This was just a random, pointless thought I came up with not too long ago... and because it's summer, I decided to actually write it. Send me flames if it really sucks haha.

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. Bleach is Tite Kubo's.

"Ichigo! Kurosaki Ichigo!"

At the sound of his name, Ichigo turned to see Lieutenant Iba running at him, someone he definitely did not expect to see calling out his name for the whole Seireitei to hear.

"Uh, what is it?"

Stopping to catch his breath, Iba placed a firm hand on Ichigo's shoulder. The shinigami-daikou raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Kurosaki... huff... I ran... all the way from Kuchiki's mansion... huff... to tell you this,"

"What the heck were you doing in Byakuya's house?"

"That's unimportant... but I overheard... the Shinigami Women's Association talking about you," He stood up straight, having finally caught his breath after running the five hundred feet from the nearby Kuchiki mansion.

"I don't even know what that is," Ichigo deadpanned.

"Ichigo, you butt. This is big stuff!" Ikkaku jumped down from a nearby tree and landed in front of Ichigo, startling the teen. "That meeting is full of a bunch of high-ranking female shinigami. And for some reason, they were talking about you,"

Ichigo felt uncomfortable. He scratched the back of his neck. "So what?"

"So wh-?" Iba made a frustrated noise and clenched his fists, staring straight at the sun with his legs spread far apart. The odd position seemed to calm him down. "They never talk about us! Well, they do, but only to make fun of us!"

"We need to talk to you, Ichigo," Ikkaku said seriously.

Ichigo just wanted to leave. So he did.

"Hey! Where are you going?!"

Ichigo waved good-bye without turning around.

Ikkaku turned to Iba. "Great, I told you he wouldn't care. Ichigo's gay or something,"

Iba shook his head, placing a hand on his chin in thought. "Ikkaku, time for plan B,"

The third seat grinned maliciously. He'd been waiting for that order.

Ichigo whistled as he walked through the streets of Seireitei. He didn't really know where he was going, but he didn't really care. He noticed that the place was quieter than usual... In fact, it was too weird.

He looked to the left and nearly jumped out of his skin. "Crap. How'd I get in the eleventh division?" He turned to shunpo out of the dangerous territory, but stopped when he heard a familar voice.

"TARGET LOCKED! PREPARE TO FIRE!"

Suddenly, a chorus of manly "Bakudo Number 9: Geki" 's filled the area, and Ichigo was suddenly bathed in red light. He fell to the ground, paralyzed.

Because of his position, Ichigo could only see the feet of his attackers, and that wasn't enough to tell them apart because everyone's feet looks the same when everyone wears socks and sandals.

"Oi! What's wrong with you guys? Can't I come to the Soul Society without getting psychologically damaged?!"

Ikkaku spoke. "Those are some big words, Ichigo. You're smarter than I thought,"

"Which words are you referring to?!"

"Bag him,"

Ichigo protested the whole time the men stuffed him in a body bag. He felt himself being hoisted into the air as they carried him. Thoughout the whole trip, Ichigo tried to break free of the bakudo spell, but it was difficult in the small space.

Finally, the bag was unzipped and he was dumped onto the ground. Immediately, Ichigo broke free of the paralyzing spell with a burst of his strong reiryoku. He turned to the men. "WHAT WERE YOU GUYS DOING?"

"Man, that reiatsu-sealing bag from Kurotsuchi-taicho came in handy. Nobody even looked at us twice,"

"Yeah, imagine what they'd think,"

"Eh, probably only Zaraki would care if we were carting Kurosaki off somewhere,"

Ichigo watched them, fuming that he was being ignored. "Hey!" The shinigami turned to him, and Ichigo finally got a good glimpse at their outfits. "Hey, what's up with the weird getups?"

"Aww, I told you these were lame," Omaeda complained to Iba.

"Shut up! As president, I say these outfits are great!"

"And as VP, I agree," Iemura added, but no one pays him any attention.

Ichigo crossed his arms. "President of what?"

Suddenly, all the men got in some weird formation and shouted in what they thought was unison, "The Shinigami Men's Association!"

Ichigo sweat-dropped. "Well, bye," He turned to leave.

All the men grabbed Ichigo and before he knew it, he was duct-taped to a chair. "What the-?!"

Hisagi swung the roll around his finger. "Kurotsuchi's reiryoku-sealing duct tape. It came in handy after all,"

"You said the same thing about the body bag," Kira said solemnly.

Ichigo sighed. "Why would he make that?"

Hisagi blinked. "We don't know and we don't want to know. The point is, it came in handy,"

"Stop saying 'handy'," Ikkaku said.

"Why?"

"You sound like a teenage girl when you say it,"

"Who's says you can't be a man and say something like 'handy'?"

"Guys, guys," Iba broke in. "Give me the tape,"

Kira obeyed and handed Iba a VCR tape, which Iba stuck in the machine.

"What, no DVD?" Ichigo mocked.

"We have a low budget. It's a touchy subject," Iba pressed play on the remote.

The screen was black, but Ichigo could still tell the the camera was shaking. A LOT. He could hear hushed voices in the background. "Dude, who filmed?"

Everyone stared at Hisagi. He blushed. "Rangiku was like, in the room, okay?" Everyone continued staring at Hisagi.

Rangiku was talking. "So what you're saying is, whoever wins the bet gets this giant cookie?" She sounded cheerful.

"Yes," Nanao said.

"I'm in!" Rangiku giggled. "And I vote on Orihime!"

Suddenly, all sorts of voices filled the room. There was so much chaos, that Ichigo couldn't really tell what they were saying.

After a minute or so, Nanao's voice cut into the crowd. "Okay, okay, ladies, please," The recording got quiet, except for Hisagi's obnoxiously ragged breathing. "I have a list of the candidates, in no particular order: Rangiku-"

"YES!" She cried, causing Nanao to stop. Despite the dark video, the men could practically feel the evil stare that the lieutenant of the eighth division gave the strawberry-blonde. Clearing her throat, she continued. "- Unohana-taicho, Kuchiki- actually, both of them- Yoruichi, Abarai, Head captain Yamamoto, Soi Fon-"

"WHAT?" Soi Fon's raging voice filled the air, and they all heard a chair crash to the ground.

"Now, Soi Fon, it's just a list.. for now," Yoruichi reprimanded.

"Ye- yes, Yoruichi-sama," The chair was picked up, and Nanao resumed.

"Hopefully, I can finish this without further interruptions- Orihime, Ishida, Hirako-taicho, the Soul King, Momo, Hiyori, Hisagi, and Zaraki-taicho,"

"Eh... Zaraki-taicho?"

Yachiru spoke up. "I think Ken-chan and Ichigo would make a great-"

"I had to respect all votes," Nanao interrupted. "Now, there were other votes, but I didn't include them because they are just physically impossible: Ulquiorra, Nel, Aizen, Ichigo's little sister Yuzu, Ichigo's mom, and Senna,"

"Who's Senna?" Yoruichi asked.

"I don't know, some uncanon filler-girl," Nanao said.

"Wait," Rangiku started. "How is Aizen physically impossible?"

"Kurosaki has no way to come into contact with Aizen due to his current imprisonment,"

"Wait, then why is the Soul King an eligible candidate?"

"So, now that everyone has voted, it's time to see how this play's out," Nanao said, avoiding the question. "And whoever Kurosaki admits his feelings to first, that will determine who gets the big cookie- it will go to those that voted for that person. Does everyone understand?"

Because of the following silence, it could only be assumed that the women all nodded in agreement.

"Good," Nanao said. Her tone became more ominous and quiet. "Just remember: no one, and I mean no one can find out about this. It could ruin the whole bet,"

And with that, the tape ended.

Ichigo blinked. "So, what happened after that?"

Hisagi pulled the tape out. "I stayed hidden in my box until about half and hour ago, right before we kidnapped you,"

"Cool,"

"So, Kurosaki, we, the Shinigami Men's Association have devised a plan," Iba stated with gusto, walking back and forth in front of Ichigo with his hands behind his back. "We are going to help you with this bet,"

Ichigo tried to cross his arms, but then he remembered they were duct-taped to his sides. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because... It's fun,"

"Maybe to you. Besides, I didn't come here to confess anything,"

"Oh yeah?" Omaeda asked. "Then why did you come here?"

Ichigo shrugged.

"Here's our plan, Kurosaki- can I call you Ichigo?"

"No,"

"Here's our plan, Ichigo," Iba continued. "You mess with the bet. You act like you might confess to all the candidates... but you don't,"

"This is sounding stupider and stupider with every word that comes out of your mouth,"

"Just hear me out. You do that... and then after you've made everyone frantic, wanting to change their votes- amidst all the chaos, you will confess... to yourself,"

Ichigo sweat-dropped. "What?"

Iba gave him the thumbs up, grinning. "Then you get the big cookie! And we can all share it since we're helping you throughout this whole operation."

Ichigo thought about it. "Just how big is this cookie?"

Kira said in his depressing voice, "It's so big, Hitsugaya could sleep on it,"

"Well, it can't be that big then," Ichigo said. "Why can't you just steal it?"

All the men shook their heads. Hisagi answered. "Man, those ladies are watching that thing like it's their own offspring,"

As tough as Ichigo may seem, he had a soft spot for sugary things. He wanted to say no to the dumb bet, but the image of a giant cookie kept overpowering his mind. Narrowing his eyes, he muttered, "Fine,"

The Shinigami Men's Association cheered.

Iba held out a pair of dark sunglasses identical to the others in the room. "Okay, to be a part of this club, you have to wear these super cool shades whenever we have a meeting- including now,"

Ichigo eyed them warily.

"Oi, Ichigo, don't be like that," Ikkaku grinned. "I just joined when I found out about the cookie- and see how much fun I'm having!"

"I really don't want to do this... but if it means I get the big cookie... then..." Ichigo gave in to temptation. "Hand it over,"

Iba carefully placed the sunglasses on Ichigo, then stepped back to admire the new club member. He shed a tear of joy. "I'm so proud of you, Ichigo. You look just like I did back in the day,"

"Che," Ikkaku muttered. "Liar,"

"SHUT UP! YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT, IKKAKU,"

"So, Kurosaki," Hisagi said, holding a notepad. "We made a list of the order you should go in for confessions,"

"Wait, I thought he wasn't confessing," Omaeda said.

"He isn't,"

"You just said he was,"

"I don't know how you're interpreting what I'm saying, but save the comments for later, man," Hisagi looked back at his list. "So, as I was saying, we made a list of the order of people you should confess to-"

"There you go again. He's not actually confessing,"

"Omaeda! Go kiss your mom or something,"

Omaeda shrunk back. Iba started patting his shoulder. "There, there. You're mother is a beautiful person. She looks just like you,"

Kira stared at Hisagi. "That was uncalled for, Hisagi. After all, he was right- you said that Kurosaki would confess," Kira pointed it out on the notepad.

"Ohh..."

Ichigo broke. "Would you guys just get on with it?!"

"Right," Hisagi said. "We made a list of the people, in order, that you will not confess to-"

"Yada, yada. Get on with it," Ichigo said, annoyed. "Who's the first person?"

All the men exchanged mischievous glances, and suddenly Ichigo didn't think the cookie was worth it.

"Byakuya,"

Review please! Tell me what you thought!