Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC
Content: Boyd and Grace
Rating: K
Hey everyone. I was reminded of a great quote today and well it wouldn't leave me alone! Thanks so much for taking the time to read - I hope you enjoy it. As always I appreciate your comments and feedback. Thanks xx
If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
Oscar Wilde
She leaned heavily back in her chair turning her head slightly towards the office next to hers. Quietly she closed her eyes trying to quell the noise rising within her. The orchestrated sound that previously only manifested itself in bursts now played a constant melodic melody, heart-breaking in its tenderness. His form was hunched over his desk, one hand rubbing his forehead in deep concentration on the file strewn open in front of him. As if subconsciously aware of her gaze he lifted his head and turned to look directly at her. Their eyes met, each burning with deep intensity, each tinged with sadness. He smiled gently through the glass that separated them. The smile that said so much. The smile that told her he understood ….. completely. The smile that said he felt the same, the smile that told her that he spent an equal amount of time longing things were different. They didn't need to use words to communicate this; they didn't need even to be in the same room to know what the other was thinking. They just knew.
Lately these moments have been happening more and more frequently, each catching the other stealing a glance, or lingering a look longer than deemed appropriate. Each mirroring the same permeated sorrow from their eyes, knowing instinctively the other had the same pain coursing through their veins. Silent mutual emotion echoing from deep within their souls screamed out in unvoiced frustration. No they didn't need words to understand each other, to know the extent and depth of their feelings; they hadn't spoken about it, not since that evening. Not since they stood tentatively between this world and the unknown.
The night had begun like so many others, there was nothing unusual that insinuated or hinted that this evening would be any different, that for the briefest of moments they would drop their guard and permit the other one access. Spencer and Eve had both clocked off earlier in the evening leaving Boyd and Grace in their respective offices, both engrossed in the current case. She hadn't heard him approach and as he stood in the open doorway he allowed himself a few minutes of indulgence observing the frame of his colleague, his friend. Her head low as she studiously worked on the psychoanalysis report he had asked for that afternoon. She looked so delicate, so fragile, so stunningly beautiful. He felt the now familiar sensation rise from within his depths and closed his eyes briefly trying to suppress the increasing desires that had taunted him for what seemed like eternity.
"Hi." He finally broke the silence causing her to jump slightly.
"Boyd, you startled me." She replied looking up swiftly.
"Sorry, I was just checking what time you were planning to stay to?"
"Um ….. not for much longer….." She answered looking at her watch. "…. I'm almost finished up here anyway."
"You look tired, you feeling okay?"
"Yea I am a little, this case is really quite grim, but I'm fine … honestly."
"Hmm it's not been pleasant has it?" He said sitting heavily on her sofa brushing his hair from of his face as he did so. "Erm ….. I tell you what, do you have any of that wine we all know you hide in here Grace?" he enquired.
"I do not hide wine in my office Boyd, you make it sound like I have some sort of alcohol problem." She feigned annoyance.
"You mean you don't?" He grinned widely.
"No I don't!" She rolled her eyes at him.
"What ….. don't have wine, or don't have an alcohol problem?"
"An alcohol problem!" She replied tutting loudly.
"So you do have wine then, Grace, yeah?" his eyes sparkled playfully.
"Well ….. I might have one or two."
"I knew it! ….. Come on, where are they?"
"In that cupboard over there, underneath the bookshelf." She motioned with her head.
Grace watched as he rose from the sofa and made his way over to the cupboard, smiling as he opened the door.
"One or two bottles eh Grace…. there's at least six in here! Are you sure you don't have an alcohol problem?"
Her laughter filled the office. "Well you'd drive anyone to drink Boyd."
"Grace, seriously, do we need to talk about this huh?"
"Oh of course we don't. I do not have an alcohol problem; I just keep them in there for ….. emergencies."
"Such as?" He raised his eyebrows expectantly.
"Such as ….. well ….. this for instance!"
"Oh nice save Grace." He smiled widely returning to the sofa before beginning to open the bottle.
"I'm glad you liked it." She laughed rising to sit next to him, accepting the filled glass as he offered it to her.
Sharing a bottle of wine after hours was not unusual for either of them. Many times they had sat in one or the others office putting the world to right over a glass or two of red. Both relishing the others company, both wishing that time would go a little slower. Neither admitting just how much they loved these occasions when they shut the world outside and it was just the two of them. Tonight one bottle was not enough, neither of them wanting to leave, both enjoying the closeness they were sharing. The second bottle was drunk effortlessly as they completely relaxed in the others company, talking and laughing easily together. His deep baritone voice reverberated around her office as he told her stories about the beginning of his career and the chaos he used to find himself in. Their unbridled laughter provocative as subconsciously they moved closer together. Neither of them knew what caused the change, neither of them saw it coming, but in an instant the atmosphere between them was charged, it was undeniable. Boyd swallowed hard as he held her gaze, her grey blue eyes betraying her heart as she drank him in. His dark eyes, his mouth, his scent, his touch.
He reached out and tenderly stroked her face causing her eyes to instinctively close as she leaned into him. So many times they have been so close, so many times they had stood here before this precipice unable or unwilling to jump into the unknown. So many times they have wanted to admit their true feelings, but there has never been the right time. Life it seemed had conspired against them in some sort of agonising game, enticing them, drawing them temptingly close before cruelly ripping it away. His wife, her husband, his girlfriend, his son, her illness, all moves in the game that had caused them vast amounts of pain and heartache over the years. The dice had rolled, the cards were drawn and life had dealt them bitter blow after bitter blow weaving anguish and despair through each of them as the game relentlessly continued. Many people would have given up, surrendered, forfeited their hand, but not them. Instead it strengthened and drew them together. No matter how far they drifted they would soon find themselves gravitating towards the other, craving them like an addiction that controlled them both. They needed each other, fed of each other, loved each other and they both were so acutely aware of it, and completely helpless to change it.
Boyd could feel his heartbeat faster; her skin so soft under his touch. He had dreamt of this moment many times but even in his dreams it had never felt as good as this. Slowly, tentatively, he leaned in closer, until she could feel his breath on her face. His lips gently covered hers as he continued to caress her face. He felt her respond hungrily to his kiss as he deepened it. For so long they had denied themselves, denied the intense feelings that coursed through their bodies, but he couldn't deny this not any longer. He couldn't fight the weakness that was invading him. He let himself go, embracing everything that he felt, he gave himself completely and willingly to her. At least for the briefest of moments.
Reality hit him hard, pummelling his heart so forcefully he thought it would stop. Pain ripped through him like fire, as remorse rose from his depths like bile, the realisation of what he was doing rushing through him like waves pounding the shore. Pulling away from her he closed his eyes trying to regain control over his body.
"I'm sorry Grace, we can't …"
He saw the look on her face. Hurt, rejection, confusion, all pooling deep within her eyes as she tried to comprehend his swift change of heart.
"Of course we can't … it was a stupid mistake …" She spoke trying to hide her deep feeling of hurt.
"No, no Grace…." He said tenderly brushing the hair from her face. "….. it certainly wasn't a mistake, at least not for me. I just can't do this."
"Why not?" She asked confused.
"I can't allow myself to give in to how I'm feeling, not when we are working together and I have responsibility for you."
"Boyd you are not responsible for me, I'm not one of your employees. I work for the Home Office, you know that."
"Yea, that's true, but I do have a responsibly to protect you Grace …."
"I don't need protecting Boyd; I'm a big girl now."
"As long as you are working here Grace, I will protect you, and probably long after that as well."
"And what if I don't want protecting?"
"Doesn't matter. I can't risk losing my focus and putting you, or anyone else in the unit in danger."
"So what …. we just forget that this ever happened, that we don't have feelings for one another?"
"Oh Grace, I could never forget. I have wanted to do that for the longest time."
"I don't know where we go from here Boyd."
"I suppose we just continue as we have been. These feelings are not a new thing for me Grace, I have felt this way about you for almost as long as I have known you, I've just been strong enough not to act on them until now. I'm sorry …."
"Please don't apologise Peter, I'm not sorry. You know that I feel the same, that I have always felt the same. I guess the timing has never been right for either of us."
"Grace, I swear to you that when this is done, when either of us leave, or when there is a ghost of a chance that we can make this work, I swear, I will never let you go. You know that don't you?"
"Yea I know." She replied taking his hand and leaning her head lovingly against his forehead. "And you know that when that time comes I'll be right here, beside you, waiting."
"You promise that you'll wait?" He said his dark eyes searching deep into hers.
She pulled him close into an embrace, both of them holding tightly, breathing the other in, unwilling to relinquish their grip.
Slowly she moved until her mouth was close to his ear and he felt his body shutter and surge as she softly spoke.
"If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all of my life."