Hello everyone!
This is my first english fic, I am german… So it is not my natural language, please be kind! I apologize in advance for every possible mistake.
This will be sad, but I had to write something like that, because the ideas were crowding my mind.
Have fun, though!
…
Always is never enough
The day is beautiful, like her. The sun grazes the horizon and creates a deep orange light. It is a warm and melancholic atmosphere.
She loved the sunsets on summer days like these. He remembers every single one they watched together, arm in arm, their hearts beating in the same rhythm.
Now, his heart is left beating alone.
His steps are heavy, slow. He does not want to make these steps because they mean goodbye. He does not want to say goodbye to her, not yet. Never.
Their time was way too short.
He would do anything, give everything, just for a few more moments with her. With Sharon.
But no one can give back what cancer has taken.
He still can see her lying in that hospital bed, small and fragile, so unlike her. When she got the diagnosis, she once told him that is what she is the most afraid of. Losing herself in the process of dying.
And he could not stop it. He could only stand by and watch her fade away day by day.
These last ones were the most horrible months in his life. And they will always be.
He does not lift his gaze from the ground as he comes to a halt, but he can sense everyone's presence. All of them are here, grieving, saying goodbye. He has no strength left to look them in the eye and hear their words of consolation. He wants to run and never stop until he can see her, feel her again.
But he does not move. He remains rooted in front of her grave.
Her grave. He never thought about standing in front of it. He wishes he could have gone first.
The priest starts talking but he does not care. She, of course, would care. All he can do is watching the single red rose in his hand. His last gift to be buried with her.
He lets his fingers glide over the sharp thorns. The blood trickling down his hand is the same color like the rose itself. A deep, sad red.
When they start to lower the coffin, no her, into the ground, he stops feeling numb. Instead he is surprised by the painful and breathtaking pain that is consuming his lungs, his heart and every other part of his body. He cannot stop the gasp leaving his mouth or the tears streaming down his face. Up to that moment he could not really cry, he felt nothing. But now, watching the coffin disappear in the mud, it all crashes down on him. He cannot and will not hold back anymore. His knees buckle and he hits the ground. There is pain shooting up his legs, but it is nothing compared to the pain wrenching his heart.
There are hands on his back and his shoulders. He ignores them and starts rocking back and forth while crying silently. He cries until there are no more tears left.
The sun has now completely disappeared behind the distant hills and only a soft, reddish light is left in the darkened sky.
Slowly, carefully he stands up and again, there are hands trying to support him.
If he thought the steps to the grave were a burden, he did not know what he has to face now.
Two, maybe three steps to release the rose and watch it tumbling down onto the dark wood of her coffin. The last two or three steps before finally and definitely saying goodbye.
The flower hits the wood with a quiet thud and next to it falls a drop of water. He looks up into the sky. Maybe he should be surprised by the dark clouds suddenly hanging above them. But instead he catches teardrops in his hands and watches them mixing with his blood.
Sharon is dead. Why should the sun shine at their final goodbye?
A hand on his arms pulls him back slightly and the others start throwing white roses into the hole. Andy still watches the now only light red stream on his hand.
Someone wants to keep the rain off him by putting an umbrella above his head, but he pushes it away. He wants to feel the water drenching his clothes and flowing down his body afraid to lose the ability to feel again.
Afraid the numbness could return.
He peripherally notices the others leaving or at least taking some steps away from the grave, probably to give him some last moments of privacy.
He positions himself in front of the hole holding her body in the coffin again and looks down. The coffin is covered with white roses. But his lonely red rose stands out. A special flower for a special woman to prove a special love one last time.
"I love you so much, Sharon. I will never, never stop loving you."
The words are just a weak whisper as he crouches down in front of her grave. He lean his elbows on his knees and hangs his head in a sad gesture.
Suddenly a very special, overwhelming feeling overcomes him. But it is a good feeling. Warm and gentle, he feels secure for the first time in months. It is almost like her presence. And then he feels it. A gentle pressure on his shoulder. It feels like she is touching him with her small, slender hand.
Warm and gentle.
It is a reflex. He lets his hand glide to his shoulder but his fingers hit nothing but the cold and wet material of his black suit. He looks up but sees nothing but air.
But he simply knows she is there.
She will never leave him.
"I miss you, my love."
He whispers again but she would hear it. He knows he is right when he feels her lips on his forehead. He touches the place in his face and closes his eyes.
She will never leave him.
She will stay with him. Always.
A single tear slides down his cheek and then hits the red rose lying in midst of white.
But always is never enough.
...
Well, I think I will add another chapter. But it will be completely different.
Hope you liked it, aside from being awfully sad.
By the way, I LOVE reviews! ;)