When Levi and Erwin first started dating, they bought a book – behind each other's backs, of course – on how to fall in love properly because although Erwin could give a dictionary definition on what 'love' was and Levi could show anyone who's willing what the opposite of love was, neither of them had the faintest idea of what one should do when supposedly in love.
They didn't realize, at that time, that they had bought the exact same book.
This was the result.
Chapter 1: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who wants to know your favorite color and just how you like your coffee.
Levi pushed the double doors open and sighed contentedly as a gust of wind caressed him, the breeze sifting through his hair and leaving it ruffled. After a long day of working on his research paper, the feeling of something natural, something that wasn't the stilted coldness of the 16 degrees air from the air-conditioner, against his skin, was definitely appreciated.
He turned towards Erwin, the bulk of a man trudging lazily behind him, with an almost manic look in his eyes. Erwin drew an eyebrow up at Levi's crazed state.
"You look psychopathic," he murmured under his breath.
Erwin almost feared for his life when Levi opened his mouth to reply. He didn't know what kind of ideas the other man might come up with given his current unstableness.
"Let's get coffee."
Erwin frowned, "The psychopath wants to get coffee?"
Because, was coffee really the first thing on a psychopath's mind? Shouldn't it be something more along the lines of murdering someone, or better yet, an entire city?
Perhaps Levi was more of a sociopath.
Erwin nodded to himself. Yes, that must be it.
They ended up lounging in Levi's favorite coffee shop in Levi's favorite corner even after Erwin's insistent claims that there were better coffee shops out there and Levi had not fully lived if he hadn't even heard of Erwin'sfavorite coffee shop before.
("Vienna has the best coffee around here, Levi, do you even know what you are talking about."
"Shut the fuck up, you old fart. I'm not walking two extra blocks just for a cup of coffee."
"You were the one who wanted coffee in the first place!" Erwin paused, before adding, "And you don't get to call me old just because I'm legal and you're not!")
Levi took a sip out of his cup and shuddered from the absolutely, stunningly, pleasurable taste of caffeine invading his senses. He then curled up into a ball on his bean bag before proceeding to ignore Erwin and gaze reverently at the Styrofoam cup he clutched between his hands, so he could simultaneously treasure it and keep himself warm.
From across the table, Erwin narrowed his eyes as his bean bag deflated, causing him to sink lower.
"Jealous?" Levi said distractedly.
"Not particularly. What did you order, anyway?"
Levi's ears perked up at that because it Erwin passed half of test number one, holy shit.
"Hazelnut Latte. You?"
Erwin resolved to google how exactly 'Hazelnut Lattes' were made when he got back home – if he got back home. He wasn't sure he would, with the time Levi was taking to finish his coffee.
"Americano."
Levi snorted, "Figures."
"What?"
"It just seems like you to be an overly-manly man about everything."
"I'm not-"
"Spare me. You like Americano and obviously, your favorite color is blue, which is the stereotypical manly color."
"Well, at least I don't own brown-leathered everythings."
"See, this is why I'm giving this cup of coffee a hand job instead of your dick."
Erwin choked on his Americano and had difficulty keeping up his overly-manly man demeanor throughout the night.
Chapter 2: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who loves the way you laugh and would do absolutely anything to hear it.
As happy as Erwin was about how Levi would go to such great lengths to hear him laugh, he would be even happier if Levi's questionable methods didn't include tying him to the bed, spread-eagled, and tickling the living daylights out of him.
"Stop, stop, stop, stop, oh god, stop."
Why couldn't his boyfriend stick to conventional methods like telling jokes? Just, for once, please.
"You don't really want me to stop."
Erwin groaned.
The weird boner he was sporting right now might not be helping his case (who was he kidding – of course it wasn't helping his case) but he swore, he did want Levi to stop.
Maybe.
Chapter 3: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who puts their head on your chest just to hear your heart beat.
Erwin was out of breath, dizzy with laughter and sore all over – he could literally feel the soreness in his hands, arms, neck, torso, thighs, calves, feet, lungs, heart, liver and blood.
No, really, even his white blood cells were sore.
Levi was also out of breath, though Erwin thought he really didn't deserve to be. What the hell did he do to tire himself out – daintily flick a feather across Erwin's body as he writhed (therefore exerting effort) in a futile attempt to escape Levi's bonds? That didn't count as exercise and should not give Levi the right to act tired.
But then Levi was resting his head on Erwin's chest and Erwin could feel Levi's hair tickling his neck – much more pleasantly than the feather, mind you – and the smell of his rich, tea-scented shampoo reached Erwin's nose and he was rubbing his cheek against Erwin's sweaty skin, right above where his heart was – at least, where he assumed his heart was because his erratic heartbeats seemed to be loudest there – and Erwin knew how much Levi hated the stickiness of sweat and yet here he was purposely prostrating himself on Erwin's sticky skin and Erwin grumbled in frustration because this was unfair and Levi shouldn't have this sort of power over him and-
"I can hear your heartbeat."
Erwin cackled inwardly, fuck my life. Better yet, fuck Levi for passing chapter two and three.
"I want to hear yours too," he breathed.
Levi's head snapped upwards so he could look Erwin in the eye, and the older man had never realized just how sharp Levi's chin was until today. He looked like he was about to say something before he changed his mind and said, "Sappy shit," instead, and went back to doing his number on Erwin's chest.
Chapter 4: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who kisses you in public and is proud to show you off to anyone they know.
On their next date after the tickling incident, Erwin ingrained a very important lesson in Levi's mind – one that would surely stay permanently in Levi's mind: always think eight times (or however many times you need to convince yourself not to cross Erwin Smith) before crossing Erwin Smith.
They were in McDonald's because they were poor college students living on pathetic budgets. They were done with their meals, and Levi was just about to stand up when Erwin, without even washing the taste of hamburgers and fries out of his mouth first, gross, pulled Levi in and kissed him messily.
It wasn't abnormal for these things to happen in a fast food chain – and it was definitely normal for these public kisses to happen during their dates – so Levi was pretty tolerant. If anything, what troubled him most was that he would forever associate the taste of double-cheeseburgers with Erwin.
However, what Erwin did next took dates with Erwin to a whole new level. Looking back, Erwin conceded that he might have taken the second part of Chapter 4 a bit too seriously when he started dragging Levi around – a hand around his waist at first before literally grasping onto his arm and dragging him around – and introducing Levi as his boyfriend to random strangers.
"Hello, my name is Erwin Smith and this is my boyfriend, Levi."
"Erwin."
"Hey there! I'm Erwin. This here is Levi, my boyfriend."
"Jesus Christ, Erwin."
"Hi guys, how are you today? I'm out on a date with my boyfriend, Levi."
"Erwin, you motherfucking son of a bitch."
Erwin turned around, a dangerous glint lighting up his eyes, "No," he drawled, "I'm a Levi-fucker."
"Okay Hanji, you can stop pretending to be Erwin now."
Erwin laughed, before continuing his charade.
He introduced Levi and himself for a few more times before they stumbled upon Mike on a date with another guy and Levi's heart just about dropped and he yanked his hand out of Erwin's hold just in time to cover his face in shame.
"Hey, Mike! And Mike's boyfriend! I'm Erwin. This is my boyfriend, Levi."
And Mike, that wretched asshole, had the audacity to reply, "No homo."
"Rich coming from the guy who's about as straight as a circle," Levi snapped.
"The radius of a circle is straight."
Keeping up with the 'no (insert noun)' trend, Erwin said, "No words."
Levi should've broke the man up then and there. After all, what good could come out of a relationship with someone who nailed all the 'rules' of falling in love, right?
But he didn't. Instead, he found himself kissing the man in public again before they parted ways and headed to their own dorms.
The smug look on Erwin's face was almost enough motivation for Levi to break up with him. Almost.
Chapter 5: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who makes you question why you were afraid to fall in love in the first place.
"No way."
Levi shrugged.
"No way."
"Why not?"
"I don't know – I mean, you've never even liked someone before?"
"I like you. I think."
Erwin ignored Levi's snarky comment and possible attempt on trying to lead the conversation into safer territories and said, "Before me. Before me. You can't tell me you've never liked anyone before me and expect me to buy it. No way."
"Of course, it's completely logical to not believe in someone's life story when you're hearing it from said someone himself," Levi said, glaring at Erwin. "Who's the genius now, dumbass?"
Erwin grinned sheepishly before he got out of the chair he was sitting in – the only one in Levi's room – and walked towards Levi, wrapping his boyfriend in his big, bear arms.
Unfortunately, he was simply too big, relatively speaking, and the sheer force of him tackling Levi caused the both of them to lose their footing.
Somehow, they ended up sprawled on Levi's bed, Erwin's weight pinning Levi down.
"So, are you going to tell me why you've never fallen for anyone else before? Am I simply too irresistible?" Erwin's grin had turned from sheepish into cocky, Levi noted with disdain.
"I don't know," he growled.
"Yeah, yeah. Sure you don't."
"I don't."
"Of course you do!"
"You're right, I do."
"You d- Wait. Are you siding with me against yourself?"
Levi didn't reply. He suddenly turned quiet and there was this faraway look in his eyes that made him look detached and ignorant but Erwin could tell from the slight crease in the corners of his eyes that he was still very much pained by whatever he was thinking of and this was about the right time for him to feel sorry about bringing the subject up.
Then, Levi said, in a soft voice, "You know about my parents."
Well, shit.
"You know about my childhood," he paused. "I guess that's why."
Erwin didn't know what to say. It was unforgivable that the moment he needed words the most was the exact moment they chose to abandon him.
He had never been one for physical affections, if he might say so himself, but hey, actions speak louder than words right?
So, he hugged Levi tighter and, with one hand, tucked the younger man's head into the crook of his neck as he began stroking Levi's hair.
"I'm sorry."
"What the fuck are you sorry for, idiot?"
"I-"
"You're sorry if I don't tell you something. You're sorry if I tell you something. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
His boyfriend getting all defensive made him want to tighten his hug and squish the last ounce of breath out of Levi, but he decided that if he didn't want to end up with a dead boyfriend, he would need to learn restrain.
"I'm sorry," he repeated.
This time, Levi let it slide, too engrossed in the rhythmic beating of Erwin's heart to retort.
Chapter 6: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who would never, ever want to hurt you.
Both of them skipped this chapter because, as dimwitted as they were in love, they understood that to love was to give someone the power to destroy you but to trust them not to do so.
They trusted each other more than they believed in anything in the world.
Even if everything was turned upside-down and inside-out and nobody could tell real and fake apart, the one thing that would still hold true was their trust.
So yes, they trust that the other would never, ever hurt them.
Chapter 7: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who falls in love with your flaws and thinks you're perfect just the way you are.
On Valentine's Day, Erwin presented Levi with a box of hand-made chocolates.
On Valentine's Day, Levi presented Erwin with a list of things Erwin did that ticked Levi off and another list of Erwin's flaws.
"This is horribly mean of you!"
"Why don't you put that pea-brain of yours to use for once and think about why I gave you those lists?"
"Oh, I don't know, to piss me off maybe?"
Levi flicked Erwin's forehead, "You're unbelievably stupid for a Valedictorian."
Erwin had to give it to Levi for managing to make 'unbelievably stupid' sound tender and affectionate.
"Well, you gave me not one, but two, lists of things you hate about me. There is only one reasonable interpretation of your intentions!"
"Shithead, this is my way of telling you that I love you despite your stupidity."
Erwin was about to reply when Levi cut him off, "That's one more thing to add to both lists, by the way – your stupidity."
Erwin snapped his mouth shut and growled, albeit rather cutely. Well, Levi was the only one who would consider a growl cute so perhaps it wasn't so much as Erwin being cute as Levi's general sense of judgment being generally. . .different.
And then, something seemed to have gone off in Erwin's head and the expression of petulance on his face was quickly replaced by disbelief and shock.
Here we go, Levi thought.
"Hold up, can we just backtrack a bit? Can you please repeat your previous sentence?"
"What? About adding your stupidity onto the lists?"
"No, no, no, no," Erwin said frantically. Levi had never seen him like this before and he immediately decided that he liked frantic Erwin because he was amusing. "The one before that."
"Which one? I don't remember."
"Asshole! You do!"
"Do I?" he asked, the subtle smile tugging on his lips betraying his innocence.
"Levi."
"Oh – you mean the one where I said, 'I love you'?"
That shut Erwin up. He wasn't blushing – they were mature enough not to – but he was quiet and he was staring at Levi blankly like the world did not make sense anymore. Or that it finally, finally did.
Moments passed.
Levi waited patiently.
Slowly, like how the color of a pair of jeans fade after it's been washed too many times, Erwin opened his mouth and started to speak.
"I love you, too."
Chapter 8: If you ever fall in love, fall in love with someone who thinks that you're the one they would love to wake up to each day.
There was quite a gap between the completion of Chapter 7 and 8, but they managed to make it through the book eventually.
Levi blinked drowsily, sleep still lingering in his system, as he hummed appreciatively at the block of solid warmth behind him. He squirmed in the enclosed space, vaguely taking note of the arms draped around him, in an attempt to press further into the strange feeling of protection the thing spooning him provided.
Before he could even close any space between them – not that there was any space to begin with – an arm entered his peripheral. He felt a hand cup the side of his face before it gently prodded him to turn in the opposite direction.
A pair of electric blue eyes greeted him on the other side, and Levi was about to comment on Erwin's bird's nest hair when a pair of familiar lips – familiar in its curve, size and texture; familiar in the way it was exactly where it should be – descended upon his and well, what could he do but melt into the kiss?
This wasn't even anything new – they had repeated this scenario a few hundred times by now.
However, there was something special about today.
As he leaned into Erwin's touch, Levi could feel a ring pressing against the side of his face where only the smooth expanse of Erwin's fingers used to be.
Bonus Chapter: If you fall in love, make sure to fall in love with someone who's also read this book.
"Fucking hell," Levi muttered as he unpacked one of the cardboard boxes from the hoard scattered throughout their newly-purchased flat. "Erwin! Why do you have this book?"
He heard footsteps, and then Erwin appeared by the mouth of the hallway, holding a similar copy of the book in his hand, "I could ask the same of you."
They stared at each other, not knowing whether to be amused or extremely amused.
Author's Note
Me, while writing:
"Hm, I suppose they can be a bit OOC here. No biggie."
"And here too."
"And here."
"OKAY FUCK IT, GO BIG OR GO HOME, RIGHT?"
In other words, sorry. It was fun for me to write this, though, so I hope you had as much, or even more fun, reading this! Feedback is always appreciated, thanks :)
Disclaimer: The 'for dummies' brand does not belong to me!
Based on a picture by Twitter user femaleproblems.