Confined
The more I stay in this room; the more I have dreams of what my life could have been – The more I dread what his life will turn out to be.
It seems like it happened yesterday; but, with dread, I know that it happened so long ago.
I think; and hope, that someday I will see his face again. Be able to touch him. To love him and care for him. But as I look around my prison; I know it will never happen.
I had a choice. It was either to stay here; forever and ever. Watch the passersby and new owners come to live; and until those came – look at the pictures of memories and study his face more and more.
Or; my other choice; let myself go into eternal paradise.
I chose to be miserable. I chose to let myself find the answers to his mysteries. And all he left behind was a picture of the four of them. That picture burned with me; but to me, it was clear as ever before.
Out of the four people – Smiling people – A thing that he didn't do often; I had only met three of them. One briefly; but the other was my best friend and soul mate. He, in that picture was four months old; so different from the grown man he was now. His innocence; taken away.
Now, now as a grown man, he was wasting away his life hunting for something that was out to destroy his whole family. This much I new.
Yes. The third person.
I had a visitor. One who had chosen to go to the place where no suffering could occur.
She came to me one night; her white dress, much like mine, was radiating off an incandescent glow. Her blonde curls, ruffling slightly, caused by her ghostly breeze. I was frightened of this specter at first; but then I found that Mary Winchester – the mother of my inamorato; was only trying to comfort me. Comfort me with the answers.
And, after being pinned to the ceiling, blood dripping from my stomach, bursting into flames, watching my boyfriend die inside; after what Mary told me, I had never been so scared in my life. And really, it was for them. Sam, Dean, and John.
But there was no way I could ever warn them. I was permanently confined within these four walls of our old bedroom. And I had done it to myself.
In my mind; I forced my outer image to leave; to find him, to send a comforting omen. But what I sent were more nightmares to frighten him; more things that he could blame himself for. I wished I were dead and gone; not having to think any longer. And knowing that I was one of them, something that could turn so evil in the darkness of the night, made me wish there were no after life. I could be captured any second by it.
SJN
Months later; and no new owners, I received another visitor. This time though; it was a human. It was his brother; and he was looking directly at me.
I dared myself to wonder if it was me he was looking at; or if he was just staring beyond me, at the blackened walls caused by the fire.
I pushed myself up- off the bare floor and glided to the opposite side of the room. His hazel green eyes never leaving my ghostly presence.
"Jessica?" I looked at the man before me; I could tell he was searching me; tearing myself apart with his questioning gaze. For the first time in 11 months and 30 days; I felt safe. And this scared me even more.
"Dean," This was the first time I had heard my voice in so long; my real voice. I grinned at the thought and felt warmness spread across my cheeks. This was not supposed to be happening. But for the first time in a long time; I felt free.
Slowly, the older brother of the man I once loved approached me and reached out his hand; softly touching my cheek. Did I feel real to him? Or was I something that he was preparing to take for the kill? Banish myself into hell? To me; that sounded good. I could get out of this misery.
"You're real," He murmured softly; his gaze softening along with his words. In a way; he looked so much like Sam; but in a way, he was so different. He wasn't the same egotistical man that had taken Sam on a 'hunting' trip nearly a year before. No, this time, he was caring.
"Where is he?" I spoke again; surprised at my output of words. And for a second; I caught his eyes letting out an even tenderer look.
"He's at the motel; sleeping," Dean cast his eyes away from mine; and for a second I thought I was gone. Back to being miserable. But he caught my gaze again and held it.
"He still loves you," The words were spoken carefully; as if there might have been something else he could have said; but, surprised to find it was still there, I felt my heart lurch and become sadly happy once again.
"Tell him I love him," I studied Dean; like I had the night he came to take Sam away. He was wearing the same clothes; but looked more rugged and dirty. I felt that I needed to comfort the soul in front of me; but knew there was no way. I finally realized what Sam had bragged about all those years. "And that I want him to be happy; I forgive him."
I finished and grief washed over me; I had done what I was supposed to do. He nodded, gave me another glance, and walked out.
I felt relief; I had said it – I had done it. And I was scared yet again. I was back to being in the 4-walled hell- whole of an apartment prison.
But no; I saw a light, and then Mary Winchester waved me to her, I followed and discovered what paradise really was like.