Artemis Fowl and The Helsinki Incident
Disclaimer: I do own some things, amongst them a plush dinosaur, a windup hamster and red shoes. I, however, do not own Artemis Fowl.
Published on horsesense.gom
Once again the LEP has failed to acknowledge the true heroes of Haven, and the facts remain widely unknown to the general public. If not for ex-captain Holly Short, Mulch Diggums, the brilliant Foaly (whose wit and sparkling intelligence has saved the LEP numerous times and invented some, no all, of the most sophisticated technologies under the earth) and, "Haven's Number One Threat", Artemis Fowl, Commander Sool would still be missing in action (which is not such a bad state of affairs) and Haven would be under threat of Mud-Man invasion (which is). Many of our most honoured politicians (who would never exploit a breach of security to their own benefit) have used this as ammunition for a world wide mind-wipege of all humans, which would have the basic effect of sending them back into, what they have termed, the Stone Age. Although Mud-Men are generally unintelligent and mostly incapable of long term vision and the conservation of their natural environment, there are those who have long since passed these constrictions of their race and prove to be a benefit to the People, as you shall soon learn …
Chapter One
Holly sighed and propped her feet up on her rickety desk. Another case solved, another week's rent paid. Her gaze fell on a framed photograph hanging pride of place above the coffee machine. A smiling Trouble, a Stern Root and a grinning Foaly looked back at her, their LEP acorns glinting from the harsh light of the flash. She sighed again. No matter how many stolen items she returned to their wealthy owners she couldn't shake the faint home-sick like feeling as she missed the real action that the LEP uniform brought.
Holly shifted restlessly, but before she could resign herself to a life of paperwork, cold coffee and missing cats the heavy door to her office flew open; and she fell off her chair.
"Holly!" Mulch ran in, his eyes sparkling wildly.
"What?" came Holly's snappish answer from the dusty floor.
"Sool's missing in action!"
Holly stiffened as she made her way back to standing position, "And the LEP made that information public?"
Mulch slowly chewed a stray beard beetle, still grinning widely. "Well, after Lilli Frond blabbed to her 'super best friend' Rosemary Winter, they couldn't really hold it back."
Holly nodded her head slowly. Rosemary Winter was Haven's best crime reporter, and the most unscrupulous. She had no doubt that the only reason Winter managed to endure Frond's annoyingly perkiness was because she received juicy newspaper headlines every once in a while. Holly shuddered at the thought of evening drinks with Frond just to make a living. Mulch had stopped chewing and was now baring his teeth inches from Holly's face. "Now guess the best thing – even better than Sool being lost," he giggled. Holly pinched her nose.
"The LEP is buying you a year's supply of mouthwash to celebrate?"
Waving Holly's insult aside like so many swear toads, Mulch grinned again.
"The LEP is hiring Haven's greatest detective and his ex-LEP sidekick to find him again!"
Holly grinned, "That is good."
Mulch began to rub his hands together furiously.
"Just think of all the gold they'd be willing to pay …"