"Hey, you!"
It was a bright, bright Saturday morning, and Ray was taking a leisurely stroll down the street, taking a much-needed break from constant training. He didn't expect a girl to practically tackle him during this said leisurely walk, much less wielding a microphone and sunglasses (it was winter). She was quite short, even shorter than Ray, with the weirdest spiky brown hair and bright green eyes. Her expression was peculiar too; it was a mix of impatience and a strange air of rage. His first reaction was to run, which he tried to do, but the strange girl merely tackled him again, practically clinging to his arm.
"I said you," she shouted again, her eyes getting wide for apparently no reason. That's when Ray noticed the cameraman; a sketchy fellow with a hat that hid his eyes. Ray turned his attention back to the strange girl who was still clinging on him like a parasite. "I wanna interview."
"I…nterview?" he asked wearily, eyeing her then the shady camera man. The cameraman flashed him a thumbs up and the girl wiggled awkwardly against his arm. He groaned. "No. I came out for a walk, not to be attacked by paparazzi-wannabes."
"SO NOT!" she suddenly shrieked, peeling her tiny body off his arm. "Ahem, let me introduce myself! I'm Riley Montgomery, American adventurer! I travel the world interviewing random people! Last week it was New York City, and I interviewed a pigeon and a homeless guy living in a box! And this week, it's Japan, and a random Chinese-lookin' fella! So, what's your name, kid?" she shoved the microphone (which was totally fake; Ray could tell) in his face, knocking at his nose in a quite uncomfortable way. Ray frowned at her but she merely beamed up at him gleefully.
"Ray Kon…"
"IS 'RAY' SHORT FOR 'RAYMOND'?" she asked quite loudly. She looked quite proud of herself, as if she just solved a huge mystery. Ray tried to be nice but she was getting on his nerves.
"….yeah…" he replied vaguely.
"Shaweet. So, Raymond, what do you do for a living?"
"…I blade," he said. "I'm a famous blader actually."
"Blade?" she asked unintelligently. "What the frack is blade? Is that like, some freaky orgy serial killer cult or something?"
Ray's expression could only be described as horror.
"What…!? No! Let me show you!" he cried, quite perturbed by this girl. He didn't know why he wanted to show her…the fact she thought beyblading was an 'orgy serial killer cult' bothered him so much that he wanted to prove her wrong. He pulled out his blade and showed it to her. The cameraman shoved the camera at the blade and Ray yanked it back.
"Hey!"
"Sorry, man," the cameraman apologized, "the zooms broken. We dropped the camera five times in the City, and when we went to California Riley threw the camera in the water…" he grimaced at the memory.
"No time for a walk through memory forest!" Riley cried.
"Don't you mean memory lane?" Ray asked. Riley gave him a look as if he were a complete idiot then blew his correction off.
"So what is that?" she asked, trying to get a good view on the blade. Ray cleared his throat and held it up again.
"My blade. That's my bitbeast – we use them to fight other blades and bitbeasts."
Riley put an intelligent-looking face on. "Hmm. So it isn't an orgy serial killer cult. It's an orgy beastiality serial killer cult. Ah, it makes sense. Hmm," she nodded solemnly, stroking her chin.
"What? No!" Ray defended, putting his blade away.
"Next question!" Riley suddenly shouted. "Raymond, did you grow your hair out as dare, or are you going through an identity crisis and decided to get a sex change so you're growing your hair out before the operation? Or are you just one of them Japanese 'Bishies' all those crazy fangirls go on about?"
Ray stared at her. "I think this interview is over."
"WAAAIT!" Riley wailed, grabbing his arm. "One more! One more! Es muy importante!"
Ray sighed. "What is it?"
"Tu le gusta….sexo?" she winked repeatedly; so much so that Ray was worried she broke her tiny brain or something and was malfunctioning.
"Tu le…what?" he asked. "I don't speak…er, whatever that language is. I speak Chinese…and Japanese. That's it. That's all. Nothing else."
"So you do!" she cried in delight. "Sweet! I'll mention that in the video," she shoved the microphone to her mouth and spun to the camera, a serious expression on her face. "And there you have it, Raymond Kon, the orgy beastiality serial killer cult member admits to being addicted to sex with lions and other fluffy animals. Sorry girls, this gender-bender bishie is only into pink noses and tails."
"What!?" Ray shouted.
"Thanks for the interview!" Riley called, saluting Ray before jumping on her cameraman's back, nearly knocking the camera out of his hands.
"ANDALE, ANDALE! WE SHALL MAKE OUT DARING ESCAPE!" Riley cried out, kicking the poor camera-wielding man on his sides like one would a horse. He seemed used to it and sighed, walking off as she screamed demands from on his back, sometimes hitting him with her microphone. Ray merely watched them leave, mouth slightly agape.
"The heck just happened?" he asked himself. The obnoxious American Adventurer was gone, and so was Ray's dignity.
It was a bright, bright Saturday morning,
and Ray Kon was scared of Americans ever since.
Author's Corner: I don't know. This is crack.
It's based off a short comic series I do when I'm bored in class at school. It's my alter-ego, Spider (Riley in this story), who goes around with her cousin the cameraman and interviews different characters from different books/TV shows/mangas/etc. She's really hyper and insane so she gets distracted easily and asks weird questions, and twists everything someone says.
Don't take this seriously.
I wrote this because I was tired (I wrote this at 2 a.m.) and bored and hyper, all at the same time: a dangerous combination.
Enjoy? XD