Title: A Place To Call Home
Author: Paula Ikari©
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Rating: R, I think.
Category: Shounen Ai/Yaoi, Romance, Angst and Sap
Summary: Alternative Ending: Ed recovers Al's body and his own limbs... but now that everything has ended he doesn't have a purpose in life and feels lonely but nobody notices, or... someone does?
He disappeared for a month after the transmutation in which he restored his brother's body and himself. We didn't had a word from him in that time, but I heard from my many contacts that he was in a last journey with his brother, visiting cities and people they met in this years...
At that time I thought he'd finally found his happiness: his brother was restored so he didn't need to feel guilty anymore, he could stop working for the military, he could live his life as he pleased. But I didn't know then that there was something seriously wrong...
He came back to Central at the end of that month-long 'vacation', and even when I told him that he no longer needed to work for the military, he told me that he wanted to, that it was all right.
That didn't fool me for a second.
But I still sent him on missions again, I knew he was a wanderer so I didn't give him a desk job like I would have wanted /to keep watch over him/ I told myself.
But that wasn't enough... when he came back from whatever mission I'd given him, I would look at his face and see the stress, the sadness, it was always there, since he came back from Rizembul.
At first I thought it was that he missed his brother's company while on missions, after all, he was never without him in this past seven years. It never crossed my mind the real reason for his changed attitude...
I'll tell you how it all started...
I was at the office that day, drinking my much needed coffee and doing paperwork ((Riza's fault, I didn't want her aiming a gun to my head)). It was friday, a week ago I sent Fullmetal to a simple mission, he should've been back by now... so I was a bit worried. He was never late to deliver his reports, he liked to finish as fast as possible.
So, why wasn't he here yet?
A knock on the door distracted me of my musings, I thought it was Fullmetal but he never knocked, he just entered, maybe kicking the door in the process.
I told this person to enter... it was Hawkeye, and she had a folder on her hands.
"Edward came by just now... here's his report"
She handed me the folder and I read the report quickly, it was, in fact, Fullmetal's handwriting.
"Why didn't he deliver it himself?" I asked curiously.
Hawkeye only shrugged and said.
"I don't know, he did look a little tired though"
And she left the office shutting the door behind her, just as quickly as she entered.
I was left wondering for the n-th time what was happening with Edward. He wasn't taking care of himself properly, I already knew that, but now he wasn't even hiding it anymore... I knew I had to do something, but I didn't know what...
The next day, I gave him a week or so to rest, but when he didn't go to the office when he should, I went looking for him.
First, I went to the first branch library, I thought he would be researching something, hence his tiredness, but the librarian hadn't even seen him in months.
I looked for him at every library, and even asked my staff if they had seen him lately... none of them had.
By that time, I was really worried. Fullmetal never disappeared like that, even when he was doing his research about the philosopher's stone we always knew where he was heading or we would receive a letter from him.
Hawkeye looked at me funny that evening, and asked if there was something wrong, so I told her that I couldn't find Fullmetal anywhere, she only said,
"Have you tried looking for him on his dorm?"
So, I proceed to kick myself mentally for not have thought of something so simple before and went straight to his dorm.
In that moment, thoughts invaded my head and I suddenly realized something, the brothers always stayed in military dorms, obviously, 'cause they had no home... Fullmetal himself said that they had burned their home, and it hit me hard the fact that Edward still was homeless... it really made sense.
His dorm room was the farthest of all, it was isolated from most of the ones that were being currently occupied by officers.
When I finally found his door I knocked twice and waited for any reply, when I got none I knocked again, and finally I got a response... a low "Come in" was all I heard and when I tried the door it was unlocked, so I came in.
What I found there was not what I expected to find, the desk wasn't full of books and notes, there wasn't a thing in the floor... the bed was poorly made, the only sign that someone had been living there, and Fullmetal... well, he was what surprised me the most, he was in a corner on the floor, looking lost. He had bags under his eyes and his hair looked like he hadn't washed it for days and it was out of its common braid. His clothes were dirty like he hadn't bothered to change for a while, he wasn't wearing his boots or gloves, his eyes didn't have their usual light...
It was so totally out of character...
He was startled when he saw it was me and looked away almost immediately, when I didn't leave then he said,
"Colonel, what brings you here today?"
He sounded normal, but what gave him away was the fact that he avoided looking directly at me, that wasn't normal at all.
"I gave you a week to rest and now I found you this way... oh, and you should have gone to my office today, I thought you were aware I had a mission for you"
He then looked at me but said nothing, just shrugged and his gaze directed towards the floor again.
I got closer and knelt before him, with one hand I lifted his face enough to have eye contact with him... but he still didn't look at me, then I asked.
"What's wrong Edward?"
He looked surprised, but still didn't look like he was going to reply so I asked again, on the third try he answered with a faint "it's nothing".
"It can't be 'nothing', something's bothering you"
"Just go away and leave me alone" he said rather coldly.
And then he got up and went to the bathroom, ignoring me completely. I tried to follow him but he locked the door.
I waited for him to get out, but after a while I heard water running and something that sounded like muffled sobs. I tried to tell him to let me in, but I didn't get a response, so I kept waiting.
Some time later all sounds faded, and the echo of his left foot on the tiled floor could be heard.
Finally he opened the door and got out, he looked far more better /so, he did take a shower then/ he was only in his pants, and his hair dripped water ...his eyes were red and his cheeks looked a little flushed.
He ignored me all the way to the bedroom again, and changed clothes. I knew I had to do something, but I was confused as to what, so I waited for him to be dressed to take him somewhere to eat.
Edward looked unease, but accepted my invitation nonetheless. In the way there he didn't speak a word, so I made up for that, talking just nonsense 'till we got there.
He was starving, I knew because the way he ate everything that got in his way... I wonder if he spent the whole week trying to starve himself to death or something.
I hardly ate anything, I wasn't the one hungry after all... I was worried.
He ate all he could at the time... I didn't mind in the least paying for it all. Then he stood up and said he didn't want to go back yet.
So, we went for a walk.
At some point, he started talking... like I knew he really needed, so I listened to every detail without interrupting.
I found out I wasn't completely wrong about the situation. He did miss having a home to return to, and missed his brother terribly. But what surprised me was the rest... he was indeed lost, without a purpose, he didn't know what to do now that he had reached his goal, he felt empty.
He didn't want to go back to Rizembul, his brother was now happy with their friend Winry and he was left to nothing...
I understood him, and told him he was welcome to come live with me if he wanted, that he could have a home there.
He looked really surprised when I told him that, and in that moment I suddenly wanted to hug him and tell him how much I loved him, but I didn't dare yet... that would be taking advantage of him, and I didn't want that.
That's why it surprised me so much to feel soft lips pressed hesitantly to mine, it was inexperienced, but felt so damn good I wanted to hug him to me tightly.
Then, as quick as it came, he pulled away not looking at me, blushing slightly.
"I-I'm sorry... I just--"
I cut off what he tried to say with a kiss, trying to tell him without words that it was all right, he didn't need to apologize.
after a while of him not pulling away from my kiss I felt like daring a bit more, my tongue licked at his bottom lip asking for entry and he hesitated, but still opened his mouth to let me in.
He tasted so good, it was like a mix of flavours, a perfect balance between sweet and salty, making it perfect. Our tongues played some moments, his own retreating shyly and mine trying to encourage him.
I hugged him then, as tightly as I had wanted some moments ago, and slowly his own hands came up to the front of my uniform jacket, and then up to my neck, his fingers playing softly with my hair.
I broke the kiss then, slowly opening my eyes to see Edward blushing more furiously now. Our eyes locked for a second before he looked away again, this time he didn't even try to talk.
He sure looked embarrassed, so I just hugged him again letting his head rest against my chest.
Some minutes later we separated, he murmured something I couldn't quite understand 'cause he was hiding his face from me and I looked down at him, even though he wasn't so short anymore.
He suddenly blurted,
"Did you mean it?"
That took me a little by surprise, I was speechless and a moment later my brain processed what he just asked...
"Yes Edward... I mean it"
I don't know what my face looked like at the time, but I tried to give him my most reassuring look, I wanted to give him everything that he craved, to make him happy again, to make him grin and joke like before...
Slowly... we separated a bit more and that mischievous look came suddenly back to his face... then he said to me,
"You do realize we just kissed in the middle of a park where everyone could see us?"
I know I must have shown him a puzzled look 'cause he was laughing his ass off in an instant... but when I had a little time to process things I started to smile at him.
"So what?.. I don't really care if anyone sees us..." I said still smiling.
He stopped laughing as suddenly as he started and looked at me with a serious expression.
"As glad as I am to hear that, we still have to consider the fact that if we get caught we could get in trouble...and do you realize that life with me isn't going to be easy?"
"I already know that... but since you're not officially in the military and are of age, I can't see why we would have problems... on the other hand, haven't I known you for at least seven years? Give me some credit"
That seemed to lift the atmosphere a bit and he started smiling again.
...that day we became lovers...
Now, after three years of living with him, I can safely say I finally know the real Edward Elric who was hidden behind that mask that was his obsession.
Now he just acts the way he was supposed to from the start... I'm not saying that the Ed I knew all those years was a fake... but that now I know that wasn't all he was.
Ed is... a wonderful person when you get to know him... not that we hadn't bad times and discussions and such (it would be rather boring if we didn't fight once in a while)... but deep inside he's a fragile soul that craves physical contact... affection... and he gives as much as he gets.
I often find him staring off into space with a wistful look, I wonder what he thinks of but I never ask... he sometimes gets like that, but when he notices my presence he smiles that sweet, true smile that I love, and I know it's only for me.
In bed he was a little hesitant at first, but with time be became a very playful lover... the way he kisses me and leaves me breathless... the way he touches just the right places as he licks my ear... the way he looks at me with trust showing in his eyes while I worship his body... he's just perfect, and I'm so lucky to have him at my side...
I sit now in my office, looking at a picture of the two of us, forgetting my work, wondering when he'll be back... I miss him so much sometimes... but I still send him on missions, if I didn't he would get bored, and we don't want a bored Edward around...
I'm brought back from my musings by a knock on the door... I absently respond with a "come in" while my mind is still on the picture of a laughing Edward hugging me close.
Then, the door opens and a small bundle of energy and golden hair enters... I look at him and he's smiling sheepishly as he hides a hand behind his back.
"Missing me already, I see?" he asks while he steps closer to me.
"I always do Edward... why the mischievous grin?"
I smile at the innocent face he makes.
"Mmm... I was just thinking... how about we take a few days of vacation?"
I can see in his face that he's hopefully expecting me to respond... not that is that easy to read his body language, but I have some practice and can tell that this is important to him.
"We could arrange something... you know Hawkeye has been begging you to take some days off"
His smirk turns even bigger as he gets in front of my desk and leans close to give me a quick kiss.
"Wanna go with me to Rizembul this weekend?"
He then kisses that spot of my neck that makes me shiver and he chuckles.
"Mmm... if you ask this nicely..."
He chuckles again and puts the hand that was behind his back on the desk in front of me, leaving there what looked like a letter.
"What is it?" I ask, confused.
"Read it" that's the only thing he says.
And I start reading it... it looks like our sweet little Alphonse is going to be a father soon... and wants Ed to be the godfather...
"Ohh... so, I see your little brother has finally settled... Winry and him must be happy together..."
"Yes... I talked to him a while ago... he's finally found his happiness, just like I found mine" he gets around the desk to get to me and sits on my lap.
"You know I love you more than anything, don't you?"
He touches my face with his now human right hand... and kisses me softly. When we separate from the kiss I look directly at his eyes to answer him.
"Yes... and I love you the same way"
Fin
Author Notes:
My first fic written in english, so don't kill me yet. I don't have a beta so if I have some mistakes please tell me
This was finished a month ago, but I hadn't typed it... I'm lazy...
Please review, I love comments 3