Could Have Been
He fell in love with her.
It was scary, shocking, nasty and wrong— so wrong. It would— will cost his reputation if this was publicized. Obviously. He was a thief for heaven's sake and she, well, she was a heroine. One of the good guys who saves the day, who reinforces the law and chases the bad guys like him. He was one of the bad guys; self-centered, cock-headed, selfish and carefree bad guy. And bad guys much like himself don't feel this emotion, don't fall in love. Let alone fall in love with a heroine who was constantly trailing behind his track.
What a messed up life he has.
Why did he fell in love with her anyway? If he remember correctly, she wasn't his type. His type was the model-material girls. Long legs, creamy skin, slim body and an outgoing personality; that is what he was looking in a girl. This girl, however, this girl he fell in love with was quiet, mysterious, gothic and very anti-social; the complete opposite on what he had stated on his egotistical mind. Maybe it was because she was hot and beautiful? There is no point in denying that. It may not be as obvious as the redheaded alien, but she really is, and every warm-blooded male knows that. Hell, he can even bet with his life that most men out there and even her teammates are secretly wanting the demoness for themselves. He would know, of course, he is a man.
And men will be men, in body and in thoughts.
But still, this doesn't solve his dilemma.
Maybe he love her because of she made him feel so? He had heard that her powers were triggered by emotions. Could that mean that she can trigger emotions of others as well? And make them feel things they don't— never wanted to feel? Or maybe she likes— loves him as well, and it was affecting him greatly. Could that be it? Again, he wasn't sure. He was just a thief— who was looking out for number one— it wasn't really necessary for him to have a profile of every hero he fought against. As long as he knows his opponent's weakness, has the right equipment, the right skills and the right plan, he was surely to win.
Okay, that didn't really helped him answer his question.
He gives up. He wasn't sure why. He wasn't sure since when. He wasn't sure how and he wasn't sure if he would find the answers to all of his questions anytime soon but there is one thing for sure; all he knows is that he was love with her— with Raven— the Dark Titan, demon extraordinaire.
And this really scares the crap out of him.
She fell in love with him.
Imagine that— she— the Ice Queen— fell in love with a man. Not just any man, a thief of all people. An arrogant, good-for-nothing cocky thief named Red X. She shuddered at the thought.
Nothing right seems to be left in this world anymore.
She has nothing against falling in love, it's who she fell in love with; she has a problem with.
She questioned herself, why on earth did she have to fell in love with him? She doesn't intended to discriminate, but there was nothing really special in him. Sure, he has the body, he has the skills, physically and intellectually, the bad boy attitude girls swoon over, but may we be reminded that Raven is no ordinary girl. If she and he were to be, she had to see him, the real him. No mask of Red X,no arrogant attitude and no thievery charades. Unfortunately she didn't saw these things in him. She haven't seen him underneath the mask. She haven't seen a side of him worth loving. She haven't really seen him as a human. She haven't seen him but nevertheless, she was still in love with him.
That is what infuriates her the most.
How can you love someone whom you haven't really seen? Come to think of it, how can a heroine like her love a criminal— a thief like him who was always on the run? She didn't know.
She doesn't really know.
He watches her during the night.
An alarming behavior that, overtime, became a habit of his. He felt dreadful the first time he did it, since it wasn't helping his problem. Though it gradually subsided and he realized that he enjoys watching her. Even if it is in secret.
Her night activities weren't all the same. Most nights, he would catch her asleep, so he will just be contented on watching her as she snuggled under her covers, dreaming. Some nights, he would catch her curl up on her and reading one of her books. At other times, he would catch her floating in her famous lotus position and chant her mantra. If he was lucky enough, he would catch her singing sweet songs or lullabies to herself. It would be an additional point it would be if he would catch her dancing basic ballet with a pair of earphones plugged into her ear. An adorable hobby of hers that, he suspected, none of the Titans knew of.
During his secret visits, he would marveled her beauty. He would take in how her silk lilac hair, her soft and smooth her pale, porcelain face is, how her thin, black eyebrow would match her thick, long black eyelashes that hides the most beautiful swirls of amethyst he had ever seen. He would also take in how small and fragile-looking her body is. Her jawline and lean neck, the collarbone slightly sticking out of her skin, her lean arms, small fingers and her long and narrow fingernails, her perfectly molded curves, from her chest, hips and backside; her flat stomach and abdomen, her slender legs stretching on her bed and (like her fingernails) long and narrow toenails. He would, also, realized how hard he had fallen for the sorceress and much to his disappointment, is still falling for her.
A little more each night. A little more each visit.
She thinks of him.
She was very disgust at herself, but she couldn't help it. Flashes of him would sprang in her mind. His moves, his voice, his demeanor. Everything she knows about him would flash in her mind. It was frightening for her.
And then she began to appreciate it.
She began appreciate his maneuvered moves she used to despised. She began to appreciate his sweet, deep voice that used to be sickening to her ears. She began to appreciate, dare she say it, the flirts he initiates during their fights, which used to be one of the things that annoys her the most. She began to appreciate him.
Even if she hadn't seen the real him.
Shameful as it may sounds to her ears, but she seem to have a liking to this thing she was doing— appreciating him, and loving him more. This was somehow considered a hero's mortal sin. Who wouldn't? It involves falling in love— with a criminal, her complete opposite, her white to black, her fire to ice, her light to dark, her yang to yin. Yes, they may balance each other, they may be attracted to one another, but are never for one another because it was impossible, because they wouldn't last, because she was a heroine.
And he was a thief.
He couldn't believe it.
He was just gone for a while, and now that he's back, he finds his secret love, the woman— heroine he loves with all his heart, in the arms of his rivalry hero. Truthfully, he shouldn't have been surprised. He should have expected this. He was the hero after all and he goes perfectly with her. They are the perfect for each other, both dark, both strong, the hero and heroine. The perfect match.
It crushed his heart.
He knew, he knew from the very beginning he fell in love the her, he will be hurt, broken and devastated. Aside from her being a heroine, this is another reason why he feared this, feared his love for her and he also knew that he was nothing standing next to the hero. He was supposed to be smart enough to avoid all of this, he conscience even scolded himself multiple times about this, but what did he do? He shrugged his conscience off as if it will not be a big deal and continued to admire her, visited her, flirted with her, love her. Now, he's like this— heartbroken. And you know what? He honestly can do nothing about it.
Nothing but cry.
She felt guilty.
She's been with her leader, her bestfriend, for quite sometime now. They have many moments together. They've shared many hugs, kisses and laughters. They seldom dated, but those seldom dates were magical and worth cherishing. She loves him, he loves her. They are so in love with each other, than no one dares to interfere. They are so happy, she was so happy. So why does she feel guilty?
Oh, right, aside from her bestfriend, she loves someone else.
It's not that she doesn't love her bestfriend. Don't get her wrong, she's in love with him, deeply, but she can't deny the harsh truth that she was still much more in love with the thief she knew she couldn't have. It was awful. She felt like she was betraying the innocent man who loves her more than anyone could. Of course, he wouldn't let him know that or anyone else, since it might— will destroy everything she have right now. She doesn't want to sound so selfish, but it really was the only way to she knew to keep things on their normal state; to keep it all bottled in to herself, and so she will.
She will just have to deal with the pain it would cost.
They had a confrontation.
He was just supposed to steal a jewel that night, but knowing that he had so much to let out to her, he fought them, brutally, and led her to an alley where in they can talk— personally.
He told her everything. His undying love for her, his late night visits, the flirts, everything. He even ripped his mask and showed her his face, showed her the real him. His dark, dorky hair, his stormy green eyes, his pinkish white skin; and revealed to her his name; Jason Todd.(1)
She was aghast. One because the man she was in love with for years reciprocate her feelings and two, because he was Jason Todd, the second Robin, who, they knew, was dead. Yet here he was, in front of her, confessing his love, and telling her that he had been watching her, wanting her, telling her to come with him and leave her life. She was taken aback by that. She told him she had duties and had said no.
Of course she would say no. She was a heroine remember?
He had expected her answer and he loves her enough to do nothing except watch her walk away from him for the rest of his life and to the man she had chosen to love.
He should have fought harder.
This doesn't mean he was going to their tower, destroy it and kill them to have her. This meant that he could have step in front of their door and introduced himself, telling them that he was in love with their teammate and had the 'normal' competition with her lover. It would be difficult, yes, but he had been through worse, he was surely to surpass this one.
It was for the woman he loves after all.
But he wasn't strong enough to do so, and guilt is starting to eat him alive. He loves her, he really loves her that he would give anything and everything to have her, to reverse the clock and try to stop himself from doing the wrong decision he made—
Letting her leave him and running away.
He let her walk away, because he thought there was nothing he can do. He ran away, because he was too broken to stay and too hurt to see her. He let her go because he thought it was right.
If only he knew how wrong he was.
She should have chosen him.
It was slightly disturbing to know that she was starting to reconsider her choice. She knows it was hard to accept this but she did anyway. Remorse is starting to fill her heart but she's trying her best to ease it away by spending time with her lover. It was a very painful thing to do, using her bestfriend much like a rebound just because she didn't want to be alone and she didn't want to hurt anyone.
But she already did hurt a person right?
She may have the power to go back in time and change everything.(2) But seeing her bestfriend, she knows she couldn't leave him. She had been with him for as long as she can remember. They had been through a lot and he never left her side because of the pressure of the situation. She knew then, she couldn't leave him for her happiness. It may seem sick, but it was the right thing—
No, it was the easy thing for her to do.
He should have stopped her from marrying him.
He realized that he could have been the one who placed that amethyst ring on her slender finger. He realized that it could have been him that made her eyes glow with much happiness and, unintentionally, made her blow things up because of the overwhelming emotion.
And then, he realized, it could have been him who would take her innocence and have kids with her. It could have been him whom she will be happy with. Maybe, just maybe, he realized, it could have been him whom she shared something beautiful with in the end.
He sighed, and realized, that realizing things too much brings out wishful thinkings too painful to imagine and wish for.
Now, here he was, watching her again, as she play in the park with her husband and family. He feels sad, tired and hollow but manages to plaster a bittersweet smile on his face, behind her back.
He had been familiar with sadness and loneliness, but this feeling right now— emptiness is so foreign to him that it stings his heart. He absolutely hates it because it makes him feel incomplete and makes him realize that he was capable of being in such state. Lastly, it makes him wonder what could have been his if he was strong enough to do what was once right. It doesn't really matter now, it's too late; he's too late.
And he remembered the feeling of shedding tears from the heart.
After a few minutes, he wipes the tears away, stands up from where he is hiding and did one of the things he's always been good at—
Running away.
She stared at where her secret love had been hiding from the moment he left. Tears almost escaped her eyes but she managed to held it back. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She would not cry. She's done crying for the things that could have happened if she— they did things differently.
She turned when she heard her husband calling her, telling her that it was time to go home. She smiled and nodded at him. Then she turned giving one last look at where the thief was. She felt her heart grew heavy and she didn't even try to stop the tears that would flow.
Soon after, she, Raven, finally remembered the feeling of shedding tears from the heart.
AN: And that, my dear readers, is the story of the thief, the heroine and what could have been beautiful if given a chance. *sighs* that was sad. I guess. I got this from a picture. I don't really remember what picture it was, but it was really sad. :( I'm sorry if it was, lacking from the middle to the end. I was brain vomiting. Heh.. :/
1) I know nothing about his appearance. :( and I also like the idea of Red X being Jason Todd :)
2) From the comics, I think..
Anyway, read and review please?
Disclaimer: The Teen Titans is a property of DC Comics and Warner Bros.