I don't own any characters, JK Rowling does. Though, if she wants to sell either Fred, George or Snape to me for about £50, then that would be great!
Harry's session
Voldemort has become a counsellor!
Harry Potter is Voldemort's first victim. Err….. I mean patient.
Voldie: So, Harry, what exactly is wrong with you?
Harry: Well, Voldie, it's my hair. It's been getting me down for years now – WHY WON'T IT LIE FLAT????????
Voldie: Maybe because it hates you? Or maybe because you're too bloody perfect!!
Harry: (bursts into tears) WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN! I HATE YOU!
Voldie: I'm only mean to you because YOU WON'T DIE! WHY CAN'T I KILL YOU??
Harry: Because I'm pretty. Prettier than you!!
Voldie: You are so not prettier than me!
Harry: Yes I am!
Voldie: No you're not!
Harry: AM!
Voldie: NOT!
Harry: AM ONE MORE TIME THAT YOU CAN EVER SAY NOT!! HAHAHAHAHAH.
Voldie: (Sulks)
Harry: You know, there is something else wrong with me.
Voldie: (Gets excited) Really? What??
Harry: I'm in love with someone. Someone I shouldn't be in love with.
Voldie: (Leans forwards eagerly) Who is it? Come on Harry, you know you can always talk to me!
Harry: Well…. I dunno, will you promise not to tell ANYONE?
Voldie: JUST GET ON WITH IT!
Harry: OK, OK!! I love Snape!! He doesn't know yet, do you think I should tell him?
Voldie: Snape??!?!?! YOU LOVE SNAPE?
Harry: Yeeeessss.
Voldie: NO! YOU CANNOT LOVE HIM!!
Harry: Why not??
Voldie: Because (takes deep breath) because I love him!! Why else do you think he was never 'discovered' to be working undercover for the Order? I couldn't bear to kill him!
Harry: Oh. Well, er……………………………………. Gotta go!!
Harry: (runs out of the room)
Harry: SEVVIE? SEVVIE? WHERE ARE YOU, MY DARLING? I LOVE YOU!!
Voldie: NNNNNNOOOOOOO!! SEV, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!! I LOVE YOU!!
Snape: AAHHHHH GET THEM AWAY!! AWAY I TELL YOU!! AWAY!