My eyes flutter open; I am assaulted with white walls and bright lights. Machines beeping at steady rates, tubes and blankets cover my body. I came out of my daze and realize where I am, the hospital. The only thing I remember is loud music and shots being forced down my throat by my party animal friends. I remember wanting to leave after the sixth shot of vodka made its way burning down my throat, scorching everything it touched on the way down. I gripped the side of the gurney, trying to sit up, maybe find a nurse. When I see no one I try to think of what happened that lead me here.

My car was cold and the heater never worked so why should that night be any different. I plopped into the front seat of my old beat up Chevy impala, my best friend Castiel sliding in next to me. He rested his feet on my dashboard, I always reminded him not to, and out of habit I yelled at him drunkenly swiping my hands along his shins, pushing down so he wouldn't ruin my dash. He was quite drunk as well but in my mind I told myself I was the least smashed out of the two of us, so I drove.

As I sit up pain shoots through my side, after looking down I see pure white bandages, that match just about everything in the hospital, winding around my torso. My right leg felt immobile as I tested my body, moving fingers and wiggling toes, and sure enough as I move the cotton sheets there's a cast hardened around my leg. I must have been nervous because the heart monitor started beeping louder and faster as my heart became more erratic. I watched as the number rose into bigger numbers that I knew weren't normal, my breathing now heavy as I start to remember more of earlier in the night.

Honestly I didn't really know how fast I was going; my mind was on autopilot a mantra of 'I need to get home before dad finds out about tonight, before he takes it out on Sam'. I completely forgot Castiel was the one even in the car with me. I thought 'I'm safe, I have my seatbelt on' well a seatbelt can only do so much.

A brigade of people in scrubs came into to my too bright room and noticed my conscious state; they all seemed to visibly relax as the now knew what was causing my excelled heart rate. I must have been touch and go for a while if they were worried about my heart. Some left, others busied themselves with the machines and checking my vitals now that I was awake. "It's alright, calm down, we need you to relax." Was repeated over and over again to me, I knew I needed to calm down but I wasn't thinking clearly. I just needed to know where Cas was.

Bright streetlights and headlights blinded my already blurry eyes, the dizziness in my head didn't really help much either. I was vaguely aware of another person in the car with me, I didn't know who nor did I care. I just wanted to go home.

I took deep calming breaths; the harsh sounds of the annoying machines eventually stopped, returning to a soft paced rhythm. They were able to tell me what happened.

I "crashed the car" is what the Doctor, or who I guessed to be the doctor, said. Three cracked ribs, a concussion, and my right leg broken clean in half. Once her explanation about my health was over I asked the question that had been on my mind since the moment I woke up.

"Where's Cas?"

First I was on the road and then I was staring at a tree through a severely cracked windshield. Smoke billowing around me, blood dripping from my forehead. I swayed back and forth as I sat up in my seat, head pounding the edges of my vision fuzzy. Reaching for my belt buckle I stopped midway and looked over to my right just now noticing who was actually next to me. Apparently when you crash your car it sobers you up pretty quick.

"Cas?"

I lifted my hand and grazed his arm, wrenching back as I felt warm liquid against my fingers. His head was against the window, which itself was cracked, forming a halo around his head. I stared at his lifeless face, eyes closed blood matted hair, tiny cuts littering his usually perfect face. "Castiel?!" tears were streaming down my face as I shook his unmoving body.

Two men were tapping on my window and were trying to open my car door. Once it was finally forced open they were unbuckling my belt and pulling me from my car, ripping me away from Castiel. I was screaming at this point, "CAS!"

"SAVE HIM! NO, CAS!" I struggled against them both as they held me down to the ground, I was kicking and screaming, which proved difficult because my limbs weren't cooperating and pain coursed through my entire body. My throat screamed raw. Beneath the physical pain I felt nothing I didn't know it yet but I wouldn't feel anything for a long time after this night. After that it descended into blackness.

"Your friend? I'm sorry but he's dead."

He's dead? No that can't be right, those boys must have saved… They had to have saved him. They wouldn't leave Cas would they?

"The car caught fire after you were pulled from the wreckage."

He wasn't in there, no no no, he couldn't have been. He was saved just like me. Any minute now the doctor would tell me he's alright and ask me if I would like to see him, like they do in hospitals.

"He wasn't out yet, he was taken by the flames. I'm sorry."

I shook my head as silent tears flowed down my cheeks. He just couldn't be dead. I would no longer see his big blue eyes or his messy mass of dark hair. I would never joke with him or breakdown with him ever again. He was gone, forever and it was my entire fault. I killed my best friend. My first thought was to go talk to him about this crippling depression that had hit me, about all the guilt I now felt, about how I killed him. It all rushed back to me again. I can't do that anymore. I broke down that night in the hospital, with nothing but a scratchy blanket and beeping machines to comfort me.