So this was just an idea that sprung up on me yesterday evening while I was being a little emoball of depression and anger. Shorter than I would like it to be, but I might come back around to edit it and add in a few things here and there.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, it wouldn't be called fanfiction.

Warning: boy/boy, rated for language

Down.

That's how Axel always felt. Take away his smirk, his slightly flirtatious manner (and especially Roxas) and you would see him for who he really was. A sad, tired Nobody. Roxas helped ease that, God bless the blond. But that just made him dependant on the blond. More than he already was.

(was that why he left?)

The boy made him feel like he had a heart. Hell the boy was his heart. Something all the Nobodies wanted. Because even though the original six gave it away, being without a heart… was sort of lonely (Rox. Love, come back). Xemnas could stare at Kingdom Hearts to fill his time, Xigbar could gun around for hours, Xaldin could ride wind until he tires, Vexen could experiment on numerous items, Lexaeus could eat until he's bloated, and Zexion could read non-stop. But they could only do it for so long before that aching nothingness, that hollow feeling consumed them. Like it did to him. Like it did to Roxas. Perhaps that was why they had hooked up with each other. They wanted –needed– to feel. And boy, did Axel feel alright. That was the problem. He felt too damn much.

It was bad enough the first time he had his heart taken away. When Roxas left, the heartbreak was enough to kill him. It wasn't like before. The first time it had hurt, yes, but he was so focussed on the feeling of being separated into a Heartless and a Nobody that it didn't hurt so much. That one night, Roxas tore him into pieces. And he felt every crack. Vividly. What a heartbreaking jackass (why didn't you bring me with you?).

That was how he came to the conclusion that life, while being a bitch, was also a sadist. This was apparent in the fact that Nobodies were alive (because no one ever wants to know that they're not supposed to exist, stupid stupid Naminé), in the fight between him and Xion, and quite apparent when Roxas left Axel to bear the Organization all by his now-even more lonesome, Nobody self. Bastard. Weren't they (lovers, soulmates) best friends?

"Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know."

Why was it so important? Why couldn't he just forget what Xion said and stay here with him?

"No one would miss me."

How could he say that when it was obvious that he would? Axel would miss him indefinitely. But of course… if he had the keyblade, it didn't matter what Axel felt. Because let's face it, Axel was supposed to be incapable of feeling right? Wrong. Fuck did that blond do a number on him.

But that was okay. He could deal with it. As long as Roxas remember him (committed him to memory), Axel would be fine. He'd figure out how to deal with the distance between the two in time. As long he remembered him and all the (hugs, kisses) memories they shared, Axel would be okay and fit to fight the world. Just for him.

And when he found his Roxas again (no matter where he was), he'd be the sadistic one and laugh at life instead of vice versa. Because with Roxas around… feeling was never impossible for Axel.

"Do you know why the sun looks red as it sinks below the horizon? It's because among the countless colours comprising light, red travels the greatest distance."

"You're just trying to show off, Axel!"

And that's that. How did I do? (: