuck a peek at during a short holiday to Japan this past Yule. It's not doing anything; it just looks very impressive."

Harry smirked. "Consider me impressed. Just one more: what's your name?"

She smiled coyly, walked over and kissed him, letting her tongue slip in for a second when he moaned. Pulling away and giggling like mad as he faded out of the astral plane, she spoke. "Why Harry, I'm your little sister - Rose Marie Potter."

Harry, fast fading into the ether, blamed Luna's old rhyme: 'Incest is the best, put your sister to the test.'

A/N: I know a few of you are going to rag on me for that last one, but it's going to be the last time that happens. It was a one-time prank on Harry from his sister, so don't worry about it going further later on without a lot of reader input suggesting it. She is still going to be a serious tease, though. It'll be explained in the next chapter. And WOW, over 7500 words in one chapter. This will probably set the tone for future updates, as well.