This gift. This CURSED gift. The gift to hunt, to pursue, to KILL.
I, James, was unable control my craving as I scented that meat girl hiding among these of my kind. I don't WANT her! I don't want to harm her, don't want to.. don't want to..
Slowly, my instincts took over. I crouched down. Already I could see myself tearing that delicate soul apart, that gushing blood. "QUIT IT, JAMES! GET UP" that voice told me, the voice deep in my heart that I had grown to ignore.
As I sense the Cullen's need to protect my prey, I felt like she had become my everything. I would give up anything to have her, even Victoria.
That night, as my physical self tried to sniff out the Cullen's plan to hide Bella, my inner self fought to stay indifferent. It tried and tried to slow me down, to stall some time for Bella to get away, to stop the hunt.
Unlike all the other times, it almost won. For a few days there, I felt like I had lost Bella's trail. I was incredibly content. At last! I had succeeded in not harming a prey, and such a precious one at that. I wanted to return to the Cullens and show them the real me. But when I turn back, I got news from Victoria that Bella was on the plane to Phoenix, Arizona. Why?! Why did you do this to me?! I wanted to come and rip Victoria's marble white throat apart. I WAS free.. it was so close. But I didn't quite reach it.
I hung up the phone.. and grinned.
I forced myself not to get up and use my hunter's mind. I wanted that settled feeling back, but it was gone.
I got up, and the hunt was starting all over again. My sharp brain molecules clicked. I knew exactly how to get this little pathetic human girl.
I started planning and scheming. The deeper I got into it, the harder it was to pull myself out. I was continuously having eternal conflicts. No, they were more than conflicts; I was tearing my soul apart with bloody guilt. Once in awhile, I would snap out of it and claw crazily at the nearest thing, my chest heaving, incapable to breathe.
In the ballet room that day, playing the tape, threatening innocent Bella, I felt like rotten blood. Rotten, but cunning - and cunning I liked.
I waited for Bella to arrive. My feelings mixed and jumbled..
She came. All alone. I sensed fear, little for herself, but much more for her 'captured' mom.
How can I? HOW CAN I? But I had to.
Advancing toward the bewildered child, looking into those big brown eyes, my heart ripped. I wanted to chase her away to safety, back to the veggie freaks; but instead, I sneered. I held back at first, again trying to stall time for Bella to get away. My inner soul begged and begged. I couldn't take it anymore! My vision blurred. I smelt blood, I bit her..
Suddenly, they were there. Bella's rescuers had come. I tried to run away, to spare Bella's life from my thirsting mind.
I felt pain. Heating, burning pain. The male one got me.. I'm not going to live! My soul screamed wildly; but part of it smiled.. at last, I was truely free.