Learn To Be Still
Summary: Greg couldn't figure out exactly why he felt so guilty flirting with the new girl in front of Nick. He thought it was just because she had replaced Warrick. Boy, was he wrong. Nick/Greg slash.
Author's Note: While not against the Nick/Greg ship, I have never actually gone out of my way to read it, let alone write it. Though when asked what my favorite slash ship is on CSI, I don't miss a beat— it's definitely those two. Followed maybe by Cath/Sara. So after watching some YouTube videos I stumbled upon by pure accident, and reading a particular fic (series) by LaughableBlackStorm, I decided to give Nick/Greg a whack.
Also, just because I'm beginning posting for this does not mean I will leave anyone in the dark with Waking the Dead. As that story is almost finished, I wanted to get the ball rolling with this one.
Lastly, I want to put a disclaimer on Bryce Adams: Though technically a canon character (who will be played by Lauren Lee Smith in season nine), as we have not seen much of her I have had to improvise about 98 percent of her character. So I guess she can be classified as an OC.
Just another day in paradise
As you stumble to your bed
You'd give anything to silence
Those voices ringing in your head
You thought you could find happiness
Just over that green hill
You thought you would be satisfied
But you never will
Learn to be still
We're like sheep without a shepherd
We don't know how to be alone
So we wander 'round this desert
And wind up following the wrong gods home
But the flock cries out for another
They keep answering that bell
One more starry-eyed Messiah
Meets a violent farewell
Learn to be still
There are so many contradictions
In all these messages we send
We keep asking, "How do I get out of here?"
"Where do I fit in?"
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin'
It's waiting for you to awaken
And someday, you will
Learn to be still
-- Don Henley
He was driving to the crime scene alone, which left him time to think about what his problem was. As little as he would like to admit it, he actually enjoyed the long drives to distant scenes with nothing but him and his silent radio. Nick wouldn't have guessed that. Every time they rode together, Greg always had to drown out the silence with his babblings. Nick didn't know it was because Greg was uncomfortable when there was silence between them.
But now, he was going to meet Nick there. He had been called in from a basic B&E with Catherine, and to be honest, he was glad for the 419, which was sure to hold his interest better than Catherine's case. He wondered if it was the mark of a bad CSI when he actually looked forward to deaths over petty crime. He dismissed the thought, and drifted more towards Bryce.
She was cute, Greg would give her that. Although, everyone else on the team had greeted her with hostility. Especially Nick. Nick.
Greg had tried to be nice. But every time Nick caught her laughing at Greg's jokes, Greg always felt like he had been caught in the middle of a crime. Greg would make some excuse and a quick exit, leaving Bryce baffled. And that just made him feel worse.
He didn't like that his loyalties were torn. He wanted to be a good guy to the new girl, but he always felt like he was betraying Nick on a deeper level. As if he was saying that Bryce was a good replacement for Warrick. As if anyone could be a good replacement for Warrick. But that wasn't it at all! Bryce didn't even know who she was replacing. It wasn't like she was the one that killed Warrick. She shouldn't suffer for Nick's psychological issues.
"Hey, Bryce, you got a sec?"
She stopped and turned, her red hair glinting in the harsh light of the lab. "Sure, Greg, what do you want?"
He shrugged, coyly, trying to be cute. "I dunno... Grissom gave me this case, and while he didn't exactly say I have to do it alone—"
"I'm busy," she interrupted with a half shrug. She turned around and continued down the hall.
"With what?" Greg called after her. "Hodges told me he logged the trace for your assault charges hours ago. And Brass told me that the guy confessed anyway."
She paused and her back tensed. She turned around and strode quickly towards Greg. "I really appreciate you being nice to me. But I think Grissom would prefer it if we worked alone."
"How's that?" Greg inquired.
She shrugged. "I don't know... He assigned you to this case solo, he's assigned me to every case solo, after that fiasco with Catherine—"
"That wasn't your fault," Greg said quickly. "You didn't know Lindsey was her kid."
"She nearly got me fired," Bryce said, blushing a little. "But when I was a cop, I learned that when you tell a kid not to cross crime scene tape and they don't listen—"
"If it were anyone else's kid you pushed against a cop car and cuffed, I'm sure she would have lauded you," Greg tried to reassure her.
She squirmed. "I just... I don't think I belong here, Greg. Everyone wants Warrick."
He pushed her hair back, turning on his classic Greg Sanders charm. "I want you," he whispered. He saw someone stop a little ways behind Bryce as she giggled, embarrassed by Greg's words. But Greg was focused on the man behind her, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he watched Nick's expression for anything other than silent accusations.
He was suddenly insanely self-conscious and he pulled his hand away from Bryce. But her cheeks were as red as her hair as she tried to ask, "Greg, would you like to go—"
"Nick," Greg said, his smile permanently gone as he watched the Texan simply stand there, watching them.
Bryce gasped and spun around to see the man in question. With Bryce's flushed face, and Greg's guilty expression, the two of them looked like lovers caught in an affair. But Bryce wanted more than a secret sin. She wanted to make it public.
Ignoring Nick, she turned back to Greg and placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. He blinked at her a minute as she stared back at him before moving forward and deftly kissing him, softly, desperately, nervously, sloppily, yearningly— Her hands climbed back into his hair, pushing her body against his, and he had to reciprocate. It wasn't the kind of kiss you could passively just wait to be over. The awkward wanting of a bold last resort was not one to be ignored. He soothed her fears with his lips and slowed her heart with his hands, gliding slowly over her arms to give her a rhythm to sing to.
By the time they had broken apart, Nick was gone.
And Greg felt worse than before.
"Greg!" Catherine barked authoritatively from the end of the hall behind him and he whirled around to see her.
"What?!" Greg demanded testily.
Catherine didn't seem to care as she briskly swept down the hall and presented him with a file. "You're on my case."
"Anything to get you off of mine," Greg mumbled, and followed her out of the building.
Greg hadn't seen Nick since Bryce kissed him and he was wondering what he was going to say when they saw each other at the scene again. It was time to deal with what was driving them both crazy. Greg was sure that thing was Warrick, although something in the back of his head told him not to simplify such complicated problems. He didn't know why, but he felt there was something else Nick wasn't telling him. And it had been going on long before Warrick's death.
Finally, he saw flashing sirens and crime scene tape and pulled over to the side of the road. He approached and nodded at Vega before ducking under the tape. He looked left, then right before spotting the body, and Nick, hovering over it and taking evidence. Greg took a deep breath and held it. It was now, or never.
He strode over there confidently, certain that he had done absolutely nothing wrong, and he was going to let Nick have it for making him feel so awful over nothing. Upon hearing his footsteps, Nick looked up from behind his camera and his expression was far from welcoming.
"What are you doing over here? I thought you were with Catherine!"
"Well, Grissom called and said you needed me," Greg snapped defensively. "What, not happy to see me?"
Nick grumbled and just went back behind his camera.
"So," Greg said, crouching down on the other side of the body. "What happened to this guy?"
"Someone threw him out of a moving vehicle," Nick explained flatly, clearly annoyed. "Look, the—"
"Disturbed dust, I know," Greg finished for him. "Skid marks on the road, too. I saw them coming in. Did you photo—"
"I've done everything," Nick growled, rising to his feet and pocketing his camera. "I don't need you."
"Fine!" Greg exclaimed, jumping up as well to maintain eye contact with Nick. "Then I guess we're done here."
"I guess we are," Nick returned icily. "I'll see you back at the lab."
"Look, I just want to check with Vega to make sure we're set to go," Greg said. "You're not just leaving half this scene unprocessed because you're pissed at me for some obscure reason, are you?"
"If I was mad at you," Nick muttered, "then I wouldn't let it get in the way of me processing a scene."
"You're obviously mad at me, Nick," Greg said. "And I think I know why."
Nick rolled his eyes. "I'm just tired, OK? I'm pulling a double here."
"Wah wah," Greg whined, imitating a crying child.
Nick shook his head, seized his kit, and made his way to his car. Greg walked over to Vega.
"Who is the guy?" he asked. "Any suspects?"
Vega began filling him in on the particulars of the case. Greg listened as much as he could, but his mind was still preoccupied with Nick's erratic behavior. And then, he noticed Vega trailing off. He saw the detective wave, and looked over his shoulder to see Nick making his way begrudgingly over to them.
"Hey," Nick said with a nod at Vega. His eyes moved to Greg. "I, uh... I need a ride. I'm kinda outa gas."
Greg cocked an eyebrow, because both of them knew he had won this round. "Oh you do? Looks like you needed me here after all."
Nick held out his hand. "I'm driving."
"Hell no," Greg cried. "It's my car!"
"It's the lab's car, you just drive it," Nick reminded him.
Greg's eyes narrowed, but he walked right past Nick. "You want a ride, you'll have to deal with me driving."
Nick stared at his retreating back before giving in. "Fine!" he called, jogging to catch up with Greg. "But I get to choose the music."
"I prefer silence," Greg said sharply.
"Since when?"
"Since now." He opened the door. "You coming?"
Reluctantly, Nick opened the passenger's side door and hopped into the seat. Greg put the car in reverse and then moved into the main lane of the highway. They were each still for a good five minutes, both refusing to be the first one to speak. For once, Nick Stokes and Greg Sanders drove in mutual silence, and neither of them actually wanted to break it.
However, predictably, Greg, who had so many accusations to hurl at his friend, was the first to speak. "What the fuck is your problem? Making me feel like I'm betraying you every time I say a nice thing to Bryce! I'm just trying to help her adjust in a lab full of CSIs who seems to hate her guts! You know, Nick, you used to be a nice guy too. If this were even a year ago, you would have been all over her, volunteering to help her out on cases, or taking her out to lunch and letting her in on the secrets of being a good CSI and how to suck up to Grissom to get the good cases. You shouldn't be such an asshole to her! It's not her fault that Warrick died!"
"Don't you fucking dare bring Warrick into this!" Nick growled furiously, overlapping Greg the moment he heard Warrick's name. "This isn't about Warrick."
"Yes it is!" Greg insisted. "It is because you're pissed that I'm being nice to her because you think that she's replaced Warrick. But she hasn't replaced anyone. She's just a young girl who wants to prove herself to you and you won't even say a thing to her. And you make me feel guilty for just trying to be kind."
"Warrick wouldn't have liked her, you know," Nick cut in. "She's too... brash."
"Is this because of the Lindsey thing? Because she told us, she didn't mean to hurt her—"
"It's the Lindsey thing, it's the way she talks on the phone, it's the way she chews gum constantly at a crime scene because it 'helps her think,' it's how she finished my yoghurt in the fridge it's because she flirts with you every time she gets—"
"Well, who else can she flirt with?!" Greg demanded. "No one else gives her the time of day!"
"You flirt back," Nick snarled.
Greg was caught off guard by the accusation. "Well, uh... yeah! Is there some reason I shouldn't? She's sweet, and she's hot!"
"Have Sara and Grissom taught you nothing?!" Nick cried. "Office romances always fall apart."
"To be fair, Grissom and Sara are still together," Greg pointed out. "She's just not here."
"Look, I just..." Nick seemed to run out of words. "I just think it's unprofessional, that's all."
"Fucking hell, Nick, who cares!" Greg groaned as he pulled onto I-15. "You shouldn't! I mean, it's not like you're into her, you hate her by the sound of it, and this isn't the preschool playground so I'm assuming that it's just hate." And then, he thought about it for a moment. "Unless it isn't just hate..."
Nick refused to reply to Greg's unasked question. "I miss him, Greg. A lot."
"You miss him, I miss him, we all miss him, Nick! But taking our frustrations out on his replace—" Uh oh.
"You said it!" Nick yelled. "You called her his replacement!"
"I didn't mean it like that," Greg tried to cover. "I meant professionally. I mean, let's face it, she has sort of filled in the empty space on the CSI team. But she could never seriously replace Warrick! No one can! And no one should! But you have got to move on, Nick! You're being petty. And I will not feel guilty for doing the right thing."
They were hushed again, and Greg waited for an apology.
But what Nick said next was the farthest thing from an apology Greg had ever heard. "I asked Ecklie to transfer her to another shift."
Greg couldn't help but turn his head to gape at Nick. "What?!" he shrieked.
"Greg!" Nick cried, pointing at the road.
When he had turned to Nick, he had moved the steering wheel and his car had glided into the other lane. Greg panicked and swerved to the right, crashing down into a thicket, the car tumbling over in a full circle until the passenger's side rammed itself into a tree, successfully stopping the car in its tracks.
The airbags were deployed and Greg couldn't breathe as he fought the fabric and unbuckled his seatbelt, doing a swift diagnostic of himself to make sure that nothing was bleeding or badly bruised. He had a cut on his forehead, where his head had collided with the window, but he would survive. He blinked and tried to orient himself as he caught his breath and tried to still his heart.
"Nick?" he panted quietly.
The Texan didn't reply.
Greg panicked and looked to his right. The tree had totaled the passenger side door, and the right half of Nick's body was covered in blood. His breathing quickened and he beat back Nick's airbag, climbing up onto his seat.
"Nick?!" he said shrilly, desperately, as he climbed over the gear shift to check on his friend. "Nick!" He couldn't stop saying his name.
Nick's head was lolling onto his chest, with a large bloody gash from his temple to the edge of his jaw line. His temple...
Greg's fingers flew to beneath Nick's chin as he searched for a pulse, breathing, or any signs of life whatsoever. "Nick! Come on, Nick, come on!"
There was a heartbeat. This relieved Greg very little. The only way to get to Nick was from the driver's side, and so Greg gingerly climbed over him completely until he was straddling Nick, his knees on either side of Nick's thighs. He took Nick's face in his hands and made the Texan face him. His eyes were closed, his lip was split, and his mouth was open, but Greg could hear his soft breathing.
His heart plummeted into the pit of his stomach and was devoured by the acids.
"Oh God..." he choked, pushing back Nick's hair.
He suddenly seemed to remember his cell phone and he fished it out of his back pocket, dialing 911 immediately.
"There's an accident off of I-15, over by... Aw, fuck, where are we?!" He couldn't think. He couldn't move. He couldn't take his eyes off Nick. "We're just... We're here, dammit, just come here!" He knew that wasn't helpful.
"Calm down, sir. Take deep breaths. Are you injured?"
"No, no, not me," Greg said rapidly. "My friend, he's bleeding, and I— I don't know what to do." He looked up and saw a nearby onramp. With an exit number! "Exit 342! That's where we are! Help!"
"An ambulance is on its way, sir. Is your friend breathing?"
"Oh God..." Greg whispered. "I don't remember my CPR training!"
"Check to see if your friend is breathing."
"He is," Greg snapped. "I checked that already. He's breathing, he's bleeding, and he's unconscious, alright?"
"Where is he bleeding from?"
Greg's hands hovered over Nick's right side, afraid to touch anything. "I don't know, I don't... I don't want to move him."
Nick groaned and Greg's heart skipped a beat.
"You're going to have to—"
"Fuck you, you can't help me!" Greg yelled at the phone, and then he hung up, throwing his phone to the floor. "Nick? Nick, can you hear me?"
"So sorry, Greg..." Nick muttered as he rolled his head on his shoulders.
"Don't talk like that," Greg said, smiling through his tears. He cupped Nick's cheek and tried to get the Texan to face him again. "Come on, Nick, open your eyes for me."
"Should have just..." Nick mumbled.
"Hush, don't talk," Greg urged. "Don't, just... just hang on. You're losing a lot of blood. An ambulance is on its way."
Nick's eyes fluttered. He moved his left arm, his hand resting on Greg's hip. "Never... didn't want this."
"No one did, Nick," Greg murmured, shaking his head. "This is all my fault. I should have let you drive. I should have…"
Nick's head rolled to the side and he winced in pain. "It burns…"
Greg hushed him again and moved his head to the center. He didn't know why he did it exactly, but he leaned forward and lightly kissed Nick's forehead, willing him to be OK. He felt Nick's hand shake against his hip. He pulled back, stroking Nick's hair and looking out the fractured windows for the ambulance but none was in sight. It had to be there soon. He wished there was something he could do for Nick to sooth him.
Nick coughed suddenly, startling Greg. "I think I'm OK…"
"Don't be stupid, you're covered in blood."
"My arm hurts," Nick whimpered. "Dammit…"
"The ambulance is on its way, Nick, just hold on…" Greg assured him. "And then, everything will be OK."
"I'm sorry about… Bryce…" Nick murmured, closing his eyes. "Greg…" His left arm moved by Greg's side until it found the younger CSI's arm and gripped it tightly. "Greg…"
Greg heard sirens and turned toward them like a bloodhound catching a scent. He placed his hand on top of the one gripping his arm. "You see, Nick? You'll be OK."
Nick's grip slackened on Greg's arm. "I'm fine… just tired…"
"Stupid Nick," Greg laughed.
A paramedic reached through the window. "Are you OK, sir?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine," Greg said, climbing off of Nick and into the driver's seat. He squeezed Nick's hand to remind him that he was still there. But he had to let go as he stumbled out of the car and let the paramedics do their work.