Every human down on earth liked holidays a lot…
But the Lone Power, on the edge of space-time, did NOT.
Every Christmas, every Hannakah, every Halloween too
He'd sit around looking at me and at you

Thinking "These humans and their holidays!
What a vile fuss! Isn't it really just quite enough
That they're so stubborn the rest of the year?
This day is going to be awful, I fear…

They'll get PRESENTS. They'll eat FOOD.
They'll be GLAD GIRLS AND BOYS.
And all of them, all of them will make so much NOISE!

That's one thing I can't stand
During this season.
The noise noise noise NOISE.
And the HAPPINESS for no REASON."

So right there and right then he made a resolution:
To the problem of Christmas, he'd find a solution.
And in just the next second, he had an idea:
A most wicked, awful, WONDERFUL idea.

"The problem of Christmas…" he smirked and he sneered.
"I know what I'll do right here!
I'll go down and STEAL Christmas.
Every cursed bit -
The trees, the toys – that'll put them in a snit!"

Off he dashed, snickering to himself –
To dress up like Saint Nick, that jolly old elf.
Delighted to feel so much like himself.

Then off to earth – to a city called New York
He bolted through streets, he came to a fork
In the road.
He took left
With a terrible laugh –
And came to a house.

A certain familiar house…
But he didn't look hard.
They had a chimney.
So down the chimney he stole, to nab their nice tree -
but down there he met a wizard, nicknamed DARI.
Dari was more suspicious than you or than me.

"Hello," she said, with a thoughtful frown.
"Santa, you're looking rather down.
Maybe you want some cookies and milk?
Have you lately been bothered by ilk?"

The Lone One gritted his teeth
and fought down a snarl.
"Little girl, shouldn't you be in bed for tomorrow?
Here, have my cookies and milk, don't fret -
as for the ilk, they've been caught in a net.

Now go off to bed. Go to sleep and be good.
Tomorrow you can eat some nice Christmas food!"

And that Power -
that dirty rotten low-down no-good Power -
he took care of Dari. Rushed her off to bed,
with worries tromping 'round in her smart little head.

Worries for reasons! Good ones, don't doubt!
For that morning, Dari started to shout!

"Our tree, our tree, our tree our tree our TREE!"
And it was true!
Their lovely nice tree -
had only left splinters. He'd taken it away.

And that wasn't the worst he'd done that night.
Really he'd pulled off a very big heist -
no one had even put up a fight.
Everyone was missing trees, presents and food.
Christmas wasn't shaping up to be very good.

Dari was worried
And so was her sister.
All of the wizards were caught in a fluster.

"No Christmas?" muttered Darryl, shaking his sad head.
"That's that, then. Might as well just go back to bed."

"No, don't!" said Dari, snapped out of her funk.
"It's your first real Christmas, Darryl,
don't spend it as a lump!"

"She's right," Tom agreed, that great snappy senior –
"That's true, it might be a bit of a lean year
for presents and feasting,
but we've still got each other.
We can still celebrate!
Sister to brother.
Each to each.

Why, we won't miss the presents at all!
We don't need presents, or emergency visits to the mall.
That's not what's important. What's important is this:
We're together. We're living.
We've got that, we can't miss!"

"'s right," chimed in Kit, starting to smile.
"Let's give the Lone Power a lesson
that he won't forget for a while!"

Everyone agreed. They were starting to laugh –
Thousands of wizards, so you do the math.

All of them happy
All of them joyous.
All of them looking at life… as just glorious.

Well, think of all that – from a million people –
Rising up from the earth.
Infusing the air.

It couldn't be missed. It was plain as a banner.
The humans were glad,
And now everyone knew it.

The Lone Power knew too.
He stopped in surprise –
He was feelin' that feelin'
Starting to rise.

"What?" he exclaimed. "Oh, HOW can this be?
They should be sobbing! Furious at me!"

But they weren't, and that was the simplest truth.
They were glad for it all.
Even for him, the theif –
There was no anger there.

And he started to feel – a little bit… small.
"Why aren't they angry?" he wondered. "Angry at all?"

There wasn't any anger – even a bit.
Not one wizard was caught in a snit.
Instead, there was… disappointment, and hopefulness too.

All of that hit him, and shot straight through.
He looked down at the presents, and down at the food.
And it struck him that what he'd done wasn't… good.

But that didn't matter –
Not to the wizards. They didn't much care.
Presents – they knew there was more out there.

So he was on the outside, looking in.
And he thought that loneliness might be wearing… thin.

One more look at the presents –
Then he turned away.
Maybe he'd go home, and call it a day –
Home to the galaxy with no stars.
That would be better than staying here feeling guilty, by far.

All of the gifts he shuffled into a pile
The wizards, he was sure, would find them in a while.
And off to his own space he started to slouch.
Planning to sit still and act like a grouch.

He was surprised then to see, there on the ground,
A little computer, lying around…
Looking up at him. With several eyes on stalks.
"Here," said Spot. "We should talk."
So they talked.

"You don't need to go off and be in a funk.
All that gift stuff – it really is bunk.
That's not what they love about the Christmas season.
Whyever did you think that it was the real reason?
Don't just run off – try hanging about.
You might just find something important out."

So finally the Power said, "all right,
All right, all right, ALL RIGHT!
I suppose this Christmas thing just might be all right…"

And that was the moment – mark it with glee –
Where if you had x-ray vision you'dve started to see
His small stone-withered heart begin to expand,
Bigger, big enough to hold a whole summer land!

"This is embarassing," he said in a mumble.
All of his pride had taken a BIG tumble.
But he couldn't shake that insidious holiday spirit –
Soon the whole world started to hear it.

"Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas –"
He started out slow –
"Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas to Tippecanoe,
Merry Christmas to Snoogles,
Merry Christmas to Rambles.
Merry Christmas to Wog and To Choochoo and Brambles.
Merry Christmas to Fog Point, Merry Christmas to Fee –
Merry Christmas to you. Merry Christmas to me."

All 'round the world went a whole gentle sigh –
And the wizards, they laughed up their sleeves on the sly.
But they were all glad, thinking of good –
Enough love in the world to make a great flood.

So every new Christmas make room in your heart
For the Lone Power, now practicing good art.
It's worth it. You'll like it. Just try it, you'll see –
Merry Christmas to you. Merry Christmas to me.

…

Written Christmas 2005, posted this year. Wishing you a joyous season and year, no matter what you celebrate. 