A.N:This is set not very long after Bella fails to reach Edward in time in Italy. Written in Bella's P.O.V. Reviews are welcome, flames will be ignored.
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own or have any rights to the characters I write about, unless they are my own creation. I do not profit or make any money from writing fan fiction. If I did own the characters I wrote about things would be much more interesting.
Being with out you. Oh god. I can't do it. I can't be. I can't exist without you. There is a hole in my heart you should fill and I'm so lost without you, so empty.
Everyday I feel my heart break a little more; feel more of my soul slip away. To hear your voice again, to touch you skin, to breathe in your scent. I would damn myself for all of eternity to be with you again. And yet I can't. I can never belong to you again and it breaks my heart. How I long to join you wherever you are, how my arms ache to hold you. My head swims with tears unshed. Yet I still hear music in the wind when I think of you. Phantom notes drifting in the breeze. Sometimes I swear I catch your scent.
Those days make it harder for me to live. The dull ache in my chest blooming into an exquisite crescendo of agony. Oh how my heart breaks on those days when I am reminded of how alone I am without you. Do the dammed deserve to love? Do I even deserve to miss you? You alone made my soul soar, gave my heart wings to fly free. You gave me such joy. Only in your face could I see such unequivocal beauty, only in your eyes could I see a taste of heaven.
Sometimes I swear I can still feel you near me. Spectre fingertips touching me in my half dreams, cold skin brushing my face in a light caress. Your lips lingering on mine as I sigh and awake. In my dreams we are happy. In my dreams I am whole. We burn together in passion and love. In my dreams your eyes gleam and your heart beats. In my dark dwelling fantasies your hand never leaves mine. Your face is still bright in my mind, your amber eyes burning through the darkness.
Oh god, then I wake and you are gone. Banished by the hateful sun, the burning day. I feel the wetness on my cheeks as my heart realises too much time has past. Your face is beginning to fade into a distant memory, your scent lost to the haze in my mind. I am not strong enough to survive without you. I miss you.
I feel the wind blowing through my hair, rippling through my dress. The sun warm on my face, and I think "I shall not miss this." I only long for you. It won't be long my love. Your golden eyes evading my memories, haunting and tormenting me with their loss. I will find them again. I will find you yet as i wallow in my hollow hope, my spirit is breaking. Oh how I miss you now. My arms move without me telling them to, outstretched as if trying to touch the horizons on either side of me. I take another breath catching that scent. That glorious scent of you, and a sob is caught in my throat. "I need you" I whisper. Forgive me. Before my memories of you can stop me, before thoughts of what you would say to me freeze me in my tracks, I run and leap.
My heart beats painfully against my chest longing to be free. So impatient, yet so alive. My breath catches in my throat as I soar. I'm coming my love, I'm coming. This, quite possibly the most graceful moment of my life, is imprinted forever on my soul. It is fitting I jump from here. After all my first jump caused your death, it is fitting, no it is right, that my second is the cause of mine. If I had only been faster, if I had only stopped you in time. If you had just heard me cry out your name. If only you hadn't gone to Italy. At least your magnificence is forever burnt into my eyes, just as your death is.
Time is slowing now, I wont be long my love, I'm coming home. My heart is breaking without you. The swirling black water is almost upon me now, yet I cant help but smile. I'm almost there. I can't be without you. Oh god. I can't do it. I can't be. I can't exist without you. There is a hole in my heart you should fill. I'm so lost without you. I'm so empty. Not much further. I'm almost home, almost with you again. It's time for me to find you. One word escapes my lips as I crash into the waves. As I sink down, my limp body giving no resistance, no fight against the cold. One word that keeps me smiling until the end. "Edward".
I Love You.