James P.O.V.
I look in the mirror, I see James Diamond in the reflection, James Diamond from the band Big Time Rush. Everybody sees me as the person with the good looks, the hottest girls and best haircut. They all think I'm happy, but I'm not, I hate my life. I take a razor in my hands and put it on my skin. I never got used to the cold of the metal. I start pushing it into my skin. I start slicing it over my arm. I feel pain but I ignore it and close my eyes When I open my eyes I see blood dripping and hear someone saying my name: "James? What are you doing?" Shit I forgot to lock the door. I see Kendall standing at the door with a shocked face. I try to say something but I can't, instead of speaking I start to sob and soon he haves me in his arms. He asks me with tears in his eyes: "Why are you doing this to yourself?" I start: "I …I… just…leave it, forget what you saw and don't talk about it anymore." I want to run away, but when I push him away and run to the door, he grabs my wrist "James! I can't forget what I have seen, so just tell me." "No!" I shout and push him against wall, I push him hard. I hear his head bashing against the wall, and hear him moan. I run away but before I leave I say: "I'm sorry, Kendall." When I run to the door, suddenly the door opens. It's the two shortest members of the band. Logan and Carlos. They smile at me and say: "Hey, James, you look so angry." I just push them out of the way and run to the park. I see a bench and walk to the bench. I sit down and think about the things I did. I have hurt my best friend, my BEST friend. We were always close but it changed a couple of weeks ago, when I started cutting. Then we just weren't so close anymore, he still wanted to be, but I just began to be distant. How did I get this far? It starts to rain but I don't care. I stay sitting on the bench and think about what I should do next.
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Kendall's P.O.V.
I feel my head hit the wall. I smash to the ground and hear James say that he's sorry. Why would he do this, to himself? I haven't done anything wrong, and he does this. I see Logan standing there. He rushes to me and asks, concerned: "What happened? Did you and James had a fight? I saw him rushing out of the apartment, with a very angry face." "Yeah, me and James had a little fight, but suddenly he just pushed me instead of screaming. But where is he? If he really ran away, we have to find him." Logan says: "Maybe it's better that you don't see each other for a moment, because of the fight. Or you will be fighting again." "Yeah, you're probably right." But he wasn't, what if James would do something stupid, like suicide or getting himself kidnapped. I stand up while Carlos and Logan go searching for James. They didn't want me to be with them, because if James would see me we would fight again. Damn, I should have just said that I slipped, instead of such a horrible lie.
James P.O.V.
How could I be so bad for my friends, they didn't do anything wrong. Logan and Carlos are always nice for me, and Kendall is also. In my eyes he can't do anything wrong. But that's maybe because I'm in love with him. Yep, that's right, I'm in love with him. How strange it may sound, I'm in love with a boy, Kendall Knight. And man, he's hot, sensitive, sweet, carrying, funny happy and hot. Yeah, I said hot twice, he's superhot. Oh yeah, he's even that happy that he can make me smile even if I feel depressed. So, five things to describe myself: gay, depressed, a cutter, fucked up and hopelessly in love. Hmm, nice life. Great, it starts raining, my hears all soaked, I'm in a T-shirt, while it's so cold in the rain.
Kendall's P.O.V.
I waited for two hours before I was really panicking. It was now 11 o'clock he still wasn't home. Luckily my sister and mother weren't here or she would be all stressed out. Logan and Carlos searched the entire Palm Woods but no James, Camille had seen him storm out of the building so he was outside. It was 12 o'clock when Logan and Carlos were gone for sleeping and I stayed awake. I had my cell phone me all the times in case James would call. When it was 10 after 1 I heard a key in the lock and then the door opened. It was James, soaking wet, hair all messed up and what you could see the most were his red, puffy eyes. He had been crying, and was still crying. "Where were you, James?" I asked. He answered: "I just want to go to bed, Kendall." "No, I want to know where you were, and why you're cutting yourself." "Just drop it, alright. You don't have to know everything about me!" he shouted. I yelled back: "I never said that I had to know everything about you, but I'm just concerned!" "Well, don't be, everything's fine." With that he walked to our shared bedroom. I walked after him and closed the door. He crawled in bed and hid under the covers. I said, before I also got to bed: "Logan and Carlos don't know what you did. I said that we had a fight. So don't be concerned about that." Before I turned off the lights I heard him mumble: "Thanks." At least he said that.
James P.O.V.
"Thanks." Happily that the covers where over my head or he would hear the sadness in my voice. After he was also under the covers, I started to cry again. Fuck, why do I keep hurting him like that? Tomorrow I'll be nicer to him and Carlos and Logan.
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At 3 o'clock I still wasn't asleep. I just couldn't sleep because I was so cruel against Kendall. I stood up, and walked towards his bed. I watched him sleep for a while. I kissed him on the forehead and said: "This is for you." I walked to the bathroom and took my razor. I put it against my skin, cold. And I carve a K into my arm. The K for Kendall. Now I could sleep. I walk back to my bed, and when I lay down I immediately fall asleep. But first I watch Kendall sleep for a while. God, he's hot.
Sorry, this chapter is short, it's kinda of a introduction.
Sorry for the bad english, it's not my motherlanguage
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