By Tracy(biancaheart@yahoo.com)
Rating:PG-13
Category: Tess POV
Spoilers: "Departure"
Summary: What if Tess did fulfill her destiny after
all?
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell. Nope. Nothing exciting like that.
And I don't own Phantom of the Opera either. I'm not rich.
Past the point
of no return -
no backward glances:
the games we've played
till now are at
an end ...
Past all thought
of "if" or "when" -
no use resisting:
abandon thought,
and let the dream
descend ...
Past the point
of no return
the final threshold -
the bridge
is crossed, so stand
and watch it burn ...
We've passed the point
of no return ...
-Andrew Lloyd Webber, "The Phantom of the Opera"
I have always known my destiny.
It's been a harsh and bitter pill at best; but I never expected it to play out this way.
It's all gone…everything I had tried to build. The friendships, the
relationships, my life on Earth. Nothing more than dim and shaded memories
that they
will spend years trying to get over. Nothing more than memories, clouded
by the way I left.
Yes, I have always known my destiny.
I never had what you would exactly call a normal childhood. Given the
fact that I was an alien, or rather a hybrid, raised by another shape shifting
alien, one wouldn't expect it to be normal. But how I longed to be
normal. How I longed to have friends that I could play with. I used to
jump rope
by tying one end of the jump rope to the porch. I would grasp the other
one tightly in my hand. Somehow, the cheap nylon fiber always grated my
hand, to the point where it was raw. I envied the other girls in the
playground, the ones who dressed all alike and carried the matching
lunchboxes. I wanted to have friends like they did.
I wanted someone to love me.
Nasedo always told me it was my destiny never to be loved.
He was never really affectionate, I saw the Sheriff act more emotional
in one day than I saw Nasedo act in 9 years. Part of it was Nasedo's nature-
he consistently wore a poker face, always fighting a battle that raged
only in his own head. He also guarded himself from me, not allowing himself
to
become attached.
Nasedo knew my destiny.
We moved from town to town, and state to state. Looking for someone, something-something that would lead us to our destiny.
I never even knew there were others, others like me, until I was 14.
Before then, I had never truly missed them. I never truly knew them.
I never truly knew myself.
The first time I was back to the pod chamber was the summer of my fourteenth
birthday-at least that was what my birthday cake was that
year. Sometimes I feel old, as old as the desert in Roswell itself,
and then sometimes I feel young, like I know nothing at all. It
was quite dusty back in those days, untouched for at least five years.
I remember the cool, metallic feeling of the pods under my fingertips.I
remember seeing their faces, and knowing them. Knowing that I
belonged with them. I cried then, the tears feeling strange in my eyes.
I had known since the first week I was with Nasedo what my destiny was.
The realization that these people would love me, they could love me,
they were just like me, hit me hard.
It was my destiny to be unloved.
And now, my destiny has come full circle.
I am a prisoner now, sitting alone in a quiet cell. Each day that goes
by, I am closer to giving birth to the child I cary. Each day that goes
by, I am closer to dying.
We found the other three last year. Has it only been a year? The year, the year that I spent in Roswell, was the best year of my life.
I remember seeing Max for the first time. He was walking down the hall,
laughing and talking with another guy, who I later came to know
as Alex. I was floored. I had seen the pictures Nasedo had, the box
of pictures that I would touch and dream about at night. In my dreams they
loved me. I ducked my head into my locker, and peered out around the
edge. There was my king. If anybody could love me, if anybody
could help me win out over destiny, it was him. He could save me, he'd
want to save me. He would love me.
I became rather zealous over getting to know Max, getting him to love
me. I never wanted to hurt Liz, I never wanted to hurt anybody.
I just wanted to escape this, escape this future I was handed. Max
was my safety. I needed him, in a way that Liz never would,
or never could.
Max was in love with Liz. The thought was like a heavy hit to my stomach.
I could not escape destiny. He didn't love me, he didn't even
want me around. It was a jagged little pill that took me the whole
summer to swallow.
Nasedo died, leaving me all alone to fill out my destiny.
My escape came in a way that I never would have imagined. It came in
160 pounds of Greco-Roman wrestler, and his father.
In the Valenti's house, I was loved.
Kyle. My heart aches thinking about him right now. I miss him. If he
was here, he could take me in his arms, his strong arms, and protect me.
I would not be so cold in this cell, if his warmth was nearby. But
he's on another planet. And he hates me now.
The look…the look on his face in the pod chamber. I hurt him. I hurt
him so deep. Kyle…he was somewhere between a boyfriend
and a brother to me. I loved him, and even though we never said the
words, I know that he loved me back. To be accepted, to be loved, all
things I had asked of my fellow hybrids, I found in Kyle. And he never
asked for anything in return.
I wonder what his destiny will be.
Will he get married? Who would he marry? Liz? Isabel? Or someone completely
different, someone unburdened by
our brotherhood of secrets? I'll never get to find out. I'll never
get to see the Sheriff marry Amy either. I helped that relationship along
enough to
have faith that it will happen.
I know what my destiny is.
Soon, I will give birth to my child. Max's son. He will be taken away
from my warm and willing arms and
taken to the palace, the cold hard palace, where he will wait until
he can take the throne.
My child will restore peace to Antar.
My destiny is, was, and always will be to give birth to this child. To give birth to the one who will save the planet.
I was never meant to be more than an incubation chamber.
This child was the reason the four of us were sent to Earth in the first
place. Antar has been in a state of war for years, decades, or eons. I
can't tell the time
here…it's different than Earth. And Earth is what I know. Antar still
seems like a dream…and rather anightmare. Power is very important, and
those that
have the power are limitless in what they can do- particularly in the
political arena.
Nasedo reached a deal with Khivar, back during the ceremonial funerals of Zan, Rath, Vilandra, and Ava.
If Nasedo could deliver the baby back to Khivar, then Khivar would let
the baby live- raise it up as his own son, and let him inherit the throne.
The terrible war
of the races would be over. Antar is a planet of three races- Purebred
Antarian, Human, and the Hybrids, degradingly looked down on as skins.
Max, Isabel, Michael, and I are different than the skins. We were genetically
created. We are superior-our bodies are not succeptible to the body
rot that skins get while using their powers. Our human bodies are superior
to those who rot away and require a new outer covering- a husk.
This was my destiny.
I knew, from the start, that I would have to get pregnant with Max's
child. It was what I was literally
created to do. Queen Ava had no political or military importance like
Zan, Rath, and Vilandra.
At first, I thought I could get him to love me. I wanted him to love me like he did Liz, with that dreamy look in his eyes.
He never did.
They will all hate me now. My friends are now my enemies.
But I had to do it.
If I gave up my destiny, let my free will control my actions, it would have been the end of the world.
After Nicholas appeared, I felt anxious. Our enemies were here on Earth.
Without a baby there would be no cease-fire.
Without a cease-fire, the war would spread. It might even spread to Earth, it was very likely.
What I did was wrong.
I should have never mindwarped Alex. Nasedo never warned me about the
effects one could have if prolonged. And it never even
occurred to me that Alex probably would have helped me if I just asked
him.
And after connecting with Max at the UFO center, he remembered our past. He remembered Zan. He remembered Ava.
He was hypnotized with the memories.
By this time, I'd been mindwarping Alex for awhile. Mindwarping Max was second nature.
I needed his child. Antar needed his child, for crying out loud.
I swore that I would never take this route back when Nasedo suggested
it last Spring. Such a thing would be
below me, I thought, mindwarping a Man into loving me. Destiny made
me desperate. Max had some feelings for
me, but he was confused… I helped, to unclear his mind and direct it
back at me.
The moment I felt my child kick inside me, I passed the point of no return.
I could not go back to being Tess. To being the girl that went shopping
with Kyle at the mini-mart and
stole his jersey. I couldn't go back to being a daughter to Jim Valenti
and a best friend to Isabel.
Destiny was calling.
I killed Alex. It was an accident, but I had killed him. I used my mindwarp
to make Max start up a relationship
with me.
I became a traitor, a regular Benedict Arnold.
They wouldn't want to see my face again, knowing what I did. They consider
me evil, the betrayer. I am a
murderer in their eyes, and a minx who managed to devirginize Max Evans.
What hurts is I did this all for them. And they will never know what
I did. For I can never go back home.
The bridges to the past are burned.
I fulfilled my destiny so that they would have the freedom to find their own.
I have always known my destiny.
But I don't think I was quite ever ready for the shock I felt when I
passed the point of no return.