AN: I thought this was needed as I played through the final act of such rampant stupidity… this is what should have happened, yes I realize there are plot holes but really I just wrote this for fun.
As the City of Kirkwall sits on a poweder keg between mage and templars, the Champion of Kirkwall, one Aedral Hawke, looked on with sheer wonder in his eyes at how the two people before him could be so stupid. "So, Meredith… you believe all mages to be blood mages and as such should be crushed, and you Orsino… believe the only way to protect yourself from the Templars is to turn to blood magic. Does anyone else see how stupid this is?"
Both leaders look at the Champion uncomprehendingly, "I am doing the right thing." They both say in unison, than glare at each other and snap back at Hawke "You have to choose NOW!" Hawke rolls his eyes at this and slowly turns his eyes looking at each of his closest friends. They all looked at him with support, though Fenris looked like he was about to rip into the nearest mage like an attack dog straining on a leash and Merrill looked at him with support and love in her eyes.
Aedral took a deep breath and turned his back, "Why do I even bother to try? Both sides are too freaking stupid to know how to even clothe themselves in the morning." He then looked to his side "Isabella… is your offer to join you on your ship still open?" She looked shocked and then smiled impishly, "Yeah Hawke, everything is ready to go." Hawke swept his cloak back, his staff resting firmly on his shoulder, "I have made my choice… my friends, let us say good bye to this wretched hive of scum and idiocy." Orsino stormed up to him "I thought you said you would support us! You said as much earlier!" as Meredith just glowered at him "I thought you realized the danger these mages posed as I showed you earlier!" Hawke just gave them the one fingered salute as he turned to leave, Aedral heard the sound of rushing and turned seeing Carver coming up to him.
"Brother, Aedral… I thought I would find you hip deep in this. What changed your mind here?" Aedral just pointed behind him "Those two wanted me to choose one of their sides to support even though one is led by a psychopath and the other is blood magic-practicing demon fodder, so I decided that both were idiots who couldn't find their assess with a compass and a map. They both deserve their fate." Carver chuckled and then the rest of the party fell into deep body shaking laughter, even the normally angry Anders couldn't stop himself and though Sebastian was trying hold it in he let out a few chuckles. Carver sobered up "well I can offer you a place to go in the Wardens, than you can set sail for wherever you want to go" Aedral looked at Carver gratefully and with the rest of party departed to the Docks.
They all got to the boat without incident and cast off quickly. They looked back to the shore to see Meredith and Orsino throwing tantrums about not getting the champion of Kirkwall on their side, the rest of the civilians seeing the actions of their 'leaders' decided neither was fit to lead and knocked them unconscious with quick strikes with heavy objects. Without them, the whole mage vs templar matter quickly disappeared with both leaders going on trial before a chosen group of nobles, merchants, and guards led by Donnic. They decreed that though stupidity wasn't a crime, almost leading them to civil war was and sentenced both of them to death. Emile de Launcet, being found to be one of the better candidates for First Enchanter was promoted as was Samson to leader of the Templars. Within a year everyone had realized that the Champion, had indeed saved them again. This time by his inaction rather than his action. No war erupted and the Circle and Templars were again restored to Mage and Protector.
Hawke journeyed around Thedas and his companions made a name for themselves as a mercenary group, though one that only took on contracts that were on the right side of the law, they eventually returned to Kirkwall one day. Chantry gleaming up top, Templars and Mages working together, Anders just smiled, "I am glad I never blew it up like I had planned to do" Hawke grinned back "I woulda killed you had you gone through with it." Everyone just laughed and went about their business, cleaning up Thedas of stupidity was an ever daunting task.