Dreams of a Life Left Behind

When Amy walked into the TARDIS console room, Rory had just fallen back asleep after their adventure with the Dream Lord. Amy wasn't sure how he could, because it was so scary, losing him, watching him die, dying twice…awful and frightening…and the life in that dream was…wonderful. She didn't know why she had picked, but it actually hurt to give it up. She knew it was a dream, before she'd killed both the Doctor and herself. And her baby. No, she hadn't know it was a dream. She had to correct herself. But what she needed was Rory. She wanted the Doctor, but she couldn't live without Rory and she didn't want to because…because out of everyone, he never left her. Because he had never acted as if she was insane or different. Because she loved him. But that life with him, in the dream, was so…perfect. It wasn't her sort of world, but it was wonderful. And she could remember it now so clearly that she could taste the cookies she was making…had made. She could remember every second of it so easily that it was like the real world, here in the TARDIS, after they had escaped both dreams, that this world was the dream.

"Amy?" The Doctor asked, waving his hand in front of her face. "What's up? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's just-Doctor, that dream world. Is it possible? Could that happen?"

He looked at her oddly for a second before he turned back to the console. He thought for a moment before replying, "It could. Though, five years, long time to wait to have children, yeah?"

"Rory was just getting settled. It was our first year in that house! Didn't want to have her in Aunt Sharon's house." Amy answered defensively.

"Her?" He asked with a smile.

"Yeah. Her. I was nine months pregnant. Bit hard for Rory not to know when he looked at those photo things they take of the baby. And I forced it out of him." She shrugged, "We were gonna name her River."

"Really?" The Doctor turned around to face her, "Why?"

"Well, I was gonna. Rory would have had to come around. And because I like the name River. And I like River Song. She's so…cool. And I wanted my baby to have amazing adventures." She laughed, "It's so odd. I can remember everything."

"Like?"

"I mean, it was just a dream, Doctor. But when we first got back, Rory decided that we needed to go to a town meeting. To see what happened while we were gone. And do you know what they talked about? A bench. The one we fell asleep on when you came back, in the dream. A bench, can you imagine? Eight grown men, arguing over a bench." She laughed. "And well, I don't know. It was so…nice there. Everything was good and we were happy. Well, happy enough. And then you came, and I thought 'now everything is wonderful. Perfect.' Got my boys, gonna have my girl…and I was happy. Set. I mean, we took so long picking out the crib, the toys, even the clothes. So that it would be amazing."

"Looked really good. The house. Comfy." The Doctor nodded encouragingly.

"And that's not me. That's so not who I am, Doctor. We both know it. Rory knows it too. A life like that…it scares me now. Traveling with you, seeing all these wonderful, amazing sights," She paused, "I don't want to lose this. I love it up here. I can't stand the idea of going back to the dull sameness of that life. I don't want it. But…"

The Doctor kissed her forehead, and knelt down in front of her, "But…?"

"I kinda want it back." She hung her head down. "I mean, I want Rory and me and the baby and I want you there too. I want to be that happy. As happy as I was when I saw you again, because everything seemed so right. It was really good."

"Oh."

She smiled slightly, and patted his cheek, "I mean, you'll always be my Doctor. My best friend in the whole entire world, and you really are sweet and cute…but I need Rory."

"I know." He grinned, "We like Rory." The Doctor jokingly started to make the motion for Rory's nose, but Amy shot him a look.

"And I need you two to get along, for me. And you two did, for a few minutes there. And that was great. So I had you two. And I remember it all so clearly. How long it took for us to finally get settled again, what grades he got as a student doctor-y thing. The fights we had. Once I made fun of him for taking the job at the old people's home, and do you know what he said? 'I'm a doctor, Amy, not the Doctor. I can't go around saving everybody. But I can help them and make their lives more comfortable.' He just went to work after that, but we pretended it never happened when he came home. Family reunions, every little thing. The entire thing, Doctor. It's so odd. I never remember dreams like that. You know?"

"I always remember my dreams." It was her turn to look at him oddly-his voice was distant, as if he wasn't really there.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He smiled softly at her, "Amelia Pond, I don't think that anything can happen that would prevent you and Rory from being you and Rory. From being a happy you and Rory. You two, you're meant for each other if anyone ever was. Wonderful life before you two."

"And you'll visit? Promise? Otherwise I will talk him into naming our first girl into River. And talk her into being the godmother."

"Hah. I don't think she'd need much convincing." The Doctor kissed her head again, "Okay, Amy. I promise."

"Okay." She grinned, "I'm gonna go try and sleep like Rory. You play nice with the TARDIS out here, got it?"

"Course!" he grinned, "Always do, don't I?"

"No." She said with a grin, "When you get bored, we're off to Rio. Wake us up?"

"Yeah, sure." He patted her head, "Sweet dreams."

"Hah! No dreams, more like." She waved at him behind her back as she disappeared out of the room.

He sat down and leaned back in the chair.

He never wanted to forget some dreams, even if they weren't fully and really his dreams, because he wanted some of them too.

Because John Smith would have had a wonderful life with Joan the nurse. With two kids, and they wouldn't have had to worry about the war, because he was too old and she wouldn't leave the kids who were sent out of London to the country, so that she could protect them. And John and Joan would grow old together, and have wonderful grand children. He could still remember how lovely she looked at the wedding.

Would have looked.

And he didn't want to be the Doctor when he was John Smith. Because…because the Doctor had lost and loved so deeply that it hurt and that hurt was nice to forget. Susan, Turlough, Jack, Rose and so many more. Oh, so many more. The Doctor was sad, so sad. So alone, always, forever alone. And John Smith didn't want to be that alone. No one could have dealt with that.

Except the Doctor.

But the life John Smith could have had, should have had…

He wanted it too. Oh, Amy, he loved the traveling through all of time and space, but sometimes, he wanted the dream back too. Let everything stop and revolve around the world for years, growing older with someone who loved him, who he loved. Live a life that you have, Amy, and let the world let him go. Stop saving everyone and save himself. Be saved himself.

As Amy and Rory slept, the Doctor dreamed.

AN: I own nothing. Save plot and ideas for what Amy dreamed of.

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