Many thanks and a truckload of pocky to the Digimon humor author extraordinaire, Chris McFeely, for the inspiration to write this. I absolutely LUV his Digimon movie parody! But I never realized how difficult and time-consuming taking on such a task could be: typing out the actual movie script took eight hours straight, while the parody itself took over a month. It's over fifty pages long, and takes up so much memory that I had to separate it into two separate chapters.
As for the fic itself…it was surprisingly easy to make fun of the movie. I'm neutral in terms of yaoi/yuri and dislike Relena-bashings (although I hate Dorothy more than most anti-Relena people hate Relena)…but just this once, decided to join in. All in good fun, of course.
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AC 195
The year After Colony 195. A group of Colony citizens hostile towards the Alliance sent a consecutive number of youthful trainees to earth in five mechanical robots consisting of Gundanium Alloy in a scene known to the organization as "Operation Meteor." Finalizing the battle, the revolutionary head of previously said organization, hearby known originally as OZ but currently as the Earth Sphere Alliance, Treize Kushrenada assimilated the task of ending such means of violence problem solving, ironically ending his life in the hands of one previously said youth, Altron Gundam Pilot, Chang Wufei…er…Wufei Chang…er…the chinese one.
From such events rose the birth of a new organization…number 5 or 6, I lost count…henceforth known as the current Earth Sphere Unified Nation. Precisely one annual cycle later, no military force of arms were detected anywhere in the Earth Sphere. However, as Dorothy's always ranting on and on about, there will always be battles in the course of the biped rule over planet Earth…
Cast: *blink, blink* er…
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((On a Ship in Space))
Sally: This is Water. I've confirmed our target. pause Um…anybody there? Hello?
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((Resource Satellite))
Each of the Gundams are seen stored in its own compartment, except for Wufei's. The camera temporarily zooms in on Sandrock and Deathscythe, seeing as the other two's pilots aren't here and therefore they aren't important…yet…
Duo: As long as 'Jousan's in office, there's no more need for the Gundams…*blinks, pulls out script* Waitaminute….
Quatre: It's tough parting with them.
Duo: I'll say; I only had a week to memorize my lines.
Quatre: I meant the Gundams.
Duo: Oh, yeah. Boy, am I gonna miss blowing up stuff.
Sandrock: Umm….hello? Don't we get a say here?
Wing-ZERO: Ours is not to say, but wait and you'll soon have your way…
Sandrock: You never did make much sense.
HeavyArms: …
Deathscythe: …didn't someone mention something about a buffet? I'm starving.
Duo: to Quatre No, it's okay.
Sandrock: I can't believe you, Quatre; after all I've done for you! That does it, buster…we're through!
Duo: Let's just get this over with before Hilde realized I stole one of the disposal blocks from the scrap yard…
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((Somewhere on L2, a picture of a scrapyard is seen))
Hilde (v/o): DUO!!!
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((Back to Resource Satellite))
Duo: *gulp*
Simultaneous, the two of them turn towards the Ship above, getting ready to send the satellite off. Briefly, Quatre takes one last look back at Sandrock
Sandrock: I'm not speaking to you.
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((Spaceship above Satellite))
Duo: See ya later, old pal.
Quatre: Sayonara, Sandrock
Duo: Terminator Hasta la vista, beby…
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((Quick View of Gundams))
Deathscythe: Terminator II I'll be back…
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((View of the Satellite blasting off towards the sun, with v/o's in the background))
Heavyarms: as Satellite Blasts off To Infinity And Beyoooooooooooond!
Sandrock: Oh, shut up.
Duo: What do you mean, Wu Fei didn't bring his?! You said we didn't have a choice!
Quatre: He said something about needing it to help a 7-year-old take over the world. It sounded pretty important, so I let him keep it.
Duo: Oh. Okay. Speaking of, I wonder what everyone's up to now…
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AC 196
At the Natural Resources Satellite, MO-2, a progressive gathering of political officials and specifically invited civilians was currently in progress in celebration of the premiere monoaniversary of the finale to what they now call the "Eve Wars."
Une: One year ago, we apparently didn't even know what Christmas was, let alone have peace of mind to celebrate…care to explain this one, Mr. Know-It-All?
Uh…
President: We are here to remember…blah, blah, blah…lives lost…foolish war… valuable lessons…peace…vote for me! makes "V" sign, smiling at the cameras
Une closes her eyes and walks away from the crowd. Noin quickly follows, and they both head to the back wall. Folding her arms, Noin leans up against it.
Wall: Hey, watch it!
Noin stares at the President for a moment before speaking.
Noin: …he's an idiot.
Une: I agree.*twitch* Don't say that, he's making an effort at least! *twitch* You call that an effort? He probably has no clue what happens around him. *twitch* No, he understands somewhat what's going on. Believe it or not, he's actually doing the best he can. smiles He's pretty smart for a descendent of the Clinton family…
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((Back on Sally's Ship))
Sally speaks over a vidscreen with Noin.
Sally: It's about time! I've been giving a damn report for ten minutes before I realized you two ran off to a party! Without me! starts to cry
Noin: Prevents only put out fires. These ceremonies don't suit us anyways…
Sally: sniffling …huh?
Noin: Forget it. takes on "business look" So?
Sally: blink So what? Oh! There's a possibility that the Neo-titanium block is from the thirteenth constellation.
Noin: Orion?
Sally: NO! I'm using various sources to determine where exactly it's from.
Noin: This isn't going to be quite as simple as our last few missions.
Sally: I agree…wait. What missions? Are you going on mission without me again?! starts crying again
Noin: Yeesh…
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((On Sallite apparently new and still under construction))
Man: v/o As you're aware, it's been only seven years since Colony L3-X18999999999—
Man 2: whispers there's only three 9's
Man: —was completed.
Man 3: mutters Completed? Could'a fooled me…
The scene cuts to a large conference room, where Relena is having a meeting with various other colonial representatives. High above, on a big…BIG…my god, I wonder what a TV of that size would go for…screen, the presidents so-called "speech" is displayed. He currently shakes a baby, kissing the mother's hand in the process.
Man: We've invited people from Earth to come live here, but our unstable economy is preventing the population from growing
Rubbing her temples, eyes closed for a brief moment, Relena softly mutters to herself before opening her eyes to answer.
Relena: I'm a happy little buffalo…I'm a happy little buffalo… to Man The problem is whether or not people can actually remember the name of the colony when making flight plans.
Man: Oh, come on; it can't be THAT hard, can it?
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((Scene on some distant colony, nearly on other side of the Earth))
A young couple, apparently around their thirties or forties (hey, in this day and age, that IS young) is seen aimlessly walking around a deserted building. The woman turns to her husband, and smacks him over the head with her purse.
Woman: Damnit, Harold! I told you to ask for directions!
"Harold," however, is still looking frantically at the map he holds in his hands, barely wincing at his wife's attack.
Harold: I could have sworn there was a seven in the name somewhere…
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((Back on the Satellite with Relena))
Man 2: stands up in his chair We've also been told than many citizens here hope for a strong leader to rise up and guide them.
Man 3: They're guideless.
Man 2: They need someone like you, Vice Foreign Minister Peacecraft…er…Darlian…er…?
Relena: Hold on…
She takes out a coin, and flips it. It lands on "Tails"
Relena: Darlian.
Man 2: Vice Foreign Minister Darlian.
Relena remains quiet for a moment, taking a sip of her "tea." Of course, years of anime experience tell us that's not REALLY tea, now is it?
Relena: Mmm…tea…. What were you saying? Oh, yeah. That's a real shame, you know…after all that fighting…
The men surrounding the table grin evilly…
Men: We're evil.
…as Relena's vision starts to go blurry.
Relena: my, what pretty colors…
She drops the tea cup, loosing consciousness. Soldiers suddenly appear through the doorway. They all have "(\/)" on their hats. One of the men walks up to greet them
Man: Oh, good, you're here. I ordered the Big Mac, John got the SuperSize Fries and Shake, Micky's the—
Soldier: vein throbbing We're soldiers, not McDonalds employees!
Man: …oh.
Man 2: She's right over there points to Relena
The soldiers gently go to pick up Relena, except for one. He stands firm, looking to the right of the screen with a smirk.
Soldier: Our scheme is complete now. Those lacking leadership should make way for those possessing it.
Man 2: v/o Who're you talking to?
Soldier: …nobody!
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((Inside a rather dark room))
Two shadowy figures are seated in front of another screen, also projecting the "speech."
Shadowy Figure 1: in a deep voice, turns off the screen Nothing is wrong with wishing for peace. The real question is whether mankind is ready for it. Especially with a president like THAT.
The two figures are shown in slightly dim lighting, revealing them to be an old man with similar hat as the soldiers, except with a feather stick out of his head, and a young red-headed girl.
Girl: I guess we'll just have to teach them how to deal with it. Right, Daddy Dekim?
Dekim: I told you not to call me that!
Girl: … Granddaddy Dekim?
Dekim: Oh, so now you're mocking my age? Kids these days have no respect. Why, I remember in my day a young whipper-snapper would GET the whip for snapping at—
A view of various MS lined up is shown on the screen; Dekim's voice continues in the background, talking about something having to do with the current price of a MS.
Marimaia: v/o My father entrusted me with these Christmas presents…. He don't know me very well, do he? giggles
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((At a circus on L3))
The circus is apparently right in the middle of a show, as the elephants are busy performing. The crowd, however, just barely takes up a third of the seats. Cathy and Trowa stand off to the side, staring out into the audience.
Cathy: I can't believe how small the crowd is today. Our act's not getting THAT stale, is it?
Trowa looks up, seeing suspicious-looking men dressed in trench coats standing in the doorway.
Trowa: It looks like this colony has other forms of entertainment.
Cathy: Other forms of entertainment? Don't tell me…your buddies have decided to show off their Gundam again…
Trowa: v/o I'm gonna check it out.
Surprised, she looks back to find…no one.
Cathy: Trowa? Dammit, I told him to stop doing that!
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((Outside the circus tent, a group of guys are getting the **** beaten outta them by Trowa))
Trowa: I don't know where these muscles came from…but they sure as hell work for me!
Trowa fangirls sigh with happiness.
Trowa fangirls: Yes…they sure do…
After kicking the last one of them down, Trowa reaches into his jacket, pulling a card from his inside pocket.
Trowa: This is all? Damn, these guys are getting cheep…reads card Barton Foundation? Oh, f—
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((***FLASHBACK*** Trowa—multiple mechanics working on Heavyarms))
Trowa turns to walk down the gangplank after placing some of his tools away. A blonde-haired man floats up towards him, seeing as they're so little gravity and all.
Man: Hey! You, there! I'll show you something I've never shown anyone…
Woman: in background Today.
Man: Not that!
He holds out a picture of a brown-haired woman, holding a young red-head…who is so OBVIOUSLY Mariemaia. With one arm around "Nanashi," he proudly points out the two figures.
Man: Her name's Mariemaia…no, not her, the young one! She's my sister's daughter. She'll be Earth's leader after we conquer it.
"Nanashi": A five-year-old?
Man: No, no, of course not…she'll be six by the time we crown her.
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((***END FLASHBACK***))
Trowa just stares at the card, not blinking. After a full minute, we hear faint snoring sounds coming from him, and he tips over on the ground. His eyes are still open.
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((On another satellite))
Heero types away on one of the apparent main computers. He reads out loud the information.
Heero: Marimaia Barton. Born After Colony 189. Mother: Leia Barton—Deceased just two years after her birth. Father: Trei—
Computer: *beep* They're – not – supposed – to – know – that – yet – Einstein
Duo stands in the doorway.
Duo: It's Christmas, and yet someone always gets stuck working. Figure's it's you.
He walks over to Heero, and peeks over his shoulder to look at the screen
Duo: Gee, I didn't know Trowa had a niece.
Heero: There's a lot of things you don't know…and so the records say, at least. But the Trowa we know isn't the real Trowa Barton…or did you not know that, either.
Duo: Shaddup…
Heero stands up and grabs his jacket, getting ready to leave.
Duo: Where the heck are you going?
Heero: Um…out…
As he opens the door, he briefly looks back at Duo.
Heero: Relena's been kidnapped.
…and out the door he runs. Duo briefly turns to the camera.
Duo: Raise your hands if you didn't see that coming a mile away…
Yaoi fans raise in the audience are seen raising their hands, sulking…Duo sweatdrops.
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((Satellite—Dekim Barton is seen speaking to a crowd of soldiers))
Dekim: The time has come to stand behind Miss Mariemaia. We thank you all for your efforts and undying loyalty. Today you are starting on the road to glory, but first…Questions? Comments?
Various red-uniformed "McDonalds" soldiers stand in line. A random soldier raises his hand to speak.
Random Soldier: Is it true that Miss Mariemaia is really only a seven-year-old being brainwashed by her grandfather into believing she is fighting for her currently deceased father, when she is really only feeding into his evil plot and will eventually get shot by him in a last attempt to try and claim victory?
Other Soldiers: …
Dekim: Who do you think you are, the narrator? Kids today think they're so smart. Anyways, you, my Mc-soldiers—
The soldiers cluelessly look amongst themselves.
Dekim: —yes, you—shall be the symbol of hope for the people!
A purple vortex appears in the center of the room. A lone figure steps out of it.
TK: Did somebody say "Hope"? …waitasec…this doesn't look like the Dark Ocean to me!
Gatomon: v/o I told you he's flipped.
Dekim: Wrong anime, kid.
TK: *blink*
The vortex appears again, with the image of Kari.
Kari: Takeru-kun…
TK: 'Kari!
He jumps towards the vortex, voice cracking as he calls her name. They both disappear in a blinding flash of pink light
Soldiers: *twitch*
In the back of the room somewhere, the fourth wall moans as it creaks ominously.
Wall: The pain…
Dekim: Dear God, I should've listened to my lawyer and retired when I had the chance.
Shaking his head, he looks to the side, where Wufei is seen (short-shorts and all) holding a clipboard.
Dekim: What's next on the agenda?
Wufei: reads off the clipboard Shoot Trowa Barton.
Dekim: Oh, yeah. I'm getting too old for this stuff pulls out gun, points it at Trowa Trowa Barton, get your ass up here now…
Glaring, Trowa easily dodges the bullet shot at him, doing one of those mad-cool triple-triple flips in the air before landing directly in front of Dekim. He then stands and takes a bow as the other soldiers cheer and clap. Dekim just stands there in shock.
Dekim: You're not Trowa! You…you…imposter!
He then takes off his hat and starts beating Trowa with the feathers. Wufei taps him on the shoulder, whispering something in his ear.
Dekim: Really? Wufei nods Nobody tells me these things…
In that amount of time, Trowa managed to pull his gun out of pocket-space, but not before Wufei pulls a katana on him.
Trowa: D'oh! I knew I should've been quicker…
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((Some Type of Cargo-Ship in Space))
Noin stares at the fuzzy screen.
Noin: I wonder if I could get HBO on this thing…
Sally (v/o): This is Water. Respond on secret lines "H to the Izz-o"
Noin: I thought it was "V to the Izzy"
Sally appears on the screen.
Sally: First, it's Izz-a; second, that was last week. Anyways, I found out where the fire started.
Noin: *blink* There was a fire?
Sally: I meant I found out where the trouble started.
Noin: Oh…L3, right?
Sally: *blink, blink*
Noin: It wasn't hard to figure out, considering all the various soldiers we've seen hanging around there lately.
Sally: You mean at that new colony, Hex-One-Eight-Fine-Fine-Fine…
Noin: No, I think it was Zechs-Done-Hate-Mine-Mine-Mine…
Sally: I'm pretty sure there were numbers in it…how about—
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((Scene of Bedroom))
Relena lies unconscious in the large bed, her long hair flowing behind her.
Relena Haters: Yay!
Her eyes slowly open.
Relena Haters: Boo!
Once regaining full consciousness, she sits up in alarm. Very briefly, her wig falls off, revealing normal, shoulder-length hair. Before anyone notices, she puts it back on.
Mariemaia (v/o): 'bout time you're up. Gawd, it would take another war to wake you…and did you know that you snore REALLY loudly?
At the sound of the voice, Relena looks frantically around the room…
Relena: Please don't let me be hearing voices again…
…sighing in relief when she notices the office chair turning around to reveal Mariemaia.
Relena: Oh, thank god!
Mariemaia: Hi. I told my soldiers to bring you here.
Relena: …you have soldiers?
Mariemaia: Hey, if you were Queen of the World, anything's possible. My name is Mariemaia Kushrenada. Daughter of Treize Kushrenada.
Relena: Pft, yeah right.
Turning around, with her back facing Relena, Mariemaia closes her eyes and swings her legs child-like.
Mariemaia: It's no joke. You can check the script if you don't believe me.
Relena: *blinks* Script…?
Mariemaia: I head there's a so-called adult world that kids don't understand, so I can't begin to explain how I've come to live in this world…
Relena: Oh, well it's this little story called "The Birds and the Bees." You see—
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One Hour Later…
Relena: …and then nine months later, the baby's born.
Mariemaia, on the other hand, has her hands over her ears, shaking her head furiously.
Mariemaia: Too Young! Too Young! Too Young!
Relena: sulking Well, you brought it up.
Mariemaia: I've been chosen to lead the Earth Sphere Unified Nation…thoughtful look appears on her face you know, if you chance the "U" to a "P", I'd be in charge of ESPN. Cool…snaps out of it but anyways, I won't allow such rude—and downright disturbing—talk!
Both of their attentions turn to the door, where a number of red soldiers enter in, standing guard. Mariemaia closes her eyes and turns away.
Mariemaia: Forget it. It's nothing. Leave the room. Now!
Soldier: Salutes Yes'm.
The Soldiers leave.
Soldier 2: Wanna go get something to eat?
Soldier 3: Sounds good. You're buying.
Relena: *blink, blink* You really DO have soldiers. And they work at McDonalds!
Mariemaia: No, I OWN McDonalds! Muahahahaha!
Relena: Then let me ask you one thing: …when's lunch?
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((Back with Noin and Sally))
Sally points to the sheet of paper on her clipboard.
Sally: …No, see here? There are *definitely* numbers.
Noin: *blink* Whatever…we're already two scenes behind, so let's get crackin'!
Sally: Right! Er…what was the question?
Noin facefaults.
Noin: Leader of the colony? Does that ring a bell?
Sally: Bell? Is someone getting married. reads off of clipboard Mariemaia Barton, huh? …wait, isn't she, like, 7 or something? That's awful young to be getting married, even in Japanese culture…
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((Shot of Space, Fades into a Spaceship Hanger. A red shuttle flies in, heading next to a much larger vessel))
Quatre (v/o): What do you plan on doing tonight?
Duo (v/o): The same thing we do every night, Q-ball, try to take over the…wait a sec, wrong show.
Quatre (v/o):. Why don't you just do what you always did in the series?
Duo (v/o): What, you mean follow Heero around to make sure he doesn't try to blow himself up again? I guess…
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((Scene fades into Quatre speaking with Duo over a vid-screen))
Duo: I'm sure we're gonna have a blast of a party there…hehe…get it? Blast?
Silence. A cricket chirps somewhere in the background. A grasshopper…well…hops by.
Grasshopper: No respect, I tell you!
Cricket: Oh, shut it. I'm the one who's gotta cover up this guy's bad jokes.
Quatre stands up abruptly.
Quatre: Without the Gundams? Did you forget we blasted them into the sun?!
Duo: Heero says that really makes no difference…and Heero knows all….
Quatre: Say that again without the gun pointed at your head.
Duo sweatdrops, and the gun vanishes.
Duo: Well, we might not even NEED the Gundams.
Quatre: Yeah…sure…
Heero is seen typing away something on his laptop. What, we do not know.
Duo: I mean, even if it turns into a MS battle, we can always steal a few of their suits. It's worked before, hasn't it?
Quatre: …
Duo: Okay, okay…but there's a first time for everything!
Quatre remains silent, looking downward in worry. Multiple fangirls squeal at his kawaii expression. Including the Authoress.
Duo: sighs, leans towards Heero If you don't say anything, Quatre always takes the blame himself for everything. One day he'll say that his lack of effort is the reason there's no air in outer space…
Quatre (v/o): I heard that!
Heero remains silent, continuing to type.
Quatre muses.
Quatre: We're faced with a great danger, and I've taken the only means to counter this situation. speaking Duo, I'm going out to get our Gundams Back.
Duo looks back at the screen in surprise. His expression sends Quatre rolling on the floor with laughter.
Duo: What?! But we've already thrown them into the sun!
Quatre still laughs.
Duo: QUATRE!
Wiping away a tear, he manages to answer.
Quatre: Well…if I left now, I'd probably catch them in time.
Duo: sighs Okay, fine, whatever…just do us a favor, and don't even THINK of using ZERO, okay? We're trying to save a colony, not blow it up…
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((Sally and Noin…again))
Sally continues on talking about weddings, numbers, and something about bell day-care.
Noin is seen attempting to construct a noose out of her scarf.
Sally: …and, of course, mauve would be the PERFECT color for…wait a sec, I just remembered something.
Noin has a gun to her head, ready to fire, when Sally briefly catches her attention.
Noin: What is it?
Sally: Vice Foreign Minister Peacecraft-Dorlan's been missing since her last visit to…er…that new colony.
Noin: Relena-sama?!
Sally: sarcastically No, strangely enough, her mother.
Noin: Funny. We'd better change our Rendezvous point then.
Sally: …Ron-day-whosiwhatsit?
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((Heero and Duo inside the shuttle))
Duo turns off the screen after wishing Quatre good luck, and turns to face Heero.
Duo: So…are we done?
Heero: What do you mean, "we"? I'm the one doing all the work here.
Duo peeks over his shoulder, eyes bugging out when he sees just exactly what Heero's REALLY doing on his laptop. Before he can say anything, though, Heero slams it shut, and glares.
Heero: Tell a soul, and you'll wish I had gone through with killing you.
Duo: nervously Er…yeah, no problem.
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((Quatre's spacecraft))
Quatre (v/o): I'm grateful to have you guys accompany me, Rashid.
Rashid (v/o): Don't mention it, Quatre-sama.
The scene switches to inside the shuttle, with all the Mauguanacs sitting quietly in their seats. Quatre and Rashid sit at the back, captaining the flight.
Quatre: hanging his head in shame It's all my fault.
Woman in background: Now why can't my boyfriend ever say that?
Quatre: I should have NEVER mentioned sending the Gundams into the sun.
Rashid: No one could have predicted this would happen. Well, maybe the narrator…
*innocently* Who…me?
Quatre: Yes, you're right.
Rashid: Of course I'm right. I'm always right.
One of the Mauguanacs (there're too many of 'em to recall all of their names, but I think it's Abdul) turns to look at Rashid. It's only now we see the shackles chained to each of their hands and feet.
Abdul (?): Um…master?
Rashid: SILENCE, FOOL!
Abdul: But…I hafta pee…
Quatre ignores this, as he is looking up the route on the computer screen.
Quatre: The block is over fifty days away from Venus' orbit. With this Interplanetary Transport Ship I bought off of Washu, we should just barely catch up to it.
Mauguanac 1: Don't worry, master, everything will work out fine.
Mauguanac 2: We wouldn't want to return to find there's no more earth.
Mauruanac 3: Of course not! All those loyal fans…worshiping our every move…
Quatre: glares You mean MY every move.
Mauguanac number 3 cowers in fear, holding up his shackled hands to protect himself.
Mauguanac 3: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
We see the shuttle heading towards a VERY large star. Obviously, it's the sun.
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((Heero and Duo))
Duo stares out the window into space.
Duo: I'm back to being Shinigami…cool….
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((***FLASHBACK*** Duo—Some sort of MS Storage Compartment))
Duo is seem placing a whole lotta explosives on Deathscythe, then jumps down, running behind a nearby wall for cover.
Wall: Oh, sure…NOW I get some recognition.
Duo holds up the detonator Heero-style.
Duo: So long…buddy.
He pushes the button, but nothing happens. Frustrated, he pushes the button over and over.
Duo: What happened to the KABOOM? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering KABOOM!
He looks back over at his intended target, before the sound of someone sneaking up behind him grabs his attention. He abruptly turns around.
Scientist: Duo! Deathscythe is a superb piece of art! I should know; I created it. Think of a better way, rather than blowing it up.
Duo: *pouts* But I like blowing things up…
The Doctor (I haven't a CLUE what letter he's supposed to be…I think it was G) walks over, taking Duo by surprise, and reaches into his shirt pocket, pulling out his gun.
Duo: PEDOPHILIA!
Not THAT gun, Duo. The OTHER gun.
Duo: …oh, yeah. That gun.
Doctor Something-or-other holds the gun up, motioning towards it as he speaks.
Scientist: So, you were planning to kill me after you destroyed Deathscythe.
Duo: Um…no?
Scientist: Liar. Listen, I only get a brief face-appearance in this movie, so, I wanna make it good. Why don't you STEAL Deathscythe? Forget Operation Meteor, and take it to earth to use at your own discretion.
Duo is still trying to push the button.
Duo: Why…won't…it…EXPLODE?!
Scientist: …you can go as Shinigami…
This catches his attention, as Duo's eyes open wide and he jumps up and down, clapping his hands excitedly like a little kid.
Duo: Really?! Shinigami?! I've always wanted to be called that! Oh, this'll be so cool!
He hugs the Scientist/Doctor…TIGHTLY.
Duo: Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou!
Scientist: Can't…breathe…thinking Why do I have the feeling I should've let him kill me?
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((***END FLASHBACK***))
Duo is still looking out the window, only this time we see his reflection looking back.
Duo: Why, hell-o, you handsome devil, you!
He, of course, is too busy staring at his reflection to notice that Heero has long since fallen asleep…
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((***FLASHBACK/DREAM SEQUENCE—Heero, on training base at L1 colony***))
Heero jumps a REALLY high fence, flipping in mid-air until he hits the ground, then runs out to an open field, down a hill, does a forward flip and lands on the grass. He's smiling and laughing.
I'm frightened. Very frightened. Are you frightened?
Heero soon calms down, looking up at the "sky"—buildings on the other side of the colony—until a shadowy face of a young girl obstructs his view.
Heero: Hey! You're blocking my sun!
Girl: Are you lost, mister?
Heero gets up and looks at her, but doesn't respond.
Girl: Hello? Are you deaf, too?
Heero: No, I heard you…looks away I've been lost ever since I was born.
The girl stares at him oddly for a moment.
Girl: You're weird. Mommy never told me to talk to strangers, and you're about as strange as they come. Come on, Mary, let's go…
As she leaves, she drops a little yellow flower on the ground. Heero sees this and picks it up, looking at it intensely.
Heero: Ah, to be like the buttercup…
The scene abruptly changes to later on that day, with Heero holding up a detonator in typical Heero-style.
Heero: I push 'da button!
He presses the detonator, blowing up a base of some sort.
Heero: Hehe…it go boom!
But just as he turns to leave…something goes wrong. A fallen mobile suits sets off a chain reaction of explosions…
Heero: looks back in surprise
…of mobile suits collapsing backwards…
Heero: OH, ****!
…and as Heero tosses the button to the ground, running back towards the scene, this leads into a large MS crashing into a residential building. Witnessing the whole thing, Heero just stands there in shock. He looks around guiltily for a moment.
Heero: …I didn't do it!
Heero then dashes off, whistling innocently.
Later, when all the fire is out, Heero slowly walks among the rubble. It starts to snow, most likely ash from the explosion. In the background, the little nameless girl is seen running around happily.
Girl: singing It's snow-ing! It's snow-ing! La--la-la--la-la!
Meanwhile, Heero finds buried among the debris something he was hoping NOT to find: the body of Mary, the dog. Slowly, he picks the dog up and holds it in his arms. The little girl walks over to where he's standing. She gasps in shock at the little white bundle he's holding.
Girl: Oh, my god…you killed Mary!
She starting kicking him in the shin.
Girl: You…*kick*…Bastard…*kick*…!
Ignoring her, however, Heero slowly walks away, carrying Mary. She follows, not missing a beat in her kicks. Voices are soon heard in the background.
(Doctor J: You mean use the Gundams as a tool of carnage?!)
Heero pauses at the sound. The little girl still kicks.
(Dekim: This is war! Sacrificing the general public is of no relevance! In my day, youngsters did NOT question their elders!
Doctor J: …I'm older than you are…
Dekim: …RETRAIN HIM AT ONCE! Our weapon has no use for human kindness.)
Heero looks upward at the sky, curious. The little girl has stopped kicking him, looking at him strangely.
(Doctor J: But do you really believe Heero Yuy would be pleased if we obliterated mankind?
Dekim: Who cares? He's DEAD!)
Heero frantically looks around him. The little girl, weirded out to no extent, finally speaks up.
Girl: What are you looking for, you dog-killer?
Heero: The Voices… Where are those voices coming from?
Girl: …
Heero: CAN'T YOU HEAR THE VOICES?!
Girl: …freak….
Giving him one more kick for good measure, she runs off.
Duo (v/o): Heero! Hey, Heero…!
.
((***FLASHBACK ENDS***))
Duo shakes Heero gently to wake him up.
Duo: Wake up!
Heero: mumbling Five more minutes, mommy.
Duo: …
Regaining consciousness completely, Heero sits upright, giving Duo a quick "mention-that-to-anyone-and-you'll-be-worse-than-dead" look. Duo gulps.
Heero: What is it?
Duo: That little girl, sir, is about to issue a statement,…sir…
The screen in front of them flickers at that very moment, showing Mariemaia…or at least, the top of her hat.
Mariemaia: Down here, moron!
There's some muffled sounds as the camera is repositioned to show Mariemaia's face. She sighs, and speaks briefly.
Mariemaia: Good help is so hard to find these days…
The camera then zooms out to show a view of the colony. Various weapons and MS are seen soon after.
Mariemaia (v/o): We, at Colony L3-X18999 hereby wish to announce our independence from the Earth Sphere Unified Nation…
.
((Sally/Noin, now together in the same ship))
Sally: HA! I *told* you there were numbers in it!
Noin: Oh, shut up.
.
((Mariemaia on screen))
Mariemaia: …and declare war! I am a legitimate heir of the World Nation Sovereign. My name is Mariemaia Kushrenada…daughter of Treize Kushrenana.
.
((Sally/Noin))
Noin: …WHAT?!
Sally: Huh. Didn't see that one coming.
.
((Down on Earth))
A large screen located on the side of a building broadcasts her speech. The civilians watch in astonishment.
Citizen: Hey! What happened to football? I had money on that game!
Mariemaia: I'm carrying out my father's will… at least, that's the story I'm sticking with. It's in the human nature to fight!
The camera briefly zooms down to a certain blonde female in the crowd
Dorothy: smugly Told you!
.
((White House, nighttime, in the President's Bedroom))
The door is shut, so that all we see is the "Do Not Disturb" sign. Giggling is heard coming from inside.
President: muffled So…you say your name is Monica, huh?
Meanwhile, the VICE President is on the phone complaining to Lady Une as he watches Mariemaia on the television screen.
Vice President: …what are we paying you people for, anyways?!
.
((Scene switches to Une's office))
Une: I already reported on this matter the other day!
Vice President (on the phone): Well, a lotta good THAT did us!
Une: We're doing everything to stop this from progressing, but it seems they'd prepared for this before our department was ever—
The Vice President hangs up on her.
Une: scoffs How rude!
She places the phone down, and muses as she looks downward, holding the edge of her desk for support.
Une: I can stand here and make excuses all day…*twitch* They why don't you? *twitch* You stay out of this. The point is we're gonna need some help.
The sound of footsteps brings her attention the front door, where a man slowly walks in.
Une: Who are you? And how the hell did you get past security?
Man: Excuse me, but I've come to ask for a code name.
Une: You're…
Man: I'd like the name Wind…appropriate for one who—
*Pfft*
Man: Eh…sorry.
.
((Heero/Duo))
Duo: We're almost at the L-3 area. So how do you suggest we get in?
Heero: We could take over a couple of mobile suits. But we'd probably be targeted while boarding.
Duo: *shrugs* What else is new? Personally, I suggest ramming our way through the security…
Heero: It's the only way.
Duo: Man! You agreed with me! I always knew this day would come…
His eyes go all teary, as he wipes them dramatically.
.
((Sally/Noin))
Sally: So many buttons, so little time…hey, Noin! There's a shuttle up ahead flying straight into those troop of mobile suits!
Noin clears a communication path with the shuttle.
Noin: Attention, approaching shuttle! What the HELL do you think you're doing! Get your asses outta here NOW!
Duo's face appears on the screen.
Duo: Nice to see you too.
Noin: Duo?!
Duo: You were expecting Adam Sandler?
Noin: Is Heero with you?
Duo: Seems they're gonna have quite a Christmas party. Thought we'd go steal…I mean give 'em their present.
Sally: Are you kidding?! Not without your Gundams! How will you retaliate?
Noin: You still haven't answered my question.
Duo: Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something… if we can get to the colony…
Noin: …just admit it; you need our help.
Duo: WHAT? You lie. Anyways, we gotta go; don't wanna be late for the party, even fashionably late.
The screen goes fuzzy as Duo's last words are heard over the speaker.
Duo (v/o): Oh, yeah…don't blame us if they run out of food.
Heero (v/o): Blame Duo.
Sally: *blink* That was…interesting….
Noin: Okay, Sally…we're going to divert the Tauruses attention to ourselves so they can fly through, all right?
Sally: B-b-but…Duo said…
Noin: Nuts to that; I wanna help! Besides, when do we ever listen to Duo?
Sally: Okay, so we're backing them up.
Noin: You got it. But right now, we've gotta depend on them.
Sally: Yes. That's what so reassuring!
Noin: …
Sally: …
Noin: …did any of those last three sentences make sense to you at ALL?
Sally: No.
Noin: Didn't think so.
.
((ACTION SEQUENCE))
Various Mobile suits fire at the shuttle as Duo expertly dodges each shot with incredible skill.
Duo: Whoo-hoo! Who's the man now, Heero? Who's the man?
Heero: Shut up and drive.
Duo: …yessir…
One MS in particular heads towards the shuttle, as Duo steers right past it. He weaves his way around other Mobile Dolls in a similar fashion. One suit manages to chip the side of the shuttle, causing Duo to recoil for a moment then plow through. Sally and Noin come up from behind and shoot at the dolls, drawing their attention. They disengage the cargo, which happen to be missiles…
Sally: Convenient, ne?
…succeeding in blowing up quite a few suits. As the rest are finally destroyed, Duo prepares to land in the docking area.
Duo: Hold on tight; we're going in!
Two suits get in his way, shooting at the shuttle. The ship takes each blow with stride, as Duo pushes forward.
Duo: Move it or loose it; either way's fine with me!
Pouding this one button, he releases the large part of the ship on top. This collides with one of the suits and draws the other two away from the opening. Though he is still being shot at, Duo drives the shuttle through the opening of the dock, nearly crashing into the floor in the process. They come to a halt suddenly, deathly silence taking over for a full moment.
Duo: …not bad for my first time, wouldn't you say?
Seeing they made it, Sally and Noin drive off.
Sally: You hungry? I hear a new McDonalds just opened up on a nearby colony…
.
((Inside the Satellite)
Duo and Heero somehow managed to steal a couple of Mobile Suits.
Duo: Did I call that one or what?
And are currently facing off a number of Dolls.
Doll 1: Mama…mama…mama…
Doll 2: robotic voice We can do a-many thing; like laugh and dance and hug and sing! La—la-la—la—la-la-la—la-la-la…
Duo: Ahh! The evil must be eliminated!
The two dolls blow up in the battle. Heero then slices off the arm of another before plowing through two more.
Duo: Showoff.
Heero appears briefly on the viewscreen in Duo's cockpit.
Heero: Destroy all you can, then escape. Proceed at your own discretion.
Duo: mutters Who died and made you boss?
Heero: If I recall correctly, the original Heero Yuy…and Doctor J. Care to argue?
Duo: *grumble, grumble*
Duo heads towards a doorway, when he is stopped by a larger, new model MS.
Duo: It's a new model!
I just said that.
Duo: Sorry.
The pilot stands there, firing away his arms. He succeeds in drawing Duo away from the door, who hides behind a nearby wall for cover.
Wall: Anybody else sensing Déjà vu here?
Duo: Wow…this guy's pretty good. Not nearly as good as me, of course, but you can't top perfection.
Carefully, Duo watches the pilot's movements.
Duo: …or lack thereof.
Shaddup.
Duo: Hey…wait a sec…I know this style of combat! Silence…minimum movement…
The scene briefly fades into the cockpit, revealing Trowa. He currently sits, reading a good book, not bothering to watch the battle in front of him.
Duo sees an image of Heavyarms overlaying the suit…
Duo: Gotta love those special effects.
…and the fact that the two suits look nearly identical help quite a bit.
Duo: No doubt about it…Wufei's in that suit!
An invisible hand smacks Duo upside the head.
Duo: Ow! Did I say Wufei? 'cause I meant Trowa. That's it, Trowa's in the suit.
And even though he recognizes an ally, he STILL comes out from hiding, firing away like Rambo.
Duo: Take this, hot shot! Hehe…get it? Heavyarms…hotshot?
The cricket packs a suitcase, and puts on his hat.
Cricket: That does it; I quit.
.
((Over to Heero))
Heero manages to plow through a number of mobile suits, almost with ease, when he spots the dragon claw coming from one direction. He looks over to find Wufei in the Altron Gundam to his left. The two engage in a standoff.
Wufei: I've always wanted to fight you like this.
Heero: …
Wufei: …
Heero: …
Wufei: …
Heero: …
Wufei: *blink*
Heero: Ha! I win.
Wufei: Noooooooooooooooo!
Wufei attacks, but Heero blocks. They begin to fight one-on-one, managing to hold a life-appraising conversation in the process.
Heero: Wufei…what the hell's going on?
Wufei: Wish I knew.
Heero: That's not what I meant…
Wufei: Are you guys doing the right thing?
Heero: Yeah…you're really in the position to be asking that right now.
Wufei: …
Heero: …
Wufei: ANSWER ME!
The continue battling, before Heero pulls back enough to speak.
Heero: Wufei! Hit the self-detonation switch!
Wufei: …you're kidding, right?
He goes on with the battle, slicing off one of Heero's suit arms in the process and swiping at the cockpit. The hatch is blown open, and Heero stands up, glaring at Wufei.
Heero: I repeat: hit the switch.
Wufei: Bite me.
Once more, they stand-off. No one bothers to question why Wufei doesn't just finish him off now, when he has the chance.
Wufei: Because there is no justice in that.
Whatever. *coughwusscough*
.
((Trowa/Duo))
Trowa continues to shoot, knocking Duo on his back.
Duo: T-Trowa…
He tries to get his suit up, but it doesn't work.
Duo: Trowa, why have you forsaken me?
(Bonus points if you know where that's from, kiddies.)
"Trowa" (over intercom): Got the wrong guy. I'm not Trowa.
Duo: …Nanashi, then? Triton? Am I getting close? Midii's bi—
Trowa cuts him off by opening the shoulders of the MS to reveal multiple missiles.
Duo: Aw, hell.
"Trowa" aims and fires. The missiles head straight for Duo, and almost reach him, when…
.
((***FLASHBACK*** Trowa—out in the woods))
Duo (v/o): Whew! Thank God for that… Wait, didn't Trowa already have a flashback? Not that I'm really complaining or anything, though….
A small group of MS are slowly walking through a forest on patrol on night. Inside one of them, we find a young Trowa, around age 10. We know it's him because of the give-away haircut (which, by the way, looked MUCH cuter when he was younger). Around his neck, we see the only evidence in the anime that Midii Une ever existed: the golden cross she gave him.
Trowa (v/o): I am not Trowa. I am Triton. I am Nanashi. And, yes, I am Midii's Bi— er… But that's besides the point…
The scene switches back to the group of mechanics from previous flashback.
Trowa (v/o): The first time I met the man called Trowa…
Trowa sits cross-legged on a gangplank, working on the computer, doing REALLY REALLY high-class technical stuff.
Trowa (v/o): …I was just about to get the high score on Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven, when…
The scene switches to around the corner. The REAL Torwa abruptly turns to face Doctor S and his assistant, obviously mad.
Trowa: What's this all about? What do you mean I won't make it through the scene?
Doctor S: Trowa, If we proceed with Operation Meteor, two billion people will die, Trowa. Isn't that overkill for Heero Yuy's revenge, Trowa?
Trowa: …why do you keep repeating my name?
Doctor S: Umm…no reason, Trowa.
Trowa: O…k…. And anyways, the purpose of this plan is NOT revenge! We just told the mechanics that so they'd work for free!
Doctor S: That sounds like something Dekim of the Barton Foundation would say. Damn cheapskate.
Trowa: You…you're just jealous! All of you! You're jealous that MY family gets to rule the Earth Sphere and YOU don't!
He quickly turns to leave.
Doctor S: Where are you going. Trowa?!
Trowa: I'm telling my daddy on you! Just watch. You'll get in BIG trouble when he finds out, and I'll get to proceed with Operation Meteor all by myself!
The REAL Trowa suddenly collapses to the floor, shot in the back. As he falls, we now see Doctor S holding the gun.
Assistant: What you do that for?
Doctor S: He wouldn't shut up.
He quickly hands the gun back to the assistant.
Doctor S: Now you've done it.
Assistant: But…but…
Something metal drops to the floor off-screen, drawing the attention of both men.
Doctor S: Who's there?
"Trowa" (as in… our Trowa) walks out from where he was hiding, hands in the air.
Trowa: I have no name. If you like, call me "Nanashi"
The Assistant glares at him, holding up the gun.
Assistant: How much did you see?
Trowa: Er…nothing. But if you wish to kill me, I might retaliate.
Doctor S: *blink, blink* How could you possible retaliate if you're dead?
Trowa: …
Doctor S: …
Trowa: I'll come back to haunt you all!
The Assistant, being afraid of ghosts, quickly puts the gun away.
Assistant: But what are we going to do about…you-know…
Trowa: You're giving up to easily.
Assistant: What the fudge are you talking about?
Trowa puts his hands down, and stars at the real—yet dead—Trowa Barton.
Trowa: I was feeling insecure without a name. I wouldn't mind taking on his name.
Assistant: …you can do that?
He then focus his attention on Heavyarms.
Trowa: I seem to be best suited—forgive the bad pun—for the battlefields.
An image of Trowa's 10-year-old self inside a MS, followed by the mercenaries, and (of course) Midii briefly appear.
Midii: Yes, I exist, so get over it.
Doctor S: Are you saying you'll pilot this suit, Heavyarms?
Trowa: still staring at Gundam, and "image" of Midii Hmmm…what? Uh, sure.
Doctor S thinks about this for a moment
Doctor S: Oh, hell…what have we got to loose? You are now Trowa Barton. Operation Meteor is your responsibility.
Trowa: …cool…
.
((***END FLASHBACK***))
The missiles are still about to hit Duo, but when they explode, he's still okay.
Duo: YES! I AM IMMORTAL!
The explosions creates noise and dust, momentarily bring Wufei's attention away from Heero; when he looks back, Heero's gone.
Wufei: How does he do that?
We briefly catch a glimpse of Heero directly behind Wufei's Gundam, tip-toeing away.
Heero: hehehe…
Duo looks up, then looks back to see the two large holds leading to lower floors. He looks back at Trowa, who's also disappeared from sight.
Duo: How does he do that? Oh, well…
Blowing open the cockpit hatch, he floats over to and down one of the holes.
.
((Quatre & The Mauguanacs))
Quatre: At this rate, it'll take us five days to rendezvous with the resources disposal satellite. Now, the movie's obviously not that long, so…
He types out a different path on the computer navigational system.
Quatre: …we could reduce the time by up to eighty hours on this route.
Mauguanac: No contest. Let's take that route!
Rashid: What have I said about speaking when not spoken to?!
Mauguanacs: Eep!
Mauguanac 2: But, sir…considering the fuel needed to accelerate now, and decelerate at the rendezvous point…we'd have no propulsion by the time we got there.
Quatre: I'm sorry, did you say something?
Mauguanac 3: Then there's no way for us to get back? Good Lord, NO!
Quatre: Oh, there's a way to get back. If we detonated the power generator and used the explosion as our propulsion, we could return to Earth in no time. We'd fly the ship to Venus and use the catapult effect of its gravity to get to Earth.
Mauguanacs: *blink, blink*
Quatre: I love sounding smart.
Abdul (?): Our main problem will be time. According to your calculations, the ship will run alongside the satellite for only five seconds!
Rashid: The question is how many people can we get on in five seconds?
The Mauguanacs quickly look away, whistling innocently.
Quatre: Some danger can't be avoided. Since Duo hasn't sent us a message or anything, it's likely things are getting more difficult there. Either that, or he forgot my e-mail address again.
Rashid: Then it's decided. Our team will consist of Abdul, myself, and…
Quatre: No, I'm going alone.
Abdul: Oh, thank you God!
Mauguanac: …we're Islamic…
Abdul: Then thank Allah, too!
Rashid: Quatre-sama!
Mauguanac 6: Please, take us with you, master!
Mauguanac number 6 looks behind him, seeing number 3 attempting to throw his voice.
Quatre: Rashid, start the booster one last time.
Rashid: Quatre-sama, each on of them is ready to give his life up for you anywhere, anytime… right boys?
The Mauguanacs simultaneously nod. Their shackles briefly scrape against the floor. Quatre just smiles softly, nodding his head. Squeals are heard in the background over the KAWAII way his bands lightly bounce with the movement.
Quatre: In this universe, nothing is more precious than life.
Mauguanac 10: whispers to guy next to him This from the kid who once said his life wasn't worth sh*t 'cause he was born outta a test tube.
The boosters start up, as the ship increases in speed drastically.
.
((Sally/Noin))
A bunch of Taurus suits fly towards an intended target. Sally and Noin watch their movement over computers.
Sally: The Taurus troops ahead are heading toward the relay station.
Noin: …what's a relay station?
Sally: *shrugs* Got me. A Preventer cruiser will arrive from the Lunar Base shortly. I'm sure we can buy some time when they arrive. I've got ten bucks on me, about 'bout you?
Noin: Er…I'm broke.
Sally: Cheapskate.
Noin quickly changes the subject.
Noin: Any word from Heero and Duo?
Sally shakes her head "no" Noin looks down in disappointment, when a sudden realization comes to her.
Noin: Sally, did you confirm any new suit models in the last battle?
Sally: *blinks* um…no?
Noin quickly turns back to the computer, almost frantically.
Noin: We've underestimated them…
The screen shows heat sensors for Mobile Suits, revealing no trace of humans inside.
Noin: Just as I thought; the heat detectors show nothing!
Sally: so…what does that mean?
Noin bangs her head against the console.
Noin: The troops were all mobile dolls, meaning they weren't the main troops.
Sally: Then…that's a bad thing.
Noin: I need a new partner… Sally, contact Earth at once!
Sally: Noin, Roger! I mean…Roger, Noin! I mean…
Noin: Just shut up and do it.
Sally: 'kay.
.
((EARTH))
The scene focuses on pretty Christmas trees and people celebrating the holidays. Lady Une looks out her window to the city below.
Une: These people have no idea what's going on above their heads this very moment…
She looks up in surprise as snow begins to fall.
Une: Oooh…pretty… *sigh* Without strength to retaliate, she won't need five minutes to take political control…*twitch* Thank a LOT, Relena…*twitch* Oh, shut it. What would you do in this situation, Treize?
Suddnly, Treize's ghost appear behind her. She looks at him in shock.
Treize: I am the ghost of Christmas Presents.
Une walks up to him, slapping him in the face.
Une: That was for never telling me you had a DAUGHTER, you man-whore!
.
((Quatre))
A view of the outside of the ship, heading straight for a much larger sun than before. You know, since they're much closer and all.
Mauguanac (v/o): We found the resources disposal satellite, master. Can you PLEASE unshackle our hands and feet now?
Rashid (v/o): Quiet, you.
Quatre stares straight ahead, deep in thought.
Quatre: I'm almost there, Sandrock.
.
((Satellite with the Gundams))
The Gundams are all seen wearing poker hats, sitting around a large table. Deathscythe smokes a cigar.
Deathscythe: Okay, I'll see your five and raise you another three.
He tries to stare down Heavyarms.
Heavyarms: …
Deathscythe: throws his cards down That does it; I can't compete with a poker face like that.
Wing-ZERO: Competition is a form of alliances who do not always agree on the same perspective, but aim for the same goal.
Deathscythe: You're not helping.
Sandrock is seen holding a picture of Quatre in its hands. It mutters something incomprehensible, wiping away metallic tears with a hankie.
Sandrock: Oh sniff…agony…wipes away tear.
(Sorry, just *had* to do that. Inside joke)
.
((***FLASHBACK*** Quatre))
Quatre stares out the view window at something, but abruptly turns to his right.
Quatre: Self-detonation device?
Doctor: That's right. It's been installed in Sandrock.
Sandrock: What the fudge?! Why wasn't I told about this?!
Neither hear the Gundam's pleas, however.
Quatre: …why…?
Doctor: Because those with power must be prepared to lose their lives.
Quatre: tilts head to the side, innocently I don't get it.
Doctor: Don't worry…you will…
The screen on the consol blimps to live. Information starts scrolling across the screen.
Quatre: Is than an order from the organization?
Doctor: Er…no…
He punches the screen, startling Quatre, and then pulls out the cable wiring.
Doctor: Quatre. Fight as your heart tells you. Apologize when you must kill. And whatever you do, remember to drink your tea every day. Tea is good.
Quatre: nods Yes. Very good.
Quatre opens the lock, and floats down the gangplank. The Scientist watches from the room overhead.
Doctor: in thought I can't take away his kindness and sincerity…
*bonk* A piece of the fourth wall cracks, impaling him on the head.
Doctor: But the script says "sincerity"! It does!
*sigh* Jeff Nimoy's influenced the Gundam world…God help us all.
Meanwhile, Quatre innocently floats over to Sandrock's cockpit.
.
((***END FLASHBACK***))
We see a brief view of Quatre staring out ahead of him, before the scene switches over to that of MO-2. Multiple MS are lined up, with Dekim standing overhead.
Dekim: My calculations are accurate. Unlike those of Quinze…incompetent fool…
.
((L3-X18999))
Inside a helicopter, Mariemaia and Relena sit facing one another.
Relena: So what if you rule the Earth Sphere? Are you sure you'd be carrying on your fa—I mean, Trei—I mean, your father's will by doing this?
Mariemaia: You've got it all wrong. I just want to be victorious.
Relena stares at her for a moment, trying to figure out that last statement.
Relena: O…k… Then you'll have to decide on your own what the deeper meaning of fighting is.
Mariemaia: shouts I SAID NO RUDE COMMENTS, RELENA!!!
Relena cowers from the 7-year-old's powerful vocal chords
Relena: meekly But…I didn't say anything rude…
Through a pair of binoculars, Duo watches the same Helicopter from a rooftop on the colony. Heero is next to him.
Duo: Hey! I think I see Jupiter! spots the Helicopter Oh, look…found 'em. They're moving in an awful rush for people going to earth. Now why would they ever wanna go THERE?
Heero: That's because they're gonna escape.
Duo puts the binoculars down, and turns to face Heero.
Duo: Escape? Then why did they bother to take over this place?
Heero: Do I really need to tell you?
Duo: Does it *look* like I know?
Heero: Can't you figure it out?
Pause.
Duo: But isn't she Treize's daughter? Why would Treize's daughter do something like that?
Heero: Did you forget about Dekim?
Duo: Do you recognize the name?
Heero: Do you?
Duo: Are they serious?
Heero: What do you think?
Duo: They're planning to go ahead with Operation Meteor?
Heero: …
Duo: …
Heero: …not if I have anything to say about it.
.
((Quatre))
Quatre stands ready at the opening with a cable-launcher to cross over to the satellite the instant they reach it.
Rashid (over intercom): Quatre-sama. We'll reach the satellite in twenty seconds.
A view of Quatre's helmet reflecting off the image of space is seen for an instant before we actually see his face…
Quatre: Zzzzzz…
…fast asleep.
Rashid: QUATRE?!
Quatre is startled into wakening.
Quatre: Huh? Yeah. All set. sees something to his left It's here!
A computer generated image of the disposal block is seen cruising along. The ship comes side-by-side with it.
Rashid (over intercom): Commencing countdown!
The ship starts to decelerate.
Rashid: 10…9…8…7…5…
Mauguanac: What happened to six?
Rashid: Just kidding…NOW GET BACK TO YOUR SEAT, PEASANT!
The ship comes up directly next to the block in awesome special effects.
Rashid: 5…4…3…2…1…ZERO!
Wing-ZERO: You called?
At "ZERO", Quatre launches the cable, spearing the block with one end. He starts to cross, but turbulence as the block starts to pull away knocks him off the cable
Quatre: [makes this really hilarious-sounding scream] WHAAAAAA!
Rashid: Quatre-sama! What the heck kinda scream was THAT?
He tumbles over and over in the air…
Quatre: I think…I'm going…to hurl…
…before gaining his composure, pushing a button on his suit that ignites a small jet pack. He sails into the block, bouncing off…
Back in the ship, Rashid is seen relaxing comfortably in a plush recliner. Two Mauguanacs are giving him a manicure/pedicure, while another massages his shoulders. A fourth, chained to the wall by slightly smaller shackles than the rest, holds a glass of lemonade for him.
Quatre (over intercom): I'm…I'm okay. I've managed to arrive on the satellite.
Rashid: Good boy. I knew you could do it.
Quatre pulls himself up to a stand. As the ship pulls away, he waves goodbye.
Quatre: Take care, everyone. Say hi to the Goddess on Venus.
Mauguanac 15 (intercom): …there's a Goddess? Do you think she grants wishes?
Mauguanac 27 (intercom): That's a genie, dimwit.
Mauguanac 15 (intercom): Damn.
Inside the satellite, the air is so warm it visibly wavers. Quatre floats down to the room where the Gundams were placed.
Quatre: The air remaining on the ship has minimized the rise in temperatures…but it's still hotter than the desert in here!
Unfastening his helmet, Quatre slowly removes it, his bangs bouncing very slowly from lack of gravity, in a make-the-fangirls-swoon type motion you KNOW the animators put in just for that very reason. Briefly, he turns to the cameras.
Quatre: Aaron Carter, eat your heart out.
He then looks down at the four Gundams, Sandrock in particular.
Sandrock: Look who came crawling back…
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TO BE CONCLUDED…