My first Without A Trace Fic! I don't know where it came from, the back of my mind perhaps? I thought it was a good idea and decided to follow up on it. I'm uncertain about the amount of chapters this story will have, I guess it depends on what the people want. The next chapter will clarify some things that I didn't want to put in this chapter. I hope you liked it and reviews are always welcomed warmly...
Title: Coming to Terms Twice
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter One -The Enormity yet to Come
Samantha Spade sighed and stepped out of the elevator. It was a Wednesday.
The weather outside was bitter and cold, the kind of cold that made your nose turn red and your eyes water when the wind whipped at your face.
Walking along the hallway with her head down, the thoughts in her mind moving faster than her feet.
Upon entering the large office, she felt curious eyes watching her.
She wasn't emotionally or mentally ready for what life had in store for her.
Oh God how could this happen? Why now? Why me?
Jack watched Samantha settle in her desk before making his way towards her. She had asked him privately in his office yesterday for the morning off. Whatever the reason, he didn't ask, gave her permission to do so and left it at that. But by the anxiety sketched on her face, all was far from well with her.
"Samantha?", he asked standing behind her, and she jumped ten feet in the air.
"Oh my god, Jack, don't do that!", she cried, hand over her heart.
She looked pale, Jack thought, and...scared, but not from the fright.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to— "
"It's okay, I'm just a little...jumpy." She said closing her eyes briefly and taking a deep breath.
"Everything alright?"
She looked up at him for a second before glancing away. She looked like miserable.
"Fine." Samantha replied.
Jack looked at her closely while speaking. "Okay, well there's been no missing person case so far today, so it's paperwork all round."
She gave him a weak smile. "Sounds good to me."
Truthfully paperwork was probably as much as she could handle right now. Her nervous energy she felt this morning had drained her body, and she was almost too ready to collapse in bed from exhaustion. That's if she could shut her mind down and sleep at all. A big IF.
Across the room, sitting at his own desk, pen not to paper, Martin watched Samantha and Jack while they talked. His heart tightened at the sight of her. He still loved her, and it was almost painful for him to see her everyday, but that wasn't the reason for his cardiovascular activity.
No, it was the way she looked utterly drained. Her face was as white as a ghost and the souvenir of sleepless nights lay under her eyes.
Samantha felt his gaze and looked up at him. Their eyes met and locked. He smiled at her shyly, and she looked down. She saw it. Just like the doctors, and just like Jacks. They all had the look in their eyes when they met hers. The concerned, worried look.
Well, screw him! She didn't need his sympathy or concern! He was the one who had abandoned her and now look where she was! His fault, his fault.
Her anger at him quickly faded, and she felt guilty for that anger. She was as much to blame as he was, probably more. Takes two to tango, one to completely screw things up. Why is it me who's always the one to screw things up?
FLASHBACK
"Martin, it's okay, we don't need it", Samantha breathed heavily, taking his arm and pulling him down on her.
Martin looked at the condom again before he was engulfed by Samantha's mouth.
"You...sure?" Martin asked her between kisses.
"You know...I can't...", she said, breaking contact from his mouth and staring up into his eyes.
He braced his elbows on the bed beside her head and looked down at her. "I'm sorry, Sam, it just slipped out—"
"Don't...don't stop." She said cutting in quickly, seeing the sympathetic expression on his face.
He watched her for a few seconds before he slid his hand up past her waist. Her eyelids fluttered shut and she arched her back, closing the gap between them.
He brought his head down to her face and kissed the tip of her nose, eyes, chin, and finally her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his back and started her assault on his neck. He moaned her name loudly, making her smile through her kisses.
END OF FLASHBACK
Lunch came an hour later, but Samantha didn't think she could even look at food, let alone eat it. There's not just me to think about now. Oh shit, that's just great. Really, great...
I'll just have a big dinner when I get home. Besides if I eat now, I'll just throw it up anyway, and that wont help improve those looks she was already getting. Convinced yourself yet Samantha?
"Sam?"
She was knocked out of her thoughts by Danny, who was waving his hand in front of her face.
"You okay? You look like hell." Danny said.
And she really did look like hell. Something was definitely wrong with this girl. He hadn't even notice when it had started. He mentally kicked himself for letting it slip by him.
"Hmmm?" Sam answered, her eyes gradually clearing.
"I said, You. Look. Like. Hell." Danny said again. She was distracted all right.
"Well, gee, thanks Taylor. Do you always say that to girls, or am I special?" She said standing up to stretch her legs.
Danny watched her with anxious eyes. Samantha whipped her head and looked at him. He had the look!
Samantha glared at him and turned on her heels.
Danny stood there stunned. What just happened here?
She found herself in the break room with a steaming hot coffee in her hand. She looked down at the cup, not really seeing it.
Martin stood leaning in the doorway, watching her. He could tell she was off somewhere. Her brows were scrunched together in thought, and she was oblivious to the hot cup her hand was wrapped around. OH CRAP! Was she crazy, she's gonna burn her hand!
Martin swooped across the room and yanked the boiling hot cup out of her hand. She looked up in surprise, confused, and then noticed the searing pain in her hand.
Placing the cup beside her on the counter, Martin watched her face turn from surprise, confusion, then pain. He grabbed her slender wrist and placed her hand under the cold tap.
She jumped back from the cold, and came in contact with Martins chest. He stood behind her, holding her hand under the tap. She felt her body stiffened. Well this isn't awkward.
"You must have been thinking of some heavy stuff to not notice your hand was about to go up in flames", he joked.
He had felt her body tense up as soon as her back touched him, but right now he was more concerned with her burnt hand than trying to ease her discomfort.
Samantha cleared her throat and winced at the pain in her hand. God I must have been pretty out of it...
"I...yeah, I guess I was." She said trying to keep her voice even. Her hand was aching like nobody's business and she wanted to cry. She wouldn't though. Not in front of him. Are you sure your hand is the reason you want to cry?
She shook her head to clear her thoughts.
Martin let go of her wrist and moved to lean against the counter. His head was bowed to the floor while he tried to think about something to say that wasn't completely moronic.
"Thanks, Martin." Sam blurted.
"For what?" Martin replied finally looking up at her.
"You saved my hand."
He blushed from her attention. "No problem."
His heart drummed painfully against his ribs. Though they never fought or yelled at each other since the break-up, the silence that fell between them since then was marginally worse than raised voices.
He hated himself for how he ended their relationship. It wasn't fair to Samantha, but he was just so frustrated at that point that he acted to see how she'd react. He didn't blame her for turning cold and distant toward him now, but he also had reason to be too.
He missed their talks and the familiarity of her. He wished that this cool distance between them would close up and then they could actually have an actual conversation that mattered.
She took her hand from the cooling water and shook it dry.
"Samantha?"
"Hmmmm?" She answered him, avoiding his eyes by looking around the room for something to wipe her hands on.
He wanted to ask her if she was okay. Was she was eating properly? Getting enough sleep? Taking care of herself?
"Ah...never mind." He said backing out. If she wanted to talk, she'd do it in her own time. That's how it always was with her. Then why didn't I wait for her to catch up to me...?
"Okay." She said. Giving up on the idea of a hand towel, she wiped her hands on the sides of her top. She let her hands slide around to rest on her abdomen for a few quick seconds before letting them drop to her sides.
How the hell can I tell Martin? Especially now when things are so strained between us? God help me...neither of us are ready for this...
Just thinking about Martin brought on way to many emotions than she could handle. She hated him and then she loved him. It felt like she was supposed to chose one or the other. Hated him for leaving her, but loved him for being there. The only one who ever was there, just for her. The feeling of being pulled into a million different directions made her feel even more confused and torn. She despised herself for feeling so weak and emotional.
I'm Samantha Spade, I've been alone all my life...So why aren't I used to it?
Martin let out a huge sigh that snapped her out of her thoughts.
Martin raised his eyebrows at her, "It must be important."
"What is?" Samantha asked confused.
"Whatever's on your mind. You keep spacing out on me."
She stood there hesitantly with a panicky expression creeping up on her face. She felt suddenly so overwhelmed from the whole day and she could feel tears starting to blur her vision.
Martin got a glimpse of a lone tear falling down Samantha's cheek before she quickly turned her head away. He took a step towards her, but before he was even close to her she held up a hand to halt him.
"Don't!"
He stopped his feet from moving and took up a questioning look on his face, "Sam—"
She interrupted him, "No it's, ah, I'm okay, my hand hurts, that's all."
Embarrassed, she wiped her eyes free of tears and straightened her spine and tried desperately to compose herself. Damn hormones!
Martin stood there, unsure of what to make of her sudden emotional, almost -breakdown. He could see it on her face that she was facing some tough demons.
Fortunately for Samantha Jack burst into the room and managed to miss the thick intensity of the air,
"We got a call in on an eight year old missing, never made it into school apparently." He said in a rush, and was already out of the door before either of them blinked.
With one last glance at Martin, Samantha strode purposefully towards the door.
Martin could do nothing to hinder the feeling that something was seriously wrong with Samantha.
Letting out a deep sigh that left him breathless, he made his way toward the bullpen to get the low-down from Jack. Little did he know the enormity of change about to come.
TBC
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