From Color-Changing-War-Paint to Skin-Dyeing-Poison...
A/N and Disclaimer: Yes, I know I'm insane, so that takes care of about half of the reviews I'll get... If I get any reviews at all. Secondly, I wrote this for a fanfiction challenge I saw somewhere, but have no clue where I found it. Therefore, I thank whoever put this up for me to unleash my insanity unto the world. Thirdly, yes I do write much better than this, but this is my first HP fanfic, and is more like a default fanfiction. Fourthly (and yes this is my last -ly), Harry Potter, Professor Snape, and anyone else or any settings I use are all the property of the genius, the greatest writer of all time, the Queen of Literature, J.K. Rowling.
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Professor Snape's greasy voice bore a hole in Harry's mind as he, almost mechanically, poured numerous, carried potions into his cauldron. Hermione, who was working next to him, was almost asleep with her head resting on her hands, having finished the potion before Snape had finished telling the ingredients. Ron, unfortunately, was working with the one and only Draco Malfoy.
Snape was now walking up and down the rows of cauldrons, watching the Gryffindors stir feverishly and the Slytherins smirking at them. "Only a bit of rat intestines will suffice," he was saying. "Too much will turn it from a color-changing-war-paint to a skin-dyeing-poison that would kill in less than three..."
Harry looked up, and Hermione cam out of her stupor, when everyone noticed Snape's voice had trailed off. He was standing next to Neville Longbottom, who was looking pale and nervous as Snape stared into his cauldron.
"Your potion... is purple, Longbottom," Snape said menacingly. "Dark purple. If you remember, I stated specifically that when you were finished, it would be orange." He smiled as the Slytherins all laughed, then dipped his finger into the boiling concoction and pulled some out to show the class. "You've turned a simple war paint into-" He stared, horrified, at his finger, still dripping with the potion. "-Into a skin-dying-poison that'll kill you in less than three minutes!"
All of the Gryffindors laughed uproariously as Snape began running around the dungeon like a chicken with its head cut off. "Get it off me!" he yelled. "Off, off!! Make an antidote, you imbeciles!"
"But, Professor," said Seamus Finnigan innocently, "we can't make an antidote in under..." he checked his watch. "... two minutes!"
Harry, still laughing, turned his attention to the dungeon door, which had just burst open. George Weasley walked in, holding up an American Muggle dollar, and singing "I got a dollar! I got a dollar! I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!" over and over. Fred walked in behind him, looking utterly ashamed with his face in his hands.
Snape, who was now whimpering under his desk, came out, potion still dripping from his hand, and started singing along with George. Sounds of "I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!" soon filled the air. Ron got up, as did Draco, and both started waltzing and singing along with the song.
Meanwhile, Harry and Hermione watched the rest of the class (all of which, save those two, were singing along) as though they were all insane.
The door burst open again, but instead of another Weasley kid as they all expected, this time it was none other than Sirius Black who entered the room. Much to Harry's surprise, he didn't appear sunken and gloomy, but much like the pictures from Lily and James' wedding.
"Severus, ol' buddy, ol' pal!" Sirius exclaimed, making Snape jump. "How's my best friend doing these days?"
Harry and Hermione looked at each other incredulously.
Snape stopping singing, making total silence in the room (everyone had frozen at the sight of Sirius Black; Draco had dropped Ron from a dip they'd dared to do) and whimpered, holding his finger up for Sirius to see. Hermione thought he looked very much like a six-year-old showing their mother a "boo-boo".
"Aww..." Sirius cooed. "Poison got you down?"
Snape nodded pathetically, his lips forming into a pout.
Sirius smiled cheerfully. "That's OK, my good man! Because I've come to tell you how much I've loved you-"
Everyone in the class gasped audibly.
"You've all got sick minds!" Sirius said. He turned back to Snape. "Anyway, how much I've loved you LIKE A BROTHER-"
Everyone sighed in relief.
"Over the years," Sirius concluded.
More silence followed. The only sound was the wall clock's ticking. Suddenly, Seamus Finnigan looked at his watch again.
"Um... Professor? It's been ten minutes now. Aren't you s'posed to be dead?"
"Oh, yeah..." Snape thought for a moment, then collapsed on the floor twitching, and finally lying silent. Sirius looked sadly at his fallen "companion".
Every Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff on the Hogwarts grounds cheered, for they all had an internal-Snape-tracking-system (much like a subconscious Marauder's Map) and knew that he was dead.
Or so they thought.
Snape, lying on his back, looked up compassionately at Sirius. (The only sound in the background was that of every Weasley kid and Draco singing "I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!") "Brother Sirius," Snape said weakly.
"Yes, Brother Severus?" Sirius' voice was soft and broke off at one point.
"I just wanted to let you know..." Snape started, then went into a coughing fit, and started over. "... to let you know that, yes, I have always loved you as a brother." (He must've been thinking ahead to the students' sick reactions).
Everyone said, in unison, "Awwww..."
At that very moment, Dumbledore (who also had a Snape-tracking- system, and therefore thought him dead) walked in with Professor McGonagall following behind him.
"What's the meaning of all this?" he chuckled merrily, his eyes twinkling.
Snape, still lying face-up on the ground, gazed up at Dumbledore. "I'm dying," he stated sadly. Dumbledore looked quizzically at Snape. "Poison," he added. "I'm going to die without telling the Gryffindors I was so strict on them only because I loved them more than the other houses... especially Harry Potter."
"But, Severus!" Sirius said. "The Gryffindors are right there! Why don't you just tell them now?"
Snape sat up at the suggestion. "Gryffindors," he said, "I was so strict with you only because I loved you more than the other houses... especially you, Harry Potter."
'If that was love,' Harry thought, 'I would hate to see the hatred...'
"Silly!" Dumbledore laughed, and pulled Snape to his feet. "You aren't going to die! Why, that's not even poison!" He dipped his hand into Neville's cauldron and scooped out a handful of the concoction, then smeared it onto a dungeon wall. "It's a simple glow-in-the-dark paint! Nothing more, nothing less."
Every Gryffindor's mouth dropped open in dismay. At the same time, Ron and George looked confusedly at Dumbledore (having had no idea what was going on for celebrating the dollar), then started waltzing and singing the song again.
"You mean I'm not gonna die?" Snape said, once again in the pathetic voice.
"No, Severus, you're not going to die."
"Oh." Snape looked indignantly around him. "In that case, Sirius, it's been a pleasure seeing you again, but I really must get back to my class." With no other words, Sirius, Dumbledore, and McGonagall all left the dungeon.
"Well, what are you all staring at??" He yelled at the class. "Get working! You must have this potion done by the end of class, which incidentally is in about 3 minutes."
While every student worked at finishing the potion, Snape said, "And fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor, Mr. Finnigan, for your not making the antidote."
While Seamus got smacked numerous times for losing so many points, Snape continued lecturing in his greasy voice, the previous incident forgotten.
A/N and Disclaimer: Yes, I know I'm insane, so that takes care of about half of the reviews I'll get... If I get any reviews at all. Secondly, I wrote this for a fanfiction challenge I saw somewhere, but have no clue where I found it. Therefore, I thank whoever put this up for me to unleash my insanity unto the world. Thirdly, yes I do write much better than this, but this is my first HP fanfic, and is more like a default fanfiction. Fourthly (and yes this is my last -ly), Harry Potter, Professor Snape, and anyone else or any settings I use are all the property of the genius, the greatest writer of all time, the Queen of Literature, J.K. Rowling.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Professor Snape's greasy voice bore a hole in Harry's mind as he, almost mechanically, poured numerous, carried potions into his cauldron. Hermione, who was working next to him, was almost asleep with her head resting on her hands, having finished the potion before Snape had finished telling the ingredients. Ron, unfortunately, was working with the one and only Draco Malfoy.
Snape was now walking up and down the rows of cauldrons, watching the Gryffindors stir feverishly and the Slytherins smirking at them. "Only a bit of rat intestines will suffice," he was saying. "Too much will turn it from a color-changing-war-paint to a skin-dyeing-poison that would kill in less than three..."
Harry looked up, and Hermione cam out of her stupor, when everyone noticed Snape's voice had trailed off. He was standing next to Neville Longbottom, who was looking pale and nervous as Snape stared into his cauldron.
"Your potion... is purple, Longbottom," Snape said menacingly. "Dark purple. If you remember, I stated specifically that when you were finished, it would be orange." He smiled as the Slytherins all laughed, then dipped his finger into the boiling concoction and pulled some out to show the class. "You've turned a simple war paint into-" He stared, horrified, at his finger, still dripping with the potion. "-Into a skin-dying-poison that'll kill you in less than three minutes!"
All of the Gryffindors laughed uproariously as Snape began running around the dungeon like a chicken with its head cut off. "Get it off me!" he yelled. "Off, off!! Make an antidote, you imbeciles!"
"But, Professor," said Seamus Finnigan innocently, "we can't make an antidote in under..." he checked his watch. "... two minutes!"
Harry, still laughing, turned his attention to the dungeon door, which had just burst open. George Weasley walked in, holding up an American Muggle dollar, and singing "I got a dollar! I got a dollar! I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!" over and over. Fred walked in behind him, looking utterly ashamed with his face in his hands.
Snape, who was now whimpering under his desk, came out, potion still dripping from his hand, and started singing along with George. Sounds of "I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!" soon filled the air. Ron got up, as did Draco, and both started waltzing and singing along with the song.
Meanwhile, Harry and Hermione watched the rest of the class (all of which, save those two, were singing along) as though they were all insane.
The door burst open again, but instead of another Weasley kid as they all expected, this time it was none other than Sirius Black who entered the room. Much to Harry's surprise, he didn't appear sunken and gloomy, but much like the pictures from Lily and James' wedding.
"Severus, ol' buddy, ol' pal!" Sirius exclaimed, making Snape jump. "How's my best friend doing these days?"
Harry and Hermione looked at each other incredulously.
Snape stopping singing, making total silence in the room (everyone had frozen at the sight of Sirius Black; Draco had dropped Ron from a dip they'd dared to do) and whimpered, holding his finger up for Sirius to see. Hermione thought he looked very much like a six-year-old showing their mother a "boo-boo".
"Aww..." Sirius cooed. "Poison got you down?"
Snape nodded pathetically, his lips forming into a pout.
Sirius smiled cheerfully. "That's OK, my good man! Because I've come to tell you how much I've loved you-"
Everyone in the class gasped audibly.
"You've all got sick minds!" Sirius said. He turned back to Snape. "Anyway, how much I've loved you LIKE A BROTHER-"
Everyone sighed in relief.
"Over the years," Sirius concluded.
More silence followed. The only sound was the wall clock's ticking. Suddenly, Seamus Finnigan looked at his watch again.
"Um... Professor? It's been ten minutes now. Aren't you s'posed to be dead?"
"Oh, yeah..." Snape thought for a moment, then collapsed on the floor twitching, and finally lying silent. Sirius looked sadly at his fallen "companion".
Every Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff on the Hogwarts grounds cheered, for they all had an internal-Snape-tracking-system (much like a subconscious Marauder's Map) and knew that he was dead.
Or so they thought.
Snape, lying on his back, looked up compassionately at Sirius. (The only sound in the background was that of every Weasley kid and Draco singing "I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!") "Brother Sirius," Snape said weakly.
"Yes, Brother Severus?" Sirius' voice was soft and broke off at one point.
"I just wanted to let you know..." Snape started, then went into a coughing fit, and started over. "... to let you know that, yes, I have always loved you as a brother." (He must've been thinking ahead to the students' sick reactions).
Everyone said, in unison, "Awwww..."
At that very moment, Dumbledore (who also had a Snape-tracking- system, and therefore thought him dead) walked in with Professor McGonagall following behind him.
"What's the meaning of all this?" he chuckled merrily, his eyes twinkling.
Snape, still lying face-up on the ground, gazed up at Dumbledore. "I'm dying," he stated sadly. Dumbledore looked quizzically at Snape. "Poison," he added. "I'm going to die without telling the Gryffindors I was so strict on them only because I loved them more than the other houses... especially Harry Potter."
"But, Severus!" Sirius said. "The Gryffindors are right there! Why don't you just tell them now?"
Snape sat up at the suggestion. "Gryffindors," he said, "I was so strict with you only because I loved you more than the other houses... especially you, Harry Potter."
'If that was love,' Harry thought, 'I would hate to see the hatred...'
"Silly!" Dumbledore laughed, and pulled Snape to his feet. "You aren't going to die! Why, that's not even poison!" He dipped his hand into Neville's cauldron and scooped out a handful of the concoction, then smeared it onto a dungeon wall. "It's a simple glow-in-the-dark paint! Nothing more, nothing less."
Every Gryffindor's mouth dropped open in dismay. At the same time, Ron and George looked confusedly at Dumbledore (having had no idea what was going on for celebrating the dollar), then started waltzing and singing the song again.
"You mean I'm not gonna die?" Snape said, once again in the pathetic voice.
"No, Severus, you're not going to die."
"Oh." Snape looked indignantly around him. "In that case, Sirius, it's been a pleasure seeing you again, but I really must get back to my class." With no other words, Sirius, Dumbledore, and McGonagall all left the dungeon.
"Well, what are you all staring at??" He yelled at the class. "Get working! You must have this potion done by the end of class, which incidentally is in about 3 minutes."
While every student worked at finishing the potion, Snape said, "And fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor, Mr. Finnigan, for your not making the antidote."
While Seamus got smacked numerous times for losing so many points, Snape continued lecturing in his greasy voice, the previous incident forgotten.