Just a short one shot in between writing my chapter fics. Enjoy. : )

Reviews are sexy.

"It's her...isn't it? You love her."

"Yes. I love her."

"What have we been doing then? Fucking? I don't want that."

"She hurt me."

"And you've hurt me."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?"

"I'm trying to be."

"I hate you."

"I love her."

–

Here's to the day you hoped would never come.

I could feel her watching me, her cerulean eyes boring holes into my back. It was only not uncomfortable because it was Naomi. No matter how much she hurt me, I could always feel okay when she was around.

"Toast?" she asked, a slight twinge of sarcasm in her voice, I cringed.

"I'm okay." I stared down into my coffee, wanting nothing more than to cross the kitchen and take her my arms, kissing the hurt from her lips. But, I couldn't do that. I was supposed to be punishing her.

She sat down next to me, her eyes red, she'd been crying again. I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I hated this.

I watched her gaze into her coffee...it was that searching gaze, the one I knew she got when she was trying to convince herself I was worth it. She took a sip and the bottom of my stomach flipped, the urge to cry was overpowering.

Don't feed me violins, just run with me through rows of speeding cars.

I couldn't stop watching her. The way she could sit there, so calmly, drinking her coffee as if nothing in the world was wrong, as if we were okay. I wanted to punch her for doing this to me...I wanted to kiss her until we were gasping for breath. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her.

"Toast?" I only asked because I wanted to hear her voice, and I had to struggle to keep the tears from mine.

"I'm okay." She said, her voice faltering on the last syllable. I choked back more tears as I finished pouring myself a cup of coffee.

I sat down next to her. Her eyes were red, she'd been crying again.

I looked down into my coffee, trying to think of the words to make this right. I did this every morning, I searched and searched, but I've never gotten closer to an answer. I've only pushed myself further away.

The paper cuts, the cheating lovers, the coffee's never strong enough.

When she slept I could still see the demons haunting her dreams. I pushed a strand of her blonde hair from her face and kissed her cheek, when I pulled away my tears clung to her eyelashes. I had to fight the urge to wake her. I wanted to hold her more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I wanted to forget all of this and move on...with her. I wanted her, because I loved her so much I couldn't even watch her sleep without crying.

"I love you..." I whispered, pulling the blankets snug around her shoulders, trying to lock my words in to keep her safe.

I know you think it's more than just bad luck.

I always woke up before her, I watched the sunlight highlighting the purple in her red hair...I followed it down her forehead, over her nose...her lips. I kissed her cheek, pushing her hair from her face. Her eyelids flickered, I wondered if she was dreaming about me. It's hell, loving someone who can't love you back.

"I love you." I whispered, softer than a prayer.

There there baby, it's just textbook stuff, it's in the ABC of growing up.

I tried not to think of that night. We tried not to think of it. But no matter how much Naomi says it meant nothing, I couldn't help but wonder if she was lying. If it didn't mean anything, why would she do it in the first place? This...Naomi, the girl I wanted to spend forever with...why would she do this to me? Was it because she didn't think I loved her, was it because I wasn't good enough? I know that blaming myself is the worst thing to do but what else is there? She cheated on me, how is that not because of me?

Now, now darling, oh don't lose your head.

I tried not to think of that night. That stupid, fucking idiotic night. It wasn't even good sex, the whole time all I could think was Emily, Emily, Emily. Did she not see that I was suffering? Did she not see how unbelievably sorry I was? Did she not know that I would do anything to take it back? Emily was perfect, and I fucked it up just for one night of random fucking sex. Bad fucking sex.

Cause none of us were angels and you know I love you, yeah.

It was dinner. Again. Spaghetti and a side of silence. I was actually considering cutting her some slack tonight. I was being completely selfish of course...I couldn't handle this constant anger...this ignoring her. I needed her, just as badly as she needed me. I could only keep it up because I knew this would make her never do this again. I wanted to trust her word, but I needed to be sure.

I twirled the spaghetti on my fork and tried to muster the strength to talk to her.

"Lovely night, isn't it?" I settled for small talk. For a few moments after I said it she just looked at me, the spaghetti hanging limp on her fork, her mouth slightly open in shock. Then she finally pulled her mouth shut and blinked, as if trying to clear her head.

"I love you." was all she said. Despite myself I felt a warm flutter in my stomach and I felt hot tears prick my eyes. She was doing it again, making me feel guilty...but I just wanted to let her.

Sleeping pills and sleeping dogs lie never far enough away.

We fell into bed and at that moment everything melted away, all of the fights, the girl, everything. It was just me and Emily...Emily...Emily.

"I love you." I said again, crushing my lips to hers, touching her like I've wanted to for weeks. Although, just feeling her breath would have satisfied me.

"You know I love you too." She mumbled against my ear, sending my stomach in a spasm of fluttering.

Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt.

I could breathe. Finally. Her fingers were on me and I finally was free, I didn't know how long it would last, but I could breathe for the moment, and I knew this is where I always wanted to be.

I traced my fingers down her perfect stomach, her hips, coming up to pale breasts and moans that could melt the strongest of wills.

I couldn't get enough of her, she was so beautiful that it almost brought tears to my eyes. But there was too much of that already, crying couldn't help.

I've watched you slowly winding down for years, you can't keep on like this.

Fire is the best way that I can describe her touch. Fire without the pain, burning without catching on fire. Her fingers carved out a whole language on my skin, a language that only I could understand because of this uncontrollable burning.

I wanted to speak, to tell her how much this meant to me, but my lips on hers seemed to say more than words ever could. I could finally breathe again without the threat of bursting into tears.

Now's a bad a time as any...

We fell asleep like that. I was cradled in her arms, her head was resting buried in my hair. When it was over I felt her shudder with sobs, and I just leaned into her and tightened my grip on her arm. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to shield her from this, but I couldn't help but think it wasn't over. I wanted to believe it was, but I just didn't know if it was possible.

There there baby it's just textbook stuff, it's in the ABC of growing up...

It was breakfast again. But this time it wasn't filled with the silence of nothing to say, but the silence of too much to say and not knowing what to say first. Emily awoke before me for once and she had made cereal and coffee. I couldn't tell her how much I appreciated it, I couldn't tell her anything, my stomach was in knots and my throat was dry.

She had rendered me useless, the very thing that I was scared of from the very beginning.

Now now darling, oh don't kill yourself...

I acted on impulse, I wasn't used to this. I took a breath. "I'm sorry" I crossed the room and wrapped her in my arms, she fell against me, her body shivering, she buried her face in my neck as I felt hot tears drip down my face.

Cause none of us were angels...

"I'm sorry too." There was nothing else I could be. She was my forever.

And you know I love you, yeah.