Celebwen telcontar: I adopted this fic off of Rorchach's Blot's Odd Ideas. He is an excellent comedy writer, but I can't do comedy to save my soul, so I'm doing a bit of a serious spin on this story. The original is below, and my version is going to be next chapter.

Balrog: And why do this?

Celebwen Telcontar: Because it's fun and I think that a Harry raised by Moody might be rather interesting. For one thing, there's the fact that he won't be nearly so naïve in the future.

Here we go!

CT

Minerva looked sadly at the house where 'those dreadful muggles' lived and tried again to convince Albus that it was no place to leave a magical child.

"I'm sorry Minerva but . . ." Albus slumped to the ground, the victim of a powerful stunner.

"Albus" Minerva cried before joining him in the land of nod.

Out of the shadows came a heavily scarred man with a horrible grin, using several well practiced wand movements he modified their memories, "you dropped the boy off, you don't think Figg will be needed, and if you ever need someone to check on the boy then you'll call your old pal Moody."

"I just couldn't let him leave you here lad" he wrapped a scarred hand around the sleeping child's basket and gave a rather frightening smile, "you'd never reach your potential living here, but I promise you boy that with me teaching you you'll be great."

Baby Harry didn't awake at the sound of his new guardian's voice and the world changed.

"Constant Vigilance" Moody yelled at the two unconscious Professors before absconding into the night with the sleeping form of the boy-who-lived.

Unknown Location, ten years later . . .

Moody smirked as he entered his son's room, gathering his energies he cast a stunner at the bed, "Constant Vig . . ."

His trademark phrase was cut short by the impact of a large blunt instrument to the side of his head.

"Constant Vigilance" eleven year old Harry cried as he began pummeling his 'father.'

Grunting in frustration, Moody grabbed his son's makeshift weapon, "what have I told you about attacking with a club?"

"Go for the soft tissue" Harry replied sullenly.

"And why didn't you follow that advice?" Moody's voice was dangerously calm.

"Because you taught me to go for the soft tissue" Harry replied quietly, "and I figured that you would be wearing groin protection of some kind."

"Decided to use my 'Constant Vigilance' against me eh?" Moody eyed the boy, "good job."

Harry brightened, "does that mean that I did the right thing?"

"Means that you're learning" Moody agreed, "good job. Letter arrived for you today boy."

"What was in it?" Harry eyed his mentor wearily, "who sent it?"

"It was your Hogwarts Letter," Moody smirked, "and what makes you think that I checked it?"

"Constant Vigilance"

"That's me boy," the scarred man said proudly as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"What are we going to do about the letter?" Harry eyed his mentor, looking for any opening in the older man's defense.

"Well," Moody responded, "I was thinking that we could go and get your school supplies, be a good idea to get you a wand that is on the books anyway."

"So they don't think of looking for my other wands?"

"That's part of it," Moody agreed.

"Can I also get a new eye like yours?" Harry asked hopefully, "I don't like not knowing if there are people lurking about under invisibility cloaks."

"We'll see," Moody smiled indulgently

Celebwen Telcontar: Next chapter is mine! This was all Rorchach's Blot's!

CT