This is my first Blacklist fan fiction.

I hope you enjoy this fan fiction while reading as much, as I enjoyed it while writing and if you would like to review my story, I would really appreciate it.

I don't own anything.

This fan fiction is about Raymond Reddington and Elisabeth Keen and it is set after episode 20. This is my idea of how the relationship between Red and Lizzie continues after she find out that Red had killed Sam.

Liz couldn't sleep all night. Too many thoughts were circling through her mind. She couldn't believe that Red had killed Sam. Sam was her father no matter what. It didn't matter that they weren't related by blood. It never made any difference for her nor for him. They were father and daughter. He never gave her the feeling of not being wanted, maybe Sam loved her more than a biology father, because he always felt he had to make up for her not having a real family but he was always enough for her. And now he was gone and it was Red who was responsible for that.

She didn't even had the chance to say goodbye to him. She should have been there. She should have hold his hand but what did she do? She had put her job first and now her father was gone. Liz was completely torn after all. She had just started to trust Red. He was right about Tom and she really thought she could trust him. Even now she still remembered the night she found out about Tom and who did she she run to? To Red. The murderer of her father. Red was to one who comforted her after and even though she tried to be disgusted by it now, she never felt more safe than when he held her that night and told her that everything will be okay. She believed him. She trusted him. Now she was all alone and she couldn't trust anyone. Not anymore.

The inner Turmoil was almost driving her mad. A part of her wanted to hate Reddington for the rest of her life and another part of her pitied herself for losing him, too. He did saved her life more than once but she couldn't feel comfortable in his presence, not anymore. Now she knows better. She should have never let him so deep into her mind and her thoughts. She should have told him to go after he offered to leave. Would he be right here right now, she would tell him to leave her and never come back.

She had lost her father, her husband and in a way she had lost Red. Nothing would ever be the same and she wasn't sure how long she could deal with all of that had happened. Liz really tried to shake off those thoughts but it was almost impossible. She went into the kitchen and poured herself a class of wine.

It was eight o'clock when Liz took Hudson for a walk. She watched him while he sniffed on the green grass and a little smile was shown upon her lips, while she thought At least I have him.

An hour later she went back and went to work. Liz parked her car and headed straight to the elevator. Unfortunately Red was waiting for her. For a moment she though about going back to her car and drive away. But she knew that this wouldn't solve anything, sooner or later she had to face him. Cooper made it clear that, if she wanted to keep her job, she needed to work with Red despite the fact that she couldn't do it right now.

All she could felt right now was anger. She was angry with Tom for being not what she thought to be, she was even angry with her father for not telling her he knew Red, she was angry with Red for killing Sam. It felt like a betrayal and she realized that she didn't knew Raymond Reddington at all. But the most angry she was with herself for letting Tom playing her like that and for not seeing through him. What kind of profiler was she? She couldn't even see that her husband was a killer and that the man she worked with killed her father. How could she be so blind?

Liz took a few deep breaths and walked straight to the elevator. Red watched her and Liz made sure that there was enough space between them. Red cleared his throat and said "Lizzie, I knew how you feel. I know that you are upset and angry and that you don't understand..." But she didn't let him finished and said with a furious voice " I don't want to hear it. Just stop talking. Spare me your empathy and your explanations. There is nothing you can do."

A moment later the doors of the elevator opened and they both entered it. Liz placed herself away from Red and he knew that, if he didn't wanted to loose her completely, he had to do something. He stepped forward and pushed the stop button. After a second the elevator stopped and Liz closed her eyes for a moment. She knew that this was his doing she didn't needed to see it. Now she was trapped with him in the elevator and she was sure that it would not end well because Reddington always pushed her too far. Liz turned around and watched him for a moment. She avoided eye contact even though she knew that he was searching her eyes. He was standing right in front of the start and stop button. His back was close to the wall and Liz had no chance the get to the button.

Red sighed and a moment later he said "We can't go on like this."

"Well, you should have thought about that before you killed my father." She knew he wouldn't push the button, till he get what he wanted but she couldn't forgive him and she couldn't act like nothing happened.

"Lizzie, I didn't simply killed Sam. I did put him out of his misery. He didn't wanted to suffer."

"Go on. Keep telling yourself that, if it makes you feel any better... Now push the button."

"No, I won't, not until we have solved this."

This was too much for and while she stormed to him and tried to push the button, she almost screamed "Solve this? You killed him. We can never solve this."

Liz stood directly in front of him and tried to get to the button, but Red somehow managed to grab her arms. She tried to escape but his grasp around her amrs tightened and he whispered "Stop fighting me." But she didn`t and continued to try to somehow get out of his grasp. After some minutes Lizzie realized that she wasn`t strong enough, she couldn`t escape him. She couldn`t even kick him because somehow he had made sure that his leg was between her legs. She breathed heavily from all the exhausting attempt to get her amrs free. Suddently she stopped and realized how close their bodies were. There was no space between and she started to feel uncomfortable. She took a few breaths and said "Let me go!" But all Red did was softened his grasp on her while he sought out her eyes. Liz groaned in anger, she couldn`t believe him and a new flush of anger rushed through her vains but she swallowed it and said with a sad voice "What do you want from me? Shall we pretend it never happended?"

A moment later she finally met his eyes and Red saw the desperation, the hurt and the anger in her eyes and he couldn't take it. Maybe they have reached the end of the road and there was no exit. Maybe he should just leave and let her be. He didn't say anything and so Liz continued "We are only hurting each other. Look at us." That was the moment when he realized that he was still grasping her arms and he loosed his grasp completely while Lizzie stepped back. For a moment she rubbed her wrist while Red watched her and softly said "I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you." The space between them was good for both of them now, both needed to recover from the quarrel.

Red sought out her eyes and said with sad voice "You probably never forgive me and now you even have a reason to hate me but I will do everything I can to protect you."

"Why? Because of my father? You know what? Whatever debt you might thought you owe him.. is payed. You don't need to protect me anymore. I don't want your protection. I don't even want you close to me."

"Whether you want or need my protection is not your choice to make. I will protect you no matter what."

Red pushed the button and the elevator started to drive again. A moment later they entered the post office.