A / N: OK, so after reading a lot of lovely FanFic's, I decided to bite the bullet and write one. This is my first Fanfic, so I am a little nervous about publishing it. I have based this around the college shootings exploring the strain it put on Jeff and Dixie's marriage and friendship. I hope you like it.
Jeff sat bolt upright in bed sweating profusely as he tried to catch his breath. He had a look of terror and fear in his eyes, he was scared. The flashbacks to that day at the college were coming thick and fast in the lead up to the memorial, to tell the truth, they haunted him.
As his breathing slowly returned to normal, he remained sat up looking down at his injured hand. He wanted to punish himself for not saving those people, he wanted to feel pain. Will it make it any better? Who knows, but it was worth a try.
He began to press down on his wound causing a sharp pain to soar through him, this did not deter him, he carried on pressing harder and harder until fresh blood seeped through his fingers. He did not know it yet, but he was sobbing loudly, tears fell from his eyes freely as his continued to make himself hurt.
Jeff was so deep in his self loathing that he had not noticed Dixie walk into his room, nor had he felt her sit down on his bed beside him. He wanted to feel pain; he was determined to feel pain. She took hold of his hand releasing the pressure on the wound turning his head so he was looking at her. She could see the anger, pain and hurt in his reddened eyes.
'Oh love, why are you doing this to yourself?' she asked pulling him in for a hug.
Jeff fell into her arms and continued to sob into her chest. Dixie held him tight running her hands across his back and head to soothe her best friend and husband. 'You need help mate, you really are in trouble aren't you?' Jeff did not say anything to his wife, he couldn't, what would he say to her? Instead he looked straight into her eyes for the second time that day before turning away from her lying back down. Dixie looked at him wondering what to do next; it was clear he didn't want to talk, so, leaning over she kissed him on the cheek before getting up and leaving him to sleep.
As she walked out of his room, she turned back to look at him lying there. She wished he would talk to her, tell her what he was feeling, tell her what happened to him. She wanted to help him, but he wouldn't not let her in. He did not want to open up to her.
Filled with sadness herself she slowly closed his door and walked back to her own room getting back into bed.
Her sleep seemed short lived as she was woken up by the banging of the front door. Looking over to the clock it read 7.30am, she sat up confused as to why Jeff was leaving so early, the memorial was not until 10am. Throwing her covers from her she got up and walked to the window looking out just in time to see their car reverse off the drive and speed off.
'What is he playing at?' she asked herself as she walked into his room to find any clues as to why he had left so early. She could not find any, his bed was made, his dirty washing was placed in the laundry box, but the suit was missing along with his phone and wallet. Dixie stood in the doorway confused but was not really surprised; he had not spoken to her since he had beaten up the patient outside the ED, why would he tell her where he was going?
Sighing to herself, she began to get ready for the morning and their shift together leaving the house to start her walk to the college in the hopes that her husband would be there.