You're still here. In every inhalation, in my every thought. Not a millisecond goes by where I don't miss you, need you, yearn for your touch. I don't know what to do. I've lost my way – and it's all your fault. I've always chased after you into some unsure, unwritten future. I never knew where you were, but gladly trailed behind you, vengeful. But now…I know where you are. Six feet underground. And it's so so wrong.
When you died, I thought my own heart would stop. That I'd die along with you. I was surprised, I supposed, to see so much blood. I thought you were inhuman, godlike.
I look in the mirror and I see you behind me, quietly observing, judging. Like you always have. And I know it's stupid but I grew out my hair. Until I avenge the Uchiha clan, I refuse to cut it. In a way, nothing has changed. But in another, I might as well be living in an alternate universe. Where you aren't here. And it's horrible and I'm lonely.
They say it takes only one person to believe for a god to be born, and there is no one I believe in more than you.
There's this dream I have every night. Where I'm standing in front of a mirror and you're trapped inside. You're calling to me. I don't-can't- reach you. I slam my fist repeatedly into it, trying to break the glass, trying to help you escape. As though doing this will be my redemption. But it doesn't crack. Never, not once. Suddenly, there is an assortment of weapons. I seize them like a life preserver. I. need. to. reach. you. Crazed with an urgency that I couldn't for the life of me explain, the burning desperation to feel your hand holding mine, your lips against mine. My love -my need- for you power, your strength, soul, heat, love…and always I wake up with tears in my eyes, a pain in my chest that I know will never go away. It is trapped there, like you, behind that unbreakable barrier.
One night (it was bound to happen) I grow angry with the inevitable.
"You're dead, Itachi!"
My shout reverberates around the room, as shaky and unstable as my state of mind. And I can't stand it. Leave me alone, go away, do you hear me? LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! I don't want to remember, I don't want to hurt anymore! Take these blasted memories away. They're poisoning me – robbing me of my sanity which was slowly deteriorating ever since I held your heart in my hand. But no, it was my heart in your hands. Always, forever. Never letting go, not even once. Not even in death.
And then I stop dreaming. But rather than feeling angry, remorseful. I feel only a vindicating pleasure. Because after your betrayal there's nothing that can hurt me anymore. My heart can't break into smaller pieces.