A/N: I try to avoid author's notes at the beginning of chapters but I did want to put in a warning.
TW: This fic will deal with death (no main characters) and some of the choices a person might have to make when someone they love is sick and/or dying.
"The beaches are exquisite, they have great coffee, and everyone is laid back and easy going." Deeks listed off on his fingers as they returned to the Mission from their lunch break. "And have you ever seen a koala? They're adorable."
"And vicious, and probably carry some kind of disease. Everything in Australia is trying to kill you. You do know that Australia is home to all ten of the world's most venomous snakes, right?" Kensi commented.
"Is Miss I-Love-The-Outdoors afraid of a few snakes and spiders?" Deeks goaded.
"Afraid? No. But I'm also not stupid." Kensi retorted, moving to sit behind her desk as Deeks did the same across from her.
"But think of the surfing Kens."
"Crocodiles, sharks, box jellyfish." She listed on her fingers, mimicking Deeks' earlier motions.
"Sam, Callen? What do you think? Australia."
"Hot, humid, but beautiful." Sam recounted.
"You've been?" Kensi questioned.
Sam nodded. "SEALS did some training off the west coast. Really nice beaches."
Deeks threw Kensi an 'I-told-you-so' look.
"Why? Planning a holiday?" Callen chimed in.
"Planning retirement." The detective replied.
"What would you do if you retired in Australia?" Sam asked cynically.
"Surf." He shrugged his shoulders in a 'well duh' gesture.
"Ah-huh, and what would Kensi do in Australia?" Callen challenged.
"Who says I'm putting up with him that long?" Kensi teased with a smile while Deeks feigned a shot to his heart.
"It's true G. She's probably going to kill him long before he reaches retirement age." Sam laughed.
"Nah, she likes me too much." He winked across the workspace at his girlfriend. "Besides, she wouldn't risk getting caught."
Kensi opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by her cell ringing from her bag. As she started to dig it out Callen replied for her.
"She wouldn't get caught. We'd help her hide the body."
With her ringing phone in hand Kensi added, "Who said there'd be a body?"
She tossed a faux-threatening glance at Deeks and brought the phone to her ear as she accepted the call.
"Is this Kensi Blye?"
"Speaking." Kensi began walking towards the courtyard as her teammates continued to debate the merits of moving to Australia.
"Hello Miss Blye. My name is Molly Porter. I'm a nurse at Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but your mother, Julia Feldman, was brought in earlier today. She was involved in a car accident. Is it correct that you are her next of kin?"
All the air left Kensi's lungs and she reached her hand back against the Mission's stone wall, needing the support to stay upright. Her mind spun. Her mother was in hospital. Her mother who she and Deeks had had dinner with not two weeks ago, her mother who she was just starting to reform a relationship with, was hurt and oh god, was she dying?
"Miss Blye? Are you still on the line?" The sound of Nurse Molly's voice in her ear interrupted her brain's tirade and forced air back into her body.
"Yes. Sorry. Yes, I'm her next of kin."
"We're going to need you to come down to the hospital."
"Yeah, yes. Of course. Is she… She's okay, right?" Her voice wavered.
"I'm sorry. I can't discuss her condition over the phone. Her doctor will be here to speak with you when you arrive. He'll be able to answer any questions you have." Molly told her.
"Okay. I… I'll be there soon I guess. Thank you." Kensi disconnected the call, unsure why she was thanking the woman for the delivery of bad news.
She drew in a ragged breath and tried to push off the wall and walk back into the Mission but her feet were weighted to the ground. Her chest clenched and she bowed inward, sliding down the bricks and resting on her haunches. Breathing was more difficult than it should be; it felt like she was in an ever-tightening corset. Her shoulders were so tense they were practically touching her ears.
Mentally she counted to ten, focusing on getting air into her constricted chest, putting into practice the techniques she'd learned to deal with anxiety attacks after her return from Afghanistan. She waited it out, let the attack pass, before pulling herself back together and making her way back inside, her chest still unreasonably tight.
Sam, Callen, and Deeks had moved on to discussing retirement villages and their mutual hatred of Florida. Kensi moved back towards her desk and though Deeks was teasing Sam about his inability to fit on rides at Disney World, she could feel his eyes on her. She refused to return his gaze.
She typed out a text to Hetty, giving her as few details as she could about why she needed to leave early. She knew she should probably talk to the operations manager in person but Kensi also knew she wouldn't be able to speak the words out loud without ripping her paper thing composure to shreds.
She packed her bag quickly and slung it over her shoulder, futilely hoping she could make her escape from OSP unnoticed.
"Kens?" Deeks' concerned voice reached her ears as she moved around her desk to walk to the door. All eyes were on her now and she could feel their gazes burning holes into her resolve like lasers. She kept walking, knowing Deeks would most likely follow. He caught up with her just as she exited into the parking lot, his hand touching her shoulder as he called her name again.
"I… I gotta go." She forced the words from her mouth, brow furrowed from the effort it took. She made no move to turn and face him.
"Kensi, what's going on?" He brought his other hand up to her other shoulder but didn't try to turn her around.
"Something came up. I got to - ." She half-heartedly pointed in the direction of her car, teeth gritted, eyes closed to stop traitorous tears.
"Kens, talk to me. Tell me what's happening." He pleaded. She was breaking under his confused concern.
"I… My… I just have to go." It was all she could manage. She could feel a lump rising in her throat, lodging itself half way up.
His hands fell from her shoulders and she was equally disappointed and relieved. He wasn't letting up as she'd hoped however, and a moment later he'd moved in front of her, both his hands reaching out to clasp one of hers. He brought their joined hands to rest on his chest.
"Kensi, please." He ducked his head to see her face and his eyes begged with her. "Don't make me break out the puppy dog face. You know you can't resist it." He batted his eyes dramatically for added effect.
The joke had the desired effect and the corners of her mouth twitched up ever so slightly. She brought her eyes to meet his and the concern and love she found there gave her strength.
"My mom. Something happened. She's at the hospital. I… I have to go." It was as though saying the words reminded her of her mission. "I have to go." She repeated more certainly, breaking eye contact with Deeks and trying again to move towards her car, forgetting their connected hands.
"What hospital? I can drive." Deeks offered, keeping a tight grip on her to stop her from fleeing.
"No. You can't. Hetty can't have both of us out on so little notice. I'm good. I've got it. I'll call." The statement was entirely unconvincing.
He drew one hand up to her face, brushing the back of his fingers against her cheek. "What happened?"
"I don't know. A car accident I think?" She paused for a beat. "It didn't sound good." The breaking of her voice matched the cracks forming in Deeks' heart.
"Kens," He tried to pull her in for a hug but she rested her hand on his chest, forcing distance between them.
"I… I can't. I'm barely holding it together and if you put your arms around me I'm going to fall to pieces and I can't do that right now. I… I need to get to the hospital, I have to be with her."
Deeks nodded understandingly and took half a step back, giving her some breathing room but still refusing to relinquish her hand.
"What hospital? I'll meet you after work."
"Cedars-Sinai."
"Okay. I'll call, alright? Drive safe. Call me if you need anything." He finally released his hold on her.
She nodded and leaned back slightly before moving towards him again. She brought her hand to his jaw and tenderly kissed the opposite cheek, keeping her lips brushing against his scruff as she tearfully spoke.
"I love you."
With a final press of her lips she was gone, speed walking towards the SRX and driving away seconds later.
Deeks took a moment outside the mission. His heart hurt, both for they way his tough, unshakeable girlfriend was hurting and for the woman who treated him like a son. He let himself feel the pain and hurt before compartmentalising, recomposing himself. He knew he wouldn't be able to truly focus until he was actively doing something to help, even if that something was simply being an emotional support pillar for his partner to lean on. Still, he steeled himself and walked back inside, quickly making his way to his desk.
Callen and Sam's eyes assessed him with questions and concerns.
"What's up with your partner?" Callen broke the silence first when Deeks refused to look at either of them.
"Something came up with her mom. An emergency." He answered vaguely. He didn't know much beyond that and even if he did, it wasn't really his to tell.
"Everything okay?" Sam asked.
"When I find out I'll let you know."
Throughout the rest of the afternoon he sent her several messages but got no reply. At first he chalked it up to the fact she was in a hospital and many wards required phones to be turned off. As the hours passed though he began to get more and more concerned. By four that afternoon he'd called her several times and left countless text messages to no response. He was getting worried. Despite still having an hour left in his work day Deeks began to pack up his desk before slinging his bag across his chest and approaching Hetty. He hadn't gotten a word out before she spoke.
"Go. Be with your partner."
He didn't need telling twice.
He tried to call her from the car again on the way to the hospital but her phone rang out before dumping him to voice mail. Tossing his phone on the passenger seat, he pressed his foot down a little harder on the accelerator.
"Hi, I'm looking for Julia Feldman." He requested at the nurses station as soon as he arrived, not even noticing the man he was speaking to was on the phone. He apologised and turned to the other nurse behind the desk and repeated himself.
"Who are you?"
"Marty Deeks, I'm her… son-in-law." It was a half-truth at best and he knew it. The phrase made him smile briefly though as he recalled how, much to Kensi's disapproval, Julia had taken to referring to him as such three months into his relationship with her daughter.
"I'm sorry," The nurse started and Deeks was a hairsbreadth from pulling out his badge before she continued. "Ms. Feldman passed away a few hours ago."
A million emotions flooded Deeks at once. Sadness, guilt, heartache, confusion, concern.
"What about her daughter? Kensi Blye? She was here, yes?" He rushed to ask.
The nurse typed at the computer for a moment.
"It says here that a K. Blye signed the forms to terminate life support. I think she left shortly after."
Deeks' chest constricted.
"Do you know where she went?"
"Sorry. It says here she spoke to Ms. Feldman's doctor and made the decision to turn off the life support machines. 20 minutes later Ms. Feldman had passed and I believe her daughter left. That was before my shirt started though." The nurse recounted apologetically.
"Thanks." Deeks replied softly, turning away from the nurses station and gripping his phone too tightly. He was having trouble processing the emotions that seemed to be slamming into him one after the other. He could only imagine how Kensi was feeling. He still had no idea where she was. Striding out the hospital doors in a haze of grief and determination he returned to his car, sucked in as deep a breath as he could manage, and started the engine.
A/N: This will be a three part fic. Chapter two is already written and needs to be typed up and edited and chapter three is well over half way complete so updates shouldn't be too far apart.