Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach!! Ya got that??

AN from emichii: Hiya!! Especially to all you readers from my previous fics! Just gotta let you know that this is a sequel/companion to I'm a Soul Reaper, but I Love You, but you don't really have to read that first. But there'll be more details on Karin and Hitsugaya's relationship and Karin's awesome zanpakuto. Anyway, please read and review! Hope you enjoy!!

That Unmendable Hole in my Heart

Chapter 1: The Darkness that Torments me

It had been a week.

A week and two days.

A week, two days and four hours. Since she died. Since she was killed. Rukia.

--

Karin and Hitsugaya sat on the roof during the late afternoon of the day. As they often did, they sat beside each other in silence and watched the sky. They didn't really have to talk because they simply enjoyed sitting there and watching. But it was different now. There were other things on Karin's mind, and Hitsugaya himself couldn't relax.

Finally, he turned and gazed at her worriedly, and his eyes said …what's on your mind?

Karin sighed. You know, Toushirou…

He held her gaze for a moment longer and then broke away and stared up at the sky.

He knew it would work. Karin would start talking.

In a quiet, worried and distressed voice, she said, "…You know that Rukia was killed last week… we both know that, but… Ichi-nii was the one there all along. He knows most about what happened, except he won't talk to anyone about it so I have no idea what really happened that day… I'm worried and so sad about all of this and I don't know what to do!!"

Hitsugaya watched as Karin gazed downwards and disheartened at the now setting sun.

"Ichi-nii has locked himself into his room and hardly ever comes out. He won't look at me, Dad or Yuzu and he won't say anything." Karin paused for a moment, recollecting all her troublesome thoughts. "Toushirou, I know that he knows what happened that day. Maybe that's why he's so burdened by it all…"

Hitsugaya said quietly, "Only Ichigo knows the full events of that day but he won't tell us. What can we do?" He frowned.

"Besides," Karin sank down lower as she rested her chin on her knees. "He can't get over Rukia's death. And neither can I." she whispered.

Hitsugaya thought back to when Ichigo had let Hitsugaya take Karin to Soul Society. Ichigo had been furious and Hitsugaya had decided to challenge him by asking him why Ichigo had brought Rukia back to Karakura with him. At this, Ichigo had been silenced. It had been fast but Hitsugaya had caught the emotion on his face and he still remembered it to this day.

Ichigo had been silent and then hung his head down and gazed towards the floor. He had then immediately raised his head again and let out a half-hearted chuckle to shrug off the question.

Hitsugaya stared down at the red sky. "It's because he loved her."

--

Ichigo was going through hell. It was seriously the darkest moments in his life, ever since Rukia died.

He was in his bedroom, with his door locked and now he lay, awake and tormented, on his bed. There was absolutely no comfort for him, no matter where or how hard he searched for it. It felt like he was stuck in a never-ending pit of gloom, misery and self-hatred that was pulling him deep into the darkness, pushing him further away from the outside world, and no matter how far he looked above him, there was no light or opening to the pit.

Ichigo gritted his teeth. Dammit. It was now, especially at these dark times, when he was alone and tormented he would find that tears would build up in his eyes. It was unlike him to have so much sentiment but it was true.

Sometimes, he cried now. Sometimes, he hated himself now. Sometimes he would try to sleep, but every time he'd wake up with the same nightmare now. Sometimes, he would scream at the top of his lungs now, when no-one else was at home. But all the time, he wanted Rukia back.

Ichigo was unable to let go of those events on that fateful horrible day, and the painful scenes that replayed in his head every time he woke up.

"Rukia…" he murmured quietly to himself, as if just her name might ease his pain. But it didn't work. Her very absence drove Ichigo to madness. Sometimes he forgot about this and would wonder at her silence, jump to his feet and pull open the closet, looking for her. But as always, it was empty.

And that wasn't even the worst thing.

The worst thing was that it wouldn't shut up. The maniacal screeching voice inside his head absolutely wouldn't allow him to let go of what happened to Rukia. It was slowly driving Ichigo to a mental breakdown. That evil, haunting sneer kept bugging him and it was seriously going to do him some permanent mental damage.

It had happened before; the Hollow within him that tormented and haunted him. But before he had painfully managed to ignore it and it had all been okay because Rukia was right beside him. Even when it was silent and dark, when Ichigo was lying on his bed trying to sleep, when it started talking, Ichigo could find comfort in knowing that Rukia knew about it and that she was so close. It had been better than being alone against this terrifying inner monster.

But now, with her loss, the Hollow's snickers hurt more and grew more evil. It tormented him more than ever and caused him endless suffering and anguish. The worst thing was that it kept reminding him constantly of what he had done.

Ichigo suddenly tensed with fear and let out a whine-like whimper from under the pillow he was holding over his face. Dammit!! He bit his lip and felt the pain course through his mouth. Of course, this was nothing compared to what the Hollow was about to do to him. Crap!! It was back!!

"Ichigo!!" The high-pitched screeching sound made his head hurt. "Ichigo!! I told you before!! No matter how much you isolate yourself from everyone else, you can't hide from me!!"

It let out an unsympathetic howl of evil laughter. "And…" Its voice sank lower and more taunting. "… I won't let you run from it!! You can hide from everyone else, but you can't hide from yourself!! And you can't hide from me either!! Wherever you go, I'll come after you!! You can't hide from the truth, Ichigo, and you know it!!"

"Shut up!!" Ichigo muttered. Slowly, his voice grew louder and more pained. "SHUT UP!! GO AWAY!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! …dammit!!" Ichigo started shivering.

"It's not going to work, Ichigo!!" It laughed at him. "This hiding away in your room won't do anything! And even if you try to let go of what happened that day, I will keep reminding you constantly over and over of what you did, Ichigo! HAHAHAHA!!"

"No…!!" Ichigo's voice started disappearing. It was hoarse and rough and vanishing inside his throat. "Damn you!! No! No…" his voice faded away so that he just lay there, breathing hard from fear and hiding his face under his pillow. But no matter what he did, he already knew, he couldn't run from the Hollow within.

"You know it was your fault…"

Ichigo's throat tightened and he froze. His eyes grew wide and he could barely breathe.

"You know what you did, Ichigo!!"

Ichigo's stomach seemed to grow tighter and tighter, winding it up so that he felt like he was going to vomit. His hands started to shake uncontrollably.

"You know what happened that day… and you that it was you!!" The Hollow screeched in a laughing manner. "It's all your fault, Ichigo!! You know it is!! It's your fault!!"

Ichigo's widened, traumatized eyes slowly filled with hated tears.

"You know it yourself!! You were the one!! You killed Rukia!! You killed her, Ichigo Kurosaki!!"

End of chapter 1! Thanks for reading!! Yeah, that was quite intense, even for me… Imagining Ichigo going through so much emo-ness was really hard for me… I found this a little hard to write because although I've written some really dark plots before, I've never really tackled this subject… Anyway, MWAHAHAHAHA!! It's the return of emichii's inner evil!! (For the first installment of emichii's inner evil, please see The Love, Pain and Tears of Uchiha Sasuke)

Thanks for reading!! Please review!!