Well, it's been a little while, eh? 'Bout time I gave you anything at all. I'm very sorry that I haven't written more, and then that my first piece in quite a few weeks is a short one-shot. I've wanted to write, I really have! But I need that mood to be upon me, and it hasn't been lately. Also, let me thank everyone for their heart-warming reviews. I read them one night in a fit of passion and was giddy for days! Any reads are very much appreciated, thank you!
This is sort of like a letter from Aang from beyond the grave. It is inspired by the one that Richard Feynman wrote to his wife, Arline, when she died. It's a real tear jerker, that! I also used lines from a poem. I own nothing.
As I lay there, on my second deathbed, I harboured no fear in my mind. Nor had I any regrets. I had no doubt in my mind that my life had been as perfect as anyone ever could have asked for. I was wanting for nothing, and I did not believe there were any choices that, given the opportunity, I would have made differently.
And it's all thanks to you, my beautiful waterbender.
When I breathed my final breaths, the only pain I felt was the pain that would inevitably arise from our separation. I saw your face that night. Your distraught, fearful visage is not an image that I will soon forget. Nor is it one that I will forgive myself for provoking.
You asked me, "why?" that night, and I replied that it is the way of the universe, the cycle of life and death. It is nature's way. I know that isn't a very satisfactory answer, my love. It isn't enough for me, either.
In our final conversations, I asked you to stay strong for our children. For our grandchildren. For me. I could ask this of only you because you are the strongest person I have ever known, Katara. I knew then, as I know now, that there is no storm you cannot weather, no pain you cannot endure. If I could have prevented you from feeling that pain, I would have, darling, but I couldn't. I couldn't be there to be strong for our family and for you, so I needed you to do be strong in my place.
And you did so well. And I am so proud of you.
On our wedding day, I promised you that we would be together forever. I suppose it seems as though I have broken that promise, doesn't it, sweetie? I assure you, I have not.
When the end arrived you were so frustrated and angry with yourself because you felt there was nothing you could do to help me. You sat up healing me, caring for me, and apologising for your self-proclaimed failure. But, my darling wife, you did more than anyone ever could have needed to. You never let me down. You never failed me. Simply meeting you made me a better person. You made me more than I was, but on top of that you gave me a home, and a family, and more love than I ever could have thought possible. I cannot thank you enough for that.
When the moment came, I made a point that my last words be words of love to you. Would that they could have been my first words too. As you saw me slipping away you didn't beg me to stay, you didn't blame me. Your infinite compassion and understanding stunned me once again. Even then, as my departure was causing untold hurt to you, you gave me all the love and forgiveness that you always had. You wanted so badly to make sure that I knew that you loved me. Believe me, sweetie, I knew. I knew it so well.
My reassurances that we would be together again seem, in retrospect, hardly enough, don't they? Every second without you is agony, every memory simply a painful reminder of what we can't have again. But I will gladly endure the pain. I will wait forever, if I have to.
But perhaps the hardest thing for me, dearest, is that I can watch you, but you cannot see me. When I watch you cry I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around you and block out all the fear and doubt and sadness, as I always used to do. But I cannot. I catch myself crying out to you, Katara, reaching and praying for a reaction, but you do not respond, and it breaks my heart. When I watch you reach out in the middle of the night, unconsciously grabbing the frozen bed sheets, searching for something, for me, I want to be there as I was in life. But I cannot be, and accepting that fact has been, perhaps, the most difficult thing of all.
I remember when you first saw Korra. I could see the disdain in your eyes, and feel the longing, yearning in your heart. I felt it too. To be so close and yet so distant was almost too much. I saw the distaste you had for her because you had hoped that she would be me, and you just kept looking for me in her. But, despite all your best efforts, you just couldn't find me within her, and you hated her because she wasn't me. But when you stopped searching for me you saw Korra. I am so thankful you did. Would you scold me if I told you that the reason for that is that I want to be closer to you? Maybe, maybe not, but being close to you is the best I can do, for the moment, Katara.
I am always close to you. I asked you to remember that and I still want you to remember that. You carry me in your heart and I carry you. I will always carry you with me.
There are so many things I want to be able to do for you. I want to be able to look after you and take care of you. I want to keep you warm on cold nights and to make you happy when you feel sad.
I want to tell you I love you, and how much you mean to me. I said it often in life because it needed to be said, because it is so true. It is the truest thing I have ever been able to say, the realest thing I have ever felt. You will just have to remember those things, though memories are hardly substitutes, are they?
When I awoke in the spirit world to the sympathetic and understanding faces of my past lives, I felt as though I were that very same 12 year old boy that was pulled out of an iceberg by a 14 year old angel. For it was you that made me into the man I became. After my departure, for the longest time, I couldn't be me.
Because me without you just wasn't me.
Would it surprise you to know that the first thing I did upon my arrival in the spirit world was to return to your side? I don't suppose it would, after all, who knows me better than you? Certainly not me. My funeral was beautiful, by the way.
When you lie on you own deathbed, years from now, will I be sad? Should I be? I realise that, perhaps, I should feel sorrow for the hole that you will leave in the lives of our family, but I dare say that my sadness will be washed aside by the all-encompassing joy of seeing you again. Perhaps that isn't the most selfless thought I have ever had, my dear, but I fear I will not be able to keep the smile from my face.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, "I miss you."
Do not treat my death as the end. Every ending is a brand new beginning. You have so much more of your life to enjoy, even if I cannot be there to enjoy it with you. I have not gone away, my love. Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room.
I love you.
More author notes? Yes. I really enjoy writing them, it's like I can vent in them, you know?
Aang is my favourite god damn character in the show. What a guy! I think my problem with long pieces is that I just can't write much about any one thing, so I have to make it shorter. Less detail, more things. Enough about me, thanks for reading!