Summary: Faith reflects on how her calling changed her life. Based on a challenge (although, I cannot remember where it came from).
Disclaimers: Characters are property of Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, 20th Century Fox, UPN, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, and Kuzui Productions.
Into the Blues
Laying on her back, staring at the ceiling of her dingy motel room, Faith tried pondering if her current life was actually better than the one she had in Boston. She had changed a lot since her first vampire, and not just by having her whole life turned upside down... This was one of those moments in life, when she started wondering if she had become a Slayer just because she ran away. She hated that train of thought, but occasionally she did regret having left that life behind. Even if she knew that she couldn't cope with that lifestyle anymore, because she was simple, not so pretentious, and definitely way smarter than they wanted her to be.
Damn, I shouldn't be moping like this. I guess B's influence is rubbing off on me. It made her laugh. She probably would never admit it, but Buffy in her simpler life - with her normal mother, - was happier than she had ever been. Back then, she kind of suspected that life wasn't like she'd been told it was, but reality turned to be more appealing than expected. And then one day, she decided she was bored of the private school, her drama classes (yet those had been useful), the horde of people ready to please her in any way possible, and she simply ran away.
It was supposed to last a week, at most. She wanted a taste of life, but things happened and then... She was called. She, the little princess who had never lifted a finger when things needed to be done, had suddenly found herself fighting demons, aided only by a pointy piece of wood. And, to her surprise, she had won! She, a simple human had defeated a monster! The rush she felt was so intoxicating, that she just could not do without it anymore. And, ever since, she liked the power flowing within her. She was delighted by the way it corrupted her soul... Because, for the first time, she had something because she had worked for it. It felt good, it felt fair...
So, she decided she wanted this life instead, embracing her slayer nature in contentment. But now, she wasn't so sure anymore. She was alone. More than when she'd lived with his father, more than when she listened to the endless preachings in the school's little chapel. Even more than the moment when she realized her Watcher was dying for her, protecting her from those creatures she had happily agreed to fight...
She didn't miss the money, the marvelous bed she slept on every night, or the bitchiness surrounding her at school. No, what she missed the most was the hope, the cheerfulness, the innocence. She had never been happy back then, but neither was she now. But at least back then, she would look forward to the next day, just like Buffy and her friends always did, always expected to see the light of a new day...
She hated Cordelia as well, but for a very different reason. She hated her because she was a constant reminder of a life she had ran away from, the life she was moping after right now... lain on her back on a smelly bed, staring blankly at the ceiling of another crappy motel room.
Why did I start thinking about this? Why am I pondering about what could have happened? It's done now. Dad's so damn busy to be worried about me. There's no use worrying about him, is there..? It's probably because of that song, the one he listened to whenever he wanted to think. That song I love because it meant he was home. And people wonder why I like meaningless beats so much... I love them 'cause they don't remind me of him. That way I can forget about his rules, my girlish clothes, my fucking expensive toys, my lost hope, and how those Negroes (as my father called them) were more parents to me than he could ever be. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to remember how I used to dance to the slow and soulful beat of blues, about my hope or their clapping as my companions... I don't want to remember, I don't need to remember. Not now.
Closing her eyes for a moment, she dismissed her thoughts before jumping from the bed. I need some Bronze for tonight, she decided. But despite her decision, an old blues song still echoed in her head.
END