I've been looking for her all morning.
I have no idea where she could have gone, none at all. I have to find her though, I have to tell her that I didn't mean what I said, that I'm sorry, that I still love her.
Exploring the camp has never been so exhausting, but I can't give up yet, not ever. She must feel so unloved right now. I absolutely can't let her feel that way. I'm an idiot.
It's now afternoon.
The snow on the ground melts under the greenish glow of my passing as I run beneath the sleeping trees and over ice-kissed bridges, rocks that whisper with the power they hold. Blades of grass, still green, but dead, stand imprisoned in ice until a careless foot snaps them. It's dark now, with the only light coming from the cabins and the star-freckled sky. I leap over a hollow log and a frozen stream and run into a fenced-off area, covered with warning signs. I circle the area once, everything a blur, and then leave.
Then, I go back.
I run up the metal ramps to a geodesic steel dome and wrench open the door. It's empty, but I open a trapdoor in the floor and drop down into a large, vaulted space filled with filing cabinets and the various paraphenalia of an overorganized mind. I call out, asking if he's seen her. He says no. I make my way back up to the ladder and leave the dome. That one was a bust, but there are two smaller ones. I open those too and in the second is a small figure, curled up and covered in a pink jacket.
Finally, I've found her.
The leather-padded interior of the dome is marginally warmer than the air outside, but I can still see my breath inside, and my love has tears frozen on her jacket. She's asleep. What on Earth was she thinking, falling asleep out here? She could have frozen to death! I shake her shoulder gently. She gives a quiet groan and opens her eyes.
"I'm sorry," I say. She glares at me like a girl who's been rejected and insulted and had her recently mended heart smashed into pieces and who is now being asked for forgiveness by the boy who made her cry. Oh wait...
"I didn't mean what I said."
"hm." She's refusing to look at me now. I grab her chin and force her (oh wow, that doesn't sound right) to look at me. "I could set you on fire, you know." I can tell she means it, but I don't care.
"I don't care if you set me on fire. I would walk over fire for you if you would just let me tell you that-"
"Tell me that what? That you're breaking up with me for some hussy you met at whatever the hell fancy academy you attend these days?"
"Listen, I was wrong about her. I-"
"have come crawling back to me now that it looks like you're going to be alone?"
"WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE?"
She shut up.
"I. Still. Love. You." "That's easy enough to say."
"I thought I didn't love you anymore. I was wrong."
"Nice of you to admit that for once in your life."
"Right after you left, I realized that I had been fooling myself about her."
"Right. Or, maybe she found someone else?"
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because you rejected me."
Something snapped in my head. "You know what? Fine. You obviously don't want me around anymore, and I'd walk to the end of the earth to make you happy. Goodbye, Lili."
I left the dome and walked away through the snow piling up on the bare dirt. I stopped in the middle of the snow, placed two fingers to my right temple, and just as the glow was beginning to build up around me I heard, very quietly from the echoing dome,
"I wish you'd never woken me up."
I turned slowly, the light dissipating. "What was that?"
"I wish you'd just left me here to die." She spoke the last word with a horrible emphasis.
I walked, very slowly, back to her side.
"Really?" I whispered.
"Not anymore."
I took her delicate, gloved hands and pulled her close, as I always did.
I kissed her.
Her kiss was so familiar, yet not, because her lips were so cold. Her face warmed to my touch and I took off one glove to cup her chin in my hand.
As I stood next to her, holding her by the waist, tears began to well up in her eyes. "What's all this?"
Her lower lip quivered, and she threw her arms around my neck and bawled.
"ehh..." I'd never been very comfortable with crying girls. "I... love you?"
"I loove yooouu tooooooo!"
"You've had a really long day, huh." I ran a hand through her waist-length dark hair. "Uh-huh." She sniffed.
"Let's go home."
"yeah."
As the variously pink and green energy collected and pooled around us, something occurred to me that I hadn't thought of in years.
"Lili, remember how when we were kids, we had a list of times and places we hadn't kissed yet?"
"Vaguely, yeah."
"And we'd cross them off when we'd accomplished them."
"What about it?"
"Weren't two of those 'in the snow' and 'while teleporting?'"
She giggled.
I have no idea where she could have gone, none at all. I have to find her though, I have to tell her that I didn't mean what I said, that I'm sorry, that I still love her.
Exploring the camp has never been so exhausting, but I can't give up yet, not ever. She must feel so unloved right now. I absolutely can't let her feel that way. I'm an idiot.
It's now afternoon.
The snow on the ground melts under the greenish glow of my passing as I run beneath the sleeping trees and over ice-kissed bridges, rocks that whisper with the power they hold. Blades of grass, still green, but dead, stand imprisoned in ice until a careless foot snaps them. It's dark now, with the only light coming from the cabins and the star-freckled sky. I leap over a hollow log and a frozen stream and run into a fenced-off area, covered with warning signs. I circle the area once, everything a blur, and then leave.
Then, I go back.
I run up the metal ramps to a geodesic steel dome and wrench open the door. It's empty, but I open a trapdoor in the floor and drop down into a large, vaulted space filled with filing cabinets and the various paraphenalia of an overorganized mind. I call out, asking if he's seen her. He says no. I make my way back up to the ladder and leave the dome. That one was a bust, but there are two smaller ones. I open those too and in the second is a small figure, curled up and covered in a pink jacket.
Finally, I've found her.
The leather-padded interior of the dome is marginally warmer than the air outside, but I can still see my breath inside, and my love has tears frozen on her jacket. She's asleep. What on Earth was she thinking, falling asleep out here? She could have frozen to death! I shake her shoulder gently. She gives a quiet groan and opens her eyes.
"I'm sorry," I say. She glares at me like a girl who's been rejected and insulted and had her recently mended heart smashed into pieces and who is now being asked for forgiveness by the boy who made her cry. Oh wait...
"I didn't mean what I said."
"hm." She's refusing to look at me now. I grab her chin and force her (oh wow, that doesn't sound right) to look at me. "I could set you on fire, you know." I can tell she means it, but I don't care.
"I don't care if you set me on fire. I would walk over fire for you if you would just let me tell you that-"
"Tell me that what? That you're breaking up with me for some hussy you met at whatever the hell fancy academy you attend these days?"
"Listen, I was wrong about her. I-"
"have come crawling back to me now that it looks like you're going to be alone?"
"WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE?"
She shut up.
"I. Still. Love. You." "That's easy enough to say."
"I thought I didn't love you anymore. I was wrong."
"Nice of you to admit that for once in your life."
"Right after you left, I realized that I had been fooling myself about her."
"Right. Or, maybe she found someone else?"
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because you rejected me."
Something snapped in my head. "You know what? Fine. You obviously don't want me around anymore, and I'd walk to the end of the earth to make you happy. Goodbye, Lili."
I left the dome and walked away through the snow piling up on the bare dirt. I stopped in the middle of the snow, placed two fingers to my right temple, and just as the glow was beginning to build up around me I heard, very quietly from the echoing dome,
"I wish you'd never woken me up."
I turned slowly, the light dissipating. "What was that?"
"I wish you'd just left me here to die." She spoke the last word with a horrible emphasis.
I walked, very slowly, back to her side.
"Really?" I whispered.
"Not anymore."
I took her delicate, gloved hands and pulled her close, as I always did.
I kissed her.
Her kiss was so familiar, yet not, because her lips were so cold. Her face warmed to my touch and I took off one glove to cup her chin in my hand.
As I stood next to her, holding her by the waist, tears began to well up in her eyes. "What's all this?"
Her lower lip quivered, and she threw her arms around my neck and bawled.
"ehh..." I'd never been very comfortable with crying girls. "I... love you?"
"I loove yooouu tooooooo!"
"You've had a really long day, huh." I ran a hand through her waist-length dark hair. "Uh-huh." She sniffed.
"Let's go home."
"yeah."
As the variously pink and green energy collected and pooled around us, something occurred to me that I hadn't thought of in years.
"Lili, remember how when we were kids, we had a list of times and places we hadn't kissed yet?"
"Vaguely, yeah."
"And we'd cross them off when we'd accomplished them."
"What about it?"
"Weren't two of those 'in the snow' and 'while teleporting?'"
She giggled.