Disclaimer: don't own it; don't wish I did, because fangirls would probably have burned down my house by now. Not getting any money for it (yeah right! More like I'm getting sued for it!).
A/N: I mean no disrespect to anybody, but it just really annoys me when people use the wrong plurals! This is just a very subtle (coughnotcough) way of correcting all those wayward authors. Please accept my apologies if I have offended you, and forgive my own presumptuousness.
Oh, and thanks to my reviewers for taking the time to point out a few mistakes. I'm trying to correct them.
Adding An "S" Does Not Make It Plural
The sky was blue, the clouds were fluffy and white, the scenery was beautiful and unimportant. Of course, it must be Rivendell being referred to. It just so happened to be the day before the infamous Council of Elrond, and the participants were just arriving.
A tall Man of Gondor better described in The Book came through the arched...well, archway, followed closely by the Elf Legolas, who was barely described at all in The Book.
"Wow, look at all the Elfs..." Boromir, the Man of Gondor, said, rather stupidly. Perhaps he had never seen so many Elves all in one place before.
Legolas shot Boromir.
"It's ElVEs, NOT ElFs!" Legolas shouted.
(Fancy Transition Scene)
It was now the evening before the Council of Elrond, and the Rivendell inhabitants and their guests were having a feast, supposedly in the Hobbit Frodo's honor. The feast consisted of mainly Lembas bread. Well, only Lembas bread. There was Lembas on the table, plates of Lembas, platters of Lembas, Lembas on napkins...only Lembas. Everybody knows that Elves eat Lembas.
Legolas, who also attended the feast, shot the Author. "Lembas is waybread!" he shouted. "For journeys and such! We eat other stuff too! NOT JUST LEMBAS!"
The Author miraculously revives self (ignoring the audience's protests) because without an Author there would be no story. And because she is evil.
(Another Fancy Transition Scene, as we fast-forward through much boring-ness)
The Fellowship now stood before the Gates of Moria, some of them puzzling over how to enter. The others were busy throwing rocks into the water or otherwise endangering their lives.
Frodo stood up from where he had been sitting on a nearby rock doing nothing, and examined the writing on the Door.
"What's the Elfish word for 'friend'?" he inquired of the nearby Gandalf.
Legolas shot Frodo.
"It's ElVish, NOT ElFish!" he shouted.
Gandalf and the others tried to ignore this outburst—which obviously screamed of the need for anger management therapy—and the sudden and unexpected loss of the Ringbearer. Gandalf picked up the Ring from Frodo's dead body, conveniently remembering the password at that moment.
"Mellon."
The Gates of Moria opened with surprising ease.
Pippin was delighted that he now knew the Elvish word for "friend." Unfortunately, (however debatable) he did not know the Elvish word for "friends."
"Come on, Mellons! Let's go into the Mines!"
Legolas shot Pippin.
"It's MellYn, NOT MellonS!" he shouted.
(ooh, ahh, Fancy Scene Transition with swirly colors)
The Fellowship was now inside the Mines of Moria after an interesting but expendable fight scene with an alien-like...thing. Merry was obviously awed by all the rotten corpses, evidenced by his next comment. "Ooh, look at all the dead Dwarfs!"
Legolas was going to shoot Merry, but was stopped by Gimli.
"Hold on, my friend. I shall handle this." He then proceeded to axe Merry to bits. "It's DwarVEs, NOT DwarFs!" he yelled.
(yeah, you get the point. 'Nother Scene)
The Fellowship was now basically wandering aimlessly around Lothlórien, hoping to meet some Elves or something. Gandalf still accompanied them because Pippin was not there to wake up the Balrog. Just go with it.
"Hey, Elf, what are these trees called?" Gimli asked. "I have never seen this kind before."
"This is a Mallorn," Legolas replied, hugging one of the trees.
"Ooh, Mallorns."
Legolas shot Gimli.
"No! It's MellYRn, NOT MallornS!" he shouted.
(whooshing noises and nauseating color change occurs, making readers run for the restroom)
Night had fallen on the land of Lórien, the Fellowship having succeeded in finding a guide after some dispute. They were now all sleeping in flets.
A dark creature, which is implied to be Gollum, was seen, or rather heard, sniffing around the tree where the flet the Fellowship was staying in was located. The dark creature had somehow snuck past the guards and—
Legolas dropped a copy of Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary on the Author's head.
"Do you see the word 'snuck' anywhere in there? HMM? Do you see anything between 'snub-nosed' and 'snuff'? Well? Do you?" he shouted.
The Author wavered a bit, shaking head and trying to focus. "Umm...no...but then again, I can't really see anything since you dropped that thing on my head..."
Legolas looked triumphant. "I didn't think so! It's SNEAKED! NOT SNUCK! Snuck is considered vulgar!"
(Fancy Transition Scene. Readers are by now very upset, and are finding nothing humorous about this at all)
The Fellowship was now camping at Amon-Hen, slightly before the Uruk-hai arrived.
"Something evil is coming. We should go," Legolas said.
"No," Aragorn replied in an overdramatic tone. "We are too sad to travel any further because you killed almost everyone in the Fellowship."
Uruk-hai suddenly appeared, as aforementioned that they would.
"AH!" Aragorn shouted, in a most un-kingly manner. "URUK-HAIS!"
"From Saroumon!" Gandalf added.
Legolas shot Aragorn and Gandalf.
"Uruk-hai is already plural! WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE LEARN? ARGH! And it's SarUmAn, NOT SAROUMON! You, of all people, should know that! Oh yes, and a bonus note. Rivendell is spelled RIVENDELL, NOT RivenDALE!" It was clear by this point that some serious therapy was necessary.
Legolas took the Ring from Dead Gandalf (who actually returns later as Gandalf the White. See? It all turns out all right. Almost, anyway.)
"Well, Sam, it looks like it's just you and me now," Legolas exclaimed cheerily.
Sam tried hard not to say a wrong plural.
(Readers watch in confusion as time is sped up, and meadows, trees, Orcs, and other random stuff is flashed before the screen)
A large structure on a hill surrounded by other small structures came into view, and a sign at the gate surrounding the city had painted on it "WELCOME TO EDORAS."
The sun was in its mid-afternoon position, indicating that it was mid-afternoon. Legolas was now by himself for some odd reason, the Author having skipped the part where the Uruk-hai captured Sam.
A young lady standing on the steps of the large structure greeted Legolas in an almost freakishly friendly manner. "Greetings," she said. "I am Éowyn. My brother and I, Éomer, are the children of King Théoden of Rohan."
"AH!" Legolas shouted in anger. Then he shot Éowyn. "You are the daughter of Éomund, NOT Théoden! Théoden is your uncle!"
Then Legolas left Edoras, because he never actually needed to be there anyway.
(whooshy, whooshy, look at the pretty colors!)
Legolas tracked the Uruk-hai and then killed them all, which is actually a very good way to relieve stress.
Sam was naturally thankful to be rescued, as the Uruk-hai had just been arguing over how to eat him.
"Valor! You saved me!" the Hobbit exclaimed.
Legolas shot Sam.
"It's ValAr, NOT ValOr!" he shouted.
Sam was still alive, and sorry to have apparently upset the Elf.
"Sorry! I meant thank Valar!"
Legolas shot Sam again.
"THE Valar is plural! More than one! VALA is singular!"
Sam died. Gandalf the White suddenly appeared.
"By Eru and Ilúvatar! You killed him!" the Istar exclaimed.
Legolas shot Gandalf.
"Eru and Ilúvatar are the SAME PERSON!" he shouted, by way of explanation.
"You killed me! AGAIN!" Gandalf shouted angrily, then died.
Legolas continued on the Quest alone, and single-handedly killed Shelob and Gollum and tossed the Ring into Mount Doom. Everyone cheered for Legolas because he was a big hero. No one knew that he was a mass-murderer.
(Large white letter appear on screen, spelling EPILOGUE)
Rolling green hills under a swift sunrise, complete perfection—why, it must be Valinor!
Legolas was walking around aimlessly, since there was nothing to do and nobody to kill in Valinor.
Mandos suddenly appeared in front of him.
"Have you seen Námo anywhere around here?" the Vala asked. "I can't seem to find him anywhere."
Irmo suddenly appeared beside him.
"Aye, and Lórien too. I can't find him anywhere either."
Legolas shot himself.
THE END.
And the MORAL OF THE STORY is: Adding an "S" does not always make it plural! Oh, be careful little fingers what you type...
THE END. AGAIN.
A/N: Once again, sorry if this offends anyone...yeah, this isn't my best work, but a repost that got deleted because it was in script-form. I think it was better before. I retyped it on the computer, and for some reason, I can't think creatively when I write on the computer, so terribly sorry.
Reviews and flames welcomed. Buh-bye, come again!