A/N. This is a small one-shot that I've hand running around my head for a few days. It takes place long after The end part 3.
"Will she be okay?" a shaking voice asked the inevitable question.
The nurse looked at him, sadness etched into the lines along her wearied face as she put his worst fears into a few simple words.
"She is dying"
That single phrase and those simple, uncomplicated words. Who knew that words could bring about such terrible heart-wrenching pain? Who knew that his darkest fear could be cruelly brought to existence with three simple words? On the outside, his face remained painfully devoid of any and all emotions. He had to remain strong, for everyone. But on the inside his heart refused to accept the undeniable truth. It rebelled against his common sense and his intelligence. It would not, could not accept that she was dying. It simply could not happen. At first he was angry with her. How could she possibly even think about dying? How dare she stop fighting against death and accept the unacceptable. Did she not care about how he felt? How could she so carelessly throw away his feelings as if they were no more then a poster on a wall, only good for a few days before it's brutally disposed of and forgotten. But he began to realize that it was not her fault, it was his. Everything was his fault. He was broken out of his reverie by a pair of warm hands gently shaking him. They belonged to Cyborg. Robin hardly recognized him; he had changed so much in the week that Raven had been hospitalized. His skin was unusually dull, not the rich chocolate hue it normally held. His eyes held not the spark he used to, they were filled with immense grief. His normally youthful face looked old; wrinkles had manifested themselves upon his face. These wrinkles were not caused by simple old age for Cyborg was relatively young, no, these wrinkles were caused by immeasurable grief and all of the titans shared this ailment.
"Hey man" said Cyborg softly, his normally bright and sprightly voice that was so often filled with incredible warmth and underlined by a deep protectiveness had long since faded away, replaced with a distant, emotionless tone that contained all the pain and grief in the world but displayed none of it.
Robin was silent; he knew that if he spoke, the tears he had tried so hard to restrain would come streaming down his face, rivers of sadness and grief. To speak would be to open the door to emotion and he couldn't afford to do that. Someone had to remain strong.
"Raven wants to see you" Cyborg's soft words pierced through Robin's defenses, mercilessly tearing down what he had tried so hard to construct. He choked silently as his throat constricted with the threat of tears, just waiting to be released. As he looked up at Cyborg he could force no words to leave his mouth. He simply nodded and wordlessly made his way to the room that Raven occupied. Cyborg stopped outside and Robin stepped in. As he walked towards Raven his heart cried for anything to distract him from this immense pain. This was an enemy he could not contend with. This enemy came from within. It could not be fought and it could not be repressed. It brought great joy and sorrow to its victims. It taunted him with tantalizing visions of what he most coveted and snatched it away when it was almost his. Frustrated with his thoughts and desperate for any kind of relief no matter the cause he focused on a small, trivial matter, the colour of the walls. They were beige, Raven hated beige. These thoughts entertained him for a few seconds before his heart and mind were brutally torn from this small moment of relief and shoved back into the inescapable reality. He reached the bed and looked down at Raven. She looked so small lying there, almost motionless but for the rising and falling of her chest, the only sign that she was still alive. Her eyes were closed in apparent rest but her face was anything but restful. Lines that should never be there were etched into her pallid face. He mouth was twisted into a grimace, a result of the immense pain that she suffered every waking hour. He viciously bit down on his lower lip, barely managing to contain a small cry at the sight of her. The blankets were tucked around her thin frame so you could not see the grievous wounds she suffered from. He drew back the blankets and could not contain the horrified gasp that escaped him. Most of her body was encased in blood soaked bandages. It brought back memories of the night that he had found her, lying in a ditch after a fight with Slade. Memories that were all too recent.
FLASHBACK
Raven struggled to breath, she had suffered an awful injury to her chest and she was certain that most of her ribs were broken; she knew also that one of her ribs had punctured her lung. Yes, if no-one found her she would drown in her own blood. But she knew that in all likelihood she would die of a combination of injuries, her punctured lung, the internal bleeding, and the large gash near her temple. There was no doubt about it, either she would die of blood loss or she would drown in her own blood. She took a few small steps forward and collapsed to the ground the pain tearing a small cry from her blood-stained lips. She decided to lay there, her body curled into a small ball, arms encircling her chest in a light almost comforting embrace. Her eyes were shut in a quiet defiance of pain as she willed for someone, anyone to find her. In was in this state that Robin had found her. He had been searching restlessly for her and had been shocked to the core at the state she was in. He had rushed to her side and dropped to his knees, cradling her head in his lap. His gentle hands had traced the lines of her face as he called for help. His voice was layered with a deep sense of urgency. He knew she was a death's door, as he yelled he searched for a way to detain her, to keep her in the land of the living.
"Help" he screamed again as she shuddered with the immense effort it took to breath, something so simple, so natural that required so little effort was costing her so much. The little strength she had left was waning. His voice was hoarse from calling for help but still he yelled, unrelenting. She coughed and blood spurted from her mouth. He was shocked when he realized that she was bleeding internally. He started shouting again with more vigor then before, he would not let her die! He nearly collapsed with relief when he heard the sound of an ambulance and saw the T-car headed towards him. The next few hours passed in a blur as Raven was carefully transferred from the muddy ground onto a clean white stretcher and hurriedly placed into an ambulance. She was then rushed to the hospital where the doctors began treatment immediately. Robin, in the meantime after he heard the ambulance drive away decided that he could now collapse as Raven was in good hands. He promptly did so and as the darkness consumed him he felt Cyborg's arms beneath him before he knew no more.
END FLASHBACK
He was again snapped out of his reverie by a hand, but this one was cold and pale.
"Robin?" whispered Raven weakly. He could see the effort it took her to talk.
"Yes?" he said softly removing her hand and placing it gently on the bed his hand resting lightly on top of hers.
"I sorry" she said slowly after a moments silence, her voice cracking with unexpressed emotion.
"For what?" he asked gently
"For failing you" she said sadly "For putting you all in this position"
"It is not and never will be your fault!" said Robin fiercely
She managed a weak smile; "All the same…" her voice trailed off as her thin body was racked with harsh coughs.
"If it was anyone's fault it's mine" said Robin slowly as Raven's coughs subsided.
She shook her head, wincing as she did so. "Robin, sometimes you can be so conceited. The world does not revolve around your actions"
He shook his head, containing a sad smile. "Nevertheless, it is my fault. I am the leader and I am responsible for what happens to my team"
She sighed "That was never something we ever asked you to do."
He nodded "I chose to accept the responsibility, someone has to"
"No" she said "Not everything is someone's fault. There are things like accidents that happen you know" her soft tone held a small amount of wry humor, he was amazed that she still managed to possess this even though she faced almost certain death. It was a strength that Raven had always possessed, the strength to go on when all was lost. However, simple strength could not uphold the limitations of the flesh. Raven could only remain in her body while her heart continued to beat and it was dangerously close to halting.
"Anyway" Raven said softly "I did not call you here to argue about your obsessive need to claim responsibility for everything that goes wrong." She shook her head "No, there is something that I have long suppressed that I need you to understand."
He nodded for her to continue.
"This may cause you more grief then it will joy" she confessed sadly but I cannot leave it unsaid for I fear that you may spend the rest of your life wondering, that is if you share my feelings." She stopped, submitting to another coughing fit before continuing. "There has always been a certain connection between the two of us. I have felt it many times, I feel your presence, your soul more then I can feel anyone else's. I know instinctively, exactly what you are feeling, despite that mask you wear. I know when you are in trouble and are hurting, physically, spiritually and emotionally. It saddens me to realize that I have caused and will cause a lot of grief in your life. But I hope stifle some of that grief now, even if in the future it may bring more." She took a deep breath and a sharp pain shot through her body as her punctured lung protested. She grimaced but ignored the pain and looked deep into his masked eyes, her beautiful violet orbs delving deep into his soul as they always did when she looked at him before speaking again.
"I love you" she said simply "I always have"
He was stunned, never had he imagined that Raven could say something so blunt but so meaningful. She looked sadly at his blank stare.
"I always knew that there was a possibility that you would not share the same feelings" she said softly "But I truly thought that you also felt the same about me. But it is infinitely better this way. The heart suffers no loss worse then the loss of a loved one" she spoke with much conviction and one could tell that through the course of her fairly short life she had lost many.
Robin was not deceived by her calm words, he saw right through her nonchalant façade to the disappointment and sadness she felt thinking he did not fell the same way.
He gently bent down and kissed her on the cheek.
"I have always loved you" he said quietly "And I have spent many moments despairing that my feelings would not be returned. It brings me great joy to hear at last that we share a mutual feeling. My only regrets are that we confess on your deathbed" his tone was light but Raven knew him well enough that she could sense the despair and grief underlying his sentence. She wished that it did not have to be this way. He did not deserve the pain this was causing him. She wished that she could simply erase herself from his memory; she could not stand seeing him in such pain. He was helpless and she knew that he hated it.
She couched again and suddenly felt weaker, she knew without a doubt that her time was coming to an end.
"Robin" she choked out.
His eyes were filled with an indescribable pain as he held her hand in his. He knew. He tried his best to be strong as she died but he could not. Tears flowed down his face as he bent close to hear her as she struggled to say something, her voice and soul fading away.
"Robin' she whispered her voice barely audible "Please, do not remember me like this"
He shook his head; "No" he said vehemently "Don't' leave. You're stronger then this, hang on! Don't leave me!"
She smiled softly at him and placed his hand on his heart. "I will never leave you"
By now his face was overrun by streams of tears as he held Ravens deathly cold hand. He saw her fading away and was filled with an immense feeling of utter helplessness. She was dying and he could do nothing.
"Don't leave me" he cried, anguished.
"I love you" she said as her eyes closed for the last time as she slipped away.
Robin's anguished moans pierced the rigid silence that surrounded the hospital. His head was bent over the still body of his loved one, the beautiful bird, she would never fly again.