Title: Failed Parenting

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Josh does.

Summary: He didn't fail him once, he failed him twice..or did he?

Cold.

Pale.

Lifeless.

Those were three of the thoughts running a marathon around Sandy Cohen's brain as he stood before it. It being Ryan's bullet infested body inside of the cold morgue. His felt his heart stop and skip nearly three beats as he heard Kirsten quietly sobbing behind him. Sandy slowly turned around and looked at Kirsten with his guilt ridden eyes, embracing her in a tight hug, letting her cry on his shoulder.

By now, Sandy could see his hands trembling and feel tears rolling down his cheeks and lightly splashing onto the tile floor. He couldn't let Kirsten see him like this, he had to be strong. Strong for her and everybody else in the family. Sandy's mind drifted off into space, "how would Seth take this?". Hell, he didn't even know where Seth was, let alone how he would take the news of Ryan's death. He left a month ago, almost exactly a month to this day, and hasn't been in contact with anybody, not Kirsten nor Sandy, or even Summer.

Sandy calmly let go of Kirsten and walked back over to cabinet-like drawer Ryan was laying on. He looked at his face once more, not seeing a man but a boy. Slowly clenching his fists together, he thought about how he failed him. He failed as a parent, not in an abusive way, but by letting him go. Letting Ryan go back to Chino, to take care of a baby that chances are, wasn't his. How could he have been so stupid to have let a sixteen year old kid go and try to take care of a mother-to-be and child.

Sandy slowly ran his right hand through his hair and he sighed deeply. He promised Ryan a new start, a new beginning, and let it slip away. After he left, the Cohen family was flipped upside down and turned inside out. Not only did they have to say goodbye to Ryan, but Seth left to, Sandy and Kirsten were both going through a rough time. He couldn't help but feel guilty about Ryan's death, not because he failed him once, he failed him twice.

Why did this have to happen?

It could have turned out different, couldn't it?

Ryan called almost every other day to make sure things back in Newport were going well. He always made sure to let them know that he loved them and that in the end everything would turn out right side up. But it was the call last night Sandy had in his mind the most, the call that made his whole body shake with guilt and fear, because had he said something different, Ryan wouldn't be lying dead on a metal drawer. His lips trembled just thinking about it.

"Hello" Sandy answered, holding the phone with his right hand while looking over documents for the case he was working on. Multitasking was his specialty.

"Hey Sandy.." Ryan replied, sitting on the couch in Theresa's living room, flipping through the channels on tv.

"Ryan, how are things going?"

"As good as you could expect I guess." Ryan paused momentarily, "I was given tomorrow off, and I wanted to know if I could come and visit. Maybe we could go to the beach and barbeque." Ryan exlaimed with excitement, this was the first time he was given a Saturday off, a sign by the boss showing that he liked his work ethic.

"We have plans for tomorrow Ryan, I'm sorry." Sandy said without hesitation. He didn't like lying to Ryan, it was just that since Seth left, Kirsten had been a mess and he buried himself in his work. They just couldn't bare to see Ryan face to face.

"Are you sure? I mean, I'll cook it if you want me to." Sandy could sense Ryan falling back against the ropes, about to hit the mat. All he wanted to do was spend a day with his family, and Sandy wouldn't let him even have that.

"Yes Ryan, I'm sorry, maybe next weekend." Sandy could hear him sigh lightly.

"Well, make sure Kirsten knows I called to check in."

When Sandy received the phone call from the police station, all he was told was that Ryan was gunned down in a case of mistaken identity near a grocery store in Chino early in the afternoon. The very same afternoon Ryan hoped to be on the beach and eating with Sandy and Kirsten.

He didn't deserve it.

He was just a boy.

A boy who bravely attempted to do a mans job.

He sacrificed everything, including his future, to take care of Theresa and the child that was on the way.

Sandy watched as Kirsten started to weep over Ryan's body. He tried calming her down but it was no use, he couldn't change what occurred today. Trying to gently pull Kirsten away, all he got was a light shove in return, not out of hatred, but out of desperation. She wasn't going to let anybody ruin her goodbye to Ryan. Kirsten leaned down and lightly kissed Ryan's forehead. As Sandy watched he whiped the tears from his eyes, he still couldn't help but think he had failed Ryan. He was always known as the guy who had a solution for almost everything, the hero, just like Ryan was.

He could honestly see himself inside of Ryan a few minutes after meeting him. A smart kid who was dealt the wrong hand and had a quick fuse of a temper. Kirsten turned around meeting Sandy's gaze, tears streaming down her face as she collapsed into his arms. Sandy led the way, still holding her, as they walked out of the room, with the door slamming shut.

Sweat.

Short breaths.

Short quick breaths.

Sandy's body quickly lurched itself up into a sitting position. His mind was cloudy but he was instantly hit with flashes of the dream he just had. Obviously shaken up, he looked to his left near the dresser and saw a picture of the family, smiling and standing in group photo pose. Suddenly he felt like Ebaneser Scrooge and was just given his second chance. He saw Kirsten sleeping peacefully and threw the covers onto her as he got out of bed and walked down the stairs of the empty house. Not caring what time it was, he picked up the phone and dialed Theresa's house number--to let Ryan know that they weren't busy tomorrow.

"He-Hello?" Ryan groggily asked, sitting up on the couch. Theresa wanted him to sleep in her bed, but he would have none of it, deciding that the couch was comfortable enough for him.

"Ryan.." Sandy began to speak, but he was quickly cut off.

"Sandy? It's three in the morning, is everything ok?" Ryan frantically got the words out quickly.

"Everything's fine son. I just wanted to tell you to be here bright and early tomorrow, preferrably eight." Sandy was grinning from ear to ear as he said it.

"So that means we're going to the beach tomorrow?"

"Of course, we cancelled the plans. They weren't as important to us as you are."

"Alright Sandy, I'll be there, thanks."

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Steak or hamburgers? Which would you rather cook?" Sandy chuckled a bit while asking him that.

"Hamburgers." Ryan quietly laughed to himself. He chose hamburgers because he didn't want Sandy and Kirsten to spend more money than they had to already.

"Good choice, steak doesnt go well with beach sand. I'll see you tomorrow kid."

"I'll be at the house early." Ryan yawned, covering his mouth.

"Oh and Ryan, one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks.."

"Thanks for what?" He questioned.

"Just..thanks"

After Sandy got off the phone with Ryan he stood in the kitchen for a minute and came to a realization. He may not have both boys right now, but having one is a lot better than having none.

The End.

Well, there it is. My first try at making a serious Fic. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't find it in me to leave him dead. Yeah, I wussed out :'(. It was originally suppossed to be a one-shot, but I left the door open for possibly a few more chapters. Thanks for reading.