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Setting: After Day 6.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or story-line... in other words, no- I don't own 24. :(
Summary: Karen reminisces her past, and thinks back to the day- she wished she'd never had.
Dedicated: To once again, the team that helps to inspire my B/K fics when there is an utter lack; the great B/K Forum; Huddyalways-24-BK-MA, take5 and Palmer4President! ;) Thanks guys!
Merry Christmas everyone!!
She cried. Dripping with emotion, she faltered at her husband's side.
She longed for time to turn back, and to be able to undo all things said and actions made, her heart longed for such miracles, as tears dripped down her cheek.
Her husband held her, tight. She knew- he knew- everything, her emotions, her thoughts, and her sorrow. And it killed her inside, slowly.
Such mistakes she thought she made, such errors in her judgment. She just wondered, could he ever forgive her. She wondered that- if they were both strong, they could possibly pull through this monstrosity of a mistake- she had made. She hoped like mad. Because hope was her last option on the table at the moment, the ever present moment.
She was never meant to let her marriage interfere with her work; she never had in the past. She would just push one part of her life out slowly- this usually being the part of her life that gave her hope, love and encouragement- whether it was her husband or her partner. She had vowed for such an incident of pushing away her loved ones, to never occur again- when she had met Bill, but such vows were beyond broken. And at this age, from past experiences, she was ashamed about all the rash and now acknowledged bewildering actions she had taken. And it felt to her, her final transformation had taken place, and after much love and change, she'd finally stopped and returned to being a wicked person of a self, with a dark soul.
But this notion soon changed. When he whispered simply, with so much care, so much love, and so much calmness.
"We'll get through this. I promise…"
The word of Bill's was greater than any mans. He meant every word he'd ever said.
And she trusted him on that statement.
She had felt so scared, so vulnerable, so afraid- that she had ruined everything they had made and started. But such strong words, made her feel otherwise,.
Her tears still welled up, sliding down her wet face and onto his shirt. Her ear to his chest, as she heard every beat of his heart, every breath he breathed in. She never knew it could be so calming. She knew she should have.
She'd never been one for acknowledging her own mistakes. Besides, she knew she had never made many- that had hurt, like her heart ached on the couch as her husband held her. She was always pointing out the errors of others. But when she regarded herself; while deep down she knew she wasn't perfect, she showed differently. She had to.
As she looked up at his face, at his blue eyes, that glimmered slightly- due to the fact he was also teary eyed, his arms started to release her. He slowly and awkwardly stood. Offering his hand out to her. She was confused, but she took the offered hand, and let him pull her up.
He led them up to their bedroom. And they both collapsed on 'their' sides of the bed, facing one another; their eyes searching one another's for feelings, questions and answers.
Words meant nothing. The silence told the unsaid story. Of love, heartache and possibly betrayal.
Her marriage with Bill meant everything to her. She knew she would probably not survive without him by her side, with that calm loving manner of his.
She reminisced those many years ago, those quiet hours at the office. She was always the last of her shift to leave. Besides, she knew there was nothing and no-one awaiting her arrival at her condo. She was alone. In such dark times, she had no-one, she had never felt a need for anyone. There was always one side of her life, which had sky rocketed her high- this being her work life; while there was another side of her life which crumbled from the unkept promises and lies she had mindlessly devised- this being the side of those dear to her heart. Obviously, they weren't dear enough.
Such days she wondered. How could one survive the lonely hours, and lonely nights and the lonely weekends? How could one have coped? She knew she couldn't have without him, at that very moment; and she never did cope without him so many miles away. She had slotted him in so solidly in her life, never intending to let him go. He was her rock, her soul, and her clarity of reality.
She knew she couldn't have survived at that moment, her heart pounding faster, with the sense of anticipation that moment of trouble. She would have crumpled to the ground with no means of getting back up, but Bill, he was the reason, the help the golden soul that would always bring her back from beyond anywhere. He would chase the world to find her. He wouldn't give up. It wasn't in his nature to. Never would be.
He showed wonders, when no-one else did. He kept calmness when others would perish into the dark mist. With his head held high, he managed so much, for everyone.
He was more amazing than any man she'd ever met. She could never let that go. Letting go of him, would mean letting go of a huge bit of herself. She knew it'd be too much to bear- like a prison, so cold, so dark and so alone.
A place in the realm of the darkness of her mind. A soul so clear and empty. A life so slow, and unbearable.
She should have realized- she mindlessly thought; consequences always resulted from every decision made.
Such simple decisions, so easily made could create situations so complicated one could not even imagine.
You're meant to always put your love one, before yourself, yet… she had managed not to. She had managed to push away the thoughts the unsaid rules of life and most importantly her husband.
Her Bill. Her everything.
Blonde strands of hair fell upon her gauntly coloured face. She was exhausted. She needed sleep. And she needed her Bill. Could life be more complicated and confusing than it was at the moment she wondered.
She thought about his previous statement, cautiously… thinking…
"Bill… you said we'll get through this,"
"Yeah…"
"I trust you, on that"
He smiled.
"I think I'm lost, Bill," She said as the tears returned. Such little words meant so much to their ears.
"Don't worry... you're not alone… But we'll find the right path, won't we?! We always have, and we always will."
"I love you," She whispered. She knew they'd try their hardest, and she could feel hope was on their side.
"I love you too, I love you more than anything, Karen- don't ever forget..."
Burning pain of
washed away memories,
the wondering of how long
you can last.
The desire to change and hide away
is becoming stronger as the
days go by.
Years to come, they will never know
of how much tragedy,
such a child of time had to endure,
the ever-so sad
reality.
~Mak
So this could be posted in time for Christmas, I might have rushed the ending a tad bit- so apologies for that.
Reviews are very welcome! :)