Hiya !

I'm back with a new story that I started writing in english, but I will also post it in french.

It's a story with both POV. The first chapter is only Clarke's point of vue, but you'll get Lexa very soon in the next chapter.

I let you read, don't hesitate to tell me what you think of this beginning ! ;)

Clarke

I hate it. There's this dazzling light burning my eyes. I close them, thinking the light will disappear, but it still strikes me. I feel it flickering, shadowing the bottom of my eyes as if they weren't dark enough.

I open my eyes at the sound of the bus stopping. I wish I had a car. I wish I hadn't gone to that party. I wish my mother had never called me to ask me for the billionth time to come home. I wish she could just accept the fact that I'm done with med school.

Yet, I still live on campus. I work here. I do the dishes for the campus restaurant, cheaper than any other restaurant around the university. No one knows yet. I dropped out of art school last july, a year after I dropped out of med school. I simply couldn't get along with college anymore. But I like campus.

I went to the homecoming party last night. A party out of town, in the woods. There was usually a bonfire, but not last night. Last night was raw. Alcohol, loud lame music and people sneaking away from the crowd to go get some privacy somewhere between the trees.

I don't judge them. I am like them. That's why I don't go back home to my mother. I can't leave. I don't feel like going back home, I don't especially want to stay here too, but it's okay, for now. The campus isn't bad. I've got a job, and I guess I'll figure something out in the upcoming months.

But I don't hope I will. I don't hope anymore.

I get to my tiny room in the employees' building. I moved out from the student room I shared with a friend last summer. Raven was a nice roommate, so I sent her a text a week ago, the day I moved out, for her not to worry or feel guilty. I've seen her last night. She didn't ask where I live now, as I'd told her I got an apartment in town close to some student job I'd just got. I lied.

I don't want them to know I work for the university now, instead of studying. I didn't tell them I dropped out, but they'll figure it out soon enough. I don't want them to think I'm miserable, because I'm not. I'm fine.

I take my clothes off and fall in bed. It's eight in the morning. Tomorrow, I'll be working at this time of the day. Eight hours straight in the back of the university's big canteen.

I didn't eat there for my first two years of med school. Then I dropped out, took art instead, and my mother helped me less and less, so I ate at the cheapest place, hiding it to my friends, because I didn't want them to ask about my mother. And other stuff. I don't want them to ask about me, it's none of their business, they're doing well at school and I want them to focus on it, not on me.

I think too much. My head hurts, I need to sleep. I roll on my side to grab the vodka bottle lying under my bed. I take a sip, then a long gulp.

I don't care about it burning my throat, I only think about the dizziness it will bring me. The weight it will lay on me before pushing me up into the air. So I can finally fall asleep.

It's evening already. I slept through the day. I take a quick shower in the one-human-long bathroom I've got, then I check my texts. Raven is meeting the others at Luna's tonight. It's the best pub around, we used to go a lot before I dropped out of med school. It's funny, how I've had more time to go out after dropping out, and I didn't. But since I've dropped out of art school, definitely quitting college, I've been longing to spend more time out. I will join everyone at Luna's tonight, I'll just have to keep myself from buying too many drinks.

My mother isn't giving me any more money. She thinks I won't be able to survive on my own but I've been doing fine and I'll keep handling myself. It's not really that I don't want to go back home to her. I'm just not ready to face her, and everything. I need to be on my own for a while.

I take my phone, my keys, leave my room and put them into the front pockets of my jeans. Just jeans, a hoodie, Converse shoes and I feel comfortable.

I arrive at the pub twenty minutes later. Raven, Bellamy and Octavia are already there. Raven's eyes enlighten when she sees me, bored of hearing the brother and sister arguing. I don't know what they're arguing about today, but it's probably silly.

"Clarke !" she yells, and comes to me. We sit at the bar and order beers. "How are you doing ?"

"We've seen each other last night, Rav," I say. She's of the few ones who know the slightiest part of what happened two years ago, and I know she doubts I've left med school because of it.

She'll be even more worried when she'll notice I've dropped out of college.

"Yeah, I know, I'm just making conversation," she answers, then taking a sip of her beer.

We drink in silence. The new school year has barely started and I know Raven wants to point out the fact that I would've been in my last year of med school. The last year before internship. I feel her comments everytime she looks at me, everytime she says the tiniest common word, but I pretend I don't feel it.

"So, second year of art school, huh ?" she asks me.

There she goes. I can barely hear her say 'unless you dropped out of that one too' but I won't say it. I didn't come here to be judged.

"Art is fine," I reply. It's not a lie. I like art, I just don't like school anymore. I would keep drawing if I had ideas, but I don't, so instead I work, sleep, lose myself on the internet, and walk around campus.

Somehow I hope someone will buy me a drink tonight, because I don't want to pay to drink alone, and I can't buy drinks for others. I'm trying to be responsible. I know I'm not. But I'm trying.

More people come in, I don't mind them unless they come say hi. Bellamy has stopped arguing with his sister seventeen minutes ago. I'm bored, so I talk to him a little.

"I'm gonna have a psychology project," he says, "and I might need your help. They want us to study sexuality this semester."

I sigh. Bellamy wants to be a councellor, in middle or high school, he's not sure yet. He's worked through some serious topics these past three years, and I knew this one would come. Sexuality. Obviously, he came to me.

"I'm not your only bisexual friend, go find yourself another subject," I snap.

I've been harsher that I actually wanted to be, but I don't like Bellamy bringing this subject up since he got mad at me for not wanting to date him in senior year of high school. He apologized many times since, but I still want this topic out of our conversations.

"Sorry for asking for your help," Bellamy answers and leaves. He seems angry and disappointed, but he knows why I reacted this way. Furthermore, I don't want to be a subject for anyone.

I order another drink, stronger. I took fourty minutes to finish my beer because I know I always want another, and I don't want to throw money away that easily. I can be responsible.

Okay, maybe I order more after finishing the second. And maybe I order stronger drink everytime, if that's even possible. I always think they're stronger as I'm getting more and more drunk, but I refused playing games with Raven and Monty, and I pushed Octavia away with a groan when she came to ask why I was drinking alone at the bar while everyone was having fun.

I just want to sit here and drink for now. Well, actually I need to pee, and I stand up cautiously because I know I've already drunk too much. How many drinks ? Five, maybe six. Some people might think it's not much, but my body is telling me otherwise. I drank too much last night, free booze, and the smallest amount of alcohol today would've taken me down anyway. That's why I kept drinking. Yeah, that's a good reason.

I bump into the door coming into the bathroom and I ignore the laugh of some ginger girl I forgot the name of. I feel lighter after having used the toilets and I'm washing my hands. I don't pay attention to the girls coming in and out, until I realize one is staring at me while washing her hands on my right.

I throw her a confused glance and she speaks.

"If you want to keep washing your hands for another fifteen minutes, maybe you should turn the water on."

Right. My hands are soapy. The faucet is mocking me, or maybe I've had enough alcohol for tonight. I sigh and aim for the faucet, but the girl do it instead. She even takes my hands to rinse them. Once she's done, she grabs some paper, dry them, throw the wet paper into the trash and go away, leaving me dumbfounded.

I swear she had a smirk on her face. I know her. I know I know her, I'm just a bit tired. I should go home. I get out of the bathroom, aiming for the pub's exit, but the owner, Luna, calls me.

I find myself sitting at the bar again.

"What's up ?" Luna asks. "There you go." She hands me a drink and I'm ready to refuse. I've put enough money into drinks tonight, and I've drunk too much, but she adds "From Lexa. I guess you're her new target."

'What ?' is all I can think about. Then I realize it was her, in the bathroom. I wasn't paying attention, but now I can see the green eyes staring at me reflecting in the mirror. Lexa Woods. She's popular for many reasons. I look around and see her, sitting at a table, talking to some guys. She doesn't try to look at me. I'm sure she knows I'm looking at her and thinks I'm going to join her with the drink she bought me.

But I won't. Instead, I tell Luna to give Lexa back her drink, and I leave the bar. I saw surprise on Luna's face, but I think she shrugged when I turned away. And walking through the exit, I swear I feel Lexa's glance on me again.

I may have wanted someone to buy me a drink all night, but not her. Not Lexa. I've heard enough of Lexa to know better than to accept a drink from her.

The week has gone fast and it's sunday. I've been ignoring my texts and calls all week and stayed in my room all weekend. I hope there won't be any of my friends at the pub tonight, because they've noticed I haven't been to school this week and I think they understood.

They know I've dropped out.

Everyday I worked at the cafeteria from 6am to 3pm. It's a lot of cleaning, for nine hours straight, with just a twenty-minute break, but I don't mind. I took the easiest job to get. It keeps me busy, it gives me money, I'm not complaining.

Weekend feels good though, after five days of work. I need to go out a bit, breathe fresh air, sit at the bar sipping a beer. I hate beer, I find it disgusting, but it's cheap alcohol, so I always start with that.

I'm surprised to see there are at least thirty students inside the pub. For a sunday night, it's not bad. I sit at the bar and Luna spots me right away.

"Hey, Raven's been looking for you, says you haven't answered any of her texts," she says straight away. She doesn't even bother asking what's up with me, she knows I never really answer to that.

"I've been busy," I say, which is true. I never fully lie. She looks down and up, searching for any clue, but she doesn't find anything. She looks away and gives me a beer, for which I already pay for. Luna is gonna have to tell her girlfriend I'm fine, because she couldn't get any information out of me. Raven will probably answer 'I really have to do everything by my own, do I ?' and Luna will sigh, as always. Maybe the bar owner will even be mad at me for not giving her the answers she needed to make Raven proud, but I don't care. They're both hard-headed, too stubborn for me to care about their pride.

I'm having a mojito when my former roommate storms into the pub.

"CLARKE GRIFFIN !" she jumps on the seat beside mine and I can feel the other people's glances on us. Raven and discretion are not compatible. "Where the hell have you been ?!"

"Around," I answer, and I have the sudden idea of pretending to be too drunk to answer clearly.

"You've dropped out again, don't you ?"

I let a few seconds fall and whisper "I like the color of the walls."

She stares at me looking at the wall. I try to empty my glance as much as possible and it works. She sighs and go talk to her girlfriend, knowing she wouldn't get any answer from me tonight.

But I know I'd better not meet her tomorrow, because Raven never stops until she gets what she wants. Stubborn, she is, I said.

I drink peacefully until someone slides on the same seat Raven used earlier. At first I thought it was her, but it's not.

"Hi, Clarke," I recognize the voice, "enjoying yourself ?"

"Lexa," I spit. I take a gulp of my drink, showing how I don't care about her at all.

I hear her order two new drinks and I know she's gonna keep talking to me.

"Can I know why you refused the drink I bought you last week ?" she asks. So predictable.

I sip my drink for at least half a minute, convinced she'd get bored of me, but she keeps watching me.

"It's not because you buy me a drink that I have to accept," I end up answering.

She doesn't react, not straight away. She grabs her fresh drink, swallow it in five seconds and ask for another. She's unbelievable. I barely look at her. I don't want to give her the attention she's seeking.

"Will you accept this one ?" she asks, and I'm already tired of her questions. She slides the glass that's been waiting for me for a couple of minutes now, and even though I'm all up for a free drink, I don't want one from Lexa. This girl is trouble, and I'm trying to stay out of it.

"No thanks," I reply.

Lexa doesn't lose her composure. She keeps staring at me and it's starting to piss me off somehow. I don't like being bothered, especially when I'm bothered by someone as insistent as Lexa.

"You spend hours alone in bars, but you don't want anyone to offer you a drink ? You're more interesting than I thought," she says, making my ears wish they were deaf.

I finish my drink, lay some cash on the counter and stand up. I don't want to stay here if someone is going to keep questioning me.

"Leaving so soon ?" Lexa asks. All she can do is ask questions. She's not very original.

"Yeah, someone's annoying me," I answer, and I shoot a glare at her.

That's how I find out her jawline is sharper than I thought and her eyes aren't that green, they're more 'green with shades of grey' like, and her stare pierces through me. It makes me mad, but I also understand why so many people have been mesmerized by her.

I turn around and walk away. I'm disappointed, somehow, because I know that if Lexa hadn't been so annoying, maybe I would've given her a chance. And yet, Lexa isn't reknown for being a sweetheart. She's physically totally my type though, even more than my type, she's stunning, and I understand how she could get so many girls on campus. It frustrates me for the rest of the night.

I hate wednesday. Last sunday night may not have been a blast, but at least I came back to my room drunk. Today, I'm cleaning. And it's wednesday, so I've been cleaning three hundred more dishes than the other days. I don't know why there are more students coming here on wednesday, they jut do, and that makes me regret taking this job, but I know I'll get money out of it, and I feel better.

It's 2pm when I finish cleaning dishes in the back, and it's time for me to go clean the tables. Most students should be back to class now, or to whatever they do after lunch. The room is huge, we're five employees with towels in hand at the moment. We have one hour to put everything in order before the end of today's service.

I start cleaning, clearing my head at the same time. At some point, I feel observed, and without knowing I know whose stare is on me, because I always get the same feeling out of it. At first, I don't want to look up. I don't want to find out my feeling is right. I don't want to see her. She can't have found out about me working here, and if she did, I call it stalking.

I go on cleaning until I reach the row of table with only one person sitting at the last table. Everyone else is gone, but she remained. I know it's her, I know she's gonna get on my nerves. I finally look up when I get to her table. I wish one of my coworkers would've taken this side of the room, but they didn't, and I feel trapped.

I meet her eyes and she's smirking, phone in hand turned toward me. I shoot a look at it, and see a picture of myself.

"I've got about eighty per cent of students from our campus following me on Twitter," she says. "I wonder what they'd think of Clarke Griffin dropping out to work here as a cleaning lady."

It must be a huge joke. What did I do to her for her to harass me ? I refused the drinks she bought me, which is my right, and her ego must be harmed.

"Why are you doing this ?" I ask coldly. I've never been close to her. Our paths must have crossed at parties or on campus before but we never talked.

"You've been rude to me, so I'm returning the favor," she says, her arrogant smirk closing my fingers around the soapy wet towel in my hands.

"You think refusing a drink is rude ?" I answer, keeping my voice steady even though I feel like cleaning that smirk off of that girl's face.

"I was being nice to you, the least you could do is give me five minutes of your time," she answers.

I don't want to let anger win, that would just please her, so instead I answer "I've given you enough time already." I try to walk away, finish the work I'm supposed to do, but I hear her cheeky voice speak again.

"I suppose you don't mind if I post this beautiful picture of you then ?"

Whether I go have a drink with her mocking me all the way or she posts the picture and everyone knows what I've been up to. In both cases, my pride gets knocked down.

I don't want everyone to know but I can't let Lexa get to me. I never wanted anything from her, and her attitude disgusts me.

"Whatever," I answer.

I return to the back of the kitchen, away from Lexa's sight. I've heard too much about Lexa to consider spending time with her. Deep down, I know what she wants. I also know it wouldn't have bothered me this much if she had been nicer to me.

I don't know how she got this attitude, but I'm thinking - maybe she has as many issues as I do, if not more.