Disclaimer: There'd be way more than 7 books if I'd wrote Harry Potter..

Author's Note: This is an AU fic and pretty OOC as well, so please bear that in mind if you decide to hate me. I love hearing what people think so drop me a review if you'd like! (That was a massive hint...)

Intervention

Chapter 1: Lying About The Truth

Harry Potter sat with the other four sixth year boys that he shared his dormitory with. One thought kept entering his mind. God how he would love to deck Ron Weasley in the face right now. For the past hour and a half Harry's best friend had talked incessantly about how he was finally going to ask Hermione Granger, the boy's other best friend, out on a date. And Harry just had to sit there and be pestered for advice.

"Should I like give her flowers or something", Ron's voice droned into his head

"I'll mash you like a potato," Harry threatened under his breath.

"What was that mate?"

"Errr" Harry said snapping out of it quickly "nothing mate."

"Oh okay." Ron laughed. "Could have sworn you said you were going to mash me like a potato" Ron saw the look on Harry's face. He laughed nervously. "You...didn't say that...did you?"

Harry jumped up "No," he gave a manic laugh, "I was just saying how...err how I need to go to Hogsmeade for a new potato masher!"

Ron seemed to accept this story and didn't question him about it but Seamus did "Why do you need a potato masher mate?" he sounded interested.

Harry's mind went completely blank and he could think of no logical reason as to why he might need to acquire the aforementioned kitchen utensil, so he decided he would just have to make Seamus feel really stupid, he started at his friend and snorted "Well, obviously Seamus", he began patronisingly "I need it to mash potatoes with!"

"Yeah I gathered as much mate but-"

"Yeah, I'm sure you did", Harry said disbelievingly" Honestly Seamus, you're worse than Crabbe and Goyle"

This seemed to make Seamus shut up.

Ron interrupted "So anyway Harry about Hermione, what should I do?

"Ron, honestly I haven't got a clue."

Ron sulked. "So what do you think to the flowers idea?"

"Yeah sure whatever" Harry just wanted to go to sleep he was just picturing in his mind how he could "accidentally" smack Ron right in the chops if he suddenly stood up to "stretch" when the victim of Harrys daydream himself interrupted his thoughts once again.

"But Harry!", he sounded dead worried, "what if she hates the flowers?? What kind of flowers does she like? Should I grow them myself or is that too much?? How do you grow flowers anyway?

"No idea"

Ron wailed "Harry please will you find out for me?"

"Mate, to grow flowers you just need to plant bulbs and make sur-"

"No you git! Find out what kind of flowers she likes for me! Please??" He then proceeded to do the worst puppy eyes Harry had ever seen.

Harry who was so desperate for Ron to shut up and leave him alone so he could daydream about murdering him and be happy again, quickly agreed then regretted it greatly when a massive red-haired blur who went by the name of Ron Weasley threw itself at him "Oh cheers Harry, I won't forget this you know."

"Ron get off!", commanded Harry "Our guy love has not yet nor will it ever reach that level!"

Hermione entered the common room, Ron squealed and toppled off Harry onto the floor. "Hermione", he cried urgently, "it's not what it looks like I swear!"

Harry hissed at Ron to shut up. "Go up to the dormitory so I can ask her" is what he muttered out of the corner of his mouth. "Be subtle"

"Guys", began Ron who had stood up, his face returning to it's normal colour "Let's all leave Harry and Hermione alone so that Harry can find out what kind of flowers.." He froze realising what he had been saying and hurriedly went "Snape would like the best..", he trailed off pathetically, his face turning crimson again.

Hermione looked confused and Harry just looked mortified. He would need to come up with a good explanation for that one.

"Bye!", Ron bolted up the stairs followed by Neville, Seamus and Dean leaving Harry and Hermione alone in the room.

"Why does he want to know what kind of flowers Snape would like?", she asked her eyebrows knitting together and a puzzled expression upon her face.

This question left Harry in a compromising position. He considered his options he could tell Hermione all about Ron's crush on her, the very fact that Hermione the brightest witch he had ever met had no idea that Ron fancied her was just too ironic to be true, anyway it didn't exactly matter because Ron would slaughter him if he told the truth. What exactly was he meant to say here??

After what seemed to Harry like a deafening silence he finally answered "to thank Snape for being such a good mentor" Harry inwardly cursed himself, he was going to have to do better than that.

Hermione now looked even more puzzled, her forehead was crinkled and Harry could see she was silently mouthing what he had just told her, trying to comprehend it. "Harry", she said reasonably "Ron hates Snape..."

Harry laughed awkwardly "Oh that! No. That's just all for show!"

"Don't lie to me Harry, just tell me the truth."

Harry did his very best to keep his face straight as he replied" Well, there's a thin line between love and hate Hermione, as a matter of fact they're practically the same thing!"

"What exactly are you trying to say Harry?"

"Nothing, nothing",Harry responded breezily "it's like this, sometimes two guys who appear to be enemies aren't', they uhh actually quite like and...admire each other." Harry prayed this answer would be sufficient then suddenly panicked as he realised something "Remember! I said sometimes! Not like all the time!".

"Harry I'm not understanding you here."

"This has nothing to do with me and Malfoy! We hate each other! I mean we really, really do. Manly hate! We're men! Men who hate each other!" Harry paused then added "well Malfoy's gender really is debatable…."

"Ok", Hermione replied easily looking quite amused "but what does any of what you're saying have to do with Ron"

" Sixteen is an...awkward time for guys Hermione. It's a time where people, like Ron, begin discovering...strange feelings...for unlikely people."

Hermione gasped. "You mean Ron, R-Ron likes S-Snape???"

"NO!", shouted Harry quickly. "Ehh I mean maybe..."

Hermione flopped onto the couch howling with laughter.""Oh Merlin! Harry I..I- C-can't breathe! That's hilarious. Ron and Snape! You can just picture it can't you! Ron running his hands through Snape's greasy hair! Oh God"

Harry just had to join in at that. "Hahah that's probably why he gets so many detentions! They're not really scrubbing potion spills in that dungeon!"

Some time later when they'd both finally recovered Harry remembered that Ron did not in fact have a thing for Snape and telling Hermione that he did was not exactly going to help catapult her into Ron's arms.

Well, he reasoned with himself, at least if they eventually got it together he'd have a good story to tell their kids.

Harry was going to go to bed when it occurred to him that Ron would be wetting himself from the anticipation anxiously waiting for Harry to report back on his findings. Hermione was just packing up her things and was getting ready to call it a night when Harry asked "So Hermione what are your favourite kind of flowers?."

She looked surprised but answered anyway "Well, I love tulips."

"Yeah?" he responded lazily "I would have thought you were a big fan of roses."

Hermione snorted "Trust me Harry, you thought wrong I hate roses!"

"Interesting", he'd need to remember that. "Well, night Hermione!" He stood up to leave but Hermione wandered over to him, she hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek and said "night Harry, do give Ron and Snape my best won't you."

Harry grinned. They both began making their ways to their respective dormitories.

The second Harry walked through the door Ron flew at him "What did you find out??? Oh Merlin, you told her didn't't you, you told her how I feel? She already knows doesn't't she??? I feel like a giant mango now."

"Calm down Ron, no none of that. I can truthfully say that she has no idea what you're feelings are about her.!"

Ron sighed in relief, suddenly a horrified expression appeared on his face "What did you tell her about Snape?"

"Oh that", said Harry racking his brains for a believable answer, "actually mate, it occurred to me that in order to win Hermione you're going to have to do something really funny and, and impressive. I told her that for a joke you're pretending to be in love with Snape."

"You what?!", Ron yelped.

"No Ron, it's not like that! I said to her that for a laugh you were going to bombard Snape with love letters and romantic gestures, you know 'cos it would be really funny, and we were laughing for ages. She thinks it's a great idea."

Ron seemed to relax at this. "Well, if she thinks it would be funny...guess it couldn't hurt. Harry you're a genius mate!"

"Thanks", said Harry uncomfortably.

A short while later Harry was laying in bed just about to doze off when all of a sudden Ron sat up. "Harry? You awake mate?"

Harry groaned. "Whassa matter Ron", he muttered sleepily.

"Did you remember to find out what Hermione's favourite flowers are?"

Harry sat and thought for a minute, an opportunity like this would never come again so he was as well to make the most of it. I mean it wouldn't actually affect anything would it? He grinned and then replied "Sure did mate, she's a sucker for roses."