Of which reason cannot explain
Allen Walker watches Yu Kanda every day.
Okay, perhaps this statement is slightly inaccurate and more than a little misleading. Those words, phrased as they are, make Allen out to be some kind of stalker, following Kanda at a distance and panting desperately as he did so. This was most definitely not the case; although it as difficult to describe what exactly was the case.
However, what had really been meant was that every day, when the two of them rode the bus home from school, Kanda seated up the front and Allen at the back, the young British boy would watch, staring for the hour long trip at the tall, Japanese student who was, in so many ways, his polar opposite.
It wasn't difficult to understand why someone would enjoy watching Yu Kanda; if anything it was excoriatingly easy. Slender but powerfully built, the young Asian man had a certain aura about him that just reeked of confidence and smugness, the sharp and distinct curves of his face clearly highlighting an unnatural kind of beauty that should have been feminine but, somehow, was not. His hair, too, was a source of great interest, for it was easily down to his waist when set free although the shinning strands were more often than not held captive by the constraints of a hairtie…
Yes, there was no problem in understanding why someone might be inclined to gaze endlessly at the man; the problem lay in why Allen was inclined to gaze endlessly at the man.
The pair of them had, for lack of better word, a rocky relationship, unstable and fraught with angry words and bitter exchanges during the few times they interacted. They shared no classes at their communal high school, held no common interest and had conflicting ideals…
Far enough to say that they, as a matter of fact, did not get along.
Still, during the rough hours of three and four, when the pair of them sat silently in the bus in their respective positions, Allen found he could not tear his eyes away from Kanda.
Yes, he was ashamed to admit it but he, Allen Walker, had a crush on him, Yu Kanda.
The fact should have been mortifying. Not only was he infatuated with a man, nor a man who he didn't get along with but a man who was his bitter rival. It should have been aggravating, infuriating, disgusting…
But somehow, and Allen chooses not to ponder this, it was not.
Rather, it felt natural, like it should be that he, Allen walker, was destined to fall in unexplainable love with him, Yu Kanda.
Allen never shares this particular secret with his friends. Doesn't tell them that for hours every week he does nothing but gaze longingly at the back of the man whom, when he meets face to face, he does naught but fight and argue with.
No, he chooses to keep this little piece of trivia to himself.
Instead he simply continues to watch, admiring the way darkened strands catch the light pouring in through the bus window just right, admiring the way his head rests gently against the smooth surface of the window, with his eyes possibly shut to block out the incoming brightness though Allen can never be sure for, from his seating up the very back of the vehicle, he could only catch the barest glimpses of his crush's back.
There were often times that Allen considered shifting a little closer, bridging the impenetrable gap and, in turn, getting a clearer view. But he never did.
To do so would put him at risk of being spotted and then – heaven forbid – Kanda would piece together Allen's strange infatuation with him and he would be disgusted, thereby ruining everything Allen had worked hard for, the animosity he'd strived hard towards that hid his burgeoning feelings? It would be taken down, shattered, and Allen would have nothing left to hide behind and then, in that moment where he was a panicking, his feelings clearly exposed, Kanda could destroy him.
No; Kanda would destroy him.
So, Allen sat where he was, using the distance to his advantage and admiring everything that was Kanda.
Just as he was doing now.
Allen grimaced and forced himself to tear his gaze away from Kanda as a certain amount of heat built in his cheeks, the bus coming to an abrupt stop as the last few patrons trickled out the opened doors and, just like every day since they began riding this bus, leaving Allen and Kanda alone.
Although it happened daily, and although it was only for a few minutes, these moments where there was nobody else but Allen and Kanda – and he supposed the busdriver, hidden behind the tinted glass – never stopped making his heart race.
He hadn't a clue why.
There had been plenty of moments when they were alone and had nothing more to do than fill up the empty silence with cruel words.
But, the times Allen spent on the bus with the elder man, doing nothing but gazing at him, was like their own reality, completely separate from the worries of school and their vague relationship. Here, in this neat little sphere of indifference, things were …
Were what, exactly?
He was still Allen Walker and the other was still Yu Kanda and a sparse few minutes alone in the bus didn't change things. The fact that right now, as Allen thought these depressing thoughts, Yu Kanda was getting gracefully to his feet and walking softy towards him didn't change things, the fact that he was now, at this very moment, slipping silently into the seat beside Allen didn't change things…
The fact that he was now, as in right now, cupping Allen's chin in the surprisingly soft surface of his palm and slowly – with a smirk on his lips – closing the distance between them… Well… Maybe that did change something.
The kiss was slow and deliberate, both parties aware of precisely what was happening, both far too aware that all it took was for one of them to shove the other and this risk – and god, was it a risk – would simply become one huge, over-whelming mistake – one that they would never be able to erase.
But, as Allen slowly placed his hand on Kanda's back, he had a thrilling thought that, the more he considered it, seemed to become clearer and clearer.
What if Kanda had been watching him too?
What if all these moments on the bus had not, in fact, been Allen watching Kanda but the two of them watching each other?
Allen tried to think this through, to mull it over and draw from it a definitive conclusion but the press of Kanda's lips on his own and the way he was gently urging Allen's mouth open called to mind far greater matters of importance.
The kiss was slowly becoming more intimate while, at the same time, not being heated or desperate… Kanda's fingers had somehow become tangled in the snowy locks of Allen's hair and the young Brit's own hands had slipped down to his companion's waist.
Allen felt like he should feel awkward about this – about everything – but he didn't. It was – much like everything else – natural, almost. Like there was no other place his hands should be, as if Kanda's lips on his, Kanda's tongue in his mouth, were the most natural things to exist.
Allen didn't know how long the kiss lasted but when they pulled away they were both slightly out of breath, panting lightly against one another's lips, eyes lidded and a small smirk on Kanda's face.
It vaguely occurred to Allen that they'd both missed their stops and the bus was now making its way back into the town but Allen couldn't bring himself to care and, as Kanda leaned in again to reseal their lips, it occurred to him that it didn't real matter.
Allen would much rather stay where he was, watching Kanda.
Especially if, in turn, Kanda was watching him.
Yes, Allen Walker did enjoy these bus rides with Yu Kanda.
They held much promise to their future.
This was just meant to be pointless fluff. No plot no heated romance just copious amounts of fluff.
God, no matter what excuses I make it still…
I apologise for this -.-