Alright, this was a random idea that struck me. It's a parallel universe, where the Sasuke retrieval arc was successful, and Sasuke's pulled the various poles out of his ass. Some characters may, while other characters will, be out of character, but this entire thing is just for a bit of fun; don't take it too seriously. Enjoy!
The Konoha Twelve was what people called them.
Just that title alone was apt description; there were twelve of them, and they were from Konoha. Succinct really.
They were all very different Shinobi; personality-wise, technique, style, all of it. You had the ones that radiated power, grace, and you had those that exuded delicacy, kindness. You had those who were arrogant, and those who were humble. Every one of the Konoha Twelve was a person unique.
The Sand Trio was often seen with at least one of the Twelve whenever they were in Konoha, and with the rebuilding of the Alliance between Wind and Fire, that was fairly often. So the group of fifteen became almost a siblingship; everyone was practically family.
When the majority of the group hit fifteen years, a spy from the ROOT organisation had been sent to infiltrate their ranks.
It didn't quite work the way planned; Sai earned a place in the group, but he wanted the place. Sai wanted to belong. He became part of the family.
Knowing this, it wouldn't surprise many to find the sixteen having what a civilian would call a slumber party.
"Alright everyone gather round! It's time to play a game!"
Sakura's voice rang through the room, disturbing several conversations, forcing incredulous eyes to her face. The lazy drawl of Shikamaru soon followed her proclamation.
"Troublesome. Okay, I'll bite; what game?"
The sly smirk on Sakura's face made a few throats swallow nervously.
"'Do I Make You Nervous?'"
Groans erupted from the room, along with several shrieks of delight. Once again Shikamaru spoke.
"Only if the pairs are drawn from a hat." Seeing the mutinous expression on the pinkettes face, Shikamaru levelled a glare at Sakura. "Out of a hat, or we don't play Sakura. If you get paired with Uchiha that way, fine, no one complains, but the entire reason you want to play is so you can be with Sasuke. Don't try and say otherwise."
Seeing the glares -one from Shikamaru, the other from Sasuke- Sakura nodded her head in agreement, while Chouji procured a hat and notepaper. Once everyone's names were bundled in the hat, they were paired, the results more than a little surprising.
Sakura and Ino.
Sai and Chouji.
TenTen and Neji.
Gaara and Lee.
Shino and Kankuro.
Hinata and Kiba.
Temari and Shikamaru.
Naruto and Sasuke.
While some were chuckling at good fortune, and others lamenting their fate, Sai spoke up.
"I have never encountered this game; how do you play?"
It was Ino who answered.
"The point of the game is to make your partner so uncomfortable that they cannot continue to play. Sakura and I will go first, and you'll see how it's done, kay?"
Seeing the boys affirming nod, Ino and Sakura began, straight away pulling off 'experienced' moves that put them into near embrace running their hands over the other just shy of being inappropriate. In muted fascination, the rest of the group watched as Ino dragged her hand over the length of Sakura's body before whispering.
"Do I Make You Nervous?"
"YES! YES YOU DO! I NEED TO SAVE MY CHASTITY FOR SASUKE!"
Sakura wrenched herself from Ino's grip and flung herself to the other side of the room, breathing deeply with a heavy red covering her face.
Ino's victorious smirk made a few of the men present shiver as she walked from the 'stage area' in the rooms centre.
"Chouji and Sai's turn!"
Chouji walked into the area and swallowed nervously. He really wasn't sure why he agreed to play this game.
Sai spent a moment in thought, trying to understand what he had just seen. Seemingly coming to a conclusion, Sai strode to Chouji and draped his arms across his shoulders and chest.
"Hello."
"SAI'S WON!"
Naruto's loud guffaws heralded Sai's victory as the two left the staging area. Neji raised his hand to get the groups attention, TenTen standing at his side.
"Honestly, we'll just start making out, so we both suspend ourselves."
Nodding at her teammates words, TenTen strove to ignore the various catcalls the men in the group gave her.
To her, and everyone's surprise really, Gaara spoke up.
"In that case, do either of you want to trade with me? Please. Trade with me."
Darting glances over at their third teammate, both Neji and TenTen felt sorry for the redhead, but-
"Sorry Gaara."
"If you will not trade with Gaara, will you youthfully trade with me?"
At Lee's exuberant question Gaara piped up once more.
"I'm totally fine with you trading with Lee. It doesn't have to be me."
Again, despite Lee's youthful begging and promises, both Neji and TenTen shook their heads. Hearing chuckles, Gaara's gaze swung to-
"Naruto! Will you trade with me? Please Naruto?" Naruto looked pityingly at his fellow Jinchuuriki. Seeing the expression the blond had, Gaara tried to push his advantage. "Come on Naruto, please? I'll buy you ramen for a month."
Naruto has suddenly standing straighter then he ever did, a calculating gleam in his eyes, before the blond could answer however another voice rang through the room.
"Dear Lord- LEE! What are you doing?!"
Eyes darting to the subject of Sasuke's surprised shout resulted in surprised shouts of their own.
"Lee! Clothes back on!"
"What were you thinking?!"
Lee just looked confused, tilting his heads to the side as he considered his answer.
"Well, if I'm to be paired with someone as youthfully bright as Naruto, would it not be best if I gave it my all?"
"The pairs haven't been swapped yet! And how does stripping help- no! I don't want to know! Lee wins!"
As Lee began hopping about in unbridled joy, Gaara quickly moved to partially hide behind Naruto, the blond promising that if such a pairing came again, he would swap automatically, so they would never have to see that again.
A break in the game was called so that everyone could attempt to forget that they had nearly seen Lee prancing about in his birthday suit. Once a good, fair attempt had been made, Ino and Sakura called for the games to continue.
Kankuro and Shino stepped into the staging area, both silent.
The two were not friends. They weren't even acquaintances really; they shared friends but tended to steer clear of the other. Shino couldn't help but remember the after-effects of the poison Kankuro had gotten him with, while Kankuro still had nightmares about being completely covered in bugs.
"Come on little brother, get this over with."
Shut up Temari! This game almost always ends up making people look really gay, and I'm straight as a ruler!"
An evil smirk crooked the kunoichi's lips.
"You're as straight as your ruler, little brother; your ruler just happens to be quite flexible."
A smattering of chuckles and Kankuro's eyelid twitching, the Suna nin spun to look at his sister.
"That is just sick Temari! There is no way I would ever be with a guy!"
Seeing the way to win, and end this round of the game, Shino stepped forward and adopted a pose similar to what Sai had with Chouji. It was actually a little difficult to keep the smile out of his voice with the way Kankuro froze.
"Do not worry, it would not be gay. Why, you ask? Because most bugs do not have a set gender."
Kankuro screamed and leapt away.
"What is wrong? Do I Make You Nervous?"
"Yes! Even if you could be either gender, you look way too much like a guy! I only do women! I am completely straight! I'm as straight as the one in that clock!"
Shino, actually having a good bit of fun, glanced at the clock and saw how to push this just a bit further.
"The one is crooked."
At Kankuro's wail, Shino left the staging area, coming to stand with his teammates who were both red with laughter. Kankuro's own siblings were openly showing their amusement as well -Temari plain laughing while Gaara had a smirk twisting his lips.
Shaking her head at her brother, Temari stepped forward, Shikamaru dragging his feet forward as well.
"What? Too troublesome to play, you big baby?"
"Well you are a troublesome woman, and as I've said before, I really don't want to lose to a girl. Besides, I'm most likely too big for you to handle."
"Is that a fact? Cause from where I'm standing, you don't look that big, and I'm really not into cradle robbing."
"You can only steal from the unwilling."
Over and over the two went back and forth, their words shifting between harmless banter, sexual quips, and some things that went far beyond pillow talk. As the rest of the group watched in a mazement at the exchange, their eyes grew wide as they realised that as more words were shared, the closer the two players got, until eventually Temari was straddling a sitting Shikamaru's hips with her arms around his neck, Shikamaru's hands resting gently on her hips. And the two hadn't noticed. Sai most certainly had.
"Wait; is this what people call foreplay?"
A silence that should not have been possible given the members of the group reigned, Shikamaru and Temari frozen in place as their positions finally registered. After a few terse moments, both ninja suddenly parted and were back in their respective places amongst the group, both calling surrender.
It broke the damn and most of the Konohan's submitted to raucous laughter the few who didn't, and the Sunaen nin just chuckling.
Once the two had been thoroughly embarrassed, and the groups general mirth quietened, Kiba and Hinata took to the centre. Hinata was taking deep, slow breaths, making sure she did not panic. Kiba was sweating bullets.
I still can't believe I got paired with Hinata! Thank you Kami, thank you! I could have so much fun with this! If only Neji weren't here to kill me for it.
Glancing over his shoulder, the Inuzuka gulped when he saw the murderous gaze the elder Hyuuga was sending him. It wasn't just the normal 'anything inappropriate, I cut of your hands' glare either, oh no. It was the patented 'You even look at her with anything but less-then-chaste thoughts, they will never find your body, should I decide to leave one'.
Kiba wanted to have a bit of fun with this game, but he was unsure if he was truly willing to pay the price.
"Kiba~"
Turning his attention to the little sing-song voice that his teammate had used, Kiba found himself locked in place, eyes open as wide as possible, when Hinata -sweet, shy little Hinata- pressed herself against him in a hug, her impressive chest pushed to his own. Looking down slightly to meet her eyes, eyes that simply batted innocently at him, Kiba felt Neji's eyes drilling into his back, the intensity growing every second.
It was only when Kiba found that Hinata had grabbed his hand wand was leading it to her behind-
"NO! HINATA WINS, I'M OUT!"
Jumping away from the smaller ninja, Kiba hid from Neji's direct glare behind Akamaru's large body. At the elder Hyuuga's deep chuckle, Kiba risked a peek, to see Neji trying hard not to full on laugh, with Hinata not a few steps away.
"Hey! No tag-teaming! That's not cool!"
"B-but Kiba ... didn't Sai d-do the exact same thing ... during T-T-Temari and Shikamaru's r-round?"
Trying to make sense of the fact that the two Hyuuga had boxed Kiba in without him noticing, the Inuzuka's face eventually became as red as the clan markings on his cheeks. Hearing a certain snicker, the brunette swung around pointing a finger at the perpetrator.
"You snicker now, but it's your turn Naruto!"
"Gladly."
Naruto and Sasuke both easily stepped forward. Bother were wearing grins that told of their suppressed laughter at everything they had seen. Taking a few minutes to settle, both managed to slip a neutral expression onto their faces.
"So Sasuke is that a kunai in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Only four members of the audience didn't fall into laughter from that one line. Giving a few seconds for the laughter to die so that he could be heard, Sasuke responded.
"Why don't you come and find out?"
Shocked laughter this time; that an Uchiha would say something like that!
"I'm not one to turn down such invitations."
Shocked silence now, as the group watched Naruto stride forward to Sasuke, and position them in a way that no-one could see their hands.
A small, pleasure filled moan escaped Sasuke's throat, further freezing the group.
"Well Naruto; what's the verdict?"
"I don't know Sasuke; it's so hard."
"Only for you."
"As always."
"I realize this is hardly the time or place, but do you remember that time when we almost got caught at the academy?"
At the dark chuckle that slipped from Naruto's lips, the group found themselves leaning in.
"How could I ever forget? We were nearly caught by Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei."
"I'll admit that our hiding place was cramped, but to see the two of them like that? That just made my day."
"Ah, I found it far more enjoyable when Anko arrived."
More dark chuckles, from both men this time. So engrossed were they all, that none took note of the figure peeking in from the door.
"Oh yes, I was most impressed. Given that she trained under Orochimaru, I shouldn't be surprised that she can bend like that, but damn."
"I'm still not sure where she learned those knots; those were a work of art."
Sasuke appeared to shiver in delight, while Naruto just licked his lips.
"Ibiki walked in just as soon as she finished too."
"Thanks to that man, I can never look at a hard back chair the same way."
More shivers, only they weren't Sasuke's.
"Then Gai-sensei with the rake."
"That was indescribable. I still have dreams about that."
"Me too."
Team Gai had leaned even closer.
"Sasuke, do you still find it hard to swallow when you remember what Ebisu did when he walked in?"
Sasuke swallowed normally.
"I can swallow fine now, but I've stopped picturing myself with my mouth open that wide."
"Good, I was worried for a while that you wanted to try that."
"Please; as fun as it could prove to be -for both of us- I don't feel like dislocating my jaw."
Naruto simply shrugged good-naturedly, ignoring the fifteen eager listeners.
"It really became a free-for-all when Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei rocked up huh?"
"Duh, idiot. Kurenai-sensei is a specialist in genjutsu and Asuma-sensei is a rough-houser. No one knew what was going to hit them next when those two decided to get frisky."
Once again, everyone leaned closer, breaths slightly bated as they heard whatever else happened in this escapade.
"I was kinda surprised when Genma and Raido leapt in."
"Kurenai-sensei certainly was, and Anko seemed pissed that they passed her up."
"Yeah, but Anko's all kinds of different tastes; it isn't everyone that finds she's their match."
The group was agape; how were they talking about such things while being so blasé?
"Watching Kotestu and Izumo try to placate Anko was funny though."
"Bastard, like Anko said, 'how could those two hope to satisfy her'?"
The visitor hidden by the door slowly pulled away, fanning his face as he moved to his study quickly, plans already forming in his mind.
How much barbeque will I be able to scam outta Shikaku and Inoichi for this information?
Chouza drooled slightly in anticipation.
"Naruto, you know well and good that if one tries hard enough, it's all worth it."
"I do know that. It was quite the sight all up wasn't it?
Who next would be introduced to this orgy the two boys were describing? Deep swallows were taken and hands quickly fanned red faces and the audience waited for the next piece of info.
"Yeah, but then Konohamaru showed up."
"NO!"
The two boys jumped slightly, as the majority of the group stood shocked and pale. Sakura, one of the few still red in the face all but shouted.
"What were they all thinking, involving a twelve year old?! That's just sick!"
Naruto and Sasuke grinned.
"We haven't even finished the story yet Sakura."
"I don't care Naruto! Konohamaru is practically your little brother!"
Sasuke grinned a little more.
"What? Are you too nervous to hear how it ends?"
The group nodded, all feeling a little squeamish over their thoughts. Naruto and Sasuke started chuckling again, before speaking in unison.
"That means we win."
The room once more froze at their words. The two boys separated as Temari managed to find her voice.
"You mean you two made that all up?"
Sasuke snorted while Naruto shook his head.
"All we did Temari, was describe a massive training session between most of the Jounin. Konohamaru turned up with a message from Baa-chan which ended the fight. Really it was such a shame."
The group just stared in shock at what they heard only moving their eyes at the sudden kunai spinning on Sasuke's finger.
"You were right idiot; it was a kunai in my pocket."
"Yeah, yeah bastard. Be careful with that; knowing you, it'll spin off and land in someone's eye."
An evil smirk claimed Sasuke's lips.
"Why Naruto, Do I Make You Nervous?"
The end.
Yeah, some characters were out of character, but this is literally just meant to be a lot of enjoyment and innuendo. If you double check, I haven't actually written anything sexual describing the fight. Thank my random thought processes, and Nicolai Grey (a fellow fanfic author) for this piece of ... fun.
Toodles and Love
Oky Verlo