I, Nota Lone, have devoted my entire seminar to the painstaking research of the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera, the yearly escapades of a small and round gift-giver, and their unusual –but irrefutable- link.
Point One: He knows when you are sleeping.
It's the Phantom's way to check on people and events by way of mirrors. Most households have at least one mirror.
Point Two: He knows when you're awake.
See above.
Point Three: His work is done by jolly elves.
This common misconception was most likely spread because of the horny midgets that are known to inhabit the Opera Garnier that is his residence. In truth, he has numerous opera workers at his disposal including one Persian. He seems to be the most dangerous of the 'elves'.
Point Four: His stomach shook like a bowl full of jelly.
Perhaps the stomach in question is jelly. Jello-jigglers are not very hard to make, even bachelors with no apparent source of heating can do it.
Point Five: And pulling the sleigh were eight tiny reindeer.
Skinny rats with sticks on their heads pose an eerie resemblance to minute reindeer. Do not ask me how I know this.
Point Six: He wears a red suit.
It's really just his Red Death outfit sans hat, cane, and mask and with a few alterations.
Point Seven: He comes down the chimney with a sack.
There is ample reason to believe that said chimney was attached to the de Chagny chateau, and the whole myth was used a s a cover for his nefarious reason to be there.
Point Eight: He does his work at night.
Someone who lives a dual (or really three… tri?) life usually prefers to do his work at night.
Point Nine: He lives in the North Pole.
Europe is cold in the winter. So is the top of North America, including quite a bit of the U.S. Really, unless it's a desert of close to the Equator it gets much too cold in the winter and is easily mistaken for the North Pole. Stupid Persephone…
And these, my dear friends, are the reasons that Santa Claus and Erik, infamous Phantom of the Opera, are the same man. So you'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, or speak of what you do not know. And for heaven's sake, keep your hands at the level of your eyes!