Harry Potter and the Forbidden List

(A/N: After the news I have received this past week, I need something light and so stupid it's funny. Demon of Time should have an update before the end of the month, and a new story will be posted on AFF[DOT]Net under the same screen-name by the end of next month, more to follow on that in the A/Ns. Anyways, I got this idea from the 730 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts which will forever more be referred to as THE LIST in this story. As always, I don't own Harry Potter, Pink Floyd, The Wizard of Oz, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, I Kissed A Girl, THE LIST, or the $2,750,000 it would take to bail out Jeff Denby so I could rip him apart limb by limb for beating my ex-fiancée's son almost to death, the sick excuse of a human.)

It was a dark and stormy night...wait, no...let's start again.

It was a bright and sunny day...sounds better...when fifteen-year old Harry Potter was walking towards Dumbledore's office with his Head of House walking besides him. He had no idea why he was being forced...asked, to go to the Headmaster's office. It wasn't like he had done anything wrong...in the past three minutes.

"We're off to see the wizard...the wonderful wizard of Oz." Harry started to sing under his breath.

"Don't sing that, Mr. Potter." his Head of House, Professor McGonagall, said humorlessly. "And I would also like to say that the way you answered me was not proper.

"But also true." Harry said, looking at her. "I do have it on good authority that you do not have any evidence linking me towards any of the...mysterious things that have been happening to the first years...damn midgets..."

"Mr. Potter...this has to do with your little...stunt...in the Potion's Classroom."

"Oh..." he muttered before he started to giggle...in a manly way.

INSERT LINE HERE

"Today, we will be learning the proper ways of creating potions due to new Ministry rules." Sniv...Professor Severus Snape said, looking at the class. "However, I do not believe that you can actually grasp anything of the fine art, so I am going to refuse to teach it to you, do you all understand." he said, not asked.

"Oh, I understand perfectly." Harry said, standing up, pulling a Fender Stratocaster from his backpack.

"Mr. Potter, what the hell are you doing with that guitar in my Potion's Classroom?" Snape asked, vaguely remembering the guitar from his own time as a student.

"Something that should have been done a long time ago..." he said, jumping up on the desk. He quickly took out a mic and a guitar cable and plugged both into conveniently placed 1/4" and XLR plug-ins in the school PA system, much to everyone's amazement at having never noticed them before.

"Harry, how in the hell did you...?" Hermione started before trailing off as she saw Harry suddenly sporting long hair and a shirt with two marching hammers on it. She briefly looked at her cauldron and the ingredients surrounding it, wondering what was causing her to see things.

"We don't need no...education." Harry started to sing, briefly strumming the guitar. Everyone was in quiet shock, hearing his voice travel throughout the castle. "We don't need no...thought control." he said, sending a glare at Draco. "No dark sarcasm...in the classroom." he said, sending a cold glare at Snape. "Teacher, leave those kids alone." he said before snapping his head back to the floating mic. "HEY! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!" he yelled, starting to get into the song in full. "All in all, you're just another...brick in the wall. All in you're just another...brick in the-"

"HARRY POTTER!!!"

"Shit..." he muttered, turning towards his Head of House. "I have it under good authority that you have no evidence."

"Headmaster's Office. NOW!!!" she yelled, the bolding, uppercaseing, and underlining of the word evident in her voice.

"Double shit..." he muttered, packing up his stuff before leaving, the rest of the class looking in a mix of disbelief and shock at what they had just saw.

LINE LINE LINE

"Lemon Drops." McGonagall said when the reached the Headmaster's office. The rode up the staircase and knocked on the door, getting permission to enter.

"Gandalf, my Liege, you have requested me?" Harry said, dropping to one knee while bowing lowly, trying to keep a straight face. "Galadriel of Lorien has said you would be requesting my presence soon."

"Get up, Harry." Gan...Dumbledore said harshly, pointing towards a chair. "And while you're at it, would you mind telling me exactly why you decided to get up in front of Professor Snape's class and sing from The Wall?"

"Why do you want to know?" Harry said, counting with a question of his own.

"Answer the question, Harry."

"These aren't the droids you're looking for." he countered, waving his hand in front of him in a slow arch. He watched in amusement as Dumbledore sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't have time for humor, Harry. You disrupted every class being taught with this act. An act that none of the staff found at all humorous, especially not Professor Snape."

"He just needs to get laid." he said under his breath, but loud enough for the other two to hear.

"Get out, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore said, finally reaching the point of a headache. "No more unauthorized concerts."

"Yes, Gandalf the White." Harry said quickly before running out of the room.

"Why did I ever help Tolkien with that book...?" Dumbledore muttered to himself, completely ignoring McGonagall as he reached into a bag of "special" lemon drops.

IN A GALAXY FAR FAR A...wait, nevermind

It was a nervous Severus Snape who was kneeling before the Dor...Dark Lord Voldemort. He knew that if this was not taken the right way, it would result in his death.

"Speak, my spy." Voldemort said, looking down at Snape.

"My Lord, I believe I know of that power that Potter is supposed to have."

"What is it, my spy?" Voldemort asked, looking glad at the news. "I know that those two fools believe it is love, but what they don't know will not hurt me."

"It is music, my Lord."

"What?" Voldemort asked, deadpanned.

"Potter has the gift of guitar shredding, my Lord."

"Guitar shredding."

"Yes my Lord." Snape said, still bowing low. "He came into class and played a song with what I believe has been no practice, since no one has ever seen him with a guitar. If he is good enough to play a song with no practice, then with practice he will be able to beat anyone."

"Guitar shredding."

"Yes, my Lord. A truly deadly power."

"Guitar shredding." Voldemort muttered again, for the first time believing that he might have finally gone to far with his use of the cruciatus curse.

INSERT ANOTHER LINE HERE

Harry was walking back towards the Gryffindor common room when he was ambushed by his girlfriend and love of his life and only reason for living, Hermione Granger, and his best friend Ron Weasley.

"Harry!" Ron yelled out, running up to him. "Bloody hell, mate, what the hell did you do in there?"

"Sang a song, Ron, like I already told you." Hermione said, slapping the redhead over the head before turning to Harry and a scowl, causing his "fight or flight" mode to start up before she smiled nicely. "Harry, my love." she said sweetly, causing him to grow even more nervous then he was when facing Voldemort.

"Yes, my dear?" he asked, keeping his voice as even as he could when all he wanted to do was Run Like Hell. Hey, he thought, I could try and get them to make that the Gryffindor Quidditch team theme song.

"Harry, my one true love," she said softly with a smile which quickly turned into a scowl, "would you like to tell me exactly WHY you decided to do that!?!" she finished with a yell.

"Well...uh..." he muttered, thinking fast. "At least I didn't yell out that Pansy was singing 'I Kissed A Girl' in the showers the other day."

"Harry, I can't believe that you saw it fit to do that in cl...wait, what!?" she yelled, looking at him glaring. "And how in the hell do you know this Harry James Potter!?" she yelled while Ron started to walk away from behind her. "And don't you go anywhere, Ron. Odds are you had something to do with this as well!" she yelled, not even bothering to turn around.

"Well..." Harry started, his eyes going unfocused for a moment

INSTER HAZY FLASHBACK STARTER HERE

It was late at night when Harry felt a hand shaking his shoulder roughly, a voice yelling at him to wake up. Other voices soon followed, and he knew that none of them belonged to whom he wanted to talk to.

"Why are you waking me up?" Harry asked, opening his eyes.

"Harry...you've got to see what we got for the new Voldie's Angels calender."

"It can wait till morning." he said, lying back into his bed. "You woke me from a very nice dream of Hermione covered in chocolate sauce and whipped cream with three cherries."

"No, you have got to see this, Harry." Neville said, dragging him up and out of the bed.

"Fine, what do I need to see?"

"You'll never believe it." Ron said, placing a pair of Omniculars and pushed the playback button. A large display was set up and connected to them, which quickly showed the Prefects bathroom and a girl showering alone in it.

"Who's that?" Harry asked, putting his glasses on.

"Pansy." Dean replied.

"You've woken me up to watch Pansy take a shower?" Harry asked deadpanned.

"No, this is why." Seamus said, pointing towards the display while pushing the audio button.

"This was never the way I planned. Never my intention. I got so brave, drink in hand. Lost my discretion." she sang.

"What the hell is she singing?" Harry asked, looking at the display. "It sounds familiar, but I can't place it."

"Shut up...here's the chorus." Ron said, putting the volume up.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it." she sang.

"What...the fuck?" Harry muttered.

"Shut up!" the others yelled.

"The taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it. It felt so wrong. It felt so right. Don't mean I'm in love tonight. I kissed a girl and I liked it. I liked it."

"We have GOT to record two girls kissing." Harry said, wondering what it would look like to see Hermione kissing another girl. Maybe Luna or Daphne.

"No shit." the others said as they watched Pansy continue her shower while singing.

BACK TO THE FUTURE...er...PRESENT

"So let me get this straight..." Hermione started, looking at them. "You heard it from one of the Syltherin first-years that they heard Pansy singing 'I Kissed a Girl' in the showers."

"Yep." they both said, not looking her in the eye.

"I don't believe either of you." she said, turning to walk away. "Oh, and Harry." she said, turning to face him. "Don't ever expect me to kiss a girl in front of you for your pleasure." she said, turning back around, adding a sway to her walk.

"Harry...what just happened?" Ron asked, his eyes glued to Hermione's ass...ets.

"I have no idea." Harry said, his eyes also glued to his girlfriend. "By the way, if you continue perving after her, I'll kill you."

"I know Harry, but I'll die with a smile on my face and a hard-"

"Don't finish it." Harry said, walking after Hermione.