Liz was checking in with Jack one last time before she quit for the night.
"Anything else before I..."
She stopped as she saw him clutching a glass of scotch, transfixed by his television.
"What's going on?"
"There's a rumor coming out of North Korea that Avery is pregnant with Kim Jong Un's child." His eyes remained focused on MSNBC.
Liz's frowned, and moved a little closer. "I'm sorry."
"I always figured that once we got a competent administration in office, we could get her back," Jack opined, "but I guess now she's gone. She's going to be first lady of North Korea, have a new family there."
Liz patted Jack's back in sympathy as he continued.
"It's Liddy that's really going to suffer. Sherry is the only female role model left in her life, and she'll only be with her until she starts school."
"Well, at least she'll have a great dad!" Liz smiled hopefully.
"Thanks Lemon. That's nice of you to say. Wanna get drunk?"
Liz didn't really want to, but thought it might be a good idea to stay with him when he was in this kind of mood. He was usually a happy drunk, but when the marriage to Bianca had ended he'd gotten pretty self-destructive. And in any case, there wasn't really anyone she was worried about drunk dialing.
"Sure."
-X-X-X-
Two days later, they were in his office haggling over costume budgets when Jack changed the subject.
"Lemon, I'd like it if you joined me at my home for dinner on Sunday."
She shrugged. "OK." Liz trotted out her breathy, fake-sexual voice. "Should I wear something... seductive?"
"I was hoping for 'matronly', which I thought you could handle." He inspected her, head to toe, for a moment. "In fact, what you're wearing now will do."
"What's the occasion?"
"I was thinking about our conversation about a female in Liddy's life. I am going to be an old dad, and after I'm gone you might be the best option I have."
"What, you don't think you'll remarry?"
"I'm self-aware enough to know my relationships have a way of... self-destructing. I might marry again someday, but I don't think Liddy can count on that woman. I need someone I trust, someone who will be there. And you've always been there for me."
Liz was obviously touched. "Are you sure, Jack? It's a big responsibility, and this morning I fixed my bra with some gum I found in my hair."
Jack closed his eyes for a moment, trying to absorb the horror. "Don't make me regret this, Lemon. I don't need you to be her mother. Just come over to my place on Sherry's night off and be around her. Please."
Liz smiled. "I'd love to."
-X-X-X-
It turned out to be an enjoyable evening for everyone. Liddy loved the extra attention, Liz loved being around a baby, and Jack appreciated the help when Sherry was off. These Sunday night dinners quickly became the social highlight of Liz's week, which was something she preferred not to think too much about.
About one month into the arrangement, Liz slipped out of Liddy's room.
"How'd you get her to sleep?"
"I told her the entire plot of The Phantom Menace."
"I thought you said the new ones were boring."
Liz pointed at him. "Exactly!"
As Liz sat down next to him on the couch, Jack pulled out the video baby monitor and regarded his daughter, snoring peacefully in her crib.
Liz put her head over his shoulder to peek at the image on the screen. "That girl is so adorable."
"Yes, thank you."
"And smart too. She'll be talking soon."
"She already has few dozen words. I'm working on getting her to pronounce 'deregulate' correctly."
Liz chuckled, then turned to look at Jack. To her surprise, he was looking at her, and their faces were inches away from each other. Liz's smile dropped, her mouth slightly open, and she stared at his lips for a moment, then his eyes, as they both held position. Jack's lips curled upwards ever so slightly as she suddenly felt unable to exhale.
Liz snapped out of it and sat up straight. "Well, you want to pick from the DVDs that I brought?"
-X-X-X-
Sometimes people assumed Jack saw Liz all the time outside of work, but that actually wasn't the case. They both spent so much time at the office, and time together at the office, that going out after work seemed superfluous. But now, Jack found he was really enjoying this regular dose of the non-work side of Liz. Usually, his exposure to her personal life involved her personal problems, but it turned out that she could actually go for long stretches with no chaos at all.
He thought about this as she was slumped over him, asleep on the couch. The movie had been the old indie comedy film "Clerks," a first for Jack but one that Liz had apparently seen too many times. Although perhaps she'd just had too tiring of a day.
Not wanting to disturb her, he pulled up a blanket on the both of them and slept where he sat.
They stayed that way until the morning, when Sherry returned and gave them a suspicious look. Liz gathered her things and somewhat awkwardly said goodbye, as she headed home to change for work.
-X-X-X-
Liz found herself thinking a lot about that uncomfortable moment over the ensuing week. There had always been a hundred reasons not to consider Jack as a romantic partner. First and foremost, he was her boss, and boffing the boss was an icky and un-feminist thing to do, wasn't it? Moreover, she was pretty sure they were sexually incompatible. How could they not be, even if she did somehow meet his impossible standards of beauty (which he'd made clear she didn't)? And of course, Jack could be tremendously irritating, even mean, at times.
On the other hand, Liz had resolved to be open to new things. The past year, constituting Jack's marriage-and-kids phase, had made her realize that their friendship, another great reason to not do anything, could not stay in stasis forever. Jack was always a little more distant when he was seeing someone, which he surely would do again. Indeed, Avery had probably had it in her power to break them up, decisively, and it was only going through a charade of minimization that they'd preserved their routine. And someday, TGS would end: it was a miracle it'd lasted that as long as it had. Heck, Jack could finally realize his dream of running the company, which would mean a move to Philadelphia.
Liz also had long dismissed Jack for not being Astronaut Mike Dexter. He wasn't really into all the things that she'd always had on her checklist. On the other hand, Carol had checked all those boxes, and it hadn't turned out too well. Maybe she needed someone a little different, that cared for her, but pushed her to improve herself, expose her to new things, and seize happiness. Maybe the key to finding someone who would like her when she was old was to find someone who never, apparently, had liked her for her looks to begin with.
Sometime in that week, Liz resolved to be open. Not to do anything, exactly, except to be available and go with the moment if it came.
The next Sunday was like many of the others. Dinner, playing with Liddy, bedtime, and a movie, cozy and comfortable. Jack was being extra nice, so when she left that evening, she gave him a warm, tight hug. Because it felt right in the moment. Jack didn't seem freaked out by it. So that was good.
-X-X-X-
The next Sunday, Liz was tired, and had a contractor coming to her apartment early Monday morning. After Liddy was asleep, she tried to excuse herself.
"What's the movie you brought for us tonight?" Jack asked.
"Actually, Jack, I have to wake up early in the morning, so I think I'll head home."
Jack seemed disappointed. "Oh. OK."
"Thanks for dinner, though. You really know the way to a woman's heart." Liz hoped that came off as a joke, although there was more truth to it than she would like to admit.
Liz gave him a hug again, her head against his chest and face turned outwards. She closed her eyes and allowed herself a smile. The hug lingered a bit longer than last time, as neither wanted to part. Liddy was great, but the one-on-one time after she was asleep had become a highlight of both their weeks.
She felt a light kiss on the top of her head. Looking up to thank him with a smile, she found his face once again inches away. She felt her heart beat faster and an unfamiliar, tingly feeling overtake her.
Thinking back, it would always be unclear to Liz who kissed whom. She was just sure that it felt right in the moment, and evidently Jack thought so too. It started tentatively, but their mutual feedback caused it to get a little more serious, more intimate.
When Jack was on his game, he always knew just what to say. And this time, he didn't disappoint.
"Stay."
Liz hoped her expression wasn't too needy. Unlike Jack, she didn't know exactly what to say.
So she just said, "Yeah."
-X-X-X-
Lying in bed on a bright and glorious Saturday morning, Liz Lemon silently chastised herself for waiting so long.
What was this feeling that she was having? Was she giddy? Her assumption that the two of them would be sexually incompatible had been proven spectacularly wrong. Six consecutive nights had proved that. She hadn't sought to have sex with him every day; it certainly wasn't something she'd even thought she'd be capable of enduring, much less enjoying or, God forbid, initiating. But the conclusion of each workday never felt like the time to say goodbye, and both of them seemed to be answering a hunger that had gone unfilled for too long.
Maybe it was the hormones of a 41-year old woman, or the lack of Tom Jones reminders, or maybe it was there all along. And Jack was teaching her things, for sure, although she didn't like to think about how he had learned them.
Liz was well familiar with Jack's traditional attitude to relationships, one of aggression and warfare. She had braced herself for fights picked and battles lost, but none of that had materialized. Liz had unintentionally brought out a good Jack, a nicer, more protective one.
But it was early. No reason to get too excited, although she couldn't help herself. She ached to tell Jenna, to share her joy. But if she told Jenna it'd be all over the office, and that would not be OK. In fact, Liz was keeping it out of the office altogether. There were no public or private displays of affection at work. It was too inappropriate, too risky, and kind of gross. The last thing she needed was to go into his office to talk about budgets and think about something that they'd done on his desk.
Maybe, she thought, Jack always had honeymoon periods like this before things came apart. She wasn't so sure on the exact timelines with him. And she wasn't so sure what Jack was feeling; he was enjoying their fooling around; of that, she was sure. But as for any additional feelings, Liz couldn't tell and was mortified to ask.
Was it too early to say she was in love? In terms of how long they'd been really dating, of course; but she'd known this man for almost six years, and shared her most intimate secrets with him. They'd both made sacrifices for each other, and they both understood (Didn't they? It hadn't ever been said, except by Wienerslav) that this was the most significant relationship of their lives to date. But it would be stupid to get ahead of herself, to assume that this was something more than it was. After all, Jack hadn't been with a woman at all since Avery left; perhaps he was grabbing the nearest available one.
But here she was, reveling in some post-coital bliss. Maybe she was over-thinking it. Jack had gotten up, presumably to make her breakfast, just as he'd done on Thursday. The guy most definitely knew how to push the right buttons. On this first opportunity to sleep in since they'd started sleeping together, she'd already jumped him once this morning. Much to her own surprise, when he came back into the bedroom she was going to do it again. Even if it meant sacrificing a warm breakfast. Maybe it was love.
Liz was surprised when Jack returned, not bearing food but wearing a suit, his phone on its way back into his pocket.
"Emergency at work?"
Jack shook his head, then paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "Not exactly. I have to, uh, fly to China this morning."
"China?"
Jack's tone was somewhat mysterious to Liz. She couldn't figure out if it was filled with happiness or regret. "Avery's escaped from North Korea, and she's marooned in some village in Manchuria. I've got to go over and speed up the negotiations."
Jack leaned over and pecked Liz on the lips. Internally, her mind started running at full speed. Was that kiss too chaste? Was it a "goodbye, see you later" or a "goodbye, we're done" kiss?
"Can you watch Liddy tomorrow, or should I get the backup nanny?"
"No, I can do it. I'd like to do it."
"Thanks. I should be back in a few days. Bye." He smiled, and left the room.
As the door shut, Liz sat up, holding the sheets over her chest. That conversation did not have the reassurance that she craved.
All of a sudden, all the reasons not to sleep with Jack came to the fore again. Of course he would rescue Avery. She was the mother of his child; he could hardly abandon her in Asia. But what were Jack's intentions here? Were he and Liz finished? Would that make things weird between them? Would work meetings be awkward? Did Liz really want to be in "competition" with Avery? Would it be selfish to break up Liddy's parents? Had Liz gotten to Jack enough in a week to even make it a possibility? And why did she have to have this glimpse of happiness, only to have it pulled so cruelly away?
Her internal monologue was going a mile a minute, and there was no one to talk to about this. Worse yet, it was Saturday, so there wasn't even any job to go to. Liz had nothing to do but get dressed, go home, and stew in it for the day.
Sherry, while holding Liddy, gave Liz the evil eye as she left. This was not going to be such a good weekend after all.
-X-X-X-
That Sunday, watching Liddy for Jack, was bittersweet. She was somewhat resistant to the idea that she'd fallen in love with Jack, but she was sure that she was in love with Liddy, and it pained Liz to think this might be her last opportunity to spend much time with her. Going for a walk with the baby through the city, the adoring glances from other women and their assumptions about who she was were daggers to Liz.
After an achingly wonderful day, she put Liddy to sleep. Feeling somewhat hesitant to sleep in Jack's bed, she ended up falling asleep on his couch, in front of the TV.
-X-X-X-
Liz didn't hear from Jack during his trip, but conveniently, it was all over the news. NBC was providing wall-to-wall coverage of the heroic escape of one of their own. There was Avery, standing in front of a bunch of cameras, Jack behind her and to her side, while she told the story of how she slipped out of a motorcade, swam across the Yalu River under fire, and emerged in China. There was already talk of movie rights.
And there was no pregnancy. The rumor was all part of Avery's elaborate escape plan.
The Chinese were being difficult, and the North Koreans were throwing a tantrum, so there was some resistance to letting her return home immediately. Secretary Clinton said she was "optimistic" that they could get things worked out.
It was a serious crisis - there were artillery shells being lobbed over the DMZ, people killed, refugees on the move - but Liz rewound the news to remain focused on the face in the background. Jack's expression was inscrutable. He was happy, sure; he'd be a monster if he weren't. But Liz was trying to read those eyes. Was there a trace of regret? Trepidation? Affection, but not romantic love anymore? Liz couldn't tell. She yearned for a reporter to ask Avery a personal question, but her hope was disappointed.
Liz wished Brian Williams would wipe that smirk off his stupid face.
-X-X-X-
Avery's return to America with Jack, a week later, was a media event. Her patriotic comments about returning to America made her a populist hit. There was talk about a future in politics, and a run on the talk show circuit. Avery Jessup-Donaghy was becoming a star. It was good thing Oprah didn't have a show anymore, because Liz wouldn't have been able to handle her appearing there.
The day after she returned, Jack came into the office a little later than usual. He was dressed in a sport coat, indicating it wasn't a normal day of business for him.
"Hey, Jack." Liz had thought he might come in today. She'd dressed up a bit, skipping the glasses, applying some makeup, and showing more cleavage than she had since her late 30s. She thought she might as well look good when she was about to get dumped. She unconsciously stuffed her hands in the rear pockets of her jeans, signaling her uncertainty and reserve.
"Lemon." Jack seemed guarded. He probably wasn't looking forward to this conversation either.
"Uh... congratulations on getting her home."
"Thank you."
"I'm surprised you came in to work today."
"Just a few things I had to take care of." Pause. "We're going to visit Avery's parents for a week."
Liz frowned a bit. "I see."
Jack stood up and exhaled. "I'm going to give Avery and me another shot."
Liz bit her lip, looked down, then back at Jack. "Of course."
"And needless to say, I'd appreciate your discretion about our little... affair."
"Well, it was fun while it lasted." Liz volunteered a mirthless chuckle.
"I'm sorry. And thank you."
Liz grimaced and nodded, her expression resigned. "Don't apologize. I'm happy for you two. And Liddy."
Jack paused for a beat. "Yes. It's good for Liddy."
Liz tapped Jack on the shoulder with her fist. "See you next week, buddy," she said with fake enthusiasm.
She returned to the writer's room, walking briskly.
Frank tried to get a word in. "Liz-so-are-we-going-with-the-Avery-sketch-or..."
Her office door slammed shut before he could finish. She gave no indication that she even heard him.
-X-X-X-
When Jack returned from his trip, Liz tried hard to avoid him, finding reasons to send Pete up to his office whenever there was actual business to discuss. Finally, Jack came down to find her.
"Is this where you've been hiding out?"
"My office? How'd you ever track me down?"
"I'm throwing a party here at NBC for Avery's return. The people from news are going to be there, and I'd like it if you came, too."
"Inviting 'the other woman' to the party, Jack? That seems kind of tacky."
"No, not 'the other woman'. My best friend. And actually, a pretty good friend to Avery, too."
"I really don't think that's the case."
"Please don't blame yourself. You've been nothing but wonderful to her."
The idea of seeing Avery again still mortified Liz, but she agreed to go. The party was, of course, on her soundstage. Didn't NBC have some other room for these kinds of events?
Liz put on her best poker face and went to the party. She decided to initiate a brief, obligatory conversation with Avery, and then bail.
"Welcome back."
Avery hugged her. "Thanks, Liz."
"Jack told me about what you did," Avery said matter-of-factly.
"What?"
"How you offered him emotional support while I was gone, and helped with Liddy. How he wouldn't have made it without you. Thank you so much."
"Don't mention it."
"You know, Liz, you're a good friend to Jack. And to me."
Liz felt sick. Guilty, mostly, but also faintly indignant that Avery regarded her as so thoroughly non-threatening that there was no jealousy whatsoever. But that was churlish: with the threat of actual war erupting over Avery, the media was comparing her to Helen of Troy, which couldn't be good for that ego of hers.
She struggled to find a joke to break the tension she was feeling, but came up empty.
"Thanks. That's nice."
It was then that Brian Williams arrived and interrupted to hug Avery and welcome her back. It was all the more reason to split, so Liz seized the opportunity to get out of there. There was nothing to do at home, so she grabbed some food and then returned to her office to get some work done.
-X-X-X-
Jack found her there a little after midnight. Tracy had found the party - he wasn't invited, but had a sixth sense about these things - and thanks to him, things were still going strong.
"Are you alright?" he asked with concern.
"Yeah." Liz lied.
"Then how come you never come to my office anymore?," he asked in an pleading voice.
"I've had a lot of work to do. I'm still catching up from when I was spending all that time at your place." It was a fairly transparent lie.
"I miss you."
Liz frowned. "I miss you too. I wish we had never..."
"Don't say it, Lemon."
"No, it's what I feel. I wish I had never come on to you. Then we wouldn't be in this whole mess."
"I enjoyed it." Jack offered.
"Of course you did. Nothing like a little fling with your buddy to help pass the time."
The realization struck Jack immediately: how Liz really perceived what had happened, and his carelessness in handling it. He regarded her with a furrowed brow for what seemed like an hour as Liz pretended to concentrate on her work.
"I want you to come up to my office." It didn't sound like a request.
"Why..."
"I want to show you something. Right now." He offered his hand, but she got up without his help.
The elevator ride was quiet and awkward. Liz stared at the door, the ceiling, her shoes, anything to avoid the gaze that Jack was fixing on her out of the corner of his eyes. Finally, finally, it got to the 52nd floor.
As they entered his office, Jack went straight to his desk, and standing, rooted around in a drawer. Liz stood a few feet away, curious. Finally, he found what he was looking for, and slammed it with authority on his desk.
Liz couldn't believe her eyes. Was it... it couldn't be?
"What's that?"
"What does it look like?"
"But it couldn't be."
"Open it."
She touched the box gingerly, as if it were dirty. but managed to pry it open. And indeed, it was what it was appeared to be, a large, yet somehow understated, diamond ring. She remembered it from years ago, when she had helped him shop for Elisa's engagement ring. It was one Liz had especially liked, but not the one he purchased at the time. Apparently, though, it had not remained unpurchased.
"I don't understand. You weren't... you aren't..."
"I'm not, but I was going to."
"After a week?"
"That's one way of counting the time. I prefer to think of it as five years. But if you insist on calling it a week... it was the best week of my life."
"When?"
"The week we were dating." Jack was mildly annoyed that she wasn't following along.
"No, I mean.. when were you going to ask me?"
"I was waiting for the right moment; for an indication you felt the same way."
"Why are you telling me this?"
Jack stepped closer to her, and lowered his voice. "Because you should get it into your thick skull that you were not some... diversion for me."
They stared into each other's eyes. Liz's mind was a swirl of conflicting emotions, her heart beating through her chest. She didn't budge as Jack's finger lightly traced her jawline, delivering a jolt of electricity that she felt all over her body. She simply could not stop gazing into that deep blue, those eyes affixed on her, those eyes that had been unknowingly, tantalizingly close to being hers forever. All but for some sloppy North Korean guards...
Those eyes were now coming closer, as his lips sought hers. He paused, an inch away from her, eyes open, as a last holdout in him raised its objection. Liz's mind screamed to stop, to pull away, but her body simply stayed there, her lips opening slightly in anticipation.
Liz couldn't refuse him, not now, and their lips and tongues intertwined passionately. It was a desperate kiss, as both of them sensed time running out, life running out, the cruel reality of the world rushing in to interrupt them. He gripped her small head in his strong, large hands, her arms under his and running up his back. It all lingered, neither of them wanting to stop.
Finally, Liz lightly pushed on his shoulders to withdraw. "No."
She rested her forehead on his chin, looking down, and swallowed hard. A single tear slipped out of her right eye. "We can't".
"I know." Jack's voice was tinged with defeat, his eyes still closed. Her glasses fogged a bit from his breath.
Liz backed off a few feet, gathering herself to leave.
"I want you in my life, Lemon." Again, with the pleading voice. This new tone of his made Liz want to go somewhere and die.
"I'd like that, too."
"Can we do this?"
"I don't know. I'll try."
With that, she turned to leave. "See you around."
Jack weakly waved, concerned, as Liz turned to go into the Manhattan night. Of course she would be in his life; she could scarcely conceive of the alternative. It would just take some repression, and some time.
END Ch 1